This issue is currently happening in one of my friend's MNC. The manager and his subordinate have an inappropriate affair, causing discomfort among the other team members who feel cornered. Some examples below:
- The subordinate does nothing apart from chatting with the communicator.
- The manager and subordinate discuss for a minimum of 3 hours per day inside the conference room.
- If someone complains about the subordinate, those persons will be cornered.
- Whenever there is an escalation, the manager always saves the subordinate and passes the blame to other teammates.
- Anyone who complains to the HR department will not receive any appraisal and will be mentally harassed by the manager.
- There are no other senior managers who can address this issue because he is the one in control.
- Both the manager and subordinate are already married.
There is no problem with their personal relationship, but when it affects other team members, it becomes an issue. Hence, I am bringing it to this forum for a better solution. If you can help with this, please post your suggestions.
Thanks
Regards
From United States, Santa Ana
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12- The subordinate does nothing apart from chatting with the communicator.
- The manager and subordinate discuss for a minimum of 3 hours per day inside the conference room.
- If someone complains about the subordinate, those persons will be cornered.
- Whenever there is an escalation, the manager always saves the subordinate and passes the blame to other teammates.
- Anyone who complains to the HR department will not receive any appraisal and will be mentally harassed by the manager.
- There are no other senior managers who can address this issue because he is the one in control.
- Both the manager and subordinate are already married.
There is no problem with their personal relationship, but when it affects other team members, it becomes an issue. Hence, I am bringing it to this forum for a better solution. If you can help with this, please post your suggestions.
Thanks
Regards
From United States, Santa Ana
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First, regarding the heading of your post, let me inform you that affairs are always "illegal" and never "legal." Therefore, the word "illegal" is redundant.
Your location indicates that you are from the US. Is this correct? I ask because much depends on the national culture as well.
Your post illustrates how HR remains disconnected from the average occurrences within the company. By now, HR should have sensed the workplace affair and taken steps to address it. The fact that these things happen in MNCs speaks volumes about HR's role in some multinational corporations.
Workplace romance can occur anywhere. However, as soon as HR becomes aware of it, they should intervene and provide counseling.
Solution Suggestion
Now, coming to a solution. What I am going to suggest could be insidious. You have to do this surreptitiously. You need to conduct a sting operation. Try taking photographs or a video of the pair engaged in the workplace romance. Send the clips by post to the Managing Director of the company. Send the letter anonymously. In the letter, write where it is happening and how HR is passive about this. Mention that if the affair is not stopped, the clips will be made public. Hopefully, better sense will prevail once the matter reaches the highest level. Never disclose to anyone what you will do.
Sometimes, when you do not have sufficient power, you need to go against your conscience.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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Your location indicates that you are from the US. Is this correct? I ask because much depends on the national culture as well.
Your post illustrates how HR remains disconnected from the average occurrences within the company. By now, HR should have sensed the workplace affair and taken steps to address it. The fact that these things happen in MNCs speaks volumes about HR's role in some multinational corporations.
Workplace romance can occur anywhere. However, as soon as HR becomes aware of it, they should intervene and provide counseling.
Solution Suggestion
Now, coming to a solution. What I am going to suggest could be insidious. You have to do this surreptitiously. You need to conduct a sting operation. Try taking photographs or a video of the pair engaged in the workplace romance. Send the clips by post to the Managing Director of the company. Send the letter anonymously. In the letter, write where it is happening and how HR is passive about this. Mention that if the affair is not stopped, the clips will be made public. Hopefully, better sense will prevail once the matter reaches the highest level. Never disclose to anyone what you will do.
Sometimes, when you do not have sufficient power, you need to go against your conscience.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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I have slightly different views on this:
I am not sure about the legality of the situation. While I feel an extramarital affair is certainly immoral and unethical, I'm not sure whether it is flat-out illegal.
Situation Analysis
Now coming to the situation, I wonder what the original post means by saying the employees are 'cornered.' If two people are having an extramarital affair, I think the team members should not confront anyone as long as the work is not being affected. Let's accept it; if it's happening by mutual consent, it is nobody else's business!
