A couple of days back, one of my friends called me and sounded dull on the phone. He said, "I'm angry, upset, and feeling terrible."
I asked him what the matter was, and he told me that he was being nagged by his departmental manager about his job. The situation was that the manager had joined the company recently, whereas my friend had been working in the company and the same department for over a year now.
According to my friend, the manager would ask him umpteen questions about everything he did and never let him work independently. Till recently, my friend was working independently in the department, and now he had someone above him to report to. He had trouble adjusting to the new situation.
This looked like a case where often the experienced worker feels that the new manager knows nothing about the job, while the new manager feels threatened by the experienced worker and tries to impose his authority on him.
I spent two minutes talking to him on the phone and told him to do something which instantly changed his outlook towards the situation and made him feel better.
Let me tell you what we did.
"Are you sitting in front of your computer?" I asked him.
"Yes," he replied.
"Great, now, open a new Word document and in bold letters type this: 'WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE POSITIVE FROM THIS SITUATION?'" I said.
"What?" He asked.
"Go ahead and do that," I said.
"Well...OK," he said. And I could hear the clicking of the keyboard as he did it.
"Done? Now, I want you to try and answer the question. It may not be easy at first, but if you persist, if you force yourself to find something positive from this situation, you may just find it," I told him.
There was a long pause on the phone.
"You still there?" I asked him.
"Yes, yes, I'm thinking about what you said and trying to find what can possibly be positive in this situation..."
"And what have you found?" I asked.
"Well, now that you asked, maybe because my new manager is asking me so many questions, could the positive thing be that he's keen to understand the nuances of the department and he sees me as the best person to answer his queries?" he said.
"Bingo!" I said.
"Your old response to the situation was: 'My new manager nags me and asks me too many questions, and it bothers me.'
The new response is: 'My new manager is keen to learn the job and he sees me as the best person to find out more information, and this makes me feel important.'"
Now let's find more positives in the situation.
Negative: 'My manager is always at my back, nagging me.'
Positive: 'This is an opportunity for me to learn to handle tough bosses. If not for the new manager, I'd never learn to handle such situations.'
What we are doing is using an NLP technique called 'Reframing.'
The meaning of any event depends on its context or frame. Thus, changing the frame of reference around an event or statement to give it another meaning is called 'reframing' in NLP.
Receiving a phone call can be a nuisance if you are in the middle of a meeting, but to a lonely person who has not spoken to anyone all day, it can be most welcome. Changing the frame or context changes the meaning. Depending on the context of any event, it will be given a different meaning. And that meaning, rather than the actual experience, will determine how we act and feel.
Reframing gives you more control of your life by making you aware of more alternatives. It can work wonders with children. A boring task can become an exciting game just by using your imagination.
There are examples of Reframing in history, in stories that we have heard or read.
1. Tom Sawyer was given a task of painting the fence when he wanted to go swimming with his friends. Tom reframed the task as great fun, and when the boys came along, they had to pay him to get a chance to paint the fence. When his aunt looked out, Tom was resting under the shade of a tree, counting his money, and all his friends were painting the fence.
2. Hitler once wrote to King Christian the Tenth of Denmark, "What are you doing about the Jewish Problem in Denmark?" King Christian answered, "We do not have a Jewish problem here. We do not feel inferior."
3. A sign put up in a seminar read, "There will be times when dinner will not be served." Many participants started to complain that they had already paid for the meals and it was unfair not to be served dinner, and they had no other place to go to as they were new to the town. When the facilitator received these complaints, he explained that it was perfectly true - dinner would not be served at breakfast or at lunch.
Exercises in reframing:
- My daughter is a chatterbox. She never shuts up. Reframed to, "She must be very bright to have so much to say."
- My father is always busy working. Reframed to, "He cares for us so much that he wants to earn well and provide all the comforts to us."
- If I ask a question in class, I'll be looked at as a fool. Reframed to, "Better to be a fool for five minutes by asking a question than not ask the question and be a fool forever."
There are many benefits in reframing.
Reframing removes the sting of unwanted behavior and gives the person space to find other choices, other ways to respond to a situation. He is no longer tied down by present feelings. A new attitude is inculcated. "How am I going to use this behavior?" instead of "How am I going to get rid of it?"
Emphasizing the positive value of any behavior can transform a potentially negative situation into a learning experience.
Happy reading,
Amruth
[Link to website](www.greatscope.com)
"THERE IS NO FAILURE, ONLY FEEDBACK."
From India, Mumbai
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3I asked him what the matter was, and he told me that he was being nagged by his departmental manager about his job. The situation was that the manager had joined the company recently, whereas my friend had been working in the company and the same department for over a year now.
