How Can I Handle My Senior Manager's Inappropriate Advances Without Risking My Job?

Dear All Seniors,

I am working as a product manager with a leading pharmaceutical company based in Mumbai. I have recently joined this organization. After completing my induction and orientation program, I am in the field with my senior manager. My senior manager is the profit center for my company and next to the director in the hierarchy. However, during work, I have analyzed that he is more interested in building a personal relationship with me rather than maintaining a professional one.

I am already a married woman and do not appreciate any inappropriate conversations or physical contact. I have already communicated this to him, but he does not seem to understand and continues to pressure me for a friendship. On several occasions, he has expressed his feelings and affection towards me.

He is almost 55 years old, a well-settled married person. During our interactions, he has tried to touch me and hug me, making me feel uncomfortable at work. Despite explaining my boundaries and expressing my intentions to maintain a strictly professional relationship, he insists that it is necessary for my survival in the industry to engage with him personally. He has now resorted to creating issues that affect my work and has threatened my job security.

I am currently feeling mentally disturbed and depressed. This is a crucial point in my career, and I am determined not to jeopardize it due to his inappropriate behavior. He has warned me that not complying with his wishes could lead to the loss of my job. He holds a significant position in the company, being the profit center and closely connected to the director, making it challenging for me to report his misconduct without fear of repercussions.

I do not want to lose my job, especially during this recession period. While I am in need of employment, I am unwilling to compromise my principles. I kindly seek advice from all seniors on how to handle this situation and make him understand that I am solely focused on professionalism and my career advancement, rather than engaging in a personal relationship with him.

Please provide me with some guidance and tips on how to address this issue effectively.

Thank you.

Hello Pooja,

Not sure what the ladies would suggest, but I think you should quit ASAP, before he spreads out the canards outside the company. Since you say that he is one of the TOP guys in the company, I think it's fair to assume that his contacts outside the company would be quite wide.

Coming to your impression about the recession, I think you are far out-of-the-mark. At least the Indian market is quite vibrant again and is almost back to normal. Just go ahead and begin your trials to change--but I would suggest that you be as discreet as possible. Though you would know better about the Pharma industry in India, I believe it's closely-knit. I hope you get what I mean. Another thing is: please don't disclose the ACTUAL reason for looking for the change so soon after joining--it may not be taken at face value and also there is every chance that it may go against your candidature.

You haven't mentioned anything about your family. But I suggest you keep them informed too, in whatever way you think you 'feel' is the best way.

Some forum members may suggest paying him back in a tough way. But I think that's ill-advised for two reasons: (1) what he does ISN'T IN YOUR CONTROL, but what you want to do or do IS IN YOUR CONTROL. Just go and do it--in the right way and timing. (2) Even if you strongly want to give it back to him, just hold back and think if it's worth it [both in terms of time and effort]--even if you find a way to do it, despite his position. Sometimes in life, it's better to move away from situations that aren't in our control--which is totally different from running away.

All the best.

Regards,

TS

Dear Pooja,

It is quite unfortunate to note that this is all happening to you. You are between the devil and the deep blue sea.

Situations of this kind happen because workplace romance is considered fait accompli by a few. Your Director must have had some predecessor who was responding to his sexual overtures, and now he feels that you should follow the predecessor's suit.

What choices do you have now? You have the following choices:

a) Accept his sexual overtures without objections
b) Not accept his sexual overtures on one hand but not raise objections either.
c) Not accept his sexual overtures and remind him of the dire consequences.
d) Quit the employment

Your personal values will decide your choice. Whichever you choose, I request you not to stress. However, going by your post, I feel that the appropriate choices for you are (c) or (d). But your problem is that you do not want to take up the cudgel.

You can raise a case of sexual harassment against him. The Supreme Court has given guidelines in the famous Vishakha case to protect women employees. However, before raising the case, you need to have proper evidence.

In many companies, justice is linked to the designation. The higher the designation, the higher the chances of the defaulter being let off. Therefore, you need to be very cautious.

The best thing is to acquire a good mobile phone and record the conversation. Most Samsung mobiles have the facility to record telephonic conversations. Without showing any emotions, remind him of professional behavior and tape the conversation. As soon as you record the conversation, transfer the audio file to your computer. You may upload it to your personal email ID to avoid the evidence getting destroyed.

Once you have 3-4 such recording sessions, either in person or through the telephone, you can raise a case of sexual harassment. Make sure there is no large time gap between the generation of evidence and the actual complaint.