Manager's Performance
Now coming to the manager, what is his performance like? If he is spending three hours chatting and still meeting his targets/KRAs on time, then I don't know if we can or should micromanage his daily activities and keep a very close eye.
To reiterate my view, I feel that the colleagues, line manager/HOD, and HR should only get involved in the affair insofar as the work and the climate are being affected.
Having said all this, my views are not definitive but rather tentative. I tend to be non-judgmental and detached towards such murky (immoral and not downright illegal) behavior of people.
From India, Mumbai
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I am not sure about the legality of the situation. While I feel an extramarital affair is certainly immoral and unethical, I'm not sure whether it is flat-out illegal.
Situation Analysis
Now coming to the situation, I wonder what the original post means by saying the employees are 'cornered.' If two people are having an extramarital affair, I think the team members should not confront anyone as long as the work is not being affected. Let's accept it; if it's happening by mutual consent, it is nobody else's business!
Manager's Performance
Now coming to the manager, what is his performance like? If he is spending three hours chatting and still meeting his targets/KRAs on time, then I don't know if we can or should micromanage his daily activities and keep a very close eye.
To reiterate my view, I feel that the colleagues, line manager/HOD, and HR should only get involved in the affair insofar as the work and the climate are being affected.
Having said all this, my views are not definitive but rather tentative. I tend to be non-judgmental and detached towards such murky (immoral and not downright illegal) behavior of people.
From India, Mumbai
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I request you to read the post once again. The following can be deduced from the post and my reply:
a) There's nothing inherently wrong with having an "affair"; however, what matters is the choice of place. Consensual or otherwise, why engage in sexual activities during working hours? There are abundant places.
b) Imagine a couple flirting around next to one's cabin. Your post suggests that others should be mute spectators since it is none of their business. Sorry, this is not professional conduct.
c) For this very reason, professional companies make a "Policy on Workplace Romance." Attraction towards the opposite sex is fine, but let us keep it off the workplace.
d) The post says that for granting sexual favors, the subordinate woman employee is given concessions. She keeps on chatting during working hours. Is this right? Does merit have no value?
e) The most important point you have missed is "Sexual Harassment." What if today's romance turns into a sexual harassment case tomorrow? Why should we get into this unwanted activity at all? It is better to keep the workplace neat and clean.
f) These instances vitiate the company's culture. What if other managers start demanding sexual favors from their women subordinates? Will it not convert the workplace into a den of promiscuous people? Secondly, under such circumstances, working as a male employee will become almost a crime because he has nothing to offer. Thirdly, what if some woman employee refuses to oblige? Fourthly, what if some woman smartly generates evidence of harassment and then reports to the National Council for Women (NCW)? Can you imagine the repercussions?
In my last post, I criticized the HR of that company because it is HR who is the protector of the company's culture. The response of the HR is a muted one. These very people will go to some five-star hotel and give a lecture on leadership and back home develop cold feet for being forthright. That surprises me the most.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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a) There's nothing inherently wrong with having an "affair"; however, what matters is the choice of place. Consensual or otherwise, why engage in sexual activities during working hours? There are abundant places.
b) Imagine a couple flirting around next to one's cabin. Your post suggests that others should be mute spectators since it is none of their business. Sorry, this is not professional conduct.
c) For this very reason, professional companies make a "Policy on Workplace Romance." Attraction towards the opposite sex is fine, but let us keep it off the workplace.
d) The post says that for granting sexual favors, the subordinate woman employee is given concessions. She keeps on chatting during working hours. Is this right? Does merit have no value?
e) The most important point you have missed is "Sexual Harassment." What if today's romance turns into a sexual harassment case tomorrow? Why should we get into this unwanted activity at all? It is better to keep the workplace neat and clean.
f) These instances vitiate the company's culture. What if other managers start demanding sexual favors from their women subordinates? Will it not convert the workplace into a den of promiscuous people? Secondly, under such circumstances, working as a male employee will become almost a crime because he has nothing to offer. Thirdly, what if some woman employee refuses to oblige? Fourthly, what if some woman smartly generates evidence of harassment and then reports to the National Council for Women (NCW)? Can you imagine the repercussions?