According to my friend, the manager would ask him umpteen questions about everything he did and never let him work independently. Till recently, my friend was working independently in the department, and now he had someone above him to report to. He had trouble adjusting to the new situation.
This looked like a case where often the experienced worker feels that the new manager knows nothing about the job, while the new manager feels threatened by the experienced worker and tries to impose his authority on him.
I spent two minutes talking to him on the phone and told him to do something which instantly changed his outlook towards the situation and made him feel better.
Let me tell you what we did.
"Are you sitting in front of your computer?" I asked him.
"Yes," he replied.
"Great, now, open a new Word document and in bold letters type this: 'WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE POSITIVE FROM THIS SITUATION?'" I said.
"What?" He asked.
"Go ahead and do that," I said.
"Well...OK," he said. And I could hear the clicking of the keyboard as he did it.
"Done? Now, I want you to try and answer the question. It may not be easy at first, but if you persist, if you force yourself to find something positive from this situation, you may just find it," I told him.
There was a long pause on the phone.
"You still there?" I asked him.
"Yes, yes, I'm thinking about what you said and trying to find what can possibly be positive in this situation..."
"And what have you found?" I asked.
"Well, now that you asked, maybe because my new manager is asking me so many questions, could the positive thing be that he's keen to understand the nuances of the department and he sees me as the best person to answer his queries?" he said.
"Bingo!" I said.
"Your old response to the situation was: 'My new manager nags me and asks me too many questions, and it bothers me.'
The new response is: 'My new manager is keen to learn the job and he sees me as the best person to find out more information, and this makes me feel important.'"
Now let's find more positives in the situation.
Negative: 'My manager is always at my back, nagging me.'
Positive: 'This is an opportunity for me to learn to handle tough bosses. If not for the new manager, I'd never learn to handle such situations.'
What we are doing is using an NLP technique called 'Reframing.'
The meaning of any event depends on its context or frame. Thus, changing the frame of reference around an event or statement to give it another meaning is called 'reframing' in NLP.
Receiving a phone call can be a nuisance if you are in the middle of a meeting, but to a lonely person who has not spoken to anyone all day, it can be most welcome. Changing the frame or context changes the meaning. Depending on the context of any event, it will be given a different meaning. And that meaning, rather than the actual experience, will determine how we act and feel.
Reframing gives you more control of your life by making you aware of more alternatives. It can work wonders with children. A boring task can become an exciting game just by using your imagination.
There are examples of Reframing in history, in stories that we have heard or read.
1. Tom Sawyer was given a task of painting the fence when he wanted to go swimming with his friends. Tom reframed the task as great fun, and when the boys came along, they had to pay him to get a chance to paint the fence. When his aunt looked out, Tom was resting under the shade of a tree, counting his money, and all his friends were painting the fence.
2. Hitler once wrote to King Christian the Tenth of Denmark, "What are you doing about the Jewish Problem in Denmark?" King Christian answered, "We do not have a Jewish problem here. We do not feel inferior."
3. A sign put up in a seminar read, "There will be times when dinner will not be served." Many participants started to complain that they had already paid for the meals and it was unfair not to be served dinner, and they had no other place to go to as they were new to the town. When the facilitator received these complaints, he explained that it was perfectly true - dinner would not be served at breakfast or at lunch.
Exercises in reframing:
- My daughter is a chatterbox. She never shuts up. Reframed to, "She must be very bright to have so much to say."
- My father is always busy working. Reframed to, "He cares for us so much that he wants to earn well and provide all the comforts to us."
- If I ask a question in class, I'll be looked at as a fool. Reframed to, "Better to be a fool for five minutes by asking a question than not ask the question and be a fool forever."
There are many benefits in reframing.
Reframing removes the sting of unwanted behavior and gives the person space to find other choices, other ways to respond to a situation. He is no longer tied down by present feelings. A new attitude is inculcated. "How am I going to use this behavior?" instead of "How am I going to get rid of it?"
Emphasizing the positive value of any behavior can transform a potentially negative situation into a learning experience.
Happy reading,
Amruth
[Link to website](www.greatscope.com)
"THERE IS NO FAILURE, ONLY FEEDBACK."
From India, Mumbai
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Hi amrut, really good article... felt like sharing it with all my close friends... hope u dont mind Regards, Anuradha
From India, Pune
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From India, Pune
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Hi all,
Thanks for the kind words, Bala, Anuradha, Sherine, Deepali, and Pramod. Of course, you can send it to anyone you like. I would love to (and will) put in more information from time to time about my passion - NLP.
I've included something about NLP in another post started by Xavier, 'Power of the human mind,' which I think Bala has seen. Others may also read it. I'm keen to offer introductory sessions to any organization about NLP and help you understand its awesome power.
