Feeling Stuck in a Toxic Workplace: Should I Stay or Leave My HR Manager Role?

Dear All Friends,

Two months ago, I joined a 15-year-old real estate company as a Manager in HR. I am 30 years old. Currently, I report to 5-6 senior individuals who are all very abusive and unprofessional. They frequently use derogatory language like "Maa aur Behen." Coming from a highly respected family, I find it difficult to tolerate such abusive language. I am unsure whether I should leave this job or continue. I feel upset because my previous organization was significantly larger and more professional. Please advise me on what to do in this situation at your earliest convenience.

ESSKAY

Dear Sunil Kumar,

If this is what they have been doing all along, then changing them would be quite difficult. Remember the proverb "The leopard cannot change its spots."

You can put off foul language from 1-2 persons but not from 5-6. Ok...

Dinesh V Divekar

Hi, I think you should continue, dear. Don't leave the job. You can change their language by your attitude and politeness. Just give them more and more respect. It's necessary for an HR manager to work with non-professionals as well. If you work with highly professionals only, how will you learn the psyche of non-professionals? Learn, analyze, change, and observe change. How you accommodate yourself with non-professionals is the real exam of your study, isn't it?

Email: rajrishi_rathore@yahoo.co.in

Please start looking for a new job. The people are educated but abusive individuals. If you have not experienced this culture in the past, it will be very difficult to adjust. If you still want to stick around, then make it a point to inform the people above you that you prefer a professional approach.

All the best

Dear Sunil Kumar,

I suggest that you kindly remove your phone number and email ID, and also do not use your real full name as even your bosses could be accessing this site, and you could get into trouble.

There is an old English saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but rude words do not hurt me." As Dinesh Divekar has aptly said, it's not easy for you to change their lifelong habits. They may not even be aware that they are being abusive. Maybe once you gain their confidence, you could ask one of them what they mean by those words. For example, I had a colleague who would say "f---ing this" and "f---ing that" even for inert objects until the female secretary arrived, and then switch to "bloody" instead of the f-word. He would then switch back to the f-word once she left the office.

Whether they will try to change or not will depend on whether they want you more than you want their job.

I take this opportunity to wish all at CiteHR a healthy, happy, and successful 2010.

Simhan

A retired academic in the UK

If you are badly in need of a job, then tolerate and get used to this. The more you tolerate, the more they continue to use this, and you become more accustomed to it. If you are confident about a job, then only should you attempt to make changes. However, there is also a risk involved. When you already have a job and try to make changes, these individuals may not provide you with a proper relieving order. Ultimately, it all depends on your need for the job.

Sivasankaran

Dear Sunil,

The situation is difficult, and the easy way out is to look for a new job. But the job market being what it is, I would suggest the following:

1. First and foremost, never put up with such nonsense. They may be seniors, but once the level of interaction descends to a level beyond tolerance, put your foot down and tell them to mind their language. These words are often said without meaning what they imply but are only a natural expression for such people. Even a frown on your face is sufficient for the other person. However, never smile or adopt a "take it easy" attitude. During union discussions, many times somebody tries to use abusive language or make wild allegations. The best way is to cut it short at that point and steer the conversation back to a decent level.

2. Gently inform such individuals that using abusive language can amount to making sexually colored remarks and could get them into trouble.

3. You can stress the importance of using appropriate language during general discussions among colleagues.

4. Be on the lookout for instances where the situation worsened due to the use of abusive language. Highlight the negative impact of such language through these examples.

5. Based on your description, it seems there are no female employees present. Research has shown that the presence of female executives can have a moderating influence on the language used in the workplace.

6. The last resort, which I do not advocate, but has been effective for some colleagues, is to respond with equally harsh or more abusive language. A milder approach could be to warn such individuals that you are also capable of using strong language if they persist.

In any case, implementing a cultural shift towards using more temperate language in your organization will require time and effort. You might be the best person to lead this change.

Regards,

KK

Hi Sunil,

There is no reason to quit a decent job. You might encounter such people everywhere. Just ignore such things and stay focused on your work. That will help! Good luck!

Hi Sunil,

If these seniors are the owners or employees, how come you report to 5 seniors? You have gotten into the wrong company. Using bad language in general is a behavioral trait, and some people use it to show that they are smart and bold. However, if they use it in a friendly manner, tell them clearly that you don't like it. If it is work-related, then these people are just trying to put you down. In such a case, as suggested earlier by one of our colleagues, you should also use the same approach and start using the best language you can, which they are not comfortable with. Use some punch lines to make them realize that they are not the center of the world. If they say MC BC, you can jokingly respond with, "I do not have time for your request." Next time, they will think twice before using such language towards anybody.

