Dear All,
Before writing anything here, I would like to inform everyone that the incident is real and there's no intention to hurt anyone's feelings here. Please be straightforward and truthful in your comments...
Recently, my friend got very depressed and stopped talking to anyone in his family, friend circle, and in the office too. When we continuously asked him the reason, he started crying, and in deep depression, he told us this.
He was in love with one girl from the past 5 years...she also loved him...Everything was going fine when suddenly last month, the girl's parents fixed her marriage with some other person. Both the girl and my friend got very depressed. But suddenly one day, the girl was missing, and everyone was afraid for her well-being. After a lot of inquiries, everyone came to know that she has married another boy whom she knew only from the last 1 year or so (It's not my friend). When my friend heard this, he got very depressed and right now he's not able to decide anything as he was truly and totally dedicated towards her.
Now, when my friend approached that girl, she refused to tell him anything and has started neglecting him by saying that she has married a boy who loves her and cares for her.
I have posted this incident as I believe that people here in this community belong to the Human Resource profile who understand the value of humans!
Now, everyone out here in CiteHR, please let me know-
1) Is this fair enough for my friend? Or has the girl chosen the right step towards her life?
2) Are we humans making a mockery of the true sense of love by playing with others' lives?
Please decide and suggest what my friend should do! This is not simple to answer as it requires unbiased thinking.
Regards,
From India, Madras
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Before writing anything here, I would like to inform everyone that the incident is real and there's no intention to hurt anyone's feelings here. Please be straightforward and truthful in your comments...
Recently, my friend got very depressed and stopped talking to anyone in his family, friend circle, and in the office too. When we continuously asked him the reason, he started crying, and in deep depression, he told us this.
He was in love with one girl from the past 5 years...she also loved him...Everything was going fine when suddenly last month, the girl's parents fixed her marriage with some other person. Both the girl and my friend got very depressed. But suddenly one day, the girl was missing, and everyone was afraid for her well-being. After a lot of inquiries, everyone came to know that she has married another boy whom she knew only from the last 1 year or so (It's not my friend). When my friend heard this, he got very depressed and right now he's not able to decide anything as he was truly and totally dedicated towards her.
Now, when my friend approached that girl, she refused to tell him anything and has started neglecting him by saying that she has married a boy who loves her and cares for her.
I have posted this incident as I believe that people here in this community belong to the Human Resource profile who understand the value of humans!
Now, everyone out here in CiteHR, please let me know-
1) Is this fair enough for my friend? Or has the girl chosen the right step towards her life?
2) Are we humans making a mockery of the true sense of love by playing with others' lives?
Please decide and suggest what my friend should do! This is not simple to answer as it requires unbiased thinking.
Regards,
From India, Madras
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Hi Annesh,
It's a very difficult situation; the problem is with that girl herself. Why did she leave that great lover? Maybe she has some reasons we don't know.
Make your friend realize that someone will definitely come into his life to share his feelings, as everyone will have a partner as per nature. It's her fault to lose such a caring person. We can give but can't expect the same from the other side.
So, why should he not be depressed and make his life a great loser? He has so much life ahead; let's concentrate on his goals and fulfill his parents' wishes.
Parents are more important to us than anyone. Ask him to look after his parents as they are older; they need his happiness, especially when he is feeling low. They even feel bad along with him.
Suggest to his parents to get him married as soon as possible if he settles in his life. This way, he can forget his past as soon as possible.
Initially, it may make him feel uncomfortable, but later, he will understand why he was wasting his life by overthinking.
From India, Hyderabad
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3It's a very difficult situation; the problem is with that girl herself. Why did she leave that great lover? Maybe she has some reasons we don't know.
Make your friend realize that someone will definitely come into his life to share his feelings, as everyone will have a partner as per nature. It's her fault to lose such a caring person. We can give but can't expect the same from the other side.
So, why should he not be depressed and make his life a great loser? He has so much life ahead; let's concentrate on his goals and fulfill his parents' wishes.
Parents are more important to us than anyone. Ask him to look after his parents as they are older; they need his happiness, especially when he is feeling low. They even feel bad along with him.
Suggest to his parents to get him married as soon as possible if he settles in his life. This way, he can forget his past as soon as possible.
Initially, it may make him feel uncomfortable, but later, he will understand why he was wasting his life by overthinking.
From India, Hyderabad
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Hi Aneesh,
Tell your friend that she got married. So now, there is no need to cry for her. Whatever he has to do, it has to be done before. Now, she is not his anymore; she belongs to someone else. Leave that matter behind and try to look forward!
I know it's not easy, but he has to come out of this situation. It will be a waste of time if he continues to think about her because she is no longer a part of his life. She was a part of his life, but now she is not.
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Tell your friend that she got married. So now, there is no need to cry for her. Whatever he has to do, it has to be done before. Now, she is not his anymore; she belongs to someone else. Leave that matter behind and try to look forward!
I know it's not easy, but he has to come out of this situation. It will be a waste of time if he continues to think about her because she is no longer a part of his life. She was a part of his life, but now she is not.
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Dear Yogita/ Minnu,
Thanks for both of your comments. I'm glad that the ones who replied to my questions were both girls. See, what we have learned from life is that a girl is a mother, she is a daughter, a wife, and of course, a great companion and friend. But what if she turns like this?
Not to blame anyone, please don't mistake my words. We have tried to console him with similar words, but as you said, it's very easy to just tell him not to think of her anymore, but it's hard for him to apply and realize all this.
Anyways, thanks a lot for your valuable suggestions and hope that the girl will soon realize that she has lost a really good boy.
Regards,
From India, Madras
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Thanks for both of your comments. I'm glad that the ones who replied to my questions were both girls. See, what we have learned from life is that a girl is a mother, she is a daughter, a wife, and of course, a great companion and friend. But what if she turns like this?
Not to blame anyone, please don't mistake my words. We have tried to console him with similar words, but as you said, it's very easy to just tell him not to think of her anymore, but it's hard for him to apply and realize all this.
Anyways, thanks a lot for your valuable suggestions and hope that the girl will soon realize that she has lost a really good boy.
Regards,
From India, Madras
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Hi Aneesh,
It's really sad and foolishness of the girl to lose such a caring, loving lover. Just after reading, I'm feeling very bad about the incident. Then, it takes some days for your friend to erase the unfavorable incident from his memory. All of your friends, near and dear ones, have to join hands in helping him slowly forget this. Don't let him be alone. Try to make him know the girl isn't lucky to lead life with him. If he keeps on worrying, the girl will not come back. Instead, it affects his health, golden career, and his surroundings. Your friend is worrying about the lost one girl. There are more than one (i.e., his parents and dear ones are worrying about your friend). He will lose valuable time by thinking about the girl because time once past can't be restrained.
Lastly, I wish for God to help in forgetting the girl. May he find the lost love with someone. :|
From India, Bellary
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It's really sad and foolishness of the girl to lose such a caring, loving lover. Just after reading, I'm feeling very bad about the incident. Then, it takes some days for your friend to erase the unfavorable incident from his memory. All of your friends, near and dear ones, have to join hands in helping him slowly forget this. Don't let him be alone. Try to make him know the girl isn't lucky to lead life with him. If he keeps on worrying, the girl will not come back. Instead, it affects his health, golden career, and his surroundings. Your friend is worrying about the lost one girl. There are more than one (i.e., his parents and dear ones are worrying about your friend). He will lose valuable time by thinking about the girl because time once past can't be restrained.
