How Should I Address a Difficult Coworker Situation with Upper Management?

I joined my company about 45 days ago. In the project I've been assigned to, there is another employee who is difficult to work with. Quite a few incidents have demonstrated this:

1. He was asked to help me with the project workspace setup on my computer. However, he kept me waiting when I faced some issues. As in most software companies, we communicate over instant messenger instead of having to walk to one another's desk. He did not respond properly over the messenger. So, I actually walked over to his desk and told him about the problem. He listened to it, then continued his work, ignoring me. I waited for 10 more minutes standing by him, and he kept ignoring me. Then he looked at his watch and said, "We have a team meeting now," and walked away to the meeting room.

Eventually, I got the project workspace set up by asking for help from the manager.

2. The manager asked him to give me a code walkthrough of the project, and he readily agreed to do so. But he never once called me to do it. Twice when I asked him, he said, "Yeah, we shall do it soon." Then another day, I once again asked him over messenger, and he ignored my message. I thought he might be busy and pinged him on messenger the next day, and again he ignored it.

I informed the manager in a passive tone that "The code walkthrough still hasn't happened." He said the guy might be busy with some bug fixes. Then I got the code walkthrough only from the manager, though he is a much busier man.

3. Last week, the manager asked the guy to explain to me some of the features he had been working on so I can handle any issues that may come up in his absence, as he was going on vacation. I was standing by his desk when the manager said this. He said he had some check-ins to do and would explain after that. So, I went back to my desk and waited for him to call me. I did not bother to ping him or ask him, considering his irresponsible behavior in the past. He silently left for the day without bothering to explain a word to me.

Today, I have a one-on-one with my manager's manager. I'm going to discuss the situation with him. I'm planning to nicely state, "Some unusual things have been happening in the team. Whenever <manager's name> asks <colleague's name> to help me with some setup or give a code walkthrough, it never happens. I thought I should bring it to your notice." Any thoughts?

First and foremost, what your colleague is doing is non-cooperation. You cannot call it "evil." Evil is too strong a word to describe his behavior.

Secondly, going on leave/vacation without proper handover is a matter of indiscipline. You should bring this point to your manager.

Thirdly, tone down your anger. Keep your feelings separate from the actual problem. You are becoming a victim of your emotions. I understand it is very difficult to do so, but we must show restraint and maturity as well.

Your emotions have completely taken over you, and here in this public forum, you have used some inappropriate language as well. Please refrain from doing this. Emotion always triggers emotion, especially negative ones.

List out the problems you face and discuss them with your manager one by one. Seek his advice on how to work without your colleague's non-cooperation.

Gentleman, do not jeopardize your career because of your colleague's non-cooperation. You need to exercise discretion and assertiveness at this stage.

Thanks,

Dinesh V Divekar

It is really quite obvious of you to behave like this because, from your post, it seems you are a fresher who joined an organization for the first time. First of all, just remember you are here to learn; therefore, you need to have patience as learning is a gradual process that comes with time. Moreover, try to put yourself in the shoes of the "evil" man; maybe he is insecure after you joined the organization for his own post. It is common psychology, so you need not worry. You just need to talk to your manager in an amicable way that will definitely sort out your problem to a greater extent.

Regards,
MK

Yes, I will tell facts only to the manager without showing any emotions or anger. This guy is behaving this way, even though I once helped him fix a bug in the code, sitting with him for half an hour, for which he had been struggling on a whole Sunday at the office. He has no moral sense.

My Experience and Position

One more thing, I'm not a fresher; I'm an experienced person at the Project Leader level. The coworker is at a lower designation than me, and my time is costlier to the company than his.

Regards

Effective Communication and Emotional Dynamics in the Workplace

This is effective communication if you show your name whenever you ask for suggestions from seniors, okay pal. After taking a glance at your thread, I understand that your communication channel is not effective. When we express our thoughts, considerations, decisions, and work talks with someone, we need a strong channel for communication to persuade people in the right direction.

We can't use unparliamentary words, no matter what situation arises in front of us.