Finally, in case they are employers, then you have to consider a change, or try to change them. You are a manager; be proud of this and your abilities. Life is not as simple as we think. Some people are really bad and always try to put others down. Some people think they will not die, so they try to rule over others. Anyway, seniors can go to hell. If you want to live, do it on your own terms. If you decide to leave that organization, make sure to make their lives miserable until you are in that company, and they should not forget you for their entire life. If you have to go, go with dignity. If you want to live, live with respect.

Dear Mr. Sunil Kumar,

You can seek help from your colleagues who share your thoughts. Consider organizing training or workshops on "Workplace Ethics." Train these individuals on interpersonal skills and communication. Send them for training away from the office so they can evaluate and compare themselves with other professionals. Additionally, you can implement activities like a "No Bad Words Day" alongside traditional events.

Share books on communication skills and provide them with PowerPoint presentations on the same topic. Feel free to experiment for some time, but if the issue persists, have a direct conversation with them. Politely express the difficulties felt by everyone, especially female colleagues.

Thank you,
Dipali

Dear,

Don't leave the job. My mail signature statement I want to share here:

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience."

I think Rajrishi Rathore is right; the HR people can influence others. Don't change your attitude and don't change yourself. Keep mum when they use abusive language. Silence is the best language, and everybody understands this language. Even a 3-year-old child can understand the language of silence. So, take this as a challenge and change them.

Neelesh.

I would like to suggest that you should also raise your voice and start giving proper feedback to them. Once or twice, you can tolerate, but every time you should not tolerate their words. One Hindi proverb is, "Kaato ko Kato se hi nikalana chahiye," you should follow the same and try to identify or highlight their mistakes. Still, if you feel uncomfortable, you have to start finding a new job.

Kind regards,
Jahagirdar

Wish you a happy new year - 2010. All the best.

Dear Friend,

A question that I would like to ask you is - would you think you should give up the best thing in your life because somebody else does not know how to behave? It would make sense if your seniors leave because they probably don't know mannerism.

I hope this behavior of theirs is not affecting other people's work or is disturbing them in any way at all.

You have mentioned that you have come from a very respectful family, and please note that very few people are blessed to have a good family that teaches them values. It is these values that teach us how to tolerate and ignore such abusive language and never fall prey to it - or even spoil our minds because of it. The weak would either give in or be completely broken because of this.

Never let frustration put you down, and that too for someone else crossing their lines.

What goes into one's mouth does not decide whether he is good or bad; rather, what comes out talks about the person. Ignore - you have better things to do in life.

If they are investors or investors are also behaving like this, it can be a cultural issue. Better not to attempt to be Mod kind of exercises (it won't work).

Search for another suitable position elsewhere, quit the job, and get relieved properly.

Wishing you the very best.

Sorry to hear that. Start looking for a new job. Once you have options open, you can quit this job.

ALL THE BEST.

Dear Kamlesh,

Thanks a lot. I am very much satisfied with your suggestion. All of my seniors are relatives to our owner, that's why they are using such type of abusive language. In fact, they are all 12th or simple graduates and they are working at the VP level. They have made me cry, but I will make them cry. I am happy with your sentence "JEENA HAI TO SHAAN SE, NAUKRI JAAI TO JAAI."

HAPPY NEW YEAR,
SUNIL

Hi Sunil,

If these seniors are the owners or employees, how come you report to 5 seniors? You seem to have joined the wrong company. Using bad language in general is a behavioral issue, and some people use it to appear smart and bold. However, if it is used in a friendly manner, tell them clearly that you don't appreciate it. If it is work-related, then these people are trying to belittle you. In such cases, as suggested earlier by one of our colleagues, you can also take the same approach and start using the best language you can, which they are not comfortable with. Use some punch lines to make them realize that they are not superior. For example, if they say something disrespectful, you can jokingly respond with, "I do not have time for your request." Hopefully, next time they will think twice before using such language.

If they are employers, then you may need to consider a change, or try to bring about a change in them. Remember, you are a manager, be proud of this and your abilities. Life is not as simple as we think. Some people are truly unpleasant and always try to bring others down. Some people act as if they are immortal and try to dominate others. In any case, do not let the seniors get to you. If you decide to leave the organization, ensure that you make their lives miserable while you are there, and they should not forget you for the rest of their lives. If you have to go, go with dignity.