Lastly, I wish for God to help in forgetting the girl. May he find the lost love with someone. :|
From India, Bellary
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Hello Aneesh,
I hope you are doing well. After reading about your friend's incident, it reminded me of a similar situation involving my brother. He was in a relationship for 12 years, and suddenly the girl broke up with him, stating that she was no longer interested in him. It was a very unexpected statement from the girl's side, considering how much my brother cared for her, almost like a child. Now, we understand that it was a fault on both sides – my brother took it very seriously, while the girl took it lightly. My brother was in the same condition as your friend is now, but we made sure to provide him with extra care. His friends were always there to help and support him. We are grateful to his friends for helping him shift his focus from the girl to his career. I know my brother still thinks about that girl when he is alone, but he realizes that he lost someone who never truly loved him, whereas the girl lost someone who loved her deeply.
Please convey the same message to your friend and motivate him. Try to change his mindset by taking him away from his current environment for a while, as sometimes a change of place can make a significant difference in changing one's mindset. Avoid speaking negatively about the girl because there might have been a reason behind her actions that we are unaware of. Therefore, we cannot entirely blame the girl as well.
Take care, dear, and may God bless your friend with a more loving partner.
From India, Chandigarh
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I hope you are doing well. After reading about your friend's incident, it reminded me of a similar situation involving my brother. He was in a relationship for 12 years, and suddenly the girl broke up with him, stating that she was no longer interested in him. It was a very unexpected statement from the girl's side, considering how much my brother cared for her, almost like a child. Now, we understand that it was a fault on both sides – my brother took it very seriously, while the girl took it lightly. My brother was in the same condition as your friend is now, but we made sure to provide him with extra care. His friends were always there to help and support him. We are grateful to his friends for helping him shift his focus from the girl to his career. I know my brother still thinks about that girl when he is alone, but he realizes that he lost someone who never truly loved him, whereas the girl lost someone who loved her deeply.
Please convey the same message to your friend and motivate him. Try to change his mindset by taking him away from his current environment for a while, as sometimes a change of place can make a significant difference in changing one's mindset. Avoid speaking negatively about the girl because there might have been a reason behind her actions that we are unaware of. Therefore, we cannot entirely blame the girl as well.
Take care, dear, and may God bless your friend with a more loving partner.
From India, Chandigarh
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Tell ur frnd tht he has not lost anything The girl has lost a person who loved her truly so no need to b depressed
From India, Gurgaon
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From India, Gurgaon
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Hi,
There is no need to get depressed. Ask him to distance himself from any relationship for at least a year and extricate himself from the five-year relationship he has been in. After that, he can consider getting married.
God bless him.
From India, Madras
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There is no need to get depressed. Ask him to distance himself from any relationship for at least a year and extricate himself from the five-year relationship he has been in. After that, he can consider getting married.
God bless him.
From India, Madras
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Jus Advice ur friend that LIFE GOES ON!!!! it doesnt stop for anything and anyone!!! SO move on
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Dear Aneesh,
I'm happy that you care for your friend, but it's not good to have bad feelings for that girl. We don't know why she has done this, and only your friend can understand. There must be a reason for making that girl take that step. It's not necessary that if they have been in a relationship for the last 5 years, they are happy together.
Maybe the girl is not happy with your friend. Perhaps there have been some problems between them for the last 2-3 years, and they have not been able to resolve them, so she fell into another relationship with another boy. Loving each other is not enough to spend life together; there are many compromises and understanding needed. Maybe they don't have all these qualities between them, and she found them in the other boy.
I think it is good to break the relationship that doesn't let them live happily; it may give them pain for some time. On the other hand, if they get married and are not happy, it will give them pain for their whole life.
I have sympathy for your friend too, but in my opinion, it is not correct to blame that girl for his condition. There must be some fault on his part that led her to do this.
I wish your friend will come out of this very soon, and that girl will live happily too.
Dear Yogita/ Minnu,
Thanks for both of your comments. I'm glad that the ones who replied to my questions were both girls.
See, what we have learned from life is that a girl is a mother, she's a daughter, a wife, and of course, a great companion and friend.
But what if she turns like this?
Not to blame anyone, please don't mistake my words.
We have tried to console him with similar words, but as you said, it's very easy to just tell him not to think of her anymore, but it's hard for him to apply and realize all this.
Anyways, thank you a lot for your valuable suggestions, and I hope that the girl will soon realize that she has lost a really good boy.
Regards,
From India, Bangalore
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I'm happy that you care for your friend, but it's not good to have bad feelings for that girl. We don't know why she has done this, and only your friend can understand. There must be a reason for making that girl take that step. It's not necessary that if they have been in a relationship for the last 5 years, they are happy together.
Maybe the girl is not happy with your friend. Perhaps there have been some problems between them for the last 2-3 years, and they have not been able to resolve them, so she fell into another relationship with another boy. Loving each other is not enough to spend life together; there are many compromises and understanding needed. Maybe they don't have all these qualities between them, and she found them in the other boy.
I think it is good to break the relationship that doesn't let them live happily; it may give them pain for some time. On the other hand, if they get married and are not happy, it will give them pain for their whole life.
I have sympathy for your friend too, but in my opinion, it is not correct to blame that girl for his condition. There must be some fault on his part that led her to do this.
I wish your friend will come out of this very soon, and that girl will live happily too.
Dear Yogita/ Minnu,
Thanks for both of your comments. I'm glad that the ones who replied to my questions were both girls.
See, what we have learned from life is that a girl is a mother, she's a daughter, a wife, and of course, a great companion and friend.
But what if she turns like this?
Not to blame anyone, please don't mistake my words.
We have tried to console him with similar words, but as you said, it's very easy to just tell him not to think of her anymore, but it's hard for him to apply and realize all this.
Anyways, thank you a lot for your valuable suggestions, and I hope that the girl will soon realize that she has lost a really good boy.
Regards,
From India, Bangalore
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Hi Aneesh,
Marriage is not the end, it's only the beginning for the girl. Life is like a boomerang (saying with my own exp). Things come back to you the way you did it to someone else. I am not saying that she will go through the same feeling.
Who knows... the second person might have been the right choice in her life. It would have been ridiculous if she had to marry your friend and secretly move with someone else. Good that your friend is saved. Good people are saved even if it's the last minute. Please tell him not to be paranoid in the future (this must be taken care of). Not all girls are like this. He should not treat his future wife with doubt in mind.
Your friend is angry about being rejected... no one likes to feel that way. Just let him know that he is special and all of us are happy he has been saved much before anything could actually happen.
This depression would last for a while... make sure he does not do anything to hurt himself. She is gone out of his life... but that does not mean that his life went with her. Now he has IMPORTANT things to focus on... Family, work, friends... Why should he punish all of you who deeply love him? Just because of someone who did not have the maturity to understand what it would feel like to hurt someone.
