Hi, I always feel alone, despite constantly taking initiative, participating, and smiling. My actual problem is my struggle to communicate in a group, even though I am friendly with everyone. I often feel like I don't have any friends while everyone else does. I find it challenging to adopt a corporate attitude. A friend suggested that I work with my mind at the office and not with my heart, but I have failed in every possible way. Please advise me on how to overcome this and suggest any exercises to practice how to interact with everyone in a team.
Thank you.
From India, Hyderabad
Thank you.
From India, Hyderabad
Hello Kiran Kumari, as you have described yourself above, I will say, "Don't lose the confidence in yourself. You don't need to seek out others to alleviate your loneliness. Be a person with whom others feel happy talking to. Maintain a positive attitude. Repeat to yourself - 'I am the best' (it will surely work). Strive to be knowledgeable so that people are drawn to you. Maintain a positive attitude and refrain from repeatedly thinking, 'I have no friends,' as this mindset can lead to depression and sadness. Avoid such negative thoughts. By persisting with these practices, you will start feeling better.
For further assistance, you may email me at [Email Removed For Privacy Reasons].
Regards, Mr. Apurva Singh
From India, Mumbai
For further assistance, you may email me at [Email Removed For Privacy Reasons].
Regards, Mr. Apurva Singh
From India, Mumbai
Dear, it is not only your problem it can be anyone because many people may be lackof confidence.you should continue to interact and participate in many activities and always smiling.
From India, Ghaziabad
From India, Ghaziabad
Jacob has given a comprehensive suggestion. However, I would like to add something.
Firstly, have a few personal friends (understand the difference between a friend and an acquaintance); this reduces the pressure on you greatly.
Secondly, do not mix up office friendships with personal ones.
How to Navigate Office Friendships:
- Identify some people with a similar outlook towards life. If you like partying, find similar people.
- Ask some questions about their interests. For example, if someone likes to go hiking, read up on it and ask a few questions. They would love to answer. End the conversation by saying you will catch up later for more discussion on the subject.
- Appreciate people for what they have done (you will have to keep yourself informed).
- It is a vicious circle - the more people you know, the more you come to know.
Regards.
From India, Delhi
Firstly, have a few personal friends (understand the difference between a friend and an acquaintance); this reduces the pressure on you greatly.
Secondly, do not mix up office friendships with personal ones.
How to Navigate Office Friendships:
- Identify some people with a similar outlook towards life. If you like partying, find similar people.
- Ask some questions about their interests. For example, if someone likes to go hiking, read up on it and ask a few questions. They would love to answer. End the conversation by saying you will catch up later for more discussion on the subject.
- Appreciate people for what they have done (you will have to keep yourself informed).
- It is a vicious circle - the more people you know, the more you come to know.
Regards.
From India, Delhi
Hi Kiran, I understand your concern about feeling alone despite your friendly nature and initiative.
Understanding Corporate Attitude
What do you mean by "I am not able to adopt a corporate attitude"? Don't worry about that. Concentrate on your job and master it. Enjoy your work. You already have a smiling face and a friendly nature, which is more than enough. Also, remember, "Familiarity breeds contempt."
Warm Regards,
Elizabeth Paul.
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
Understanding Corporate Attitude
What do you mean by "I am not able to adopt a corporate attitude"? Don't worry about that. Concentrate on your job and master it. Enjoy your work. You already have a smiling face and a friendly nature, which is more than enough. Also, remember, "Familiarity breeds contempt."
Warm Regards,
Elizabeth Paul.
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
Dear Kiran, I understand how people try to feign things and act in ways they are not comfortable with just to gain acceptance from others. Though it is important to have others agree with you logically, morally, compassionately, and in a friendly way, the most important thing is to first accept yourself as you are a unique person with the chance to live and do something valuable in life. So, don't waste your time thinking about these inane matters. Try to introspect and reach your higher level.
"To see the change outside, first, you have to see the change inside." Then, you will see how life will effloresce. I hope you overcome these abasing thoughts as life is waiting for you. Live it.
Best regards,
Abhinav Gautam
From India, Pune
"To see the change outside, first, you have to see the change inside." Then, you will see how life will effloresce. I hope you overcome these abasing thoughts as life is waiting for you. Live it.
Best regards,
Abhinav Gautam
From India, Pune
You shared your problem and asked for a solution, which is itself an example of your openness and flexibility to change. It is really good. If it is your first job, then it is quite natural, and as many people have said, this is normal at the beginning level. Any expert can suggest better solutions if you explain your career stage and your surrounding culture in more detail because this situation is affected by many factors. You are very honest, work-oriented, and joined a fully lazy government system then... you can think! But to come out from this, I will suggest a few things, considering that you are a fresher and new to some very good organizations.
For example, I am from Gujarat, and I joined a company that is very far from my hometown, with people from different states and only one person from Gujarat. Moreover, I am not familiar with any kind of corporate or cultural formalities, values, and all of which are indirectly necessary to maintain relationships and integrate into a group or team.
So, first, I need to understand it. You can take the example – people from Assam or Bengal are very soft people. If you talk in a very hard or rough way, even though you don't have bad intentions, it indirectly hurts the relationship. You need to understand these kinds of things.