Warm regards,
Kamlesh Kanojia

You can take up the situation as a challenge or cry foul and run away. I went through a similar situation; in fact, I moved from an educational institution where 'Ma'am, please, thank you' was the order of the day, to an organization which bandied about four-letter words. In fact, I thought that everyone had a four-letter surname or prefix to theirs. The first thing I objected to was using this language in my cabin or in meetings where I was present or even in my presence. Initially, they made fun of me and my delicate sensibilities. Later, they understood that there was a more cultured world out there and that they needed to connect with it to exist in the corporate world.

You, being the HR person, can certainly bring about changes (it takes time). Try to ensure that at least your colleagues who you leave behind should say, 'That gentleman did try.' You could also consider suggesting the rotation of these seniors to another organization for some time under the guise of 'etiquette training' :)

As an HR Manager, such things cannot be tolerated. If it is a disrespectful place, why should you continue working there? Try looking for another good company where you would like to work. Sometimes we also need to be bold enough to deal with such characters. Otherwise, you will not be able to survive in this profession.

Ranganathan

Hi Friend,

There is a saying, "First we make our habits and then our habits make us." Those people are habituated to using such abusive language. They lack moral education and human values. As an HR person, you have a responsibility to bring them back. Be aggressive, but don't assume tit for tat could bring changes in their behavior. Honesty is the best policy. If you treat them with honesty and professionalism, later on, they will understand and realize. And then there will be a moral victory by you. I suggest you not to change your job. There are ups and downs everywhere.

Regards,
Dinamoni

Hi,

I do not think that you will be able to change it, as it's in the organizational culture itself. The only option is to change the organization if it is really affecting you.

Thanks

Dear Mr. Sunil Kumar,

I think you are totally de motivated due to exiting factor because you are matching the present situation with your own believes. Yes it is difficult to change their attitude but as per my opinion you are in the right place to use your Skills, this situation is really interesting and you have got an opportunity to handle such situation effectively. My suggestion is ‘you enjoy with the situation and concentrate your-self in other developmental area. You create an environment like knowledge sharing, team sprit, people should socially, mentally, spiritually & physically strong of your organisation. As a HR man you should try to shift such paradigms. You know it is really possible, but need is think over it do not bother for their “abusive language“please give them full respect & recognition because they are seniors. It is true give respect & gets respect; you try to prove your-self professionally qualified person. Leaving the job is not the solutions. Be a Winner only.

Regards,

Ajay
__________________________________________________ _____________________

Dear Sunil,

Don't turn your back on the people who may have been instrumental for your employment, at least not before you give them a chance to turn around. Remember, these people do not prevail in a vacuum. They are the product of the ecosystem in which you are a part of now!

Yes, find the heart within you to forgive for their poor upbringing. It is now incumbent upon you as a change agent to initiate some progressive steps in addressing their behavior. There are many ways to handle the situation, depending on the different personalities involved. It does not have to be overly complex. Start with a simple meeting, either individually or as a group, to bring awareness of how their abusive language has affected your performance and values. This change effort is not just about meeting your personal needs but that of the organization. Find reasons to explain to them why, as leaders, they need to change for the better. Coach them into asking, "What can you do to help them overcome this unhealthy habit?" Be sure to focus on the misbehavior rather than the personality!

Can leopards change their spots? This is where HR can demonstrate that such quotes convey a defeatist attitude resembling managing a zoo. We are in the business of transforming the human species, not animals. If the great Mahatma could lead by unconventional means to invoke conscience and passion, why can't other leaders, including YOU?

Be inspired to be the HR Coach whenever you see the need for change in people. The world greatly needs conscience in leadership. Only HR professionals or those who believe in the human potential to change can help. Seize the opportunity to test your persuasion and negotiation skills. Fail, learn, and keep trying using different approaches until they change or you change the situation.

Parshant has provided some good tips. I also wouldn't advocate giving people a taste of their own medicine. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Dear esskayhr,

Observations: By the way you have explained it, your employers must be a bunch of real estate agents who have suddenly become rich and joined together to make more money.

If I were you, I would quit because mental peace is the most important factor that gives you happiness in life. After all, our original and basic aim is only happiness.

You will be wasting your and their time if you think that you can reform their 'way of life' just because you do not want to hear those words.

Course of action I would advise:-

1. Quietly search if your last job in the respectable company is available for you even at a lesser pay of, say, 10-20%. Because your earlier experience there will count.

2. Otherwise, search for any other suitable job, if possible, through a professional agency confidentially.

3. Now, for your next job, never ever bad-mouth your present employers, especially as a reason for changing your job.

4. Find out more about the origins of your present employers and warn and advise anyone who tries to join them in the future.

But never, never, never give up.

