Transportation:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you drive a 10-year-old car or take public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings, therefore you do not need a raise.
If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Annual Leave:
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wow!). They are called Sunday.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
Normal-sized people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's Medical Cert as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open.
Internet Usage:
All personal internet usage will be recorded, and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any). If we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary. (Note: Rs.20 per minute as we have a 4MB connection).
Just for the record, 73% of the staff will not be entitled to any salary for the next 3 months as their internet charges have exceeded their 3-month salary.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice day.
From India, Mumbai
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166It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
If you drive a 10-year-old car or take public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings, therefore you do not need a raise.
If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Annual Leave:
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wow!). They are called Sunday.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
Normal-sized people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's Medical Cert as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open.
Internet Usage:
All personal internet usage will be recorded, and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any). If we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary. (Note: Rs.20 per minute as we have a 4MB connection).
Just for the record, 73% of the staff will not be entitled to any salary for the next 3 months as their internet charges have exceeded their 3-month salary.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice day.
From India, Mumbai
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This is a forum for HR professionals to share their knowledge and clarifications. Among ourselves, it is unfortunate about the criticism of our job (HR Policy). Site owners, please do not allow these kinds of postings.
From United States, Los Angeles
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From United States, Los Angeles
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This was humour not criticism though some of it may be spot on and if so then we might find it useful to let us know the effect of our policies
From Nigeria, Lagos
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From Nigeria, Lagos
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)CiteHR is an AI-augmented HR knowledge and collaboration platform, enabling HR professionals to solve real-world challenges, validate decisions, and stay ahead through collective intelligence and machine-enhanced guidance. Join Our Platform.
GUIDELINES FOR HR POLICIES.doc
HR Humor.zip