Marriage is a one-time decision - and God will not let just a girl ruin a man's sincere love feeling just like that in a second. That is why at least he gave her the courage to run away before marriage... imagine what would have happened if they, after getting everyone's acceptance, marry and then if she runs away???
God never gives you those things that you cannot bear... he knows how much you can bear and how much you can't. Life has just begun for your friend...
For him to forget - All of you celebrate this happiness of having her out of his life. He just needs to call her and say "Thanks, dame... I am happy you are out of my life, and there was one thing I wanted to say - I am much happier now than before... now I know the meaning of peace."
GUYS - IRRESPECTIVE OF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE... BE IT LOSS OF A JOB OR ANYTHING ELSE... LEARNING TO COME OUT OF THAT DEPRESSION IS THE FIRST STEP IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU ARE GOING CLOSER TO SUCCESS. IT'S WELL SAID THAN DONE... BUT DON'T THINK THAT'S THE END.
AND PLEASE... YOUR LIFE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE CREATED OVER ONE SINGLE PERSON!!
From India, Madras
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Marriage is not the end, it's only the beginning for the girl. Life is like a boomerang (saying with my own exp). Things come back to you the way you did it to someone else. I am not saying that she will go through the same feeling.
Who knows... the second person might have been the right choice in her life. It would have been ridiculous if she had to marry your friend and secretly move with someone else. Good that your friend is saved. Good people are saved even if it's the last minute. Please tell him not to be paranoid in the future (this must be taken care of). Not all girls are like this. He should not treat his future wife with doubt in mind.
Your friend is angry about being rejected... no one likes to feel that way. Just let him know that he is special and all of us are happy he has been saved much before anything could actually happen.
This depression would last for a while... make sure he does not do anything to hurt himself. She is gone out of his life... but that does not mean that his life went with her. Now he has IMPORTANT things to focus on... Family, work, friends... Why should he punish all of you who deeply love him? Just because of someone who did not have the maturity to understand what it would feel like to hurt someone.
Marriage is a one-time decision - and God will not let just a girl ruin a man's sincere love feeling just like that in a second. That is why at least he gave her the courage to run away before marriage... imagine what would have happened if they, after getting everyone's acceptance, marry and then if she runs away???
God never gives you those things that you cannot bear... he knows how much you can bear and how much you can't. Life has just begun for your friend...
For him to forget - All of you celebrate this happiness of having her out of his life. He just needs to call her and say "Thanks, dame... I am happy you are out of my life, and there was one thing I wanted to say - I am much happier now than before... now I know the meaning of peace."
GUYS - IRRESPECTIVE OF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE... BE IT LOSS OF A JOB OR ANYTHING ELSE... LEARNING TO COME OUT OF THAT DEPRESSION IS THE FIRST STEP IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU ARE GOING CLOSER TO SUCCESS. IT'S WELL SAID THAN DONE... BUT DON'T THINK THAT'S THE END.
AND PLEASE... YOUR LIFE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE CREATED OVER ONE SINGLE PERSON!!
From India, Madras
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My opinion is entirely different, I have some question???. Before blaming anyone put your feet in his / her shoes. He had great relation with her since 5 years? as my friend has mentioned then there is no need to marry another man who is having relation only one year old. It is quit possible that in her mind he is her best friend not a great lover or if he is her lover, the might be possible that the girl had not feeling comfortable with him, but not able to tell him because lady has high fear comparatively with men.
But, this is not the right time to investigate and make narration of the issues. The time is to help him / her out of their current state of mind. And this is their duty to help who is surrounded by them.
Take a long tour to discussed these issues with certain positive examples and make them understand “Life is so precious” & we have other responsibilities also. Think about their family (mother / father specially) spare time with them and sincerely try to forget these incident (quite tough in practice).
God bless him.
“Pyar se bhi jaruri kai kaam hai, pyar subkuch nahi jindgi ke liye”
From India, Gurgaon
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But, this is not the right time to investigate and make narration of the issues. The time is to help him / her out of their current state of mind. And this is their duty to help who is surrounded by them.
Take a long tour to discussed these issues with certain positive examples and make them understand “Life is so precious” & we have other responsibilities also. Think about their family (mother / father specially) spare time with them and sincerely try to forget these incident (quite tough in practice).
God bless him.
“Pyar se bhi jaruri kai kaam hai, pyar subkuch nahi jindgi ke liye”
From India, Gurgaon
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Dear Urvashi,
Thanks for the suggestions. As you have raised the issue that "the girl might have had some problems with my friend" is a very good point.
A few days back, he received communication from her. She said that as he was having extra care for his parents and siblings, she thought that he was not caring for her at all for the past year.
Now, I think one should not forget parents and siblings, no matter whether he's in love or not. Being in love doesn't mean that you are ignoring your parents.
So, the reason she has mentioned to drop him is not justified as far as I'm concerned. My friend wanted some time to settle down before marriage, and she took that as his weak point and dropped him. She said that when he was not there for her, she found a boy who was like a best friend to her and decided to do so.
Everyone wants to live peacefully and get settled in life, but she might not have understood and respected my friend's feelings.
I may be wrong in my opinion, but still, some decisions should be taken from the mind, not from the heart.
Regards,
From India, Madras
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Thanks for the suggestions. As you have raised the issue that "the girl might have had some problems with my friend" is a very good point.
A few days back, he received communication from her. She said that as he was having extra care for his parents and siblings, she thought that he was not caring for her at all for the past year.
Now, I think one should not forget parents and siblings, no matter whether he's in love or not. Being in love doesn't mean that you are ignoring your parents.
So, the reason she has mentioned to drop him is not justified as far as I'm concerned. My friend wanted some time to settle down before marriage, and she took that as his weak point and dropped him. She said that when he was not there for her, she found a boy who was like a best friend to her and decided to do so.
Everyone wants to live peacefully and get settled in life, but she might not have understood and respected my friend's feelings.
I may be wrong in my opinion, but still, some decisions should be taken from the mind, not from the heart.
Regards,
From India, Madras
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Understanding human behavior, we are all free to do what we want to do, but it is important for us to be considerate of others while we pursue our own goals in life!
Well again, that's a choice!
Therefore, we as human beings need to be prepared for everything. Your friend right now needs a person who knows him best, like his parents or siblings.
As our friends pointed out earlier, parents are the most important people in a person's life. Talk to him about his past memories involving his parents, take him out for amusements, and discuss the importance of optimism and happiness in one's life. Influence him to look at the future. Do not stop him from thinking about the past as it will only frustrate him further. Let him do what he wants to do. When he sees that people around him are friendly enough to support him in what he wants to do, he will automatically start listening to them. It is then that they need to pull him up effectively.
Hope this helps!
Deepa :-)
From India, Delhi
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Well again, that's a choice!
Therefore, we as human beings need to be prepared for everything. Your friend right now needs a person who knows him best, like his parents or siblings.
As our friends pointed out earlier, parents are the most important people in a person's life. Talk to him about his past memories involving his parents, take him out for amusements, and discuss the importance of optimism and happiness in one's life. Influence him to look at the future. Do not stop him from thinking about the past as it will only frustrate him further. Let him do what he wants to do. When he sees that people around him are friendly enough to support him in what he wants to do, he will automatically start listening to them. It is then that they need to pull him up effectively.
