One fat guy goes to a popular gym in Bangalore and sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10, or 20 kilograms on the first day. So, he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes, parallel bars, and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.
He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl with a sign saying, "If you catch me, I'm yours." He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, poof, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think. "Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..." So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg." "No problem," says the manager.
Again, he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign, "If I catch you, you're mine." 😂
Regards,
Soumya Shankar
From India, Bangalore
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16He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl with a sign saying, "If you catch me, I'm yours." He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, poof, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.
He's back on the street and starts to think. "Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..." So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg." "No problem," says the manager.
Again, he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign, "If I catch you, you're mine." 😂
Regards,
Soumya Shankar
From India, Bangalore
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Manmohan Singh to Bush - "We are sending Indians to the moon next year."
Bush - "Wow! How many?"
Manmohan Singh - "100"
- 25 OBC
- 25 SC
- 20 ST
- 5 Handicapped
- 5 Sports Persons
- 5 Terrorist Affected
- 5 Kashmiri Migrants
- 9 Politicians
- and, if possible,
- 1 Astronaut.
From India, Bangalore
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Bush - "Wow! How many?"
Manmohan Singh - "100"
- 25 OBC
- 25 SC
- 20 ST
- 5 Handicapped
- 5 Sports Persons
- 5 Terrorist Affected
- 5 Kashmiri Migrants
- 9 Politicians
- and, if possible,
- 1 Astronaut.
From India, Bangalore
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Please review Newton's Laws when Applied to the Software Field.
Law 1: Every software engineer continues their state of chatting or forwarding emails unless they are assigned work by a manager.
Law 2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from the client and occurs at a quick rate when deadline pressure is applied.
Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation, there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.
Bug Conservation Law: Bugs can neither be created nor removed from software by a developer. They can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.
From India, Bangalore
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Law 1: Every software engineer continues their state of chatting or forwarding emails unless they are assigned work by a manager.
Law 2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from the client and occurs at a quick rate when deadline pressure is applied.
Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation, there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.
Bug Conservation Law: Bugs can neither be created nor removed from software by a developer. They can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.
From India, Bangalore
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts,
'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'
The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'
'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.
'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost.'
The man below says, "You must be a project manager."
'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'
Regards,
Soumya Shankar
From India, Bangalore
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'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'
The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'
'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.
'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost.'
The man below says, "You must be a project manager."
'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'
Regards,
Soumya Shankar
From India, Bangalore
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One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Regards,
Soumya Shankar
From India, Bangalore
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The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Regards,
Soumya Shankar
From India, Bangalore
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