Is It Necessary to Update My Address to In-Laws' After Marriage? Seeking Advice

Dear all, I am working as an Assistant Manager-HR in an FMCG company. I got married almost a year ago. In my contact information, my residential address is given, and after marriage, I have not changed it to my in-laws' address as my parental address is provided in my residential address proof. The appointment letter of the company states that an employee needs to inform the management in case of a change in the residential address. Nowhere in the appointment letter is it mentioned that a female employee needs to submit the in-laws' address after marriage. However, the GM-HRD is pressurizing me to provide my in-laws' address to the company.

Kindly advise if I am bound to give my in-laws' address to the company.

Regards, Aparajita

Once you are married, your husband's house becomes yours as per our Indian customs. You need to change your address to the present one.

Pon

I really agree with you, but nowadays most women employees prefer to stick with their previous names; they are not changing their names after marriage. In this situation, what role can HR play? Can somebody shed more light on this issue? What are the legal consequences of it? I would appreciate more views on this issue.

Regards,
Kirti

Hi @aparajitaaks, With reference to the posting, if you have changed your residence address from your parents' house to your in-laws' house, what is the harm in informing the company regarding the change in address? What is all the fuss about? It's a simple change in address, just like when you shift from one house to another. Also, in your query, you mentioned that it's a clause in your employment contract to inform the company about a change in address.

Hello fellow CiteHRs, I love this debate because it's not really about address updates. Instead, it's about individuals' mindsets and 'thinkings'.

Whilst I realize that being a patriarchal society, it is automatically assumed that post-marriage, a woman's entire identity magically owes its allegiance to her marital apparatus.

However, let's just look around ourselves—especially at professional women who've earned significant mileage prior to getting married. What we find there is not surprising at all.

A large percentage of them either don't change their surnames, or if they do, they simply add their husband's surname after their original name (including their maiden surname). And, as far as I am concerned, it is not just appropriate but entirely normal.

And, like any reasonable argument, the above can also be extended to the context of residential addresses.

However, the issue here is not that Aparajita has any qualms about supplying her employer with the address of her marital home. Instead, she objects to providing them with her in-laws' address.

In my view, her position is entirely appropriate because it is no business of any employer to know where their employees' relatives live. If such were the case, then where do we draw the line? Do we start supplying our siblings' addresses, their in-laws' addresses, etc.?

I think her GM HR is being entirely unreasonable because if challenged in an appropriate legal surround, he/she would literally have no legs to stand their argument on. At its very core, it is fundamentally baseless and nonsensical.

Hi Gaurav, interesting contribution from your side, I agree with you. I feel that when a man and woman get married, these are two individuals coming together, promising each other to spend life together. Why should women adjust with lots of things such as a change in name, leave parents' house and go to in-laws' house, change surnames, etc.? In fact, both man and woman shall take equal steps towards each other.

Instead of women coming to the husband's father's house, they should both leave separately and reside in another house. If, due to economical or emotional reasons, the couple is not able to do so, then there should be a mutual agreement between the man and wife regarding staying at one of the parents' houses.

A woman leaving her house after marriage is considered absolutely normal, whereas if a man chooses to be a "ghar-jamaai," he is mocked in society. How silly!

Old traditions are not challenged, and those who do are ridiculed as bad-mannered, etc.

With reference to my earlier post here, what I mean is, if the woman has left her house and shifted to her in-laws' house to reside there, a company has a right to know the current address of the employee for communication purposes. In my experience, the company asks for two addresses: one where the person resides and an alternative address of a relative, guardian, or so, just in case of an emergency.

Dear Aparajita,

There is no need to complicate the issue. It is an established fact (which you agree to) that an employee should inform the management in case of a change of address. It is immaterial whether it is caused due to:

- The need for better accommodation
- Preference for a locality
- Change in the status of property (from rented to one's own or vice versa)
- Or for any other reason such as marriage.

Now, it seems as if you have invited your colleagues, including your GM, to your marriage ceremony, and the gentleman seems to have been fixated by "your in-laws." Please ignore this fact or otherwise. If you have changed your address, which is generally the case, provide your new address. If you are still staying with your parents, just tell your GM FIRMLY THAT THERE HAS BEEN NO CHANGE in your residential address status.

