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Anonymous
Hi, My previous manager has given negative feedback to my current employer something about my bad behaviour. I sometimes used to masturbate during weekends at home and occasionally used to suffer from nightfall during week days. My body used to smell light due to the same, but in his opinion, it's not professionalism.

Now I am married, and my wife demands intimacy every weekend as I have no kids yet.
But because of the previous manager's review and the little smell from my body after physical intimacy during weekends, which lasts for the next 2 or 3 days, my manager is targeting me of my behaviour and professionalism.

I can't openly discuss this with the manager due to privacy reasons, but I can also not find a solution to this problem. I discussed this with doctors, and every doctor says it's a natural process and lets it happen. There is no need to subside, or there is no harm due to the body's mechanism or for whatever reason.

How should the situation be tackled?

From India, Mumbai
PROFESSIONALS AND BUSINESSES PARTICIPATING IN DISCUSSION
Dinesh Divekar
Business Mentor, Consultant And Trainer
Vmlakshminarayanan
Agm - Hr&admin
Raghunath_bv
General Manager-hr & Admin
Aussiejohn
Workplace Assessment And Training

raghunath_bv
149

Hi,
Personal Hygiene:
Ensure that you maintain good personal hygiene, especially during work hours. Regular showers, using deodorant, and clean clothing can help address any concerns about body odor.
Addressing Feedback:

If possible, without violating your privacy, address the feedback indirectly. You might express to your manager that you've taken feedback seriously and have made efforts to improve your overall professionalism, without going into explicit details.

Communication with Manager:
Consider having a professional conversation with your manager about your commitment to your job and addressing any specuific concerns they may have. You don't need to disclose personal details, but you can emphasize your dedication to maintaining a professional image at work.

Medical Advice:
If you have consulted with doctors who confirm that your health practices are normal and not harmful, consider obtaining a medical note or statement to share with your manager. This could help provide reassurance about the nature of the situation.

Work Life Balance:
If your manager is concerned about your overall professionalism, emphasize your commitment to maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Mention that you have made adjustments to ensure your personal life does not interfere with your work responsibilities.
Thanks

From India, Bangalore
vmlakshminarayanan
919

Hi

Your reason for body smell seems not right. Consult a good Dermatologist and diagnose the actual reason. It might due to excess sweating as well. Check regarding your soap and also better take bath twice.

From India, Madras
Dinesh Divekar
7855

Dear member,

Your query is baffling most. The bafflement of the post apart, it is too embarrassing to give a reply to. Nevertheless, I find a logical inconsistency in your post.

This is the second employment in which your manager has complained about the malodour emanating from your body. Yes, their objections are valid because it is too difficult to put up with a colleague whose body stinks! Their irritation is understandable.

However, if the body is malodourous in the office then it should be so in the home also. How come your family members have not brought this fact to your notice? By the way, what about you? How can you put up with the offensive smell of your body?

What about your better half? How come she has not suggested any corrective measures? Between men and women, overall the Indian women are more characterised by the method and orderliness. Your problem surpasses the imagination of the average person and yet your wife has not come forward to set the anomaly right. The situation shows there is something more than meets the eye.

You have mentioned the causes for producing the bad smell from your body. However, it appears that the causes you mentioned for the bad smell are more for refutation than taking corrective action. You have blamed your previous manager for giving feedback to the current manager about the bad body smell. But is the feedback not based on evidence? In your current employment, are you not corroborating this feedback? By blaming the managers or by not doing a self-examination, can the situation be altered?

Anyway, people come to this forum to get a solution. One of the senior members of this forum, Mr VM Lakshminarayanan has given a solution. However, I recommend you go beyond that. You may check the internet on how to maintain personal hygiene and sanitation. Make a list of the points and find out which points merit their implementation with extreme conscientiousness. A few people sweat more than others. If you are from this category, then you may have to remove your body hair.

Now the situation is dire and it could impact your employment. Therefore, it is high time for you to address the direness of the situation.

Thanks,

Dinesh Divekar

From India, Bangalore
aussiejohn
658

Get some good dermatological soap and have a good shower every single day. On days when you have sex, then you need to shower far more carefully and ensure you thoroughly clean every part of your body, especially your private parts.

Secondly, ensure your clothes are spotlessly clean and laundered daily. Use good quality deodorant.