If your company tries to shield him, you can go to the nearest police station and lodge a complaint or even go to the National Women's Commission with proper evidence.

When I recommend this, be clear that this option will be quite traumatic and may put your career in jeopardy. But passing through the bigger fire is better than getting minor burns every day.

There are other women members of this forum like (Cite Contribution), Majumdar, and Jane Autumn who may give their comments.

Ok...

Dinesh V Divekar

Hello,

It is clear that you are walking a VERY slippery path and not by choice. You have to respond to these overtures from the boss. If he is not resisted, he will become bolder and treat you as a captive, pliable at will, and he will operate without limits.

Since the company does not belong to him, you have as much right to be employed there as anyone else, including him.

Tell me if your superiors know you for your work.

I suggest the following ways/alternatives, but remember, association with such a person needs to be snapped as fast as possible, and in the meanwhile, you can only take care of your safety.

1. Invite him and his family, particularly his wife, for high tea or dinner at your place. Invent an occasion, if necessary. Make it a private party between the two families. Encourage the children to participate.
2. Develop a friendship with his wife independently, but do not share her husband's ways with her right away.
3. Lodge a formal complaint with the superiors, if necessary, by going over his head and to the police for obscene behavior, indecent proposals, and suggestive overtures.
4. Before that, you must equip yourself with some evidence. This is possible with the help of a cleverly used voice recorder on your mobile. Then there are video/audio recorder pens that are very effective, and you can record all his indecent speech/behavior. These pens are fairly economical and easily available. Using them is also very easy. You must pick up the courage to use this pen! The Police and also your superiors will have no way to avoid acting!

All this only if you wish to stand up for your rights and be fearless about your self-respect/esteem. If you feel you are not up to putting up a fight, it is better to QUIT at once! There is no victory or defeat in such matters. No job is more important than your esteem and the sanctity of your family and loved ones.

Best of Luck.

Regards,
samvedan
October 2, 2010

---

Dear All Seniors,

I am working as a product manager with a leading pharmaceutical company based in Mumbai. I have recently joined this organization. After completing my induction and orientation program, I am on a field job with my senior manager. My senior manager is the profit center for my company and next to the director in hierarchy. But during work, I analyzed that he is more interested in establishing a personal relationship with me instead of maintaining a professional one.

I am already a married woman and do not appreciate any loose talks or physical contact. I have already conveyed this message to that person, but he is not ready to understand and continues to pressure me for friendship. Several times he has expressed his feelings towards me and has even attempted physical contact. He is almost 55 years old, a well-settled married person. During our interactions, he has tried to touch and hug me, making me uncomfortable at work. I have explained my stance to him, stating that I am here for professionalism and my career, not personal relationships in the industry. However, he insists that if he starts behaving professionally with me, it will be difficult for me to survive in the industry. He has now started creating issues that affect my work and is threatening to take action against me.

I am mentally disturbed and depressed. This job is crucial for my career, and I do not want to lose it because of him. He has already hinted that I will lose my job if I do not comply with his wishes. He holds a significant position in the company, being the profit center and close to the director. I fear that if I raise a complaint, no action will be taken as he has strong connections.

I do not want to lose my job, especially during this recession period. I need the job, but I am not willing to compromise my ethics.

I kindly request all seniors to provide suggestions on how I can make him understand that I am not interested in a personal relationship and want to maintain a professional environment. He is causing me a lot of trouble professionally due to his personal interests.

Please offer some tips.

Dear poojaj,

I am sorry to know about your problem.

There are certain 'black sheep' in every industry/organization who are bent on exploiting 'victims'. They identify their victims as those who are new or appear defenseless.

Certain situations require 'out-of-the-box' thinking for solutions.

Apart from the excellent advice given earlier, I would suggest that you stop 'playing' the victim. You have been a member of CiteHR.com since Feb. 2008, and I see that you have almost 6 years of experience in HRM and have independently handled your HR consultancy!

Do not get daunted or cowed down by such unfair intimidations. You may consider the person as a 'blue-eyed boy' of the management, but it may not necessarily be true. Sometimes, the organization may be looking for a valid excuse/reason to 'tame' that person. A well-documented complaint, supported by evidence and witnesses, may give the management just the required ammunition to fire the person!

Feel empowered by the fact that the law is on your side. "Sexual harassment" is a serious offense and, apart from the severe consequences in employment, it is punishable by law. Recently, very senior and even iconic professionals have been indicted for this offense and awarded appropriate punishment. So, you need not be awed by the status of the delinquent senior.

