Dear All,
Note: To be read at your own risk. Publisher cannot be punished for nothing.
Weekend has arrived... time to enjoy the jokes. If you like the jokes, good. If you don't, please don't curse me, because the topic says it all - "Brutal Humour - Weekend Special."
With your permission, I start...
"World Ideologies Explained by Reference to Cows" - Rated PG
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by former chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the rules say you should need.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need." Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Russian Communism: You have two cows. You take care of them but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbor decides who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first, the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price, or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Anarcho-Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Olympics-ism: You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state-of-the-art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and saw its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million-dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
Limbaughism: You used to have two cows. They may be dead; you don't know because you can't smell them through the stench rising off your unwashed, 1,500-pound bulk. It's been six years since you could fit into the shower. You blame the entire situation on an evil government conspiracy and click the remote to another talk show.
X-Files-ism: Your two cows turn out to be the government. They milk YOU. You are saved by two generic bimbos, a female and a male with blow-dried hair, after (1) a car chase, involving UFOs, (2) a gunfight, and (3) a seance. The aliens get the advertising revenue after the Nielsens rise.
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering midterm. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when
From India, Mumbai
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2Note: To be read at your own risk. Publisher cannot be punished for nothing.
Weekend has arrived... time to enjoy the jokes. If you like the jokes, good. If you don't, please don't curse me, because the topic says it all - "Brutal Humour - Weekend Special."
With your permission, I start...
"World Ideologies Explained by Reference to Cows" - Rated PG
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by former chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the rules say you should need.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need." Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Russian Communism: You have two cows. You take care of them but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbor decides who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first, the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price, or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Anarcho-Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Olympics-ism: You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state-of-the-art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and saw its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million-dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
Limbaughism: You used to have two cows. They may be dead; you don't know because you can't smell them through the stench rising off your unwashed, 1,500-pound bulk. It's been six years since you could fit into the shower. You blame the entire situation on an evil government conspiracy and click the remote to another talk show.
X-Files-ism: Your two cows turn out to be the government. They milk YOU. You are saved by two generic bimbos, a female and a male with blow-dried hair, after (1) a car chase, involving UFOs, (2) a gunfight, and (3) a seance. The aliens get the advertising revenue after the Nielsens rise.
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering midterm. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when
From India, Mumbai
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Hi all,
Most of us have seen the "Page Not Found" page when we are surfing the net and are quite disappointed at the time. Now see this http://www.thispagecannotbedisplayed.com/.
From India, Ahmadabad
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Most of us have seen the "Page Not Found" page when we are surfing the net and are quite disappointed at the time. Now see this http://www.thispagecannotbedisplayed.com/.
From India, Ahmadabad
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Once there was a dog which went on the road, turned left, then right, stood for the signal, and crossed while the signal turned green. Then it went back to the same place. Later, it went to the road, turned left, then turned right, stood for the signal, and crossed while the signal turned green. Think why it did this.
It follows traffic rules. Because it is a dog, it need not give any explanation for its action.
From India, Tiruppur
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It follows traffic rules. Because it is a dog, it need not give any explanation for its action.
From India, Tiruppur
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)CiteHR is an AI-augmented HR knowledge and collaboration platform, enabling HR professionals to solve real-world challenges, validate decisions, and stay ahead through collective intelligence and machine-enhanced guidance. Join Our Platform.
HR Humor.zip
AMACOM,.Laugh and Learn - 95 Ways to Use Humor for More Effective Teaching and Training.[2003. IS.pdf
Jokes.ppt