How Can I Tactfully Address My Boss's Attitude Issues in a Review Meeting?

Dear seniors, I have a review meeting tomorrow, and I need to discuss something about my boss. He has an attitude problem, and I need to indirectly advise him about his mistakes. Can anyone please help me in this regard?

A friendly advice: maintain the decorum of language used in this forum. This forum is established to promote healthy discussions related to the HR field. These posts are read by many senior members and freshers alike. Such language portrays you in a poor light.

With reference to your post, I don't know what has happened that you want to seek revenge by sarcastically praising your boss, but this tactic will not lead you anywhere. Focus on your self-development rather than pulling others down. Moreover, if your boss senses humiliation in your sarcastic talks, your life will be more hellish. So don't mess with mother nature, electricity, and boss! :-D

Dear Dinesh, I won't support your idea, but if you are desperate, please follow what is suggested below:

State as follows: "If, God forbid, I have to say something really derogatory about my boss under a situation of duress, compulsion, undue influence, or coercion, then the only derogatory statement that I would and can make about my boss is that he is a great human being and a great boss."

Smart people in your organization will get the point loud and clear. Hope you find a new job; otherwise, happy hunting.

Regards, Octavious

Providing feedback to a senior is tricky, often irrespective of their nature. In your situation, let's, for a change, imagine how you would handle it had the boss been affable and receptive. You need to stay relevant, with data on what you share and be succinct about your views on it. For example, a task that was allocated and delivered might not have been acknowledged. You may select such situations and share how his directions helped you deliver efficiently. Be sure not to sound flattering, yet acknowledge the effort and support you have received from him so far.

Everyone can see each other's faults and weaknesses. Hence, focusing on them will highlight your incapabilities to turn a situation. Stay focused on your message; I am sure you will generate the right response. Wish you all the best!

Other seniors have given you advice; hence, as is my custom, I will raise questions for you to ponder over. I ask these questions as I am not clear about the situation.

In my work experience, when I was being reviewed, I never had to talk about my boss. Maybe things have changed now. Or is your company using 360-degree appraisal where you have to provide feedback about your boss?

What do you mean by an attitude problem? Or is it your perception that he has such a problem? If you had given an example of what you term as an "attitude problem," it would have been useful for us to assess the situation.

Have a lovely day.

Regards,
Simhan Learning and Teaching Fellow (Retd.) The University of Bolton, UK.

Always keep in mind to think about and talk about what is wrong instead of who is wrong. Think and talk about how to rectify the wrong instead of whom to blame for the wrong. As said by our seniors, never think of using derogatory speeches in public, especially about your boss.

Here, I would like to tell you one thing: your boss has reached this position, whatever he holds now, only after crossing your level. So, keep in mind that he can understand your express meaning and even the implied meaning of your speech. Our attitude only sets our altitude in our life. If anything wrong takes place, please focus on what is wrong and how to rectify it.

Regards

Hi Readers, @TS: Thanks for the appreciation and smile for my small humor!

Feedback to Bosses: A Delicate Matter

What Dinesh has brought up is an interesting topic - how do we give feedback to our bosses, especially when the feedback is not so pleasant? As Ms. (Cite Contribution) mentioned, is the boss receptive or affable enough to entertain any not-so-pleasant feedback? It all depends on the personality of the boss, which we can explore during our tenure with them.

I wanted to ask, what are good ideas for conveying certain feedback to the bosses to make life easier without affecting appraisals or offending the boss?

My heartfelt thanks to all senior members. As far as the original question is concerned, as put forth more clearly by Ms. (Cite Contribution) and Mr. Hussain, I believe giving feedback to supervisors/bosses (upward feedback) requires very tactful and delicate handling. I strongly feel that before even thinking about providing feedback to the boss, one should make sure that they both share mutual trust, which will give them a conducive environment to give or receive feedback. Do you share a good relationship/rapport with your boss? If I were to think along those lines, I would rather assess what kind of relationship I share with my boss. I support Octavious and Simhan Sir's opinion. The attitude problem of your boss could be just your perception. Most of the time, we do not have a fair idea about their job demands and issues.

I would like to know what you have derived from all the wonderful suggestions provided by our senior members.

I have seen many people buying their bosses books on topics in which their bosses are weak, and then presenting the book to their bosses. For example, a book on leadership for bosses with poor leadership qualities.

Regards,
Octavious

Dear All, quite an interesting discussion is going on here. I agree with Mr. Hussain that we must maintain decorum of language. What I understood from Mr. Dinesh Pillai's post is that he was just communicating from his heart without evaluating his boss on the whole. Before we respond to Mr. Dinesh Pillai, we should find out "what made him post such comments about his boss." We need to understand Mr. Dinesh Pillai but not his boss. I am sure this will help us to guide all those members seeking appropriate inputs from us.

Our replies should be based on Mr. Dinesh Pillai's inputs. Mr. Simhans' approach, dealing with members for acquiring relevant information, is quite practical, and I truly appreciate it because it's a really productive, realistic, and practical approach. This approach has bridged the gap between the seeker and adviser, resulting in productive discussions.

Mr. Hussain, it's definitely not all about taking revenge but the outcome of the relationship between boss and employee. It is the responsibility of the boss to maintain a healthy and positive relationship with his/her employees rather than making them feel that "he/she is just a boss - demonstrating the sign of superiority and his/her powers." This reflects the organization's work culture as well.

A boss cannot be compared with mother nature in any way.