I hope you would find the above helpful.

Warm regards.

I am with Raj Kumar. It looks like the whole discussion is being confused and digressed from a 'change of address' issue to the 'reason(s)' and 'logic' regarding the change of address—notice the difference?

For a moment, forget that your marriage is the 'cause' for the change of your address. If your parents (if you are living with them) or you (assuming you live separately in some shared accommodation in a city), would you not inform the office if you changed the residence/accommodation?

Please note that the office needs to be given the new address as per the rules—it doesn't matter if it's the in-laws' address or a friend's address or something else, and it also doesn't matter why you had to change the address. Like Raj Kumar mentioned, just give them the new address under your name—whatever the name is as per the company records.

Regards,
TS

Dear Aparajita,

As stated by Mr. Rajkumar and Mr. Sateesh, it is the employees' moral responsibility to submit details for a change of address, spouse details, and other relevant information to the HR Department for their records. This is not being done by the employees due to their ignorance and lack of awareness of the system and the purpose of providing these details.

In defense services, all soldiers are required to provide details such as wife's name (maiden and after marriage), wife's father's name, age/date of birth, and wife's address. Consequently, in the office, records will be updated for nomination, legal heir, family pension details, etc., immediately after marriage. If you wish, you can introduce the same process in your office as well. Additionally, you can include the nomination form, a self-attested legal heir certificate, and even a will that can be filed along with the individual's personal documents (properly sealed in a cover).

Once you initiate this in your office, inform other offices as well. Your suggestions will be taken into consideration, and they can also follow the procedure, which will be beneficial to others. By starting in your office, eventually, this practice will spread to all offices.

Kind regards,
[Your Name]

Dear All,

Thanks for the views. In a nutshell, I can see there are two distinct opinions. One view says since I have got married, I should submit my in-laws' residential address. Another view says there is no harm if I do not do so.

I do not have any problem submitting my in-laws' address to the company. But in the GM-HRD's attitude and the way he asked for the address from me, gender bias was very apparent, which made me more stubborn. Nowhere in the Hindu Marriage Act (which I went through at a glance after this event, I might be wrong) could I find that it is mentioned that after marriage a woman's residential address becomes that of her husband's. In today's world, while we are speaking about women's liberation and all, how can one force a woman to change her residential address to that of her in-laws'? It is up to a woman to decide which address she wants to maintain. If a woman wants to maintain her parental address, then can anyone question and compel her?

Regards, Aparajita

In case of an emergency, or if anything happens to that lady, how will you communicate with her family? Whom do you need to contact - her husband or her parents? In our Indian culture, after marriage, a woman typically settles with her husband and his family. Therefore, in the event of any unfortunate incident at the office, you have a moral responsibility to inform her husband first, followed by her parents and in-laws.

This is why your HR Head has requested the implementation of procedures for updating addresses in your office.

I hope this clarification helps.

Dear Mr. S. Bhaskar, I fully understand your view. In fact, this view has also been reflected in some other posts by our compatriots regarding this issue. Might it be in our culture that after marriage, a lady's responsibilities become her husband's. But can't a lady decide that in case of untoward consequences, as mentioned by you, her parents need to be informed first? The parents, who have given birth to her, who have made her able to reach the position where she is now – is it not a moral responsibility of a woman to keep her parents' position in her life the same as it used to be prior to marriage?

Regards,
Aparajita

I understand your feelings and the issue of gender bias or discrimination. At the same time, we must consider the requirements of the organization, which need to know the current residential address of its staff. This is so they can be contacted, dropped or picked up, and have gifts, messages, or communications sent to them during times when they are on leave, absent, or otherwise.

It is (or ought to be) immaterial for an organization whether a married lady resides with her parents, in-laws, or a new separate residence with her new family (namely, her husband and later their children). The latter is more often the case these days in urban areas and a sociological fact—joint families are decreasing in number, and nuclear families are on the rise.

One is at liberty to retain the parental address, as in certain cases, it may be possible that whatever the new couple plans may be of a temporary nature or a stop-gap arrangement as they decide to settle down to a residence that is more favorable to their needs and resources.

Warm regards.

