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Is it possible to learn getting emotionally Intelligent? Is there any way to learn to practice it?
If yes, tell me what are the steps. I have searched here but not found any such topics.
Actually it happens in life- be it personal or organisational, we come across such people who would attack you with words which may leave you blushed with anger. Either you donot react and stay cool and handle the person tactfully Or else you react and start quarreling.
But the 1st option is good. But in reality we tend to use the 2nd option which harms us.
So plz can we have a discussion on how to get emotionally mature and tackle such awkward situation coolly and tactfully?
Please share your experiences and ideas/suggestions.............

From India, Guwahati
Dinesh Divekar
Business Mentor, Consultant And Trainer
Process Industry Consultant / Soft Skill
Legal Analyst, Hrm
Vijay Pandey
Psychometric Test Developer And Assessment
Hr , Training,
+3 Others

Dinesh Divekar

Dear Pmon,

How to emotionally intelligent is a part of soft skills. Any subject of soft skills can be learnt on one's own and this particular subject is no exception. Abundant books are available in the market. Buy some books and learn. Yes, there are articles on Emotional Intelligence (EI) on the internet but then the knowledge is scattered and not in organised manner. In contrast, books are well-organised and all the topics are put up in proper sequence.

I appreciate your desire to learn new skills. If there is willingness, then 50% of the battle in learning is over. While wishing you all the best, let me mention here that self-learning apart, you need some guide who can given you feedback on implementation of the learning. Story of Eklavya looks nice in Mahabharata, but then we are in 21st century and we cannot imitate Eklavya. Therefore, your next challenge is to search some guide or mentor who can guide on you on the implementation of the learning. What is salt in Indian recipe, that is feedback in the implementation of learning.

All the best!

Dinesh Divekar

From India, Bangalore

Thank you alot Sir. You seem to be knowledgeable and expert in this aspect of EI. So, readers and learners here would be more happy if you can also guide us in the forum.
From India, Guwahati
Dinesh Divekar

Dear Pmon,
On the subject of Emotional Intelligence (EI) or otherwise, I have been guiding members of this forum for almost last decade. Therefore, I recommend you going ahead in learning some new subject, implement the learning and confirm what challenges did you face in implementation of the learning. Feedback would be given thereafter.
Dinesh Divekar

From India, Bangalore

Dear Pmon,

Generally, the term emotional intelligence (EI) is known as the ability to monitor one's own and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior. EI is also said to reflect abilities to join intelligence, empathy and emotions to enhance thought and understanding of interpersonal dynamics.

But, I personally disagree on the term emotional intelligence. In my views, emotions and intelligence are two different sides of a coin, like two different poles of a magnet, which cannot come together any time. Framework of intelligence cannot have any place for emotions and likewise the emotions cannot match intelligence.

If a person is emotional, he cannot either be fairly be rational, or impartial, as his views are usually corrupted with his own emotions and personal feelings. He cannot even judge his own capabilities. His emotions about himself can get hurt badly, when some opponent is critical about his style of doing things emotionally. He cannot even properly judge intelligence and talent of others in an impartial manner.

In my views, it is just a theoretical concept carved by Michael Beldoch to appear in a 1964 paper. However, the term is a good fodder for the idle brains to argue more and more on the topic to create more wasteful bookish knowledge.

By the way why do you want to learn to practice EI?

From India, Delhi
Dr.Ashoke K Maitra

Emotional Intelligence has four main areas . They are 1. Self Awareness, 2. Self Regulation, 3. Self Management and 4.Self Actualization. Read Daniel Goleman 's book on Emotional Intelligence. You will agree that all us have the ability to improve our self awareness by taking a deep peep into ourselves. For example if you attend some sensitivity training workshops , you will become a lot clear about your own strengths and weaknesses which in turn wil increase your awareness. This is a very big area but you can surely improve your emotional intelligence.
From India, Mumbai

Dear Dr. Maitra,

Self Awareness, Self Regulation, Self Management and Self Actualization can be understood on the part of an emotional person, but what about his ability to monitor other people's emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior?

In fact, if you give some serious thought, it has nothing to do with intelligence, as Self Awareness, Self Regulation, Self Management and Self Actualization are only the remedial measures to rectify the drawback of self emotions of a person with his strong will power and self practice with his full devotion and determination. A weak willed person cannot control or manage his emotions, what to say of judging others.

To be frank, the topic should have been termed as "Emotional Management." What I believe is that the term "intelligence" has been added to create a sense of curiosity just to attract attentions of academicians and theoretical minded persons. So far as books are concerned, a lot of books can be written by anyone, who has creative mind to make any hypothesis out of any term or topic. There is no end of hypothetical discussions on any topic.

From India, Delhi

Dear Pmon,
Unlike IQ is very hard to change, EQ can be improved by deliberate practice. There's no need to eliminate emotions at workplace, but both leaders and employees need to understand yourself more and learn how to manage emotions well. Keep in mind the 4 competencies of emotional intelligence:
1. Self-awareness
2. Self-regulation
3. Empathy
4. Social skills
I do believe that you need a mentor who may be your kind colleague, close friend or relative to help you timely recognize and adjust your daily reaction. And please be patient, it will take time to improve.
You might want to dig deeper at IQ vs. EQ: which is more important in career success?

From Vietnam, Hanoi
Vijay Pandey

Hi Pmon!
2 resources for you.
1. Workshop by Mr. Satish Mandora from which I found very effective. Details and contacts here :
2. This course on coursera by Dr. Richard Boyatzis. It is free if you do not want certificate. I attended this and found very useful.
a habit of sitting in silence and watching your breath for 15 to 30 minutes a day helps in a long way to develop better insights and improve emotional intelligence.
All the best!!
Vijai Pandey

From India, Hyderabad

Dear Pmon
You have already received a lot inputs from many of our senior members.
The Subject of Emotional Intelligence has been extensively discussed in this forum.
You can try the following from Cite HR archives.
There are many more in Cite HR if you are interested.
Emotional Intelligence Ppt - Ppt Download | CiteHR
Presentation On Emotional Intelligence - Pdf Download | CiteHR

From India
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