In my last post, I criticized the HR of that company because it is HR who is the protector of the company's culture. The response of the HR is a muted one. These very people will go to some five-star hotel and give a lecture on leadership and back home develop cold feet for being forthright. That surprises me the most.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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Extramarital Affairs in the Workplace
Nothing is wrong with having extramarital affairs between a manager and subordinate outside the office premises. No one questions the manager and the subordinate who are involved in such affairs. However, once they enter the office premises, they must behave as manager and subordinate, not the other way around.
Mr. Dinesh's response is the correct way to handle this scenario. Even if the person caught is the wrongdoer, the problem lies with the person who reports to the Management and HR Department. Therefore, sending video clips and photographs of the manager and subordinate while maintaining anonymity is 100% correct. Survival is crucial for the person reporting the wrongdoing.
Thank you.
From India, Kumbakonam
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Nothing is wrong with having extramarital affairs between a manager and subordinate outside the office premises. No one questions the manager and the subordinate who are involved in such affairs. However, once they enter the office premises, they must behave as manager and subordinate, not the other way around.
Mr. Dinesh's response is the correct way to handle this scenario. Even if the person caught is the wrongdoer, the problem lies with the person who reports to the Management and HR Department. Therefore, sending video clips and photographs of the manager and subordinate while maintaining anonymity is 100% correct. Survival is crucial for the person reporting the wrongdoing.
Thank you.
From India, Kumbakonam
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Mr Divekar, I guess you are right. It seems to be the case of solicitation, bias and abuse of power along with the extra marital affair.
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Thank you for the suggestions, but the ground reality is "NO ONE CAN GO AGAINST THE MANAGER." Neither the TL nor the PL can question subordinates. One guy reported about her worst performance in a status meeting who was about to get his onsite assignment, but because of those comments, he was withheld.
I guess this illustrates how serious the issue is!
From United States, Santa Ana
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I guess this illustrates how serious the issue is!
From United States, Santa Ana
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That's the reason Mr. Dinesh has advised you to maintain anonymity when reporting the issue to the MD and HR Department, providing video and photographic proof. If this instruction was not clear to both parties, you may consider approaching the media while still maintaining anonymity as a reporter.
Regards,
From India, Kumbakonam
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Regards,
From India, Kumbakonam
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Is It Right to Use the Term "Illegal Affair"?
Is it right to use the term "illegal affair" if they are already married? This is a case of romance inside the office post-marriage. However, romance at work premises is not allowed, and your HR should take action against the romancing couple if proven.
- Pon
From India, Lucknow
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Is it right to use the term "illegal affair" if they are already married? This is a case of romance inside the office post-marriage. However, romance at work premises is not allowed, and your HR should take action against the romancing couple if proven.
- Pon
From India, Lucknow
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I request you to read the post once again. The following can be deduced from the post and my reply:
a) There is nothing inherently wrong with having an "affair"; however, what matters is the choice of place. Consensual or otherwise, why engage in sexual activities during working hours? There are abundant places.
b) Imagine a couple flirting around next to one's cabin. Your post implies that others should be mute spectators since it is none of their business. Sorry, this is not professional conduct.
c) For this very reason, professional companies create a "Policy on Workplace Romance." Attraction towards the opposite sex is fine, but let us keep it off the workplace.
d) The post mentions that for granting sexual favors, the subordinate woman employee is given concessions. She keeps on chatting during working hours. Is this right? Does merit have no value?
e) The most important point you have missed is "Sexual Harassment." What if today's romance turns into a sexual harassment case tomorrow? Why should we get into this unwanted activity at all? It is better to keep the workplace neat and clean.
f) These instances vitiate the company's culture. What if other managers start demanding sexual favors from their female subordinates? Will it not convert the workplace into a den of promiscuous people? Secondly, under such circumstances, working as a male employee will become almost a crime because he has nothing to offer. Thirdly, what if some woman employee refuses to oblige? Fourthly, what if some woman smartly generates evidence of harassment and then reports to the National Council for Women (NCW)? Can you imagine the repercussions?