Like I mentioned in my earlier posting, it looks like you are confusing one issue with another. If you want to give your parents' contact for any eventuality to be on the records of the company, it's up to you. But if your present address is not the same as your parents', then it becomes necessary for you to give your present address to the company. Both are different issues that are again absolutely different from who your first priority in life is.

First and foremost, please remember that change is the only constant in life. I am not sure if you have kids. Assuming you don't, once you have kids, then your complete focus would go to them for their upbringing—at least it should. At that stage, what if your parents and husband tell you that your primary focus has to be them alone, with the kids coming secondary, or even third priority after the parents/husband? Would that be an acceptable situation for anyone? If it's acceptable for you, I have nothing to add here.

Moral Responsibility and Priorities

Coming to your query—"Is it not a moral responsibility of a woman to keep her parents' position in her life the same as it used to be prior to marriage?"—the answer is both yes and no. Only the situations in which you keep your parents' position the same will change—in fact, have to change. Having married, would the spouse be wrong to expect that he/she should be the first priority in the other's life? You have crossed the rubicon—just bear that aspect of life in mind.

An analogy—similar, mind you, not identical—for the query you raised could be this: Assuming you started your career in one company/organization and worked there for a long time—let's say 12-15 years. If you get a good opportunity in another company at that stage or you moved to another city, will you not resign and shift? You definitely will. And will you forget the company that was the primary cause for your career? I bet no, but at the same time, you will shift your focus, attention, and loyalty to the new company. Or would you tell your new company that since you worked for the earlier company for 12-15 years, your first loyalty and focus will remain with them?

I hope you get the point. If you haven't, I would ask you bluntly: if there's no way anyone else can have Priority-1 in your life ever, why did you get married at all?

Regards,
TS

Address Update: Ethical Considerations

We have two opinions in front: one to submit and one not to submit the new address. If we forget for some time the idea of gender bias, then we can think about the responsibility of an employee to inform his or her employer of the new address. With this viewpoint, one better acts ethically and updates the employer with the latest contact information. This may be important for many reasons.

Suppose the newlywed couple stays separately from the in-laws in a totally new location, then it is not just for the wife but also the husband who is bound to inform his concerned employer of the new address. So, this issue should not be taken personally nor from a gender bias point of view. Mixing the issue with the Hindu Marriage Act and Women Empowerment/Liberation or similar topics is just a way to complicate the issue.

You are a sensible person and act rationally! Best of Luck!

Best Regards,
Binapani

Dear all,

What I gather from this discussion is that only two members have been able to understand my point of view.

@tajsateesh - The point is not why I have got married; the point is why should I be asked and compelled to give my in-laws' address as Address 1 in my office when I have stated very clearly that my parental address should remain as my contact address and Address 1 in the office record. It's immaterial for the office to know with whom I am residing, whether with my parents, my husband, or alone. When the employee herself has asserted which one her contact address should be in office records, why is the office bothered about which address it is? After completing five years of service in the HR field, I know the value of an address in office records.

@bina_bina - Herein comes the questions of women's liberation and the Hindu Marriage Act. This situation has arisen because, to date, in our patriarchal society, we assume a lady's identity is that of her husband's. This is what was reflected in GM's attitude, which I dislike.

Regards,
Aparajita

Pon, Hussain has given the cultural perspective, and Gaurav got to the crux of the problem. But Raj Kumar has hit the nail on the head by clearly stating the legal dimension.

Dear Aparajita, I respect that you have taken into account the acceptability of the way people speak to you. I urge that you hold your standard as well as your temper in this fiasco. Do not react to the GM; simply tell him there has been no such address change, and if he insists, ask him to email you regarding his concerns. One, he probably won't email as he cannot state "have you changed your address now that you are married," and two, asking for a formal mail itself will deter him. Politics is an integral part of the HR department; learn the game.

Here, I would like to say that you shouldn't consider your in-law's address or your parent's address. It should be the address where you are currently staying. This will make it simpler to understand. If you are staying with your parents or in-laws, that address will be your contact address. However, companies usually require two address details:

1) Permanent address
2) Communication address

Now, you can decide which address you want to provide for each option. It's very simple and straightforward.

Dear Aparajita,

Thanks for your interaction with our helpful members. Now things are getting clearer. Unlike what was presumed earlier, the fact is that you are quite aware of the system and its requirements. What irks you is: why should you be asked to furnish your in-laws' address and accept it as your present residential address.

