Evaluating Employee Writing Skills: Which Memo Communicates the Issue More Effectively?

Dear Friends, I need help. I have been tasked with assessing the writing skills of two employees. I requested them to write a memo to three drivers of the company who did not maintain the company vehicle properly. Due to their negligence, the vehicle stopped working. Therefore, a penalty equal to the maintenance charges will be imposed on them.

1st Employee's Memo

Subject: Penalty for Irresponsibly Handling of Company Car

This is in relation to your irresponsible behavior towards handling the company vehicle. The vehicle number 143146, which was under your possession, is out of order and has stopped working. Your negligence was discovered during the car inspection, and the operations of the PMS department have been affected due to the lack of the vehicle resulting from your negligence.

It is important to remind you that each employee is accountable for the proper handling of company assets, and any maintenance requirements should be reported to the office promptly to prevent work stoppages. In this instance, none of you informed the office about the condition of the vehicle until it ceased to work.

A substantial maintenance cost could have been avoided if you had reported promptly; therefore, as a penalty, the total maintenance cost will be deducted from the salaries of all three of you in equal proportions.

Please consider this letter as a warning, and repeated incidents will lead to more severe disciplinary actions, potentially including termination of employment.

For your strict compliance.

2nd Employee's Memo

Subject: Penalty for Not Maintaining the Company Vehicle

You are receiving a written warning and penalty for non-compliance with the usage of the company vehicle.

The renewal of the registration of the vehicle plate number No. 143146 has failed due to technical evaluation and legal requirements as per the inspection report. According to your department, this car has been regularly used by you and two other employees. The report indicates that proper maintenance was not carried out on time. This negligence and irresponsible behavior towards your job and the company vehicle are evident.

As per the policy, each employee is personally responsible for any fines resulting from driving or parking violations, as well as any damage to the company vehicle due to the employee's negligence. It is also the responsibility of each employee to report any issues the vehicle may have, whether mechanical or otherwise, that could pose unsafe conditions for themselves or others.

Mr. A, Mr. B, and Mr. C, the use of a company vehicle is strictly for business purposes. Failure to maintain the company vehicle properly can lead to complications. As a penalty for your negligence and irresponsible behavior, management has decided to deduct the cost of repairing the damage to fix the vehicle for registration from your monthly salary. The deducted amount will be communicated once the invoice is received.

Moving forward, any violation of this policy or any other work rule may result in further disciplinary action, up to and including termination.

Which employee do you think demonstrates better writing skills? Please provide your valuable feedback.

Thanks

Regards, Rashid

Kindly understand that drafting and composing skills are an art that can only be achieved through embracing, mastering, and practicing them over time. It is a crucial part of business communication skills, commonly used in the corporate world. We can also use plain English to convey the right message without confusing the reader if our vocabulary is weak.

In my opinion, the second letter conveyed the message, but it is a bit lengthy and needs to be fine-tuned grammatically. Here are some suggestions:

1. Language should be more formal.
2. Avoid repetition.
3. Punctuation is essential; otherwise, it sounds like a rap song.
4. Avoid writing the way we communicate in our local language.
5. Using appropriate words is crucial.
6. Follow the KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) format.

You can ask your staff to fine-tune their letters and resubmit them. You will notice the differences.

With profound regards,

Dear Rashid, From my point of view, both candidates do not have good business writing skills. It is apparent from what they have written that they have not received formal training in "Business Writing Skills."

To me, they are birds of a feather. The grammar of the draft is one thing, and the structure of what you write is another. The most glaring anomaly in both drafts is the lack of proper structure.

All both candidates could have done was to follow the guidelines for writing an essay. We learned in school that the format of an essay should be ICRC, i.e., Introduction, Cause, Results, and Conclusion. Was adhering to this format that difficult?

Now, the onus of the selection choice is on you.

Ok...

Regards,
Dinesh V Divekar

Dear Rashid,

By the way, Rashid, these are my additional comments.

The question that comes to my mind is: was this incident true, or was it fictitious only to test the business writing skills of the candidates?

If the incident is true, then let me apprise you of the Supreme Court ruling regarding fines and penalties imposed on the staff. The Supreme Court has ruled several times that fines and penalties should not be disproportionate to the income of the employee. Complete recovery of the amount from the driver could be a violation of the principles of natural justice.

The second issue is that before deciding to impose the penalty, did you issue a show cause notice? You should have issued a show cause notice and asked for the drivers' explanation. If the reply was unsatisfactory, then only could you have initiated action for the recovery.

The third aspect is how you communicated to the drivers about their responsibility for the maintenance of the vehicle. Is it part of their job description, or was it just an assumption on your part? If it is part of their job description, have you taken a signature from the said drivers?

Fourthly, who was responsible for checking the vehicle's logbook? If the drivers did not maintain their vehicles, why did this fact escape the attention of the senior authorities? Here, senior authorities are equally blameworthy.

Anyway, let me assume the case to be fictitious. The model warning letter could be as follows:

+++++

Date: -

To,

Mr. ________ Employee No: - _________ (name and address of your company)

Poor Maintenance of the Vehicle

1. You have been working as _____ (designation) since _____ (date). As a part of your duties, you are responsible for maintaining the vehicle bearing BA No _______.

2. On ______ (date), the vehicle stopped functioning. When the vehicle was taken to the service workshop, it was revealed that the cause of this failure was poor maintenance of the vehicle.

3. Vehicles are our company's fixed asset. Their proper maintenance is important to keep them in serviceable condition to derive benefits until their assigned useful life. Non-maintenance of the vehicles results in reducing the longevity of the vehicles.

4. Non-maintenance of the vehicle assigned to your job has been viewed seriously. You are hereby warned to be careful of your duties and maintain the vehicles properly. Severe disciplinary action would be initiated if this lapse recurs.

5. As a punitive measure, it has been decided to impose a penalty on you equivalent to the service charges of the vehicle. You are directed to pay Rs _____ by _____ (date) to the accounts department and deposit a photocopy of the receipt of payment of the penalty to the HR department. If you fail to pay this amount, you would forfeit wages equivalent to this amount from your next month's salary.

_________ (name) _________ (designation)

for ______________ (company name)

Regards,
Dinesh V Divekar

Dear All,

Normally, I do not read such posts as I concentrate on posts seeking help with students' projects. However, I am making comments after being invited. Please do not take this as criticism of your approach.

To me, Rashid's post was clear. Rashid, please correct me if I am wrong. He had given a hypothetical scenario to test the writing skills of two employees and wanted to know which of the two scripts was better and why. Jacob, as is his wont, has given a good explanation as to why he thinks the second one was better. Dinesh Divekar has rightly stated that both responses are substandard and have gone beyond the brief, and he has given a good example of how to write a formal letter of warning.

Have a nice day.

Regards, Simhan Learning & Teaching Fellow (Retd) The University of Bolton, UK