Is It Harassment to Compel Team Outings and Lunches?
I am a mechanical engineer. Apart from hard work, I generally don't like the IT culture—team outings without family members, team lunches, and so on. Of course, most non-IT persons feel the same way I do. My wife works for an IT company, and her team goes out for lunch and outings. Generally, I restrict her from such lunches and outings. But now, her team manager is compelling her to attend a team lunch. Of course, there are a few girls on the team. My wife fears that her job may be at risk if she doesn't comply, so I allow her to go.
When I am there to take care of my wife and family, and we go out for lunch/dinner at least twice a week, what's the necessity? I know many of my IT friends came from very remote villages, with their parents not even understanding what work they are doing. But after joining IT companies, these people create an illusion that they were born and brought up in America.
We also work for 12 to 15 hours a day, but there is no such culture here. If it is present, they don't compel. And please don't tell me that there are lots of project discussions, decision-making, etc., that take place during such team lunches/outings. Then, what do you people do 24 hours at the office without going home? I know very well what's happening. The team outing/team lunch may be good for unmarried individuals, but it's not fair to compel married ones. I don't agree with the idea that team lunches and outings improve interaction between the team, better understanding, etc. It's already present in the work environment. Corporates do it for some other purpose. Please understand.
After doing all this and cooperating, one fine day, you will be kicked out for no reason, living the life of a firefly. Sorry if my words hurt anybody. Try to humanize life in the IT industry. In today's expensive world, in middle-class families, it's a compulsion that both husband and wife go to work, at least until housing loans, car loans, personal loans, educational loans, etc., are cleared. Give no room for harassment in the work environment.
Regards
From India, Pune
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I am a mechanical engineer. Apart from hard work, I generally don't like the IT culture—team outings without family members, team lunches, and so on. Of course, most non-IT persons feel the same way I do. My wife works for an IT company, and her team goes out for lunch and outings. Generally, I restrict her from such lunches and outings. But now, her team manager is compelling her to attend a team lunch. Of course, there are a few girls on the team. My wife fears that her job may be at risk if she doesn't comply, so I allow her to go.
When I am there to take care of my wife and family, and we go out for lunch/dinner at least twice a week, what's the necessity? I know many of my IT friends came from very remote villages, with their parents not even understanding what work they are doing. But after joining IT companies, these people create an illusion that they were born and brought up in America.
We also work for 12 to 15 hours a day, but there is no such culture here. If it is present, they don't compel. And please don't tell me that there are lots of project discussions, decision-making, etc., that take place during such team lunches/outings. Then, what do you people do 24 hours at the office without going home? I know very well what's happening. The team outing/team lunch may be good for unmarried individuals, but it's not fair to compel married ones. I don't agree with the idea that team lunches and outings improve interaction between the team, better understanding, etc. It's already present in the work environment. Corporates do it for some other purpose. Please understand.
After doing all this and cooperating, one fine day, you will be kicked out for no reason, living the life of a firefly. Sorry if my words hurt anybody. Try to humanize life in the IT industry. In today's expensive world, in middle-class families, it's a compulsion that both husband and wife go to work, at least until housing loans, car loans, personal loans, educational loans, etc., are cleared. Give no room for harassment in the work environment.
Regards
From India, Pune
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Dear Nick,
Gentleman, cool down. You are so frustrated that it could impact your marital life. My take is as below:
- IT companies have been existing in India for more than two and a half decades. Every industry has its own culture, and so does IT. Therefore, you should have thought about whether to have a spouse from an IT background before marriage and not after.
- Now that you have accepted your wife from an IT company, this is a fait accompli. It's better to reconcile with it. Asking her to change industries would be very difficult for her.
- IT or otherwise, it is important to keep bosses in good humor. "Living in water and being an enemy of the crocodile is not good," goes the adage. One cannot succeed in a career merely based on one's intelligence and dedication. Some amount of backup from the top boss is always needed. If her boss insists on compulsory attendance at team outings for now, let her attend these outings until she is in her existing company. Who knows, team outings may not happen in her next company.
- Team outings happen in every industry. Possibly in your wife's company, the frequency could be a little higher. By the way, what is the frequency of team outings that has affected you so deeply?
- Whims and fancies of bosses exist in every industry. Therefore, singling out any particular industry would not be fair. Economic liberalization of India began in 1991. Many MNCs entered to conduct business in India. On the flip side, these MNCs brought their culture, particularly American culture. Now we are neither completely American nor Indian. Your generation is a victim of this hybrid culture.
- The lower and middle class benefited the most from economic liberalization. Money started flowing into their homes, something their forefathers had not experienced. However, money has diluted Indianness in them. But the dilution of Indian culture began when Mohammad Bin Kasim invaded India in 712 A.D. and has been continuing ever since.
Final Comments: My humble request is not to allow your wife's profession to impact your marital life. Spousal support is most required after 60. However, one has to spend almost 30-35 years before attaining that age. Therefore, look at the larger picture. Lastly, you have expressed your views. What about your spouse's views? Is she in favor of team outings or against them? Many things depend on her psyche as well.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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8072Gentleman, cool down. You are so frustrated that it could impact your marital life. My take is as below:
- IT companies have been existing in India for more than two and a half decades. Every industry has its own culture, and so does IT. Therefore, you should have thought about whether to have a spouse from an IT background before marriage and not after.
- Now that you have accepted your wife from an IT company, this is a fait accompli. It's better to reconcile with it. Asking her to change industries would be very difficult for her.
- IT or otherwise, it is important to keep bosses in good humor. "Living in water and being an enemy of the crocodile is not good," goes the adage. One cannot succeed in a career merely based on one's intelligence and dedication. Some amount of backup from the top boss is always needed. If her boss insists on compulsory attendance at team outings for now, let her attend these outings until she is in her existing company. Who knows, team outings may not happen in her next company.
- Team outings happen in every industry. Possibly in your wife's company, the frequency could be a little higher. By the way, what is the frequency of team outings that has affected you so deeply?
- Whims and fancies of bosses exist in every industry. Therefore, singling out any particular industry would not be fair. Economic liberalization of India began in 1991. Many MNCs entered to conduct business in India. On the flip side, these MNCs brought their culture, particularly American culture. Now we are neither completely American nor Indian. Your generation is a victim of this hybrid culture.
- The lower and middle class benefited the most from economic liberalization. Money started flowing into their homes, something their forefathers had not experienced. However, money has diluted Indianness in them. But the dilution of Indian culture began when Mohammad Bin Kasim invaded India in 712 A.D. and has been continuing ever since.
Final Comments: My humble request is not to allow your wife's profession to impact your marital life. Spousal support is most required after 60. However, one has to spend almost 30-35 years before attaining that age. Therefore, look at the larger picture. Lastly, you have expressed your views. What about your spouse's views? Is she in favor of team outings or against them? Many things depend on her psyche as well.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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