Yes, you have a point there, irrespective of any laws on marriage or gender bias. In fact, I feel it even encroaches on your right to privacy. As long as you have provided an address that is correct (i.e., your parents' address), there are no laws that compel you to provide your in-laws' address as your residence.

I hope that answers your original query, "Kindly advise am I bound to give my in-laws' address to the company?" Do let us know if this clears all your doubts on this matter. Feel free to revert back in case you need further clarifications on this.

Warm regards.

Dear All, The brawl started two days ago. It continued throughout yesterday. Yesterday, I asked the GM to provide me with a letter or email regarding the matter. However, he sort of threatened to issue me a letter if I do not provide my in-laws' address. The GM-HRD has been completely silent on the matter today.

Dear Mr. Raj Kumar Hansdah, you have got to the point, thanks a ton. Now I myself feel confident knowing that "there are no laws that compel you to provide your in-laws' address as your residence," as you have mentioned. It is the attitude which has annoyed me. It is completely my personal choice whether I shall retain my parental address/surname or use that of my in-laws'. Why point fingers at my personal preference?

Thank you.

I think we are all going off on a tangent; the real issue is, does the organization have your actual residential address? It is needed for more than one reason. If you continue to stay with your maternal family, there is no need to disclose your in-laws' address. However, if you are residing in a different place other than the address already provided to your organization, then you need to furnish the new address, whether it be your in-laws' or an altogether new one. The point remains that an organization truly needs your temporary address and permanent address in its records. But nobody can compel you to disclose the address of your kith and kin, including in-laws, provided you are not residing there.

Regards,
KK

Dear Aparajita, how will you maintain your parental address if you are not staying with your parents? It's your moral responsibility to provide the company with the address where you are currently residing. It's not an issue about the address of in-laws; so keep your ego aside and simply provide your current updated residing address.

With regards,
Abhijit Pawar.

Dear all, I do not understand any "moral obligation" to disclose one's address. For untoward incidents, this is for a practical reason; no morality is involved. Even so, one may feel inclined to provide a caring uncle's contact number in case of an emergency. Could there be any other reason for a company to know my location?

Dear Aparajita,

As an HR professional, you must understand that the issue is not a debate on women's identity. I myself have not changed my surname yet, but where we work, the need to provide the correct information is necessary. In case there is any problem with your bank account, financial transactions, or any official transactions, your office might approach you, and the information may not reach you directly.

It is not a must, but as an employee, it is our duty, especially in HR. You must understand this well so that you can help other employees understand.

If your GM has approached you in a negative way, it may be because you have given him a reason to do so. It's just my perception, don't take it the wrong way. Sometimes we, girls, get emotionally adamant about our parental issues, so we don't want to change that.

Please take it easy; there is nothing wrong with informing your company of the correct information. If you were to go somewhere else for studying or a job change, wouldn't you provide your in-laws' address then?

Regards,
Mitali

Dear Ms. Aparajitha,

You are correct according to the Hindu Marriage Act. It's up to you to decide.

Now consider this situation. Your in-laws are multimillionaires and your husband is their only child. Will you take their money? If you don't want to, no law can force you. If your manager is bullying, tell him to worry about the millions living without any address in our country. If he is not, then you can think about this sad fact.

Thank you

Address Change Dilemma

This is the first time I am posting something on this site. If you don't want to change the address, don't change it. Tell your boss, "On records, I want this address." Tell him, "If you are so interested in my current address, I can give you off the records."

You stick to your decision. Otherwise, if he is still stubborn, put your parents' address in permanent and your hubby's address in the current address.

Even after having all these discussions, if your GM is stubborn, directly ask him, "Why are you so particular about my hubby's address?" I think after this, he will not pressure you.

Keep it simple, silly...

Regards,
Devarajan N.R.
[Phone Number Removed For Privacy Reasons]

Dear Aparajita, You are absolutely right. I think the matter should be left at the discretion of an individual.

Regards,
Aditi

I hope you have handled the situation tactfully, and the GM is quiet now.

Best Regards,
Binapani

Please share with us whether your problem is resolved now and how you solved the issue amicably.