Second, as Jacob said, "be a good listener," and a nice way to improve listening is to put yourself in the speaker's shoes, then you will understand what the person wants to say. To be the best police officer, you need to see as the best thief.
Third is to find out more about yourself – be proud of yourself. At the starting stage of my career, I was comparing myself to others, which is not good if we don't know what to compare.
Fourth: Be positive, as given.
Carefully read your problem again, "I am always feeling alone." You said it means you are accepting that you are alone, and by this way, you are making yourself more alone, and maybe your friends and family are affected by this belief.
"I am always thinking that I do not have any friends." Think! If I would like to make you my friend, how would you see this?
"I am not able to adopt a corporate attitude." This means you are not looking at your strengths.
"One of my friends suggested me" – means you have a friend, and maybe you argue that he/she is not a close one, but again, you said he/she is not a close one.
To work in a team as an employee, you can refer to my articles on our best friend, citehr. Ok.
Regards,
Sanjay Kumar
acme consultancy services
From India, Rajkot
For example, I am from Gujarat, and I joined a company that is very far from my hometown, with people from different states and only one person from Gujarat. Moreover, I am not familiar with any kind of corporate or cultural formalities, values, and all of which are indirectly necessary to maintain relationships and integrate into a group or team.
So, first, I need to understand it. You can take the example – people from Assam or Bengal are very soft people. If you talk in a very hard or rough way, even though you don't have bad intentions, it indirectly hurts the relationship. You need to understand these kinds of things.
Second, as Jacob said, "be a good listener," and a nice way to improve listening is to put yourself in the speaker's shoes, then you will understand what the person wants to say. To be the best police officer, you need to see as the best thief.
Third is to find out more about yourself – be proud of yourself. At the starting stage of my career, I was comparing myself to others, which is not good if we don't know what to compare.
Fourth: Be positive, as given.
Carefully read your problem again, "I am always feeling alone." You said it means you are accepting that you are alone, and by this way, you are making yourself more alone, and maybe your friends and family are affected by this belief.
"I am always thinking that I do not have any friends." Think! If I would like to make you my friend, how would you see this?
"I am not able to adopt a corporate attitude." This means you are not looking at your strengths.
"One of my friends suggested me" – means you have a friend, and maybe you argue that he/she is not a close one, but again, you said he/she is not a close one.
To work in a team as an employee, you can refer to my articles on our best friend, citehr. Ok.
Regards,
Sanjay Kumar
acme consultancy services
From India, Rajkot
Hello All, I have read all the suggestions given by you people. Really, those were very helpful to me. I have been a better listener these days, which has enabled me to learn, gain knowledge, and explain things to my peers.
The ideas shared by everyone on CiteHR have been truly valuable to me, and I am thankful to each and every one of you.
Regards,
Kiran Kumari.V
From India, Hyderabad
The ideas shared by everyone on CiteHR have been truly valuable to me, and I am thankful to each and every one of you.
Regards,
Kiran Kumari.V
From India, Hyderabad
Dear Ms. Kiran,
It is indeed very brave of you to come out openly with this kind of issue. It is easy for all of us to give you suggestions, but in my opinion, the starting point to resolve this matter is within you. With 35 years of experience in the industry at all levels, I can only say that you should first start believing that you have the capability to be friendly. As expressed in your own words, "find it difficult to communicate in groups," this difficulty may stem from a self-imposed barrier.
You are the best judge to analyze why this happens. Is it a language barrier, or do you feel unequipped to participate in what is going on? Once you can identify the barrier, work on it, and I am sure you will be able to visualize the change.
Your feeling that you are not friendly with anyone, but others are friendly with each other, may be due to your reluctance to open up beyond a certain level. This reluctance affects how friendly others perceive you to be.
Believe me, many people may not be very vocal but are still considered very friendly by others. With you taking all the initiative, this seems to be hardly the case. I am sure that once you introspect and pinpoint the reasons for these thoughts, you will be able to figure out how to overcome them.
I wish you all the best in resolving this mental conflict.
Warm Regards,
Shalabh Capoor
From India, Delhi
It is indeed very brave of you to come out openly with this kind of issue. It is easy for all of us to give you suggestions, but in my opinion, the starting point to resolve this matter is within you. With 35 years of experience in the industry at all levels, I can only say that you should first start believing that you have the capability to be friendly. As expressed in your own words, "find it difficult to communicate in groups," this difficulty may stem from a self-imposed barrier.
You are the best judge to analyze why this happens. Is it a language barrier, or do you feel unequipped to participate in what is going on? Once you can identify the barrier, work on it, and I am sure you will be able to visualize the change.
Your feeling that you are not friendly with anyone, but others are friendly with each other, may be due to your reluctance to open up beyond a certain level. This reluctance affects how friendly others perceive you to be.
Believe me, many people may not be very vocal but are still considered very friendly by others. With you taking all the initiative, this seems to be hardly the case. I am sure that once you introspect and pinpoint the reasons for these thoughts, you will be able to figure out how to overcome them.
I wish you all the best in resolving this mental conflict.
Warm Regards,
Shalabh Capoor
From India, Delhi
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