How to write a better email event invitation where new joiners must do a performance?

Zie
Hi, I have to set-up a meeting with the new joiners (most of them hold a big title) as our Company will held an event and the new joiners must do a performance during the event. This is my first time doing it, so I'm not really confident if my invitation would be ok or not. I want to make the invitation more friendly rather that serious.. Please see my drafted email invitation below & feel free to give a comment/suggestion for my improvement.
Title:- Company Event Performance
Dear All,
As a new joiners, you are required to prepare a performance during our event.
Let's meet up to discuss what type of performances you would love to do.
Don't miss this opportunity and unleash your hidden talent!
Regards,
Zie
Thanks and Kind regards,
Zie, HR Executive
rkn61
Furnish the date, venue and time also in the e-mail.
mahesh-manchi
Good you write very simple understanding words
ramesh-murugesan
Dear Zie,
1# Create some theme Ad for your event
2# Update all events list
3# Mention about event concept and limitation
4# Inform all to give confirmation on participation
Above points to be added in theme and theme should be fun & attract them for participation...
Thanks
Ramesh Kumar M
HR-Ramraj Groups
NK SUNDARAM
Dear New Joinee,
Hope you have settled down in your work and finding the job and environment to your liking.
Management will be very happy to hear from you about a few things in respect of your performance.
Please indicate how you want to go about it in your own domain.
Kindly respond quickly.
The above could be one answer.
However, your posting is quite vague in the sense, "What kind of performance you would love to do ". You have not indicated the business, job role, etc. Is it dancing performance, acting, mimicry ????
Best wishes
thakur-rajendra-singh-bisht
Da in Maharashtra january 2020
tobing
It is good already. Concise and sharp. To make it better, you need to put the venue and schedule. Good luck!
aussiejohn
Do these "new joiners" know about this so-called "performance'?
Just exactly what are they expected to do? Your email does not specify this. How can they decide anything when you don't give them the relevant information?
I strongly suspect that if you are springing this on people as a surprise, then you are going to get no-shows, and you will lose those new staff members as they will resign on the spot and seek out a more enlightened employer who does not do this sort of thing.
I look forward to reading how this event goes. I'm betting on tears before bedtime.
diksha-kashyap
It looks great. Just add more details to it
Vishvajeet Pawar
Dear Zie,
Annual events are a fun to be.
Your draft below:
Dear All,
As a new joiners, you are required to prepare a performance during our event.
Let's meet up to discuss what type of performances you would love to do.
Don't miss this opportunity and unleash your hidden talent!
Regards,
Zie
has some missign things as mentioned by the seniors above, just summarizing them and adding few more points,
1. Be Formal and make it sound as interesting opportunity and fun.
2. Be clear with what is the ask from people.
3. Detail the events timelines, location, day and logistics if required.
4. PArticipation is compulsary ? not compulsary?
5. Options for participation Dancing, Acts, Monolouges, theater, singing, stand-up comedy, mime act etc?
6. Or, Attach the event plan docket (Draft) which can be finalized over the meeting. (people like giving suggestions when asked)
Draft can be:
TO Staff:
Dear all
Organization is like a second home to many of the employees as we spend a lot of time working for the organization. While we are all busy with our jobs, we rarely get the chance to interact with each other to any great degree on a social level. As a family, while we enjoy work, we should also enjoy life and have some degree of fun to make ourselves happy.
(I/We)__ take pleasure in inviting you to the ____ (15th, 20th etc) annual event of ______ (organization name). This is purely a social event, giving all the employees an opportunity to get to know each other in a more casual atmosphere.
Our annual event provides us with that special opportunity to enjoy other’s company socially. Special surprises for all the new joiners. There will be plenty of food and entertainment for all. This year, __(Name of Organization’s) annual event will be held on __(date)__ at __(time)__ in the __(room/location).
I have drafted a sample plan for this event, and would like you all to share your valuable suggestions in order to make this event more fun and meaning full to all. Lets meet on __ (Day), ___ (Time), ___ (Place).
Your attendance is compulsory, Tea and snacks will be on the organization.
Thank you
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