First Love
By Sita Krishnan
Sometimes you get what you want...
Sometimes you get what you need...
It was quarter to one at night when I hit the doorbell. My wife opened the door. She had been awake as usual. Waiting for me had become a daily routine for her. Unlike I expected, the house looked normal. I put my laptop on the recliner and went straight into my bedroom, freshened up and got busy with the book - "An Autobiography of a Yogi."
My wife came in with a piece of cake in her hand. "We waited for you till 9. But it was getting late and your parents pushed to carry on and finish," she said, handing over that cake to me. Something stung me deeply, for it was my daughter's first birthday. I had almost forgotten that I had a daughter, and a feeling of guilt told me that I did not deserve that piece of cake; it felt heavy when the first bite went down my throat.
"Karthik," she used to call me by name, "look at me," she said. I turned my gaze away from the book onto her face. I saw tears in her eyes. "Have I, in the last two years, ever asked you why you come home late every day? Have I ever asked you to take me out with you, even to the temple that you go alone every weekend? Have I ever told you how it feels to attend family functions without you?" I turned back to the book. "Karthik, please look at me, will you? I need an answer today."
I always knew that I would have to face this sometime. "No, you wouldn't understand even if I tell," I replied. "Really? What is it? Please tell me. I know that you agreed to our marriage only because you did not want to disappoint your parents. I know that I'm your wife only for the sake of it. But why should Gaargi suffer because of all this? Doesn't she deserve to be called your daughter? What is her fault?" my wife asked with tears running down. She had never cried in front of me. I looked at my one-year-old daughter; Gaargi was special to me, for her name reminded me of a very special person in my life.
"Srishti, I am really very sorry. I don't know how to tell all this, and I'm not sure how you'll take it. You are not my first love. I had never liked any girl in my life until I met a very nice person who, I decided, would not only be my first love but also the only love in my entire life," my eyes started to fill up, "I can never imagine my life without." "Your mother told me. I know everything but I wanted you to tell," she interrupted. I wasn't surprised; two years is a very long time for a secret to be kept in a family. It looked like she wanted me to somehow raise this, and then she started.
"Karthik, have I ever made you feel that I had been betrayed by someone who I thought would be the only person in my life?" Her question confused me for a moment, 'Is she talking about me?' I asked myself. "He, not you, was the first man in my life and I too had dreamt that he will be the only one ever. But our relationship collapsed after 5 months of our engagement when I came to know that he was already married. My parents were more than broken when they found this out, for they were the ones who had found this person through some marriage bureau. I went into depression and had attempted suicide twice, but somehow survived. See, even God does not want me. So I decided to live on as life takes me, although I knew that I will not be able to forget any bit of it."
It took some time for all this to sink in. I was perplexed.
"Karthik, I know that you too had given all the love of your life to her. I also know that she never reciprocated your love and that she was never ready to accept you as her man even though you were ready to sacrifice yourself for her. But don't you think it should always flow both ways? Don't you think that it is not worth crying over someone who cannot feel your love? Is it fair on your part to ignore someone who is craving for your love and actually deserves it? Look into my eyes. Don't you see anything which suggests that I deserve to be loved by you? I know, Karthik, I know that there's some space in your heart that has been made for me. I can see it in your eyes too. When I look into them I do not feel sad that there's a lot of pain in it. Instead, I see that part of it which tells me that I'm not completely unwanted. So I ask you the same thing that you had asked her, 'Please give me a chance'. Don't tell me that you cannot love me even a little. I know you do, and Gaargi is the proof."
I could not speak more. Srishti too could not. She rested her head on my shoulder. For the first time, I kissed her on her forehead.
I guess that is what one has to learn. First love is very special. It is something to be remembered for a lifetime but not something for which an entire life can be wasted in grieving over it.
Sometimes you get what you want...
Sometimes you get what you need.