Hope this helps!
Deepa :-)
From India, Delhi
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Dear Aneesh,
You are wanting justification on what she did? Is there a point in worrying over what happened? Will the justification make your friend feel better - things will only get worse. I am telling you - if you add medicine to your wound, it will feel better. But if you tear it open to see if the wound is justifiable, you will have more pain. Your friend needs this medicine of SELF-UNDERSTANDING that he is worth more than what he thought was. Not a justification on what that girl did was right or wrong. I guess people are more worried about your friend's "Depression" rather than the girl's choice - at least I am.
Aneesh, I may be sounding rude or even wrong, but apologies. I just shared my thoughts.
From India, Madras
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You are wanting justification on what she did? Is there a point in worrying over what happened? Will the justification make your friend feel better - things will only get worse. I am telling you - if you add medicine to your wound, it will feel better. But if you tear it open to see if the wound is justifiable, you will have more pain. Your friend needs this medicine of SELF-UNDERSTANDING that he is worth more than what he thought was. Not a justification on what that girl did was right or wrong. I guess people are more worried about your friend's "Depression" rather than the girl's choice - at least I am.
Aneesh, I may be sounding rude or even wrong, but apologies. I just shared my thoughts.
From India, Madras
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Anish,
It is more than obvious that the girl dumped your friend! Where is the doubt then? Neither of them could take this relationship to the next level, and they both failed! The girl failed because she could not convince her parents, and the guy failed as he could not even win the loyalty of his girl!
The girl here has accepted her failure and moved on in life, leaving your friend behind. Your friend must also do the same. Mockery or no mockery, love is above all and for keepsakes. In case they were unable to keep going, the least they can do is to just move on in life and not bother their own family members and loved ones!
I may sound harsh, but isn't that the bitter reality of life? The girl dumped him, and he needs to get up and get going on his own!!! There are no second thoughts about it!!!
Thanks
From India, Faridabad
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It is more than obvious that the girl dumped your friend! Where is the doubt then? Neither of them could take this relationship to the next level, and they both failed! The girl failed because she could not convince her parents, and the guy failed as he could not even win the loyalty of his girl!
The girl here has accepted her failure and moved on in life, leaving your friend behind. Your friend must also do the same. Mockery or no mockery, love is above all and for keepsakes. In case they were unable to keep going, the least they can do is to just move on in life and not bother their own family members and loved ones!
I may sound harsh, but isn't that the bitter reality of life? The girl dumped him, and he needs to get up and get going on his own!!! There are no second thoughts about it!!!
Thanks
From India, Faridabad
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Dear Aneesh,
Parents can't be ignored, but the girl also can't be ignored. Maybe she feels neglected, or if she wants your friend to not only take care of his parents but also have concern for her. In this situation, I say it's good that she has gone away with someone else, and your friend is saved, as no one wants a wife who doesn't respect her in-laws.
Take care of your friend. I can understand this is a very tough time for him to understand all this with a broken heart. But as a good friend, it is your responsibility to share his feelings and help him come out of this, as he can't share all this with his parents.
So, all the best. Take care of him and yourself too.
From India, Bangalore
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Parents can't be ignored, but the girl also can't be ignored. Maybe she feels neglected, or if she wants your friend to not only take care of his parents but also have concern for her. In this situation, I say it's good that she has gone away with someone else, and your friend is saved, as no one wants a wife who doesn't respect her in-laws.
Take care of your friend. I can understand this is a very tough time for him to understand all this with a broken heart. But as a good friend, it is your responsibility to share his feelings and help him come out of this, as he can't share all this with his parents.
So, all the best. Take care of him and yourself too.
From India, Bangalore
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No problem with your friend. Suppose she will leave your friend after marriage, then surely your friend will be in more trouble. Whatever happens is good in life. Don't worry so much and enjoy the remaining life. Forget her. :huh:
Regards,
Darshak
From India, Mumbai
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Regards,
Darshak
From India, Mumbai
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Hi,
This is called life, and it can happen. Take your friend to different places with some different situations. Make him realize that love is to give and not to take. If the girl is happy with her husband, he should pray for her wellness. Love is something for which we can never ask for equal returns; ask him to love her for the whole life. Simultaneously, make him realize his duties and responsibilities towards his parents and relatives. Being a son, he has to take care of his parents too. Tell him that if he remains in his grief only, then the parents who have already taken care of him will not be very happy. To make them happy, he has to realize the ground situation: the girl has married another boy, and that incident cannot be taken back.
I know it is very difficult, but you as his true friend have to try for it.
Also, we cannot directly blame the girl, as we do not know the reality. Even if she has used him, it is good that he is not there for a lifetime with such a girl.
Regards,
Anjali
From India, Mumbai
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This is called life, and it can happen. Take your friend to different places with some different situations. Make him realize that love is to give and not to take. If the girl is happy with her husband, he should pray for her wellness. Love is something for which we can never ask for equal returns; ask him to love her for the whole life. Simultaneously, make him realize his duties and responsibilities towards his parents and relatives. Being a son, he has to take care of his parents too. Tell him that if he remains in his grief only, then the parents who have already taken care of him will not be very happy. To make them happy, he has to realize the ground situation: the girl has married another boy, and that incident cannot be taken back.
I know it is very difficult, but you as his true friend have to try for it.
Also, we cannot directly blame the girl, as we do not know the reality. Even if she has used him, it is good that he is not there for a lifetime with such a girl.
Regards,
Anjali
From India, Mumbai
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Since the incident is very recent, it seems the world has ended. Try to look at the positive side of the entire episode.
The girl in question seems to be very weak emotionally and could not handle the stress of being married to an unknown individual, as compared to someone known for the last 5 years. Hence, in haste, she married somebody she had known for only 1-2 years. Think of the situation - how would she have handled the intricacies of raising a family and caring for children as they grow old? It was immature behavior on the girl's side; therefore, you are saved from the stress of post-marriage blues. Thank your God for that.
Why get depressed over something that was never yours?
If you are so sure of yourself, then the loss is entirely the girl's; you will surely find someone else who will respect your sincerity and love you equally. But that girl (the first one) will never find someone like you. So why cry for her?
"Zindagi ki yahi reet hai, haar ke baad hi jeet hai." - Keep going.
If you truly loved her, be happy in her happiness. Don't try to find your own happiness in hers. Love is not a business; it's all about giving, not taking.
I am not lecturing you. I have experienced it and gone through rougher stages myself, but at the end of the day, I am very happily settled with two children. I don't regret even one decision of mine in my life. If I made mistakes, I was punished, so be it. So when I stood up and rearranged myself, I began reaping the benefits of my strength. Don't think and sympathize with yourself, thinking "What was my fault?" When you drive a car and someone hits you from behind, you still get up and keep going. LIFE GOES ON. STOP - THINK - ASSEMBLE YOURSELF - GET GOING. Five years down the line, probably you won't even remember her name.