Initially, you may try to deal tactfully by making it very clear in precise words and tone to the other person to desist from making any moves or remarks that are not in the context of your employment or assigned responsibility.

If it still persists, you can escalate the matter informally by meeting the concerned HR person or his Reporting Officer and convey that if necessary, you will put up a formal complaint. In all likelihood, the person shall be informed/warned verbally.

Also, since this matter is beyond the professional realm, enlist the support of your family members. Confide in your husband and seek his help. He has every right to interfere in this matter. At times, even a drop-off and pick-up from the office are enough to deter such advances.

Hope you find the above useful. Do keep the members informed in case of any developments.

Warm regards.

Hello Pooja,

Raj Kumar is right in quite a few aspects. Before taking it up within the organization, suggest enlisting your husband's idea of dropping by the office, as Raj Kumar suggested.

Also, given that your boss seems to be so brazen, there's every chance that he could have succeeded earlier. And that's probably what Raj Kumar suggested—that the organization may be looking for a valid excuse or reason to 'tame' that person—ought also to be true, since such things never go unnoticed—just because people don't react or respond doesn't mean they don't notice. So if you can plan out your steps carefully as Dinesh Divakar suggested, you should be able to collect evidence without many hassles.

Also, how are your relations with other female staff? Usually, such things get discussed—get to know about the past within the company—not that it will solve your problem, but such feedback can give you ideas on how to handle the situation better.

Regards,

TS

Dear Pooja,

First, this is not a one off problem in your career. Junctures like this would keep coming in different forms, be it as an ethical or a professional dissonance. Relax and think long term.

It has happened to other who have worked in your position and would happen to the ones who join after you .The one who faced it before you have found their solution, so would you. Have you tried finding out, how they resolve it?

Your fear and vulnerability will give power to him. Always remember you have a choice! Even if this job is the best thing that has happened to you, what do you think you will gain if you continue working like this? Are you imagining people outside the organization don't know what kind of man is he? He doesn't need to malign you, the fact that you had survived him will do needful! So decide on the end date to this job. Either move into a role within the organization or move out.

It's difficult but still manageable to survive a toxic boss. But the one who targets your reputation isn't worth the effort. If you decide to leave the job and start looking for a new one, he would read the absence of fear in you. Expect the worst out of him. Remain vigilant and courteous. Never snap him , consistently remain cold and indifferent as if he revokes no reaction in you . If he ask you ,tell him some vague issues you are dealing at home . Avoid talking on anything other than work . Remain consistent at it. He is likely to lose interest in you eventually. Avoid being alone with him by all means. If possible shift your work station and arrange for team meetings. Miss out on all the travels together. If he request for a meeting arrange it in a cabin with glass walls. Incase you don't have such a place in your office look for a place which is in complete public view .Take up initiative and project which will require you to work and report to other leaders .This will need a lot of tact, but is not impossible . Do it very cautiously without raising any alarm.

In the meantime, do make effort to be known to his family, though it would be very tricky and can complicate things. His wife might have been saturated to such stories about him, hence remain indifferent. Worst he may restrict you, this can be pretty insulting for you. Weigh your options before you try that. Look for an office celebration on a public platform, where he may not have a choice to restrict his wife's and your interaction. Read on how such interactions have been allowed with other ladies in your office.

Sharing this with your family may give you emotional support only if you have a complete understanding with them. It may create unnecessary hassles if your husband can't take the situation objectively. Try resolving it on your own.

If you wish to be shifted into another department, that would happen only through him! He is definite to be your sponsor but then with a cost! Know your trade-off. Plan meticulously. Site other sponsors who might be able to help you plan your career path within the organization. If you have women leaders, look for them. They may not do anything for you, but be known to them. Make an ally with the decision makers of the other business units, so that if required they can help you shift. Suppose you are in marketing, you have a health reason which is why you need to be in a stationed job, or maybe you wanted to be in HR for long. Even if it is with lower pay or at a lower position, do not bother. Just take it up . Remember to remain very patient if you choose this way.

By all means do not fuel the grapevine. Use it to collect information. Never malign him, until you are dead-sure to succeed through the open-door. Before you consider open-door, find out who manages and how they have been responding to it. Using open door can get you attention but may not do justice to the situation. When he is such a blue eyed boy, his detractors might use you to create a case against him, with little or no results for you. I am sure there were many cases reported on him. It must have fell on deaf ear. Worst a whole lot of drama must have been created with no result. Sorry for the assumption. If he was not sure of the support he have, he wouldn't have been this unscrupulous.