Regards,
Aars :icon1:
From China
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1By Sita Krishnan
Sometimes you get what you want...
Sometimes you get what you need...
It was quarter to one at night when I hit the doorbell. My wife opened the door. She had been awake as usual. Waiting for me had become a daily routine for her. Unlike I expected, the house looked normal. I put my laptop on the recliner and went straight into my bedroom, freshened up and got busy with the book - "An Autobiography of a Yogi."
My wife came in with a piece of cake in her hand. "We waited for you till 9. But it was getting late and your parents pushed to carry on and finish," she said, handing over that cake to me. Something stung me deeply, for it was my daughter's first birthday. I had almost forgotten that I had a daughter, and a feeling of guilt told me that I did not deserve that piece of cake; it felt heavy when the first bite went down my throat.
"Karthik," she used to call me by name, "look at me," she said. I turned my gaze away from the book onto her face. I saw tears in her eyes. "Have I, in the last two years, ever asked you why you come home late every day? Have I ever asked you to take me out with you, even to the temple that you go alone every weekend? Have I ever told you how it feels to attend family functions without you?" I turned back to the book. "Karthik, please look at me, will you? I need an answer today."
I always knew that I would have to face this sometime. "No, you wouldn't understand even if I tell," I replied. "Really? What is it? Please tell me. I know that you agreed to our marriage only because you did not want to disappoint your parents. I know that I'm your wife only for the sake of it. But why should Gaargi suffer because of all this? Doesn't she deserve to be called your daughter? What is her fault?" my wife asked with tears running down. She had never cried in front of me. I looked at my one-year-old daughter; Gaargi was special to me, for her name reminded me of a very special person in my life.
"Srishti, I am really very sorry. I don't know how to tell all this, and I'm not sure how you'll take it. You are not my first love. I had never liked any girl in my life until I met a very nice person who, I decided, would not only be my first love but also the only love in my entire life," my eyes started to fill up, "I can never imagine my life without." "Your mother told me. I know everything but I wanted you to tell," she interrupted. I wasn't surprised; two years is a very long time for a secret to be kept in a family. It looked like she wanted me to somehow raise this, and then she started.
"Karthik, have I ever made you feel that I had been betrayed by someone who I thought would be the only person in my life?" Her question confused me for a moment, 'Is she talking about me?' I asked myself. "He, not you, was the first man in my life and I too had dreamt that he will be the only one ever. But our relationship collapsed after 5 months of our engagement when I came to know that he was already married. My parents were more than broken when they found this out, for they were the ones who had found this person through some marriage bureau. I went into depression and had attempted suicide twice, but somehow survived. See, even God does not want me. So I decided to live on as life takes me, although I knew that I will not be able to forget any bit of it."
It took some time for all this to sink in. I was perplexed.
"Karthik, I know that you too had given all the love of your life to her. I also know that she never reciprocated your love and that she was never ready to accept you as her man even though you were ready to sacrifice yourself for her. But don't you think it should always flow both ways? Don't you think that it is not worth crying over someone who cannot feel your love? Is it fair on your part to ignore someone who is craving for your love and actually deserves it? Look into my eyes. Don't you see anything which suggests that I deserve to be loved by you? I know, Karthik, I know that there's some space in your heart that has been made for me. I can see it in your eyes too. When I look into them I do not feel sad that there's a lot of pain in it. Instead, I see that part of it which tells me that I'm not completely unwanted. So I ask you the same thing that you had asked her, 'Please give me a chance'. Don't tell me that you cannot love me even a little. I know you do, and Gaargi is the proof."
I could not speak more. Srishti too could not. She rested her head on my shoulder. For the first time, I kissed her on her forehead.
I guess that is what one has to learn. First love is very special. It is something to be remembered for a lifetime but not something for which an entire life can be wasted in grieving over it.
Sometimes you get what you want...
Sometimes you get what you need.
