Struggling with a Difficult Manager: Should I Involve HR or Consider Quitting?

Hi Gurus,

I am a person with over 10 years of experience in middle management at a software company in BLR. I am facing an issue with my manager, who is a senior manager that recently joined the company in February 2008. I have encountered several problems with her:

1. She provides regular feedback to me that is neither constructive nor structured. For example, she recently mentioned, "HR indicated that you have been blunt with some of your employees," but she never discloses the source of the feedback or how it has affected individuals or delivery.

2. Recently, she made a snide comment in front of my subordinate, "You are the manager, you better start acting like one." I did not appreciate this comment.

I have been with the company for over a year and have established a good reputation and credibility with the client. I lead a team of 20-25 members who report to me, and they appear to be content with me as their manager.

I am unsure how to address the situation with my boss. I perceive her as inexperienced in "people management," which has left me feeling demotivated. Though I am satisfied with my role in the organization, I am contemplating quitting my job solely because of my new boss. I attempted to provide feedback about my boss to HR, but no action was taken. I could escalate the issue to my boss's boss, but I am hesitant as I believe my boss may react negatively. Should I seek assistance from the HR head? Please advise.

Thanks

Dear Ashok,

From your post, following is my inference:

a) that in your company there is a great need of training "Interpersonal Skills".

b) When your manager told that "HR indicated that you have been blunt with some of your employees”, you could have sought the clarification from her and asked her was there any better way of giving feedback to your staff.

c) Again when on her remark "You are the manager, you better start acting like one..", you could have sought clarification from her on your management style.

d) You say that "I have been with the company for 1+ year and have built up a good reputation and credibility with the client. I have a team of 20-25 members who report to me and they seem to be happy with me as their manager." This is your perception. How about perception of your staff about you? Have tried to take their feedback any time?

e) There is no point in quitting job. It's better to keep lines of communication open. Talk to your manager first. If you are not satisfied, let the second meeting be conducted in the presence of HR. Record the minutes of the meeting

f) How come your company does not have policy on redressing grievances of employees? Talk to HR to institute policy of this kind. Institution of Grievance Redressal Machinery was done by Personnel Department in the erstwhile era. HR is next step of Personnel.

g) Keep HR informed about the style of feedback of your manager. Let couple of such instances happen. Keep their record. If really nothings happens, then you are free to put in papers.

Thanks,

Dinesh V Divekar

Freelance Soft Skill & Behavioural Trainer

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Following are just personal remarks, and they don't target anyone. I am not responsible for any consequences that may occur due to following these suggestions.

Hi there,

Well, I don't have a high amount of work experience like you do, but I have understood some lessons in life that I would like to share.

Whenever you are accused of any comments or charges, get those resolved right then. Ask for instances; there is no other way to save yourself.

Secondly, I have learned that the more you are afraid of anyone, the more you fear, the more they will make you suppress you!

If a manager doesn't like you, he/she will continuously try to harm you by any means. In that case, either fight for your justice or do the other way, which is to go and talk with the manager calmly and amicably. Ask what the problem is, if it can be solved, if not, then find a new job!

Believe me! Giving training on interpersonal skills, soft skills doesn't change people. People are always the same.

Going to higher authorities and HR never works; in fact, it makes the matter even worse for the lower-ranked person unless you have the support of a big mob.

The guru mantra is to avoid feuds, issues, and keep working under the same situations, which may get worse sooner or later, or make a godfather who can save you from problems, or have the fighting spirit to fight for your justice if you are absolutely correct and genuine!

All the best

Above are just personal remarks, and they don't target anyone. I am not responsible for any consequences that may occur due to following these suggestions.

Dear MK,

I have gone through your post. Since these are your personal opinions, I have nothing to say against them, but I would like to comment on "believe me! giving trainings on interpersonal skills, soft skills doesn't change people. People are always the same."

It all depends on the type of company that you work with. The success of training depends on the following:

a) your organization culture
b) your management
c) your managers
d) your staff
e) the training company

I have written an article in Deccan Herald "Why employee training fails?" wherein I discussed most of the points. Later, a couple of educational institutions called me to give a guest lecture on this subject. You can click here to read the article.

My personal experiences about my training workshops are as follows:

a) In one overseas recruitment company (that has 10 branches across India), the cost of their poor time management skills worked out to a whopping Rs 1,10,000 per month! Additionally, the cost of non-delegation was Rs 15,000.

b) I conducted a training program on "Effective Decision Making Skills" for the plant engineers of a manufacturing setup. I asked them what would have happened if they had taken this training before 1 year or 6 months? They concluded that from the 18 participants, they could have saved revenue worth Rs 20-25 lakh in the last year.

I can provide endless examples like these. What I am trying to convey is that training managers, HR, or management are not in a position to give feedback to trainers regarding the revenue leakage due to the gap in the skills/knowledge of the employees.

Many times, trainers' selection is based on their verbal communication skills. Few trainers can successfully mask their lack of commercial sense due to their verbal communication skills. Additionally, feedback from past workshop participants is always there to market new training programs. However, nobody talks about the revenue change through their workshops!

Your opinions are based on your perceptions from a limited view of the parts and not the larger picture as a whole. Perhaps you need to come across a better company or a better training company.

Warm regards,

Dinesh V Divekar
Soft Skill and Behavioral Training Consultant
dineshdivekar(at)yahoo.com

Hi,

After carefully reading your case, the following points come to my mind upon analysis:

1) This may be the handiwork of your management as well.
2) She wants to remove you and bring in her choice.
3) She perhaps believes that using a cane and whip will work in today's environment.
4) She wants to establish among staff that she is a strong, strict, and upright ringmaster.
5) She would have been a manager for years without proper ethics in handling employees.
6) She immediately wants to prove to management that she is a critic and activist.
7) She may have dislikes towards male counterparts and could be a psycho.
8) She would have been allowed to grow and ruin herself by her previous employers.
9) Her colleagues would have willfully glorified her to get her out of the contest.
10) Desperately, she has come to the new nest and wants to build a dominion.

If things are not appealing on your side, just wait for the right time to jump out. With much of the curriculum and theories dumped by the modern-day MBA, statistics say that at least 3 out of 9 earn a bad name just out of vanity and wrong attitude.

Though I am an HR Manager and writer, from my point of view, an MBA is, after all, a degree. It is just a walking stick to help in walking. The stick will not walk for the walker. So possibly, your lady boss may belong to a wrong school of Pride and Prejudice.

Regards,
Chandru