Handling Office Crush Fallout: How to Manage Negative Feedback from Past Behavior

Hi, I used to work for a private company and had a crush on a girl. Whenever she passed by or someone talked to her, I would have a gentle smile within myself (without looking at her). Sometimes, a wistful smile or jealousy would appear in my facial expression and body language, making my emotions vulnerable to others, which unfortunately I couldn't control.

Others sitting beside me noticed my facial expressions and sometimes suggested that I should go and talk to her indirectly, which I never did. Even the girl never initiated a conversation, but she also had a gentle smiley face at times. Gossiping began, and when I left the organization, I received negative feedback about my attitude and behavior. As a result, my current employer has been giving me negative year-end reviews year after year.

How to handle negative feedback from past behavior

How should I handle this without affecting my current and future employment?

Dear member,

You have linked negative feedback from your past employer with the crush you had on your office colleague. However, on what grounds have you made this link? It seems to be just a surmise and nothing else.

You mentioned that you "left" the organization. But was it a normal separation, or were you forced to leave? I ask this because not all employers give negative feedback, even in cases of "forced separation" from the organization. Giving negative feedback is an extreme measure. Was there any untoward incident before you left the organization? Did this incident have a bearing on your exit?

Now coming to a solution. As the negative feedback is denying you opportunities for gainful employment, I recommend you approach the past employer and clear up any misgivings they have. Explain to them that getting a job is difficult, and even though you succeeded in getting one, you could not continue because of the negative feedback they have been giving. You have been punished enough. Any punishment should have a temporary effect and not be lifelong. Therefore, beg for pardon and obtain confirmation that negative feedback will not be given in the future.

Thanks,

Dinesh Divekar