Understanding Emotional Conditions

Now, in your case, you have only 45 days of experience in this company, and you have analyzed that your colleague is not supporting you. Your colleague is trapped with two emotional conditions:
- Job insecurity
- Personality insecurity

You are also dealing with two emotional behaviors:
- Infamous
- Super ego

You need to rectify the above paragraphs, and no one can help you with this, only guide you.

Improving Communication with Colleagues

One thing you can do is start written communication with your senior or colleague; this will help you enjoy the work, and your performance will definitely increase. Also, follow the suggestions given by Mr. Dinesh and MK.

Regards

Dear Caught, In case your coworker lacks moral sense, you must help him realize the same. Expecting a favor in return for your help is like expecting a lion not to eat you because you are a vegetarian. Just be patient and make note of all the points you need to discuss with your manager. He will certainly understand your point of view and provide a solution once he discusses the matter with both of you.

Also, do not compare yourself with anybody; always compete with yourself.

Regards,
MK

Dear about_to_be_caught,

Considerations for Handling Difficult Situations

There are certain points which I think you, being the Project Leader, may consider and apply for these types of problems:

1. There is no place for emotion in this service world.
2. Why should you behave in such an undisciplined manner which others want you to?
3. Always try to apply Emotional Intelligence to handle these types of problems.
4. Instead of being frustrated by others' negative behavior, you may concentrate on your work and let time and your work speak for itself.
5. Try not to be reactive in those situations; rather, instigate them to be reactive and watch the HD film.
6. The above points are very hard to maintain, but to remain competitive in this world of dragons, we need to follow these for ourselves only.

Regards,
Jawed Alam.

I joined my company about 45 days ago. In the project I've been assigned to, there is another employee who is quite difficult to work with. Here are a few incidents that demonstrate this:

1. He was asked to help me with the project workspace setup on my computer. However, he kept me waiting when I faced some issues. As in most software companies, we communicate over instant messenger instead of having to walk to each other's desks. He did not respond properly over the messenger. So, I walked over to his desk and told him about the problem. He listened but continued his work, ignoring me. I waited for 10 more minutes standing by him, and he kept ignoring me. Then he looked at his watch and said, "We have a team meeting now," and walked away to the meeting room. Eventually, I got the project workspace setup with help from the manager.

2. The manager asked him to give me a code walkthrough of the project, and he readily agreed to do so. But he never once called me to do it. Twice when I asked him, he said, "Yeah, we shall do it soon." Another day, I asked him over messenger, and he ignored my message. I thought he might be busy and pinged him on messenger the next day, and again he ignored it. I informed the manager in a passive tone that "The code walkthrough still hasn't happened." He said the guy might be busy with some bug fixes. Then I got the code walkthrough only from the manager, though he is a much busier man.

3. Last week, the manager asked the guy to explain to me some of the features he had been working on so I could handle any issues that may come up in his absence, as he was going on vacation. I was standing by his desk when the manager said this. He said he had some check-ins to do and would explain after that. So, I went back to my desk and waited for him to call me. I did not bother to ping him or ask him, considering his irresponsible behavior in the past. He silently left for the day without bothering to explain a word to me.

Today, I have a one-on-one with my manager's manager. I'm going to discuss the situation with him. I'm planning to state, "Some unusual things have been happening in the team. Whenever <manager's name> asks <employee's name> to help me with some setup or give a code walkthrough, it never happens. I thought I should bring it to your notice." Any thoughts?

Advice for Handling Difficult Co-workers

1. Avoid thinking negatively or reacting aggressively, even if you happen to work with a difficult co-worker.
2. You may be observed to study your patience level, attitude, communication skills, team-building skills, coordination skills, emotional intelligence, and more.
3. Don't ever lose your patience.

I advise you to remain calm, do your job on time, and wait for the right moment to present your concerns about your co-worker.

With profound regards,

Regards

I just want to tell you one thing: to handle these kinds of situations, always drop an email to the person first, then wait for their response. If they don't reply, just ask again by forwarding that particular email with a cc to the manager.

Regards,
Ravi

Proposal for Written Communication

I am proposing the idea of establishing written communication. Once you start doing this and keep your manager in the loop (by marking a copy), your manager will also be aware of what is happening around.

