Hi all,
It's great to be back on the forum. I was busy for a month and did not have the time to even read posts (I know that's a crime, so forgive me!).
I thought of sharing something that I have been working on for a while now. In my work of training and consulting, I come across many people who ask for suggestions on how to improve their work or personal life. Recently, someone told me about how his boss constantly picked on him and criticized him. He asked me how to handle it.
I told him this sentence, "Feedback is the breakfast of champions. If you want to become a champion, learn to take feedback."
"'But, this is criticism, not feedback,' he protested."
I then had a discussion with him which I am sharing with the esteemed members of the forum.
Firstly, I define criticism as "[i]'a mix of negative emotion and useful feedback'."
Unfortunately, whenever someone criticizes us, they vent out a lot of negative words and emotions and some (very little) constructive feedback. The percentage is like 80% negative emotion and 20% feedback. That's why we call it criticism.
And because the negative emotion is more, most of us focus on it and don't hear the constructive feedback. The result: we get angry, upset, or unhappy.
For example: We submitted a report or project to our boss which he thinks is not up to the mark. He starts to scold us by saying, "'You stupid idiot! Is this the way to write a report? This is the worst report I have EVER seen! How many times have I told you to always start a report by putting an index page. You never learn, I don't know how they employed you here... blah, blah, blah, blah...'"
You normally focus on and react to the words, "stupid idiot, worst report...", etc., which is the negative emotion.
You don't even hear the words, "How many times have I told you to always start a report by putting an index page...", which is the constructive feedback.
I read somewhere that 'Feedback is the breakfast of champions.' If so, then to become a champion, we must actively look for feedback from everyone, however it comes. Sometimes feedback comes added with harsh, negative words.
I use an NLP method to handle criticism (which we now know as useful feedback + negative emotion).
We first 'reframe' the situation. Rather than feel bad about the person criticizing you, reframe the situation and mentally thank the person for providing you useful feedback and helping you to become a champion.
Here's how you do it:
Normal thinking: 'Oh God, why is this person criticizing me? What right does he have to say such things? I'm upset and angry!'
Reframed thinking: 'Thank you for giving me feedback which will help me to become a champion. I know that - even if you are using the negative language - I will find only focus on the positive feedback and work on it to improve myself. If you hadn't done this, I would have taken longer to become a champion.'
(Okay, I know that you're thinking that it's difficult to do this, but then, isn't it better than feeling upset? You'll get better with practice.)
As you see, it is not the criticism, but OUR REACTION TO THE CRITICISM that will hurt or help us. Whatever you choose to do (get angry or reframe the situation), you will reap the consequences.
Good luck on your way to becoming a champion!
From India, Mumbai
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3It's great to be back on the forum. I was busy for a month and did not have the time to even read posts (I know that's a crime, so forgive me!).
I thought of sharing something that I have been working on for a while now. In my work of training and consulting, I come across many people who ask for suggestions on how to improve their work or personal life. Recently, someone told me about how his boss constantly picked on him and criticized him. He asked me how to handle it.
I told him this sentence, "Feedback is the breakfast of champions. If you want to become a champion, learn to take feedback."
"'But, this is criticism, not feedback,' he protested."
I then had a discussion with him which I am sharing with the esteemed members of the forum.
Firstly, I define criticism as "[i]'a mix of negative emotion and useful feedback'."
Unfortunately, whenever someone criticizes us, they vent out a lot of negative words and emotions and some (very little) constructive feedback. The percentage is like 80% negative emotion and 20% feedback. That's why we call it criticism.
And because the negative emotion is more, most of us focus on it and don't hear the constructive feedback. The result: we get angry, upset, or unhappy.
For example: We submitted a report or project to our boss which he thinks is not up to the mark. He starts to scold us by saying, "'You stupid idiot! Is this the way to write a report? This is the worst report I have EVER seen! How many times have I told you to always start a report by putting an index page. You never learn, I don't know how they employed you here... blah, blah, blah, blah...'"
You normally focus on and react to the words, "stupid idiot, worst report...", etc., which is the negative emotion.
You don't even hear the words, "How many times have I told you to always start a report by putting an index page...", which is the constructive feedback.
I read somewhere that 'Feedback is the breakfast of champions.' If so, then to become a champion, we must actively look for feedback from everyone, however it comes. Sometimes feedback comes added with harsh, negative words.
I use an NLP method to handle criticism (which we now know as useful feedback + negative emotion).
We first 'reframe' the situation. Rather than feel bad about the person criticizing you, reframe the situation and mentally thank the person for providing you useful feedback and helping you to become a champion.
Here's how you do it:
Normal thinking: 'Oh God, why is this person criticizing me? What right does he have to say such things? I'm upset and angry!'
Reframed thinking: 'Thank you for giving me feedback which will help me to become a champion. I know that - even if you are using the negative language - I will find only focus on the positive feedback and work on it to improve myself. If you hadn't done this, I would have taken longer to become a champion.'
(Okay, I know that you're thinking that it's difficult to do this, but then, isn't it better than feeling upset? You'll get better with practice.)
As you see, it is not the criticism, but OUR REACTION TO THE CRITICISM that will hurt or help us. Whatever you choose to do (get angry or reframe the situation), you will reap the consequences.
Good luck on your way to becoming a champion!
From India, Mumbai
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I agree with the very subject matter that feedback is the breakfast of champions. A good write-up.
To add, all champions take logical criticisms as feedback. Feedback is for correction, enhancement, upgrading, and development. The person who accepts feedback positively can have an easier climb in life. Of course, at times, there may be some nonsense criticisms. Ignoring those is a good attitude.
From Bangladesh, Dhaka
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To add, all champions take logical criticisms as feedback. Feedback is for correction, enhancement, upgrading, and development. The person who accepts feedback positively can have an easier climb in life. Of course, at times, there may be some nonsense criticisms. Ignoring those is a good attitude.
From Bangladesh, Dhaka
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Nlp.zip
Induction feedback.doc
NLP Practioner Manual.pdf