Prasad SN

Dear Mr. Sunil,

I would like to add to the suggestions given above by all. I would suggest you create a policy against the usage of abusive and foul language in the organization. This way, they will come to know, at least if not willingly, then by force, that they have to follow it so that everyone else can follow suit.

Warm Regards,
Prajwal Boddu

If you are confident of getting a new job, you can quit your current one and join the new job. Don't try to change them; finally, you will end up with failure.

In this connection, I wish everyone at CiteHR a Healthy, Happy, and Successful 2010.

Pandiyarajan

Dear Sunil,

I think Peer Mohammad has explained in a very straightforward manner your course of action.

You cannot expect all your experiences to be hunky-dory. You will have good days and bad, good people and bad people, and good & bad organizations. I think we are sometimes put in such situations to try and change it. I think you should take this as a challenge. What will you lose at the most? Your job? which anyways you don't really care about. I think you need to stand up for yourself and if necessary speak to the people on a one-on-one basis and tell them that this kind of language is causing you a lot of anguish. Let them know how you feel before you quit. At least then you will not have any regrets about leaving without trying.

Wishing you all the best in your efforts. There's nothing more rewarding than dealing with a challenging environment. You have to be the bad guy to change people around you at times. Try it, there's no harm... DARKE JEENA BHI KYA JEENA HAI!!

Veena

Hi,

It's really difficult to change anybody's attitude, even that of ours, in a short span of time. But you can sure give it a try before zeroing down to the decision of calling it quits!

I think you should first pay attention to the fact that they use such abusive language with all and sundry or specifically with you! If it's with you alone, then politely put it across to them that you are not comfortable with such language and will expect to be treated as a professional, else you would be forced to look out for a change. If they behave in such a manner with everybody, then as a Manager-HR, you can represent all employees and put across your point on behalf of all the sufferers.

You can also let them know about the consequences of the use of foul language as it may land them into trouble anytime. Once my boss shared an incident of how a foreigner posted as a Senior Manager at a reputed company in India faced a backlash from laborers due to his habitual use of the word "bloody" and was posed with a threat to life at the time of workers' agitation. At a senior level, the choice of words is very important, and with the advancement in technology, people may resort to measures like "voice-recording on mobiles," etc., to keep it as evidence in legal cases that are very common in the real estate sector.

Besides, all this also has a bad impact on the overall morale and productivity of the company.

I think all these facts will make them think hard about changing themselves, not for you, rather for themselves and their company. Moreover, they would be thankful to you for showing them the true picture. If they understand your point, then fine... else you can also keep scanning better opportunities and switch whenever you get the most suitable one.

You are in a difficult situation. First, you should address this matter by expressing that you are deeply upset by this language and that your work is also suffering. However, simply changing yourself is not the solution, as the HR Manager can ultimately decide to change the company. Therefore, I suggest that if they do not change, you should consider changing yourself and using the same language with them before leaving the company. I believe you are young and can handle this with confidence.

Are bhai, tum mujhe ek baar gaali to do... tumhe phir wo gaali nahi dunga...... agar tu job chhodega aur dusri job karega, aur phir se yeh samasya aayi toh kya karega, wo bhi job chhodega..................... zamane se lad.......dar mat......... (Mookti Kulkarni)

Please let me know if you need further assistance.

Are bhai, tum bhi use ek baar pyar se bolna. Mujhe ye achha nahi lagata. Phir se woh use type baat kar raha hai to usse ek baar gaali de. Tujhe aur ek baar woh gaali nahi dega. Agar tu job chhodega aur dusri job karega, aur fir se ye problem aayi to kya karega? Wo bhi job chhodega. Zamane se lad, dar mat. (Mookti Kulkarni)

Dear Esskay,

Remember, "Respect is commanded not demanded." Learn how to command respect from others. I will provide you with some tips which you may apply if found worthy.

- Avoid loose talk.
- Never lose good manners.
- Learn to respect others.
- Be punctual, honest, and hardworking.
- Learn to tackle every situation.
- Use your own intellect rather than throwing your problems on others.
- Do not talk unless it is essential.
- Be clear in your views and ideas.
- Do not complain; find your own way.

Secondly, note that there are certain trades where abusive language is used as a tool to extract work from people (e.g., Transport, Construction, Labour contracts, Bar cum restaurant, etc.).

In some professions, like during Police training, the use of abusive language is taught in the classroom. If you find yourself uncomfortable with this type of trade, you may need to consider finding a more sophisticated trade. However, one must also learn to navigate such environments, as not everything in the world aligns with our expectations. We must adapt to survive in various situations. I hope you will not misunderstand me.

Thanks.

