Feeling Overwhelmed: How to Stay Motivated When Your Team Turns Against You

I am an MBA graduate (regular) from a renowned B-School, currently working as a middle-level manager in an MNC. I have almost 4-5 years of experience. In my office, I have around 15 employees reporting to me. I am facing a very serious problem these days - my subordinates gang up against me to harass me.

Yes, it happens the other way round too!

The Beginning of the Problem

It all started when my boss began openly insulting me in front of my employees. (He has always insulted me in front of my peers in Manager's Meets, but I could survive until my subordinates did not know it.) He threatened to turn me out of the organization when I didn't agree to leave on my own, saying he is preparing my backup in the territory.

Then, he actually went ahead and plotted secretly to turn me out! One fine day, I was asked by him to leave the office premises without any fault of mine. After asking him the reason for the same, he said, "The management wants you out of here." I was asked to go on forced leave without even being informed of the reasons for turning me out. An inquiry was conducted by the 'management,' after which I was asked to take a transfer from my hometown where I was working. I could not take a transfer due to my family conditions. I was asked to 'take my own time to think.' When my stance did not change even after a period of almost 2 months, I was asked to join back the same office premises.

Challenges with the New Staff

When I joined back, the staff of the office was changed. New staff was transferred from other local branches of the organization into my office. This new staff misbehaves with me like anything. They refuse to come on time. I come to the office on time and wait for around 15 minutes daily for my subordinates to come and start the work. They answer back, bluntly refusing to do the work I ask them to do. I feel like a rubber stamp instead of being a boss in my own office.

Lack of Support from Superiors

My super boss doesn't listen to me at all when I try to discuss this with him. His only reply is, "We changed the staff for you, still you can't handle. The problem is in you." He never even picks up my phone calls and asks me to type all my problems in a message, which is not possible every time. How much can a person type all the time?

Seeking Advice and Motivation

I am getting depressed with each passing day. I am looking for a new job but I just want some advice on how I should keep myself motivated and continue to live sanely until I can find a new job. I don't want to leave this job until I find a new job since my family conditions don't allow me to do so.

Regards,

You have mentioned your problem. There are two parts to your post. Earlier, you faced hostility from your superior only. Now, not only the superior but juniors have also joined this bandwagon. Against this backdrop, how far it is worthwhile to continue in this organization is your call. The damage is irredeemable.

If your boss started insulting you in front of everybody, then that was a big mistake on his part. Reprimands should always be given in private. Castigation in front of others has lowered your value. You should have thought of quitting your company at that time itself. Why did you drag on? Is your boss an MBA? If yes, then it only goes on to show the hollowness of the management education in India.

Questions to Consider

Few things that you did not mention are as below:

- What is your designation?
- Which department were you working in?
- What is the qualification of your subordinates in general?
- What is the finished product or service of your company?

When the boss was scolding you, did you make note of your mistakes? Did you repeat those mistakes? Did you commit mistakes that belied or belittled your management education?

Understanding the Criticism

By the way, why was your boss criticizing you? Was it due to poor performance? What were the expectations of your boss and what was your performance? While taking this job, did you bite off more than you could chew?

In your entire post, nowhere have you mentioned your own mistake. So should we construe it as you having an external locus of control or a self-serving bias?

Anyway, take it as a lesson. There is a lot of animus between you and your boss. At this stage, separation is a better solution. But then also make an action plan on how to avoid in the future what happened in the current company.

All the best!

Regards,
Dinesh V Divekar

Dear Mr. Dinesh Divekar,

I am a little worried about answering all these questions lest I might end up disclosing my identity, but I will try to answer them to the maximum possible extent 

My Designation and Industry Context

To explain my designation - it's roughly similar to a Manager who is handling two Team Leaders and the employees working under them. In my industry, there are more males as we go up the hierarchy compared to the lower levels, and here, work experience is valued more than education. So, most of my subordinates are either 12th Pass or graduates. My boss started young at a lower level, went on to reach his current designation roughly in around 12 years, and completed his graduation later through correspondence.

Instances of Reprimand by My Boss

Regarding your questions about my boss reprimanding me, I will give you a few instances:

• He used to scold me if I ever lowered my eyes in case he used vulgar language in Managers' Meets. I was told that I was not bold enough to survive.

