Feeling Misunderstood at Work: How Do I Address Feedback About My Facial Expressions?

Dear Team,

Some of my superiors have shared feedback that I appear very rigid and always carry a sad or sorry expression, making me seem unapproachable. I feel really bad whenever I hear this and am unsure why people associate my facial expressions with my work. I've been like this since childhood. My intention is not to keep a sad face, but I really don't know why my face appears that way. I am a happy person at heart, and I always speak to those who approach me in a very polite and friendly manner.

Basically, I am a calm and silent person who goes to the office to complete all the scheduled tasks for the day, guide the team, eat, and return home. I find it difficult to accept the comments they shared, and I fear it might impact my future promotions. I have been with the current company for a long time, and they all assume that because I have been working here for so long, I am rigid.

I am feeling clueless and disturbed. Kindly assist. I believe it was wrong of them to evaluate me based on facial expressions rather than the work being done.

Regards,
Reema

First and foremost, it is your good luck that you have received feedback about your personality. However, in your post, you have not mentioned the nature of your job, your designation, how many subordinates report to you, the length of service in your current company, and so on.

Now coming to the happy face. Yes, everybody likes to see a happy face. We do become sad; nevertheless, people are bound to abhor perennial sadness. The problems of this kind arise because of the following reasons:

a) Family atmosphere during childhood. If it was tense or sad, the child takes forward the legacy of sadness.

b) No participation in extracurricular activities during school and college days. No participation in annual gatherings, sports events, school/college debates, etc.

c) No exposure to persons from other castes, creeds, religions, languages, etc. Grooming in a homogeneous environment has its toll in adult life.

d) Parents do not send children to personality development classes that are conducted during summer holidays.

e) Lack of career consciousness. Zeal to grow could be missing. How many years have you been working in the same company, and why have you not changed your job? Do you suffer because of an inferiority complex? A change of job also helps in building personality.

f) Many times people just imitate superiors and improve. You may not be observing your superiors as to how they carry themselves.

Solution: What is the solution for your challenge? You have a challenge to change your personality. You need to come out of the mold you are in. The following are suggestions to do this:

g) Firstly, you need to take advice from an image consultant. The services of most image consultants come at a premium; however, if your personality is holding your growth back, then this investment is necessary.

h) Alongside, you need to develop networking skills. Build your physical network and not a virtual network on social media like Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. Join some social groups or organizations. Share jokes with them.

i) To develop networking skills, you need to build social skills as well. To do this, learn listening skills, questioning skills, interpersonal skills, etc. All these skills you may learn on your own. Ample articles are available on the internet or videos on YouTube.

j) Join the Toastmasters club. It will help you in developing your presentation skills and communication skills.

k) Watch movie clippings in which happy events are depicted. Find out how actresses expressed their happiness and try imitating it at home.

l) Has your work been appreciated by your superiors? Appreciation makes one happy. But to get appreciation, you need to demonstrate high-class quality work.

About being rigid: Do you have a fixed mindset? Do you have an obsession with any cult (like a devotee of some Baba)? Do you see the world through the prism of the teachings of this cult? Have you grown in your career? Rigid persons can never grow. Are you an above-normal intelligent person? Do you have a superiority complex?

Hope the above suggestions will be useful to you. *Do not lose hope. Take the feedback positively. You will change, but it will require determination*.

All the best!

Regards, Dinesh Divekar

Dear child, God bless you. Though Divekar has given you a lot of advice, I, a near 80-year-old man, want to give you one task. Today is a world of SELFIE.

1. Take one shot of yourself with a normal face.
2. Take ten shots of yourself with a smiling face. See the results; you will know the difference.
3. Even an artificial smile will make other people feel differently about you. As of now, do not worry about rigidity; we will solve it later.
4. For now, focus on solving your personality.

Blessings,
Dr. Ram

Addressing Feedback and Career Progression

While our seniors have shared their valuable thoughts and suggestions on the challenges you are facing, I would like to take this opportunity to share my thoughts with the hope that it will resolve your concerns to a certain extent.

My initial impression upon reading your query title and content leads me to believe that there is a significant gap between the feedback shared by your seniors and your perspective on things. From your post, I can infer that while you ensure the completion of your work within schedule, you also make an effort to assist your colleagues when they approach you.

As pointed out by Mr. Dinesh Divekar, providing more information about your career profile would have helped us analyze the issue more effectively. I assume that since you have been associated with your company for the long term, your seniors are considering you for a leadership position. In such cases, it is essential to ensure that you are approachable to your team members who report to you.

I believe you will agree that as you progress up the career ladder, you will also need to guide and mentor newcomers and all the members who report to you, including those who may not be familiar with your work patterns and nature.

Approaching this issue with an open mind and discussing it in detail with your seniors, sharing your personal views on the feedback and understanding their thoughts behind providing this feedback, can help in resolving your concerns.

Regards,

Shivaraj

[Email Removed For Privacy Reasons]

Ignore the idiots. Do your job with sincerity and honesty. Do not try to change yourself at all. You are who you are. If they cannot accept you the way you are, that's their problem, not yours. Just ensure that you do not intentionally hurt or irritate them. I have seen my close colleague go through the same situation. The more you try to adjust or change yourself, the more pressure you will feel, and your inner happiness and peace will fade away.

All the best. Everyone is unique and a special creation of Mother Nature. Hope this helped.

On the one hand, you have appreciated my comments, but while replying to the post, you have taken an extreme position. Those who give us feedback cannot be dismissed as "idiots."

The Importance of Influence in Career Success

Success in a career depends on our ability to influence others. Yes, the quality of work is one way to influence; nevertheless, it works at a lower level. As one progresses up the career ladder, one needs support from juniors. Support comes provided they are well motivated.

The Role of Referrals and Positive Recall

In the 21st century, one has to depend a lot on referrals. However, this referral depends on one's positive recall. One should ask, can I have a positive recall value from my friends or colleagues?

The Value of Personality in Professional Settings

Nobody cares about a person's heart. People want to work with individuals who are charming, outgoing, extroverted, and easygoing. When hiring, companies do not seek robots. Happiness is an emotion that cannot be expected from robots.

I know a person who, by his own admission, is not intelligent, but he is so affable that people feel inclined to provide information to him. Information falls into his lap, which he utilizes for his career progression. However, to gain brownie points, he never ingratiated himself with anyone. He has such a vast network that a single call within his contacts prompts people to provide all possible help. In contrast, if he were sad and rigid, would he have developed such a vast network? Would he have built his career? Certainly not!

Feedback and Personal Growth

Reema's managers have not given feedback about her physical features. We cannot change our physical features. However, managers have given her feedback on her behavior. Your recommendation, "If they cannot accept you the way you are, that's their problem, not yours," is a rather rigid position. Do you recommend developing a self-serving bias in her?

If we recommend her to be inexorable, it could restrict her growth. Those who remain inflexible to others' feedback realize their folly in their mid-forties or fifties. Unfortunately, by then, it is often too late, and the damage cannot be undone. They lead a life of regret during their retirement period!

Thanks,

Dinesh Divekar

Dear Team,

Thank you all for your support and advice. This issue has been troubling me for a long time and I was a bit upset. All your suggestions will definitely help me to survive the hardest situation.

Regards,
Reema

Ms. Reema,

My simple suggestion to you is: try to be cheerful in the office atmosphere, regardless of the environments in family life. Socializing can be another factor in enhancing your personality. Your face should not display any signs of your seriousness or personal anxiety.