Regards,
Aars :icon1:
From China
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Hi Vivek,
This was the best post on Cite HR. It was very touching and had an awesome feel. Thank you so much for this post. If possible, could you please email this to as16_86@indiatimes.com? Please, man... Thank you.
Thanks & Regards,
Aars
From India, Bangalore
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This was the best post on Cite HR. It was very touching and had an awesome feel. Thank you so much for this post. If possible, could you please email this to as16_86@indiatimes.com? Please, man... Thank you.
Thanks & Regards,
Aars
From India, Bangalore
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Its really a true fact.......many are facing this situation.......very good post must say..........I really had tears in my eyes............keep posting.......
From India
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From India
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Very good Post.. Its truly said.. Dont make anyone a priority in your life, when you are only an option in theirs... Relationships only work out when they are balanced....
From India, Vadodara
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From India, Vadodara
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No words. truely heart touching. tears in my heart & there’s no words to express my feelings. toooooooooo much & a lesson for many. GVK
From India, Hyderabad
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From India, Hyderabad
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Your post bring tears in my eyes. A very heart touching story in very very simple words. Regards Sushma
From China, Beijing
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From China, Beijing
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Hi Aars, Really, its a touching msg.... Always, we should live for ours not for others....in a way it will keep others also happy. All the best for your enjoyable life.:)
From India, Madras
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From India, Madras
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Hi Aars, Really, its a touching msg.... Always, we should live for ours not for others....in a way it will keep others also happy. All the best for your enjoyable life.:) Cheerz! Premz
From India, Madras
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From India, Madras
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too good and very practical. Its very hard to forget first love...bt at times its better and best to do so... Life just goes on.....
From India, Thana
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From India, Thana
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If human love can be demonstrated so much, how about God's love towards us?
"For God so loved the world (the people of the world) that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not die but have eternal life."
We catch a glimpse of that in us. Isn't it true? Thanks a lot. Keep posting.
From India, Coimbatore
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"For God so loved the world (the people of the world) that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not die but have eternal life."
We catch a glimpse of that in us. Isn't it true? Thanks a lot. Keep posting.
From India, Coimbatore
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Very touching indeed and very common in these times. Husbands going for careers, money for their families only (wife, children - parents nowadays rarely) though families are aware of their husband's work schedule and tensions, they cannot feel it, neither can husbands be explained in detail, which results in an increase in tensions.
First love and all is a concept I believe. Especially in today's times, very little attention is paid by either sex due to growing aspirations, especially women. Men have become materialistic and are losing values gradually. Husbands, wives, brothers, and sisters, parents, and children, etc., have no time to spend with each other in pursuit of careers, happiness, material possessions, social status, etc., etc.
Hope many of you agree
From India, New Delhi
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First love and all is a concept I believe. Especially in today's times, very little attention is paid by either sex due to growing aspirations, especially women. Men have become materialistic and are losing values gradually. Husbands, wives, brothers, and sisters, parents, and children, etc., have no time to spend with each other in pursuit of careers, happiness, material possessions, social status, etc., etc.
Hope many of you agree
From India, New Delhi
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I gave a call to my wife after I read this. She asked me, "What happened? Why did you call me now?" "Nothing, I just wanted to tell you one thing." "What? Something wrong?" "No.... I LOVE YOU." "WHAT?" "I called you now, just to say 'I love you.'" "You are CRAZY!" I smiled. 'I miss you,' and disconnected the line. Then I replied to myself, "Yes, you are right, I AM CRAZY!"
From Djibouti
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From Djibouti
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too good. Whatever message is passed in that is true. Everyone should learn from it who are in LOVE
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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While reading the story, I could actually picture myself in the whole scenario. It was looking so real - every word, every action, every sentiment. Truly, I say, first love will always remain first love. But that does not mean that we do not accept our present; most of us make the mistakes here. One of the best posts I have ever read. Thanks, Aars :)
From India, Bangalore
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From India, Bangalore
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