• I was told that the branch I am heading has failed in the audits. When I asked for the detailed report, I was not shown it. He asked me to read the entire operations manual and find out where I could have erred. (It's a huge manual, and it's not possible for me to find my mistakes by reading the entire manual.) Then, a few months later, I attended a Manager's Training Session with managers from all over India. There, I came to know by chance that I had scored a rank in the top 5 out of approximately 100 odd branches all over India.

• I caught an employee stealing. I had adequate proof. Still, no action was taken against her, citing inadequate proof as the reason.

After targeting me indirectly for work (which he could not do for long by hiding facts from me), he targeted me directly, calling me unattractive and abnormal. He commented that I was refusing to take a drink with him because I didn't trust him. Then, I was accused of not being friendly with my employees because I don't go out with them for night outs/late-night parties/movies.

Current Situation and Personal Reflection

Then I was asked to leave. When I joined back, I came to know that the said manager has left the organization himself, and people in my branch were all transferred. But the super boss, whom I now report to, is behaving in a hostile way for no fault of mine. I heard him telling my Team Leader that he is here on a 'Special Mission'.

I have felt you are an experienced individual and guide other people on the forum. I hope you can gauge that I don't suffer from any self-serving bias. In fact, I am a self-critical person. I often analyze what I should be doing because running away from things has never been my thing. Had I suffered from a self-serving bias, I would have kept hopping from one job to another instead of sticking in and trying to analyze myself and the situation in order to find solutions.

I do accept that I have a different lifestyle and, belonging to a conservative family, I know it's not possible for me to change it. But when I am not judging others for their lifestyle, why am I being judged? Why isn't an employee allowed to lead his/her personal life the way he/she wants to? Why should a person be made to leave the system when it has nothing to do with her job?

I have constantly proved myself at the workplace despite not getting any support. I have worked extra hard to prove myself as a manager. So, why should I run away from the company, and since when can I keep running? Where does it leave an honest and dedicated employee like me?

@Nashbramhall, thanks for your reply. You sent a link to a beautiful post. Shall update my reply there 

Regards.

Thank you for providing more information. It appears to be a case of workplace bullying with shades of sexual harassment and discrimination. The latter is evident from the issues related to late-night meetings and parties, as well as the use of sexually explicit language during meetings. Instead of feeling stressed and depressed, you need to take this as a challenge with an indomitable spirit.

Warm regards.

Being thick-skinned and thin-skinned selectively is easier said than done. Your subordinates may not listen to you and might falter, which will ultimately affect you. Consequently, your bosses will always have a reason to blame you.

You are destined to change this job; understanding how to survive until you find a new one is crucial. Continuous insults amount to psychological harassment, yet you have bigger battles to fight.

You are already aware of the issues that may arise from the actions of your unruly subordinates. Can you calculate the consequences? Your superior no longer communicates with you. Have you considered emailing them about the impending challenges you are likely to face?

Can you shift your focus from merely reporting problems to actively identifying and implementing solutions as they arise?

If you give yourself three months, do you think you could secure a new role? Setting a deadline for the current situation might provide you with some relief.

It's a delicate situation. How are grievances handled in your firm?

Thank you.

Hi Grace, my heart goes out to you as I see the kind of mental harassment that has been meted out to you for so long. However, without indulging in pity (as I understand even you wouldn't want that), I will just make a few observations.

Disclaimer: I am an MBA too, though not from a reputed institute and much less experienced. I kind of know the prejudice MBAs, in general, have to face; not to mention those from reputed colleges. Hence, I can put myself in your shoes—as far as prejudice is concerned. Further, I am basing my comments on reading the first page and NOT the whole thread as I found it quite voluminous.

Observations on Workplace Harassment

My first observation is that, according to your own description, your superior's behavior encompassed many negative work practices—from inappropriate behavior and mental harassment to sexual harassment (sexual innuendos and explicit jokes also count as sexual harassment). And you either didn't recognize this or put up with it because you had a nice job with a good company and good salary (I am assuming).

However, the trade-off of staying here and being treated like this may be much more jarring than career growth. What I am saying is, is the mental trauma of staying here really worth it? I would suggest running away from this pervert and misogynist as soon as possible and as far as you can. (This might sound a bit dramatic).

You can introspect and retrospect about where you went wrong later.

Regards