From India, Delhi
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The girl in question seems to be very weak emotionally and could not handle the stress of being married to an unknown individual, as compared to someone known for the last 5 years. Hence, in haste, she married somebody she had known for only 1-2 years. Think of the situation - how would she have handled the intricacies of raising a family and caring for children as they grow old? It was immature behavior on the girl's side; therefore, you are saved from the stress of post-marriage blues. Thank your God for that.
Why get depressed over something that was never yours?
If you are so sure of yourself, then the loss is entirely the girl's; you will surely find someone else who will respect your sincerity and love you equally. But that girl (the first one) will never find someone like you. So why cry for her?
"Zindagi ki yahi reet hai, haar ke baad hi jeet hai." - Keep going.
If you truly loved her, be happy in her happiness. Don't try to find your own happiness in hers. Love is not a business; it's all about giving, not taking.
I am not lecturing you. I have experienced it and gone through rougher stages myself, but at the end of the day, I am very happily settled with two children. I don't regret even one decision of mine in my life. If I made mistakes, I was punished, so be it. So when I stood up and rearranged myself, I began reaping the benefits of my strength. Don't think and sympathize with yourself, thinking "What was my fault?" When you drive a car and someone hits you from behind, you still get up and keep going. LIFE GOES ON. STOP - THINK - ASSEMBLE YOURSELF - GET GOING. Five years down the line, probably you won't even remember her name.
From India, Delhi
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Hi Aneesh,
Try to make your friend understand that whatever happened is for his good. Make him understand that life has not ended yet. Maybe GOD has some better choice for him, a caring and more loving person than that girl.
As we all know, "Marriages are made in Heaven," so in your friend's life, she was not the one to be lifelong with him. There is someone, somewhere who is waiting for him. Just wait for the right time, and surely your friend will have a lucky charm once again in his life.
Till then, take care of him and help him to come out of this situation. I understand it's not easy, but it's not impossible too.
Dimple
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
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Try to make your friend understand that whatever happened is for his good. Make him understand that life has not ended yet. Maybe GOD has some better choice for him, a caring and more loving person than that girl.
As we all know, "Marriages are made in Heaven," so in your friend's life, she was not the one to be lifelong with him. There is someone, somewhere who is waiting for him. Just wait for the right time, and surely your friend will have a lucky charm once again in his life.
Till then, take care of him and help him to come out of this situation. I understand it's not easy, but it's not impossible too.
Dimple
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
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Hi,
It's better for your friend to start his life again, forgetting the past. Since the girl is already married, no one has the right to discuss anything with her. If she is happy now and your friend loves her, he should not ask her anything. Anyway, if someone goes, it's not the end of the world.
Regards,
Sumit
From India, Mumbai
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It's better for your friend to start his life again, forgetting the past. Since the girl is already married, no one has the right to discuss anything with her. If she is happy now and your friend loves her, he should not ask her anything. Anyway, if someone goes, it's not the end of the world.
Regards,
Sumit
From India, Mumbai
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Dear , Ask your friend to see Munnabhai MBBS & see hw he control on him self. & Good advise from me that, divert his concentration from the issue & pass more and more time with his family & friend.
From India, Ahmadabad
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From India, Ahmadabad
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Dear Aneesh,
I think what Urvashi, Asha, and a few others have mentioned makes a lot of sense.
I remember one line of a dialogue from an old movie (I think Sangam): "If you love someone, set him free. Those days it was the male who was supposed to be the wanderer! If he comes back, he is all yours; and if he doesn't, he never was."
In the case of your friend (shall we call him 'A'?), nature (or if you wish, God) did that for him. I agree with Asha's point about: "What if they got married and then she strays?" Let me tell you this: Asha just mentioned it as an argument, but I have seen it happening for real - only that the reasons were different. And I can empathize with A, since the male in question in the incident I am referring to just lost interest in life, etc.
There's one quote that I know is definitely true (at least in my life it was): "When one door closes, another door opens; but we so often look so long at the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us." - Alexander Graham Bell (I hope you know who he was). Looking at it from a spiritual angle, it gives the essence of the Gita, and if viewed purely from a practical angle, that's the reality of life.
Going by what you mentioned about the incident, this is the lady's nature/psychology (I think I am at least 90% right in this):
1) She is of the type who can't/doesn't want to take responsibilities in general. She only wants to be the 'taker' rather than the 'giver.'
Reasons: My feeling is the topic of the parents must have definitely been discussed between her and A earlier, and she must have made up her mind quite early. Love and/or marriage isn't just running around trees, going to movies, etc. It comes with associated responsibilities, just as a job would or any other relationship/situation would. My responsibilities would be something, and yours could be something else, and so on and so forth.
2) She is of the type who doesn't/can't take responsibility for her actions - whether good or bad. Different from the above, she is very self-centered/selfish who wants 'her' interests served, at the cost of others.
Reasons: She too was a part of the 5-year affair. So when she wants to break it, she didn't have the guts/courage to tell him that... and most likely she was just using his parents' situation to justify/avoid the delay in 'her' marriage.
We see this behavior pattern mostly in politics - the BJP takes off on Congress, and then Congress says - look, you did that, and that 6/7/8 years ago. All focus on the present is left to the air. I could go on, but just tell A to get his focus back on the present. He needs to look around (and you as his close friend must help him do it... another quote here: "A true friend is the one who walks in when the world goes out") to see which doors opened for him. Maybe there could be some opportunity that he ignored or left while he was with that great lady - to satisfy her. Let him think, and he could recollect, and he can renew his efforts to take up those opportunities. Just tell him that one shouldn't allow others' actions or our own past to dictate our future - which would depend on what we do today; just as our today depended on what we did in the past (it's both the karma theory as well as the reality).
If there's anything I could do out of this portal too, let me know.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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I think what Urvashi, Asha, and a few others have mentioned makes a lot of sense.
I remember one line of a dialogue from an old movie (I think Sangam): "If you love someone, set him free. Those days it was the male who was supposed to be the wanderer! If he comes back, he is all yours; and if he doesn't, he never was."
In the case of your friend (shall we call him 'A'?), nature (or if you wish, God) did that for him. I agree with Asha's point about: "What if they got married and then she strays?" Let me tell you this: Asha just mentioned it as an argument, but I have seen it happening for real - only that the reasons were different. And I can empathize with A, since the male in question in the incident I am referring to just lost interest in life, etc.
There's one quote that I know is definitely true (at least in my life it was): "When one door closes, another door opens; but we so often look so long at the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us." - Alexander Graham Bell (I hope you know who he was). Looking at it from a spiritual angle, it gives the essence of the Gita, and if viewed purely from a practical angle, that's the reality of life.
Going by what you mentioned about the incident, this is the lady's nature/psychology (I think I am at least 90% right in this):
1) She is of the type who can't/doesn't want to take responsibilities in general. She only wants to be the 'taker' rather than the 'giver.'
Reasons: My feeling is the topic of the parents must have definitely been discussed between her and A earlier, and she must have made up her mind quite early. Love and/or marriage isn't just running around trees, going to movies, etc. It comes with associated responsibilities, just as a job would or any other relationship/situation would. My responsibilities would be something, and yours could be something else, and so on and so forth.