I agree with Mr. Simhan, upward feedback, or a 360-degree appraisal about the boss will reveal much more than everything if it is allowed anonymously. A good sign of a good boss will listen and accept criticism, in whatever shape it may be. This is the best way to understand his team.

Ms. (Cite Contribution) had pointed out the right attributes of attitude/behavior - affable and receptive, associated with good leadership skills.

One thing I had noted is that none of us likes to mess up with the boss because he is the boss, but why don't we take it in a positive sense to make him a better leader because bosses fall under the management category, therefore:

1) Management has to have mastery of techniques/strategies. Leadership has only one task, i.e., empowering/encouraging/motivating/uplifting/nourishing people. Combining the two is effectiveness!

2) Leadership positions are not merely roles of power. It's an obligation to help/empower/encourage/motivate/uplift/nourish people to be successful and happy.

3) Bosses should act before they speak and think before they act because actions have more volume than words.

4) Bosses have an attitude problem as their positive attitudes must serve them primarily, making themselves and their team feel encouraged/empowered.

5) The biggest problem I had noted in bosses is that "they take everything for granted just for being a boss."

I recollect Mr. Dinesh Divekar's efforts as he had met more than 100 M.D.'s and found their attitudes in common. I really wonder:

- Why is it difficult for employees to motivate their bosses positively?
- Why are we employees failing to motivate our bosses?
- A boss can speak anything against his/her employee, but an employee can't. Don't you all feel this is strange? I feel that it's not a balanced work culture between boss and employee.
- Why don't bosses think without a superiority complex?

There are many queries that need to be answered by the boss himself, but I don't know whether he/she will love to listen to such queries. I wish we could eliminate the word boss and replace it with leader; that should change the whole scenario. This is what I feel, and I hope in many organizations transformation is in progress.

Rather than discussing among ourselves, let's focus on Mr. Dinesh Pillai and get the objective done of this forum.

Have a nice day, and do correct me if I am wrong.

With profound regards

Understanding Your Boss's Attitude

First of all, you should forget that the boss has an attitude problem. First, look at yourself and do some introspection to find out where the problem lies. Is it your perception or otherwise? Suppose what you say is true, then you have to tackle this by believing in human relations. Sometimes those who appear tough on the outside are very soft on the inside. Find out what irritates your boss. These types of personalities are easy to handle. What your boss wants is the result because his career depends on your performance. This may be one of the reasons for the attitude problem you are facing. Determine if this attitude issue is with everyone or just with you. If he had an attitude problem, he wouldn't be your boss.

After becoming friendly with him, you can politely and diplomatically tell him how you feel about him. Advice is always free, but we have to see whether we follow what we preach.

Firstly, such feedback should not be given in public. Secondly, I suggest starting by acknowledging that you are the one experiencing some issues, not your boss. Thirdly, you can guide him by suggesting that if he assists her in this manner, it would be much more beneficial to her. Avoid mentioning that others feel the same way.

Lastly, think carefully before deciding to move forward. Is he someone who would truly benefit from you sharing your ideas? Best wishes.

Firstly, I would like to thank Dinesh Pillai for addressing this delicate issue on the forum, as it has provided me with an opportunity to seek answers to a concern that has been troubling me for quite some time. Like my colleagues, I am also not fond of the sarcastic demeanor of our Managing Director (to whom I report). It is not only his attitude towards employees that bothers me but also his inadequate handling of our major clients (likely due to ego issues), which has led to the loss of contracts.

The insights shared by other contributors have been very enlightening and thought-provoking. I particularly appreciate the advice offered by Hussain Zulfikar that "one should not mess with mother nature, electricity, and the boss"  and the statement by Cite Contribution that "everyone can see each other's faults and weaknesses. Therefore, focusing on them will only highlight your own shortcomings and worsen the situation." I now understand that instead of fixating on the faults of the MD, I should address the issues by presenting them in proper reports and refrain from harboring hatred or criticism towards him . Thank you, everyone.

Sincerely,
Regards

I second the opinion of Shalini. If a boss has an attitude problem, he/she may not be able to maintain their position. This issue will certainly have negative consequences for the boss, so it's advisable to wait. However, if the boss is performing well within the organization and has good relationships with other subordinates and co-workers, directly or indirectly criticizing the boss may lead to trouble for you. It could also exacerbate any existing attitude issues in the boss and among other co-workers.

I would recommend focusing on adaptability and making an effort to change yourself first. Good luck and regards,

Moin

Hi Octavious! Thanks for the suggestion. Can you recommend a nice book on this matter?

Hi Seniors, Contributors, and Readers,

Wonderful suggestions! Dinesh is a wise man now!  So go ahead, Dinesh. Appreciate your boss, dine with the devil, but don't end up on his plate.  (Just kidding, hope you got the joke )

A friendly advice: maintain the decorum of language used on this forum. This forum is established to promote healthy discussions related to the HR field. These posts are read by many senior members and freshers alike. Such language portrays you in a poor light.

With reference to your post, I don't know what has happened that you want to seek revenge by sarcastically praising your boss, but this tactic will not lead you anywhere. Focus on your self-development rather than pulling others down. Moreover, if your boss senses humiliation in your sarcastic remarks, your life will become more difficult. So, don't mess with mother nature, electricity, and the boss! :-D

Nice one, is that an original?

Hey Dinesh, I understand your situation as a junior; sometimes people face challenges like that. I suggest you say some positive things about your boss, such as he is a good person, helps you a lot, or guides you through difficulties. If he is holding something against you, he will understand the sarcasm; otherwise, if he is not, he will feel good about it. In any case, your purpose will be fulfilled, and remember to follow your seniors too.