Of course, you are all welcome to attend the sessions of our 'Blueprint for Success' program currently held in Bangalore on weekends. It's soon to start off in other cities. Mail me if you are interested for your company or group.
Regards,
Amruth
www.greatscope.com
amruth@greatscope.com
98860-36125
'THERE IS NO FAILURE, ONLY FEEDBACK. TRUE FAILURE HAPPENS WHEN YOU GIVE UP.'
From India, Mumbai
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Thanks for the kind words, Bala, Anuradha, Sherine, Deepali, and Pramod. Of course, you can send it to anyone you like. I would love to (and will) put in more information from time to time about my passion - NLP.
I've included something about NLP in another post started by Xavier, 'Power of the human mind,' which I think Bala has seen. Others may also read it. I'm keen to offer introductory sessions to any organization about NLP and help you understand its awesome power.
Of course, you are all welcome to attend the sessions of our 'Blueprint for Success' program currently held in Bangalore on weekends. It's soon to start off in other cities. Mail me if you are interested for your company or group.
Regards,
Amruth
www.greatscope.com
amruth@greatscope.com
98860-36125
'THERE IS NO FAILURE, ONLY FEEDBACK. TRUE FAILURE HAPPENS WHEN YOU GIVE UP.'
From India, Mumbai
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Amrut: No matter what...the world IS a better place! Does feel better when we reframe! Sanath
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Hi Sanat,
"Right on!"
As Michael Jackson says in his song 'Heal the World', our aim as HR people is to make it 'a better place for you & for me & the entire human race.' (I like MJ's songs, not his 'other' interests.)
Thanks for your thoughts. (Oops, did I miss an 'h' in your name? You did too!)
From India, Mumbai
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"Right on!"
As Michael Jackson says in his song 'Heal the World', our aim as HR people is to make it 'a better place for you & for me & the entire human race.' (I like MJ's songs, not his 'other' interests.)
Thanks for your thoughts. (Oops, did I miss an 'h' in your name? You did too!)
From India, Mumbai
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hi amruth, real gud piece... its vry inspiring... regards, Reena P.S. - N, plz do notice, that i didn’t miss the 'h' in ur name :D
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Hi Reena, Thanks for your thoughts. keep reading , keep posting. saw your blog.....very good. You are a poet ! thanks again, regards, ( notice that i did not miss any letter in your name ) :wink:
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Amruth:
You are right on all counts! Aligning with MJ's music and not his other 'interests' about my missing out 'H' in your name (I KNOW how it is when someone misspells your name!) and your 'accidental' missing out on the 'H' in mine. (Now we are even-steven!)
Sanath
From India, Mumbai
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You are right on all counts! Aligning with MJ's music and not his other 'interests' about my missing out 'H' in your name (I KNOW how it is when someone misspells your name!) and your 'accidental' missing out on the 'H' in mine. (Now we are even-steven!)
Sanath
From India, Mumbai
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Hi Reena,
Thanks for your thoughts. Keep reading, keep posting. I saw your blog... very good. You are a poet! Thanks again.
Regards,
(notice that I did not miss any letter in your name) 😉
Hi Amruth,
Thanks for appreciating my posts on my blog. But to tell you as a matter of fact, those poems are not mine. I read them somewhere and simply loved them, so I posted them here. Although I used to write poems a long time back, I guess my last poem was when I was in 10th grade, but I stopped after that. I am planning to resume it though. 😊
Anyways, thanks.
Regards,
Reena
From India, Mumbai
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Thanks for your thoughts. Keep reading, keep posting. I saw your blog... very good. You are a poet! Thanks again.
Regards,
(notice that I did not miss any letter in your name) 😉
Hi Amruth,
Thanks for appreciating my posts on my blog. But to tell you as a matter of fact, those poems are not mine. I read them somewhere and simply loved them, so I posted them here. Although I used to write poems a long time back, I guess my last poem was when I was in 10th grade, but I stopped after that. I am planning to resume it though. 😊
Anyways, thanks.
Regards,
Reena
From India, Mumbai
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Hi Amruth, It was a nice article. Thanks for the same. Your topic is very correctly named "The instant Mood Changer". Hope to get more of them from you.
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Hi Kartik, thanks for your feedback. Glad to know it helped. NLP has a set of simple yet very powerful techniques/processes that can bring about lasting change in us. I've posted another article called 'The Hammers in Your Head'. Check it out and tell me what you think.
Amruth
THERE IS NO FAILURE, ONLY FEEDBACK.
From India, Mumbai
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Amruth
THERE IS NO FAILURE, ONLY FEEDBACK.
From India, Mumbai
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Richard Bandler & John Grinder - Reframing - NLP & The Transformation Of Meaning.pdf
Nlp.zip