Look for a job by all means. It isn't escapism. You can fight only when it would create any productive result. The fact that you will decided to stand for yourself will give you a lot of strength and freedom. In the long run, you wouldn't stand to lose much even if you can't land up an equally good job. It's all about the breadth of your experience which makes you employable.

Every problem is as difficult as you see it and as good as you manage it .Wish you all the best!

Regards,
(Cite Contribution)

Hi Pooja,

Many women are targeted like this in the majority of organizations. But never give up. I appreciate your courage in at least requesting suggestions in an open forum like this. I would personally advise you to warn him of dire consequences. You have already given sufficient time for him to change his attitude. Never think of quitting the job unless it is very much unavoidable because these problems exist everywhere. There have been many examples of people being thrown out of a job for unruly/misbehavior with women at work. Top management is always there to support you ladies in a good organization. If the organization is not good, then I would definitely suggest you to think over continuing there. Keep your family members posted on this. Don't pretend to be soft to him; warn him clearly once as I told you earlier. Bold people always make big names, and professionalism always fetches you good results. All the best.

First and foremost, confide in your husband and seek his support. Next, you should send an email to HR about the misbehavior of this senior, with a cc to yourself and his immediate superior. You are in a position that could jeopardize your job, so you will have to take a risk. Even if you were to lose your job, it shouldn't cost you your self-respect. No company likes to retain an employee who might bring forth a sexual harassment issue post the strict government regulations.

Stand up for yourself. What would you do if you encountered an eve teaser on your way home? You wouldn't change your home but rather teach him a lesson. Such individuals can be found everywhere. A firm response next time will set things straight. He believes we are vulnerable. Please do not allow anyone to take advantage of you.

I hope your problem is now under control. If not, just let us know, and I shall send you our corporate policy to stop sexual harassment in offices. We are capable of creating immense pressure on the company through national and international sources. I appreciate your effort and assure you that womanizers like this exist in almost all companies, and there are specific processes to stop this.

Regards,
Mihir

Handling Inappropriate Behavior in the Workplace

Take careful steps with these types of people. Individuals with such attitudes should be reprimanded. They should not behave inappropriately with other female staff members in the future. They should seek support from their family members and receive moral guidance. Actions should be taken in accordance with Criminal Law Procedures Section 354 and against the modesty of women. Other applicable sections should also be considered.

Regards

The world is full of such people, and you have to trust and back yourself first. Of course, there are laws to protect you.

Make your displeasure very clear to him. Don't say it in so many words, but make it very clear that you are not going to take this and will not shy away from escalating the matter, even if it means going to the cops or making a formal harassment complaint.

His weapon is your fear. As long as you are afraid of creating a scene, losing your job, him talking nonsense, or people speaking ill of you, he will keep preying on you, grow bolder, and things may even worsen.

He needs to know that you are not afraid of escalating the issue. He, too, has a lot at stake—his career, his family life, his reputation—heck, he could even be jailed. Make him afraid. Don't say it outright, but communicate this message loud and clear, and if necessary, even say it.

Best wishes. Stay brave and stay safe.

The approach mentioned by Bodhi Sutra, in light of the proceedings that have been established now, is apt. Please voice your concern. Since the prevention programs have been sensitized well these days, there's a fair chance that you will get your justice. Wish you all the best!

This kind of notorious activity is just not tolerable at all in any perspective. I hope you are aware of the Vishakha Act (Protection of Women from Sexual Harassment in the Workplace). Above all, we belong to the 21st century, and we all know the usage of smartphones and gadgets, so use these devices against him tactfully. With a cool head, just expose him in front of his family and friends. Otherwise, if you want permanent relief, you will have to report his true colors at the police station. Be happy and smile.

Hi Pooja,

It's better to change your job ASAP because you have already mentioned that there is no other person to complain to. So, it's better to move away from this type of womanizer. I think now it's not a problem to get a job for a talented person like you... Go ahead.

Regards,
Deepa Vipin

As per the new Sexual Harassment Act of 2013, you can take your complaint to the internal complaints committee, who would then take action against this person. It doesn't matter that he is close to the director. You have every right to go ahead and report this. Please ensure that the complaint is within 3 months of the last incident that has taken place.

I found this good website called asklabourproblem.info. Maybe the information there might help you about going about the whole process.