Navigating HR Friendliness: Am I Overstepping Boundaries or Building Trust?

I am 2 years into the HR field, still at my first job. Last year, I was given charge of handling HR for a circle. It is all good, and I think I am doing well. However, the bone of contention that my management has with me is that I am not serious enough or strong enough. They say this because I am very friendly with the staff. It took me a long time to see their point. My learning from this experience is as follows:

1. HR cannot go around making friends with employees except maybe with other HR professionals.

2. I used to call everyone "SIR!!" right from the senior engineer to the circle head. I did so because everybody was older than me. It was a colossal mistake from which I am still reeling. Like another HR friend told me, "Sir Sir bologe tho sir par baitega!" (excuse the grammar). It is always wise to use the word "sir" judiciously. Others can be addressed with "Mr."

3. My eternal need to be loved by all. As a person, I have a never-ending need for approval from everyone and to be liked. I am working on it. This has also worked against me.

Steps to an Image Makeover

Now I am trying to go in for a complete image makeover. As a part of this, I have made the following changes:

1. Lead by example: Never being late to the office.

2. Documenting everything: To appear more professional, I write emails to document discussions.

3. I have reduced talking and laughing with everyone. I have to fight my funny bones every day to not make a witty repartee or laugh at a hilarious joke. To not appear aloof or moody, I just smile graciously.

4. There was a man who would make fun of me every time I took a leave. (Yes, now you know how much of a free rein I gave everyone to talk to me in any way they could)! I gave him an earful for it in front of everyone in a very humorous way, but his face went red, and he got the point.

I feel so safe and nice after having joined this community, knowing that my community is there to help and guide. If you have the time, please let me know if I am making any blunders in the last 4 points. Please give me tips to build a formidable reputation and not be taken for granted because of my age and experience.

Regards.

First and foremost, my kudos to you. The way you have written your post shows that you have tremendous clarity in your thinking process. Secondly, you have not just tossed your problems at seniors, but you have come up with solutions as well. Now you are asking for clarification on whether the solutions are correct or not. Very good, Lakshmi. Keep it up. I feel I had the luxury of having a subordinate like you!

Replies to Your Learnings

1) HR cannot go around making friends with employees except maybe with other HRs.

*Go around, make friends, but it should have a "formal framework." Do not break this framework of formality. Please understand the difference between "making friendship" and "rubbing shoulders with someone."*

2) I used to call everyone SIR!! Right from the Senior Engineer to the Circle Head, I did so because everybody was older than me. It was a colossal mistake from which I am still reeling. Like another HR friend told me, "Sir Sir bologe tho sir par baitega!" (excuse the grammar). It is always wise to use the word "sir" judiciously. Others can be addressed with a Mr.

*Calling someone "Sir" as a mark of respect is perfectly fine; however, do not go on calling "Sir, Sir, etc." At the same time, be assertive also. Be polite but firm to say "no" where required.*

3) My eternal need to be loved by all. As a person, I have a never-ending need for approval from everyone and to be liked. I am working on it. This has also worked against me.

*Sorry. I strongly beg to differ with you. You are a professional, and that too an HR professional. Expecting to be liked by everyone is a political mindset. In the course of the execution of our work, we may invite dislike from someone. But that is the nature of HR's job.*

As per McClelland's Theory of Motivation, you appear to have a strong Need for Affiliation. However, if required, you need to exercise power also.

Comments on the "Changes" You Have Made

1) Lead by example: Never being late to the office.

*This you should have done long ago. This has nothing to do with the problem that you have mentioned.*

2) Documenting Everything: To appear more professional, I write emails to document discussions.

*Good habit. However, ensure that you are able to retrieve records when required.*

3) I have reduced talking and laughing with everyone (I have to fight my funny bones every day to not make a witty repartee or laugh at a hilarious joke). To not appear aloof or moody, I just smile graciously.

*Please do not bring this change suddenly. Otherwise, it will become noticeable to one and all. Anyway, it is a good move.*

4) There was a man who would make fun of me every time I took a leave (Yes, now you know how much of a free rein I gave everyone to talk to me in any way they could)! I gave him an earful for it in front of everyone in a very humorous way, but his face went red, and he got the point.

*Sorry, Lakshmi. You could have reprimanded him in private and not in public. In fact, before going on leave, you could have given private feedback to that person that on your return, he should not poke any fun at you. This would have strengthened your position.*

Everything is fine from your side. However, I am a little surprised at one thing. How come your senior HR or any other senior like Director, VP, etc., did not give feedback on the above points? Why was there a situation wherein you had to analyze your mistake and take corrective measures? If someone had given you feedback, you could have corrected your behavior long ago.

You are great, Lakshmi. People do not change even after giving them feedback or after counseling. You are a person who was proactive in changing. You will grow surely. God bless you!

Regards,
Dinesh V Divekar

My sincere and heartfelt gratitude to you, Sir, for your detailed, in-depth analysis and reply to my query. Your reply to my fourth point reiterated my belief in the vast difference between a senior and a junior in handling a situation. The finesse in your actions (based on the reply you gave) is exactly what I hope to learn in the coming years.

To address your questions, in my office, I am the sole HR person. My reporting bosses are based in our Mumbai Office. They would always give me the feedback that "You are doing everything required but something is missing" (in my own words). For a long time, I could not understand what it was that they were expecting. It took me some time to realize this and to think and come up with the solutions.

I think it could be because our interactions were limited and over the phone. It could also be because there is no supervision on a daily basis. The person I administratively report to here is not from HR; he is the operations head, and I think it suited them that I was very friendly and approachable. So he never pointed out anything inappropriate in my behavior.

Extremely happy to receive your feedback.

Regards,

I have a comment on your way of addressing elders using 'Sir'. In India, we are taught from childhood to respect our elders, so our internal instinct always prompts us to approach relationships with elders with respect. However, the workplace is not the right setting to use this form of address; calling elders or anyone 'Sir' is no longer common practice in most industries. Just remember, not using 'Sir' does not necessarily lead to disappointment.

It's essential to adapt to new trends; otherwise, you may feel out of place. Your four solutions look good, and Mr. Dinesh has provided some valuable comments.

Wonderful Lakshmi! Great. I fully appreciate you not getting feedback. I am in a similar situation. You may want to have frequent interaction with the Head Office (HO). Find ways and means to visit the HO. You will benefit greatly from their experience and knowledge. Being new to your career, you cannot afford to miss the opportunity to learn.

Way to go...

Regards,
Pavan