2) She is of the type who doesn't/can't take responsibility for her actions - whether good or bad. Different from the above, she is very self-centered/selfish who wants 'her' interests served, at the cost of others.
Reasons: She too was a part of the 5-year affair. So when she wants to break it, she didn't have the guts/courage to tell him that... and most likely she was just using his parents' situation to justify/avoid the delay in 'her' marriage.
We see this behavior pattern mostly in politics - the BJP takes off on Congress, and then Congress says - look, you did that, and that 6/7/8 years ago. All focus on the present is left to the air. I could go on, but just tell A to get his focus back on the present. He needs to look around (and you as his close friend must help him do it... another quote here: "A true friend is the one who walks in when the world goes out") to see which doors opened for him. Maybe there could be some opportunity that he ignored or left while he was with that great lady - to satisfy her. Let him think, and he could recollect, and he can renew his efforts to take up those opportunities. Just tell him that one shouldn't allow others' actions or our own past to dictate our future - which would depend on what we do today; just as our today depended on what we did in the past (it's both the karma theory as well as the reality).
If there's anything I could do out of this portal too, let me know.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Dear all,
I hope this space is for sharing our professional views rather than personal problems. I trust you all agree with me that nowadays we can see personal issues being shared on this blog, which may pose a threat to the purpose of this site.
I am not writing this to harm anybody; it is simply to protect our dignity as HR professionals.
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I hope this space is for sharing our professional views rather than personal problems. I trust you all agree with me that nowadays we can see personal issues being shared on this blog, which may pose a threat to the purpose of this site.
I am not writing this to harm anybody; it is simply to protect our dignity as HR professionals.
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Dear Sylvester,
Yes, I totally agree with you. This is a really professional site. No matter if I have raised a few eyebrows with my post. My apologies.
Thanks a lot for all your concerns.
Let me tell you the fact of this post. The boy here we are talking about is me, and the lovely lady whom I loved is an HR professional. I don't want to blame this profession, but it's just what I thought of sharing with you all.
Regards,
From India, Madras
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Yes, I totally agree with you. This is a really professional site. No matter if I have raised a few eyebrows with my post. My apologies.
Thanks a lot for all your concerns.
Let me tell you the fact of this post. The boy here we are talking about is me, and the lovely lady whom I loved is an HR professional. I don't want to blame this profession, but it's just what I thought of sharing with you all.
Regards,
From India, Madras
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Hi boss,
Do not disturb yourself for that girl who leaves. You see, you have a whole life to live. So, remember one thing: "Lakdi, bus, or train, ek jaati hai, dusari aati hai." So, do not be depressed. Okay, live happily and take care.
Regards,
Deepak
From India
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Do not disturb yourself for that girl who leaves. You see, you have a whole life to live. So, remember one thing: "Lakdi, bus, or train, ek jaati hai, dusari aati hai." So, do not be depressed. Okay, live happily and take care.
Regards,
Deepak
From India
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Hi boss,
Do not disturb yourself for that girl who leaves. You see, you have a whole life to live. So, remember one thing that "lakdi, bus, or train, ek gai dusari aati hey." So, do not be depressed. Ok, live happily and take care.
Regards,
Deepak :)
From India
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Do not disturb yourself for that girl who leaves. You see, you have a whole life to live. So, remember one thing that "lakdi, bus, or train, ek gai dusari aati hey." So, do not be depressed. Ok, live happily and take care.
Regards,
Deepak :)
From India
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Hi Aneesh,
I am going to tell you a reality of relationships. Please don't mind, but it's true. I will not blame that girl. Sometimes we love someone but fail to express it in the right way. Like sometimes, we are unable to explain what we exactly expect from the other side. I will not say that girls are more sensitive. It seems to me that your friend is more sensitive about her. When someone really shows their care for you beyond the limits, then another person feels tied tightly in the relationship. Your friend and that girl have spent a long time, but still, she believes in his one-year-old love. You know, it means she was attached to him when she was in touch with your friend (maybe I am proven wrong).
But dear, it's not your friend's fault. He loves her the most, but it's also not that girl's fault that she trusts another person more than your friend's love.
So, don't blame anyone. Your friend needs concern. He might find the right person in his life. In love, it's you who always make mistakes, whether you are a girl or a boy, so accept it and move on.
You will be surprised to know that this kind of incident has happened in my life. I was ruined and felt alone, no one was with me. But you are with your friend, give him complete support. :icon1:
From India, Jalandhar
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I am going to tell you a reality of relationships. Please don't mind, but it's true. I will not blame that girl. Sometimes we love someone but fail to express it in the right way. Like sometimes, we are unable to explain what we exactly expect from the other side. I will not say that girls are more sensitive. It seems to me that your friend is more sensitive about her. When someone really shows their care for you beyond the limits, then another person feels tied tightly in the relationship. Your friend and that girl have spent a long time, but still, she believes in his one-year-old love. You know, it means she was attached to him when she was in touch with your friend (maybe I am proven wrong).
But dear, it's not your friend's fault. He loves her the most, but it's also not that girl's fault that she trusts another person more than your friend's love.
So, don't blame anyone. Your friend needs concern. He might find the right person in his life. In love, it's you who always make mistakes, whether you are a girl or a boy, so accept it and move on.
You will be surprised to know that this kind of incident has happened in my life. I was ruined and felt alone, no one was with me. But you are with your friend, give him complete support. :icon1:
From India, Jalandhar
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Hi Aneesh,
I have to admit that you're a "friend in need is a friend indeed." You've stood by your friend's side in his testing time.
I have a question for you, Aneesh: according to you, what's the "true sense of love"? You need to define this before coming to the conclusion that we are making a mockery of it.
We can sum up the entire story like this: Until the end of the relationship, both were in a virtual world, away from reality. The girl in question, if you think differently, came to her senses and understood the reality. But your friend did not. The kind of love that we see around is very far from true. Love calls for responsibility, or it's about being responsible for yourselves and others around you. Maybe the girl realized this and ended the relationship.
Your friend's ordeal sheds light on the following bitter facts:
1. Love is not all that cozy and rosy.
2. True love is divine.
3. Love can be destructive.
4. True love is not what you think it is.
5. To realize the fact that true love is extremely rare.
So, make your friend understand that time will heal his wounds. He made a mistake by loving someone without properly analyzing the person. He is lucky that such a person did not enter his family. He should get over this and not allow thoughts about his girlfriend to make him depressed. He needs to move on and not waste his energy and time on such relationships.
This should be a lesson for anyone not to fall in love blindly. We should think about what's important instead of investing time in unproductive activities. Love after marriage is more meaningful than love before marriage. Everything takes its own time. Just have to be patient. I feel happy for your friend.
Dear All,
Before writing anything here, I would like to inform everyone that the incident is real, and there's no intention to hurt anyone's feelings here. Please be straightforward and true in your comments.
Recently, my friend got very depressed and stopped talking to anyone in his family, friends circle, and at the office too. When we continuously asked him the reason, he started crying and in deep depression, he told us this:
He was in love with a girl for the past 5 years, and she also loved him. Everything was going fine when suddenly last month, the girl's parents fixed her marriage with someone else. Both the girl and my friend got very depressed. But suddenly, one day the girl was missing, and everyone was afraid for her well-being. After a lot of inquiries, everyone came to know that she has married another boy whom she knew only for the last year or so (it's not my friend). When my friend heard this, he got very depressed, and right now, he's not able to decide anything as he was truly and totally dedicated to her.