His Blessings,

Sharad Shah

Hi!

First of all, please don't mention your real name and ID while discussing these types of situations, as your seniors might also be accessing this site. I would suggest that you should quit the job, not right now but after getting a new job. One cannot compromise with his/her values, and it is not easy to change their behavior. You should remain calm, cool, and polite. It will help you in getting your relieving letter or experience letter from your company. Please follow the middle way to tackle these problems.

Regards,
Pushpendra

We can't change others; we can only change ourselves. So, leave the job or record their voice if you can and put it on their table.

Dear Friend,

The solution to this problem is simple. You must make a decision. Quit, or else, "What cannot be cured has to be endured."

Dear Friend,

If the seniors are employees of your company, do return to them the required dose in a strong voice and a warning to avoid using abusive language. If the abusive people are owners of your company, don't try to change their character; instead, consider changing your job. Using abusive language is a universal issue.

Viswanath

If you can, try some other job. Using bad words is very unprofessional, but you can't do anything, one reason being they are your seniors. So try looking for another job so that you don't have to suffer this kind of mental anguish.

Alternatively, please keep a recorder handy ;) you never know when it will be useful. :D

Don't worry, everything will be fine. There are lots of people who need good HR managers. Best of luck.

Dear,

Don't leave the job and protect yourself by showing more respect towards them. They should feel your attitude. Feel free to write to me anytime for suggestions.

Dear friend,

I have undergone the same situation. Seniors use such type of language to get their work done, which is, of course, very bad. What I have done is stand strong for oneself, again and again. Sometimes they used physical threats also, for which I stood strong. After some time, he started being afraid of me, as he knew I would stand strong against unfair practices. He started compromising by avoiding such treatment. But you have to show your strength. Don't tolerate this at all.

In work, people use such treatment as a tool to keep you obedient, to keep you afraid, or to keep you in control so that they can get work out of you, which is very wrong. Stand strong against this, and either they will ask you to quit or they will change their behavior. I don't think a good reply or ignorance will work because it is motivation enough for change. Only a strong and assertive reaction will work. By strong, I mean firm, assertive, confident, intelligent, and non-tolerant, smart reaction. Handle this well so that you can teach other people how to handle this.

Regards,

Pratap Kamble

Hi Sunil,

Firstly, make them understand that the usage of abusive language is not acceptable. Create a policy on personal conduct regarding the use of foul language. Engage the seniors so that they support and contribute to changing the company environment. Once they embrace the policy objective, they are likely to refrain from using foul language.

Take this as a challenge and strive to overcome it.

Regards,
Mithun Gupta

I agree with your comments. Some occupational hazards, industry-specific, do exist. The usage of foul language is to be seen in this manner - as a way of communication, a script, or jargon, rather than be taken at their word-value or emotional-value. In certain professions, as pointed out, new recruits are taught abuses and coached until these abuses roll off their tongues smoothly. It is a way of life in certain professions; otherwise, the person is considered "unmanly", lacking leadership qualities, etc. Dear Esskay, your Construction business also falls under such professions/industries. Either you learn to be comfortable with it (remember, the abuses are NOT directed at you) or quit the job after seeking a new one that matches your temperament and sensitivities.

Warm regards.

Dear Sir,

I am also facing the same problem sometimes but continue with the job as well. You may have two options to tackle this problem:

1. Apply Gandhigiri
2. Saam, Daam, Danda at last Bhed.

If the situation still remains the same, "Be jaise ko taisa." Remember, "THE FINEST STEEL HAS TO GO THROUGH THE HOTTEST FIRE."

BE SELF-MOTIVATED "AATMADIPOBHAVA."

Hi,

This is a typical situation many HR personnel are facing nowadays. Career building has many dimensions, and sometimes we make decisions knowingly or unknowingly that prove to be disastrous! If you are too uncomfortable, it's better to try for another opportunity. This time, make sure to make the right decision because you cannot afford to make the same mistake again. Hope you got the point!

B. Dakshina Murty

I think the 6-point suggestions given by Prashant Nair are the best ones you can pursue. You cannot and should not bother to change other people. However, your own gestures will tell you and deter them from using the same language with you. It is going to take time. And if you are good at your job, they have to take care of your liking/disliking. Have patience and don't quit a job because of a few fools who happen to be senior to you. Also, I am sure there will be other people in the company who would dislike such behavior, and you can join together and give them a tough response. Abusive behavior will not go unnoticed, but at least it won't be targeted at you. That's the best you can hope for.

Dear Friend,

My suggestions are as follows:

1) Abstain from using such language.
2) Always follow good and healthy practices.
3) Look out for