At times, a newcomer, due to their rich experience, may be perceived as a threat to the person who is already working there. Hence, they may try to behave in that fashion.

Have patience. Keep your immediate boss informed about what is happening in the department. If you are going to complain to your manager's manager, then your immediate boss might feel that you are bypassing him, which will add one more person to your list.

Regards,
Balaji

As Mr. Ravi said, you should always send an email to that person to ask for what you require and cc the manager. If that person doesn't respond within the timeframe, send another reminder and cc the manager again.

But remember, the language of the email should not be harsh as it can hurt the ego of that person, and they may become defensive, resulting in a lack of proper response. Also, keep your emotions apart while writing the email.

The same applies when talking to your manager - keep your emotions in check.

When speaking to your manager, you can use a Sandwich approach. Start by mentioning something positive about that person, like their proficiency in software or anything else you find appropriate. Then, express your concern about not receiving the required support. Conclude the conversation by stating the type of support you need from the manager and end on a positive note.

Thanks & Regards,

Meenu Sharma

As far as I have been able to understand, I feel that your colleague is more concerned about his security and future prospects, and that's the reason he is not helping you. He may think that if he assists you and you become important, he will no longer be needed in the company.

Firstly, stop sending him messages over IM. Instead, send him emails so that you have evidence to back you up. Also, if you want something, first send him an email, then an IM, and then keep calling him every 10 or 15 minutes for updates on your request or requirement. This could be one of the best ways to return the favors.

Alternatively, you can discuss your concerns with the person over a cup of coffee and sort it out.

Regards,
Octavious

Dear All, I was going through all the posts and valuable input.

It's human tendency to resist new entrants and a psychology of insecurity. It may happen that he wants to show his importance and create psychological pressure over the opponent from day one, to show that he cannot succeed.

This happens in every organization, but the degree varies:

1. Never panic and face situations bravely. If you feel like crying, do it at home, not in the workplace.

2. Don't show your emotions or show that you are frightened.

3. Talk to him politely, do not deviate from the topic (professional), and do not react in any way.

4. Let him check your breaking point. See how far one could go in being non-cooperative and humiliating. If there is no reaction from our side, one day he will stop.

5. Have patience, a day will come when he will admire you. Just wait and watch the game. These conditions will make you rock solid.

This is my personal experience from my first job. Have confidence in yourself.

If you are new in the organization, do not expect support from them. Be practical and use your skills and abilities to handle situations as required.

Kindly update us on the results in due course of time.

Understanding Team Dynamics and Building Rapport

I have gone through the thread and your clarifications to others' queries. I could have expected such things from a fresher, who has no experience of life and work-life, but not from a person with some worthwhile experience. You seem to be a very sensitive and emotional person, almost ladylike (pardon me for saying this, but I am not a male chauvinist; this is just to highlight the 'softer' aspects of human emotion), which is evident from your post and your responses.

As some have rightly pointed out, I shall reiterate and summarize the situation as below:

Normally, existing employees feel insecure and threatened when a new joiner is assigned to them in a team. This feeling of insecurity gets heightened if the new joiner is more talented, qualified, experienced, and/or the employee himself is not so bright. It is too naive to expect that people would help you willingly from Day 1 just because the boss said so. It takes time and some positive actions/gestures to build up rapport and trust as a team. Bad feelings about someone are contagious, and the vibe is not lost upon the other person.

What you have done so far is okay as you have honestly and correctly expressed your problems. However, you need to do more to get willing cooperation from someone who has lesser qualifications and experience than you and feels threatened about his own existence in the company. You can make a start by being less judgmental, less emotional, and "accepting" the other person with all his shortcomings.

Please feel free to ask if you need any further assistance or clarification on this.

Warm regards.

Interesting post. ATBC, I agree with you. If 45 days of non-cooperation exist, it is a serious matter for the company. The company must be concerned with this kind of situation. All the advice given here is probably okay for the first week, but for 1.5 months, I would say it is certainly a NO NO.