It is very likely that this problem emanates from laziness, and lack of attention to basic hygiene practices. Deal with that then review the situation. If the problem persists then you need to seek professional help, and that means a medial specialist, not just a doctor in general practice.

Failure to tackle this problem head on could end up being fatal for your career.

From Australia, Melbourne
Anonymous
Hi Dinesh Divekar,

My post should not be handled considering sex and masturbation as taboo. If you are already married, you might be already knowing about smell that I am talking about (mix of Nitric oxide, ammonia, bleach, or chlorine).

Smell can be due to sexual arousal or morning wood which no one has control over resulting in precum (which is different than semen).

Also when someone ejaculates, body expels remaining semen from vas deferans during the course of following 2 or 3 days which is completely a normal process.

Some people do have excessive uncontrolled urge for ejaculation, how and why should they suppress?

Everyone has to do something for living and just because someone struggles with maintaining body odor on regular basis, should stringent policies jeopardise someones career?

Hygiene and smell are completely different, not necessarily bad smell is always unhygienic.

Companies always boast about contributing to environmental issues, social welfare etc. then why companies are so dogmatic on HR policies for stringent professionalism jeopardizing someone's career leading to daily mental pressure affecting right to privacy?

I think OMG2 is a better watch!!

From India, Mumbai
Dinesh Divekar
7855

Dear member,

It appears that your problem is unique and beyond the realm of the understanding of the common person.

Infusing your post with technical details, you have come up with your defence. Nevertheless, your second post did not answer some of the questions asked in my post.

Defending one's position on a public forum like Citehr has no enduring value. This is a matter between you and your company. We members of this forum are a third party. We have limitations in interpreting the situation. Nevertheless, your body odour is impinging your employment. Whether to continue to defend your position and forego a second job or to take corrective measures and protect employment is your call. We the members cannot undo the situation!

The only recommendation I can give is to consult a psychotherapist.

All the best!

Dinesh Divekar

From India, Bangalore
aussiejohn
658

Anonymous,

We have gone as far as we can go with this discussion. As a Moderator, I was very tempted to delete it from the get go as it is not appropriate in this forum. This topic has nothing to do with HR per se. In addition, there is no suggestion that discussion of sexual activity is taboo, BUT IT IS NOT a topic for discussion here. This is a professional HR forum for discussion of HR problems and questions. If you must, take it to Reddit or other such places where anything goes.

You have resorted to scientific mumbo-jumbo to try and justify your position when the prima facie evidence points to a lack of personal hygiene, an issue which you appear to be unwilling to address. You also appear to be fighting for some sort of principle which could jeopardise your job. As my colleague Dinesh has pointed out, this is a matter for you alone to resolve.

If two managers have counselled you on this matter, then the ball is now in your court to fix it. It appears likely that both managers may have acted due to complaints regarding your personal hygiene from your current and former work colleagues who may have felt uncomfortable being in close proximity to you.

Your justifications are fallacious and untenable, so stop wasting time your time trying to convince us. If they were credible most men would probably have the same problems, but we DO NOT.

Get off the internet and go and start dealing with your problem NOW.

From Australia, Melbourne
Anonymous
Hi Aussiejohn,

Even though it might appear as prima facie evidence of unhygienic condition, but I have few points to point out.

Colleagues were seating next to me for years and they had no issues. Even though the smell used to be subtle, smell never caused others not to be seated beside/around me, otherwise colleagues would have raised this to my manager beforehand and at least I would have been made aware or given warnings from my manager.

It was only when I raised concerns with HR about my bullying by these colleagues, they started retorting with such allegations about body smell. Don't you smell something phishy about office politics to target someone with their minute issues?

I never went to office without taking bath, always dressed clean and applied perfume. But when I had good time during weekends, my body starts emanating subtle smell the following 2-3 days, more after urinating. Doctors did perform all tests and are absolutely ok it's completely a normal process and smell.

Now the question is, will subtle smell also lead to termination? Do I need to compromise my private life with my wife to avoid being smelly?

From India, Mumbai
Dinesh Divekar
7855

Dear member,

Your posts are inconsistent and contradict with one another. You have written three posts and in each post, you have left loose threads and have given new revelations. It appears that this saga will continue endlessly. Therefore, better to put a stop here.

Thanks,

Dinesh Divekar

From India, Bangalore
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