In my last post, I criticized the HR of that company because it is HR who is the protector of the company's culture. The response of the HR is a muted one. These very people will go to some five-star hotel and give a lecture on leadership and back home develop cold feet for being forthright. That surprises me most.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Hyderabad
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a) There is nothing inherently wrong with having an "affair"; however, what matters is the choice of place. Consensual or otherwise, why engage in sexual activities during working hours? There are abundant places.
b) Imagine a couple flirting around next to one's cabin. Your post implies that others should be mute spectators since it is none of their business. Sorry, this is not professional conduct.
c) For this very reason, professional companies create a "Policy on Workplace Romance." Attraction towards the opposite sex is fine, but let us keep it off the workplace.
d) The post mentions that for granting sexual favors, the subordinate woman employee is given concessions. She keeps on chatting during working hours. Is this right? Does merit have no value?
e) The most important point you have missed is "Sexual Harassment." What if today's romance turns into a sexual harassment case tomorrow? Why should we get into this unwanted activity at all? It is better to keep the workplace neat and clean.
f) These instances vitiate the company's culture. What if other managers start demanding sexual favors from their female subordinates? Will it not convert the workplace into a den of promiscuous people? Secondly, under such circumstances, working as a male employee will become almost a crime because he has nothing to offer. Thirdly, what if some woman employee refuses to oblige? Fourthly, what if some woman smartly generates evidence of harassment and then reports to the National Council for Women (NCW)? Can you imagine the repercussions?
In my last post, I criticized the HR of that company because it is HR who is the protector of the company's culture. The response of the HR is a muted one. These very people will go to some five-star hotel and give a lecture on leadership and back home develop cold feet for being forthright. That surprises me most.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Hyderabad
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An ugly thing to experience at work. The damage done due to such awkward relationships is huge. With such occurrences, the culture gets spoiled, it irritates the team witnessing it and being punished for questioning what is right.
Approach to Address Inappropriate Workplace Behavior
Well, the approach to curb or nab such behavior is well hinted at by Mr. Dinesh. However, there are a few things which can be added to this:
• Bring in a policy that bad behavior causing trouble to work or people demands an internal inquiry, with proof from camera surveillance, which is the most practiced way of taking action on such inappropriate behavior. If necessary, it can be taken to the next legal procedure that the situation demands.
• Never opt for closed rooms, which enhance such activity. My preference is an open cabin that can be seen from the outside or closed with glass without Venetian blinds, so that such things cannot happen.
• In the case of closed conference rooms, keep a log on who takes the room for use and how long, which gets monitored by the MD. Again, a camera in surveillance is essential.
Above all, sensible, righteous, and disciplined behavior is a must for all of us, whether a woman or a man. That is what makes us different from animals.
Thanks,
Nalina R.
HR Consultant - OD & Training
[Phone Number Removed For Privacy Reasons]
From India, Tiruppur
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Approach to Address Inappropriate Workplace Behavior
Well, the approach to curb or nab such behavior is well hinted at by Mr. Dinesh. However, there are a few things which can be added to this:
• Bring in a policy that bad behavior causing trouble to work or people demands an internal inquiry, with proof from camera surveillance, which is the most practiced way of taking action on such inappropriate behavior. If necessary, it can be taken to the next legal procedure that the situation demands.
• Never opt for closed rooms, which enhance such activity. My preference is an open cabin that can be seen from the outside or closed with glass without Venetian blinds, so that such things cannot happen.
• In the case of closed conference rooms, keep a log on who takes the room for use and how long, which gets monitored by the MD. Again, a camera in surveillance is essential.
Above all, sensible, righteous, and disciplined behavior is a must for all of us, whether a woman or a man. That is what makes us different from animals.
Thanks,
Nalina R.
HR Consultant - OD & Training
[Phone Number Removed For Privacy Reasons]
From India, Tiruppur
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