The one point I am not clear on is if this person is your reportee. It doesn't appear so from your post. But if he is not, you have little leverage but to wait (the safest way out)...

On closer introspection, I think you need to build up some more confidence. Your case is strong. But you need to see if you can 'objectively demonstrate' this situation. As the newbie with your company, you have fewer friends out there. Your boss/manager might be your best friend. I would advise you to try and spend more time with your boss and win his confidence. Understand how he thinks and how the company works. Once you feel that he understands your thought process, you might want to inform him that things are not working well and substantiate (remember, this is the most important thing) it with adequate information. This would be a safe way, but it might take you 2-3 weeks more.

My personal assessment (and I could be grossly wrong here) is that your colleague was probably eyeing your job! Your recruitment came as a blow, and therefore, there is non-cooperation. Note that he might not be qualified and he might have a very false perception of his career. But, all said, the fact is that he is still there at that point. Your post doesn't indicate that you are the flashy boss, but that could be another reason where your colleague might be 'hurt' by your 'style of working'. This is less likely to result in an extreme posture though...

As an immediate step, you could talk to your manager with extreme caution and study his response. You can say that management support needs to reinforce the corporate objective and the need to respect the chain of command. See if he supports you in your cause. Tell him that you might want to have a review meeting set up every day for the next three days and every week thereafter. After all, it's teething trouble for your colleague as well. Depending on his response, you might have indications on which way you have to go...

I used to manage 40 direct reportees in the US, and we used to have a brief meeting every day. So, that evened out any possible 'performance lapses'. Of course, not everyone was comfortable with the reviews each afternoon :-), but that was my policy.

Suggest sending a meeting invite with your manager as optional. Kindly follow up with a MOM, stating that additions or modifications need to be responded to by the next day (or whichever timeline you deem appropriate).

Regards

[QUOTE=Dinesh Divekar;1558470] Hello friend, First and foremost, what your colleague is doing is non-cooperation. You cannot call it "evil." Evil is too strong a word to describe his behavior.

Secondly, going on leave/vacation without proper handover is a matter of indiscipline. You should bring this point to your manager.

Thirdly, tone down your anger. Keep your feelings separate from the actual problem. You are becoming a victim of your emotions. I know it is very difficult to do, but we must show restraint and maturity as well.

Your feelings have completely taken over you, and here in this public forum, you have used some unparliamentary language as well. Please refrain from doing this. Emotion is often responded to with emotion, especially negative emotion.

List out the problems that you are facing and discuss them with your manager one by one. Seek his advice on how to work without your colleague's non-cooperation.

Gentleman, due to your colleague's non-cooperation, do not jeopardize your career. You need to exercise discretion and assertiveness at this stage.

Good guidance, Mr. Divakar, I appreciate it.

With Regards, anabayan

The Problem with Traditional HR

The problem with traditional HR is that if a person goes to them with a problem, they divert all attention to making him seem like the problem (patience, anger, emotions, inability to handle, communicate, etc.)! Most of you are trying to "push" the problem to ATBC when he might not actually be the cause of the problem. Is this how you resolve your problems? I am amazed to see the mass replies in that direction.

If my subordinate would send me a meeting invite saying that I am "optional," I don't think I would ever attend the meeting. I am not sure if you would.  And if you have a concrete agenda, you might want to discuss the agenda with me before calling a meeting and including me in the meeting list (and discuss whether I should be optional or not before putting it there)!

If my subordinate has an outburst due to anger, I would try to understand what the matter is rather than get swayed to take the other side just because of my dislike for his temperament.

Recommended Reading

Anabayan, please read the article in HBR on this topic or non-cooperation and office politics. It gives an excellent set of situations and nails these factors well. To be honest, such non-cooperative stands could actually jeopardize a career, whether you like it or not. I have seen it in several places and would rather let you read the article to understand the dynamics.

Sending emails and marking copies is great, but I can assure you that I would stop reading such emails because I wouldn't get a hang of the problem, and expecting me to decipher a problem just because I am in CC would be difficult. However, if I were told that there is friction and then see a string of emails, I would work on that proactively.

Just giving the manager's perspective to the loads of advice.