Now, when my friend approached that girl, she refused to tell him anything and has started neglecting him by saying that she has married a boy who loves her and cares for her.
I have posted this incident as I believe that people here in this community belong to the Human Resource profile who understand the value of humans!
Now, everyone here in CiteHR, please let me know:
1) Is this fair enough for my friend? Or has the girl chosen the right step for her life?
2) Whether we humans are making a mockery of the true sense of love by playing with others' lives?
Please decide and suggest what my friend should do! This is not simple to answer as it requires unbiased thinking.
Regards,
From India, Kochi
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I have to admit that you're a "friend in need is a friend indeed." You've stood by your friend's side in his testing time.
I have a question for you, Aneesh: according to you, what's the "true sense of love"? You need to define this before coming to the conclusion that we are making a mockery of it.
We can sum up the entire story like this: Until the end of the relationship, both were in a virtual world, away from reality. The girl in question, if you think differently, came to her senses and understood the reality. But your friend did not. The kind of love that we see around is very far from true. Love calls for responsibility, or it's about being responsible for yourselves and others around you. Maybe the girl realized this and ended the relationship.
Your friend's ordeal sheds light on the following bitter facts:
1. Love is not all that cozy and rosy.
2. True love is divine.
3. Love can be destructive.
4. True love is not what you think it is.
5. To realize the fact that true love is extremely rare.
So, make your friend understand that time will heal his wounds. He made a mistake by loving someone without properly analyzing the person. He is lucky that such a person did not enter his family. He should get over this and not allow thoughts about his girlfriend to make him depressed. He needs to move on and not waste his energy and time on such relationships.
This should be a lesson for anyone not to fall in love blindly. We should think about what's important instead of investing time in unproductive activities. Love after marriage is more meaningful than love before marriage. Everything takes its own time. Just have to be patient. I feel happy for your friend.
Dear All,
Before writing anything here, I would like to inform everyone that the incident is real, and there's no intention to hurt anyone's feelings here. Please be straightforward and true in your comments.
Recently, my friend got very depressed and stopped talking to anyone in his family, friends circle, and at the office too. When we continuously asked him the reason, he started crying and in deep depression, he told us this:
He was in love with a girl for the past 5 years, and she also loved him. Everything was going fine when suddenly last month, the girl's parents fixed her marriage with someone else. Both the girl and my friend got very depressed. But suddenly, one day the girl was missing, and everyone was afraid for her well-being. After a lot of inquiries, everyone came to know that she has married another boy whom she knew only for the last year or so (it's not my friend). When my friend heard this, he got very depressed, and right now, he's not able to decide anything as he was truly and totally dedicated to her.
Now, when my friend approached that girl, she refused to tell him anything and has started neglecting him by saying that she has married a boy who loves her and cares for her.
I have posted this incident as I believe that people here in this community belong to the Human Resource profile who understand the value of humans!
Now, everyone here in CiteHR, please let me know:
1) Is this fair enough for my friend? Or has the girl chosen the right step for her life?
2) Whether we humans are making a mockery of the true sense of love by playing with others' lives?
Please decide and suggest what my friend should do! This is not simple to answer as it requires unbiased thinking.
Regards,
From India, Kochi
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Hi there,
Please explain to your friend that life is too short and the most beautiful gift from God, so learn to appreciate things because once they are gone, they are gone forever. Just move on and enjoy life to the fullest.
I am applying a similar mindset to my life as well. I have lost some very important people in my life, but I still manage to stay happy. Therefore, "Laugh, live, smile... who knows what tomorrow may bring."
Take care and may God bless you and your friend.
From India, Bhopal
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Please explain to your friend that life is too short and the most beautiful gift from God, so learn to appreciate things because once they are gone, they are gone forever. Just move on and enjoy life to the fullest.
I am applying a similar mindset to my life as well. I have lost some very important people in my life, but I still manage to stay happy. Therefore, "Laugh, live, smile... who knows what tomorrow may bring."
Take care and may God bless you and your friend.
From India, Bhopal
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Dear Aneesh,
It is so sad about your friend. But I think he took the wrong decision in choosing his partner. It is understandable if the family would have forced her to marry the girl to someone else. But the case is different, the girl chose her partner whom she knew for the last year. It is better in the interest of the lad that he is safe now at least. What would happen if that girl had done this after marriage? (No comment, please). This is on a vice versa basis.
Your next question is about the girl being fair in her decision. As you have given the situation that the girl knew the guy for the last 5 years. It means she knew the positive and negative points about the guy. She also seems to be pragmatic about life, so she felt her life would be happier in another's lap, not wrong.
Your next question is:
2) Whether we humans are making a mockery of the true sense of love by playing with others' lives?
I would say no one can make a mockery of true love. In this case, I think it was one-sided love.
These were my personal views. No comments on others.
Ashfaque
From India, Gurgaon
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It is so sad about your friend. But I think he took the wrong decision in choosing his partner. It is understandable if the family would have forced her to marry the girl to someone else. But the case is different, the girl chose her partner whom she knew for the last year. It is better in the interest of the lad that he is safe now at least. What would happen if that girl had done this after marriage? (No comment, please). This is on a vice versa basis.
Your next question is about the girl being fair in her decision. As you have given the situation that the girl knew the guy for the last 5 years. It means she knew the positive and negative points about the guy. She also seems to be pragmatic about life, so she felt her life would be happier in another's lap, not wrong.
Your next question is:
2) Whether we humans are making a mockery of the true sense of love by playing with others' lives?
I would say no one can make a mockery of true love. In this case, I think it was one-sided love.
These were my personal views. No comments on others.
Ashfaque
From India, Gurgaon
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Hey Aneesh....
After reading the complete incident, I understand that without any mistake of his, he is suffering, which actually doesn't make sense. Maybe I am a little harsh, but let me tell you one thing. I have read this somewhere and would like to recall:
"Very few people are worth your tears,
And the people who are worth your tears would never make you cry."
Nothing comes to an end unless and until it's fair.
Cheers,
Prasad.
From India, Hyderabad
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After reading the complete incident, I understand that without any mistake of his, he is suffering, which actually doesn't make sense. Maybe I am a little harsh, but let me tell you one thing. I have read this somewhere and would like to recall:
"Very few people are worth your tears,
And the people who are worth your tears would never make you cry."
Nothing comes to an end unless and until it's fair.
Cheers,
Prasad.
From India, Hyderabad
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Hi Aneesh,
Your care for your friend is commendable. Please let him know that what has happened is in the past, and he should try to forget everything. I will definitely pray to God to help him in moving on. I agree that it's easier said than done. I hope your friend will recover soon. I am confident that he will find someone else in his life who will love him deeply. However, he should not dwell on the past because everything that happens is in God's hands. Remember, nothing happens without God's grace.
Please reply to me.
All the Best,
Kanthi
krishna_hrm2002@yahoo.co.in
kanthi.naveen@gmail.com
Dear All,
Before sharing my thoughts, I want to clarify that the story I am about to narrate is real, and my intention is not to hurt anyone's feelings. Please be honest and direct in your comments.
Recently, my friend became extremely depressed and isolated himself from his family, friends, and colleagues. When we asked him repeatedly about the reason, he broke down and shared the following with us.
He had been in a relationship with a girl for five years, and they both loved each other. Everything was going well until the girl's parents arranged her marriage to someone else last month. This news devastated both the girl and my friend. However, one day, the girl went missing, causing concern for her safety. After thorough investigation, it was discovered that she had married another man whom she had known for only about a year (not my friend). Upon hearing this, my friend spiraled into deep depression as he was wholeheartedly devoted to her.
When my friend confronted the girl, she refused to provide any explanation and began to ignore him, claiming that she had married a man who loves and cares for her.
I am sharing this story here because I believe the members of this community, being in the Human Resources field, understand the importance of human relationships.
To the CiteHR community, I seek your input on the following:
1) Is this situation fair to my friend? Has the girl made the right choice for her life?
2) Are we, as humans, trivializing true love by toying with others' emotions?
Please offer your advice on what my friend should do. This is a complex issue that requires unbiased perspectives.
Regards,
From India, Visakhapatnam
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Your care for your friend is commendable. Please let him know that what has happened is in the past, and he should try to forget everything. I will definitely pray to God to help him in moving on. I agree that it's easier said than done. I hope your friend will recover soon. I am confident that he will find someone else in his life who will love him deeply. However, he should not dwell on the past because everything that happens is in God's hands. Remember, nothing happens without God's grace.
Please reply to me.
All the Best,
Kanthi
krishna_hrm2002@yahoo.co.in
kanthi.naveen@gmail.com
Dear All,
Before sharing my thoughts, I want to clarify that the story I am about to narrate is real, and my intention is not to hurt anyone's feelings. Please be honest and direct in your comments.
Recently, my friend became extremely depressed and isolated himself from his family, friends, and colleagues. When we asked him repeatedly about the reason, he broke down and shared the following with us.
He had been in a relationship with a girl for five years, and they both loved each other. Everything was going well until the girl's parents arranged her marriage to someone else last month. This news devastated both the girl and my friend. However, one day, the girl went missing, causing concern for her safety. After thorough investigation, it was discovered that she had married another man whom she had known for only about a year (not my friend). Upon hearing this, my friend spiraled into deep depression as he was wholeheartedly devoted to her.
When my friend confronted the girl, she refused to provide any explanation and began to ignore him, claiming that she had married a man who loves and cares for her.
I am sharing this story here because I believe the members of this community, being in the Human Resources field, understand the importance of human relationships.
To the CiteHR community, I seek your input on the following:
1) Is this situation fair to my friend? Has the girl made the right choice for her life?
2) Are we, as humans, trivializing true love by toying with others' emotions?
Please offer your advice on what my friend should do. This is a complex issue that requires unbiased perspectives.
Regards,
From India, Visakhapatnam
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Dear Anish,
I know this is related to Human Relations. But on this forum, we discuss Human Resource Management in the context of organizations, and this is very personal. It seems you are very young. These things keep happening. Please focus on your job and career. HR management teaches us EQ not only in the context of the corporate world but also to apply it on a personal front.
Aparna Sethi
From India, Salai
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I know this is related to Human Relations. But on this forum, we discuss Human Resource Management in the context of organizations, and this is very personal. It seems you are very young. These things keep happening. Please focus on your job and career. HR management teaches us EQ not only in the context of the corporate world but also to apply it on a personal front.
Aparna Sethi
From India, Salai
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First of all please understand that this is not DATING SITE. SECOND We are not love Guru Expertise to advise on this subject. You must search some suitable site
From Saudi Arabia
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From Saudi Arabia
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Hi friend,
Success in marriage is more than finding the right person; it is a matter of being the right person. Your friend is the right person whom that girl missed. First of all, let's thank the almighty for knowing the matter at least at this moment. In case she got married to your friend by thinking of that other guy, then think about your friend's life. God saved your friend. The past is past. My small suggestion is don't leave your friend alone. Be with him, motivate him, take him to some new places, or engage him in playing games to divert his thoughts from that girl.
"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives," so always be a good friend to him. Let's pray for his bright future.
From India, Bangalore
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Success in marriage is more than finding the right person; it is a matter of being the right person. Your friend is the right person whom that girl missed. First of all, let's thank the almighty for knowing the matter at least at this moment. In case she got married to your friend by thinking of that other guy, then think about your friend's life. God saved your friend. The past is past. My small suggestion is don't leave your friend alone. Be with him, motivate him, take him to some new places, or engage him in playing games to divert his thoughts from that girl.
"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives," so always be a good friend to him. Let's pray for his bright future.
From India, Bangalore
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Dear Aneesh,
There is always a reason for anything and everything. Ask your friend to take it practically and divert his mind into creative hobbies. Discuss some motivational thoughts between your friends' groups or with him. Whenever he needs friends, just be with him.
Do not force him to open up. Make him feel safe and confident. If he cries, let him do it. Listen to him whenever he opens up about something. Do not react, scream, or misbehave with him. In short, treat him like your girlfriend (not in the true sense). True caring, loving, best close buddy, love and care can only help him get rid of this situation.
"The truth of men's life - 'we are always strong from outside but weak from inside.' Exactly the opposite is true for females. There might be examples at your place too."
- Rohit Patil
From India, Mumbai
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There is always a reason for anything and everything. Ask your friend to take it practically and divert his mind into creative hobbies. Discuss some motivational thoughts between your friends' groups or with him. Whenever he needs friends, just be with him.
Do not force him to open up. Make him feel safe and confident. If he cries, let him do it. Listen to him whenever he opens up about something. Do not react, scream, or misbehave with him. In short, treat him like your girlfriend (not in the true sense). True caring, loving, best close buddy, love and care can only help him get rid of this situation.
"The truth of men's life - 'we are always strong from outside but weak from inside.' Exactly the opposite is true for females. There might be examples at your place too."
- Rohit Patil
From India, Mumbai
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It is difficult for one to manage such situation however time is the best healer. I wish both all the very best in life...
From India, Lucknow
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From India, Lucknow
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Well, Aneesh, I believe at least 95% of people who have read this were already sure that the boy in question was you. You may have gotten the hint from my earlier reply. Anyway, now close this thread and move on to a constructive future.
From India, Delhi
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From India, Delhi
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Hey Aneesh,
You have to take care of yourself. She is not the one meant for you, so go ahead and find the right partner who can help you forget everything. May god bless you and give you a more loving and caring wife. Take care and try to forget her by concentrating on other issues like your career, family, and siblings; right now they are more important.
Take care, dear.
From India, Chandigarh
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You have to take care of yourself. She is not the one meant for you, so go ahead and find the right partner who can help you forget everything. May god bless you and give you a more loving and caring wife. Take care and try to forget her by concentrating on other issues like your career, family, and siblings; right now they are more important.
Take care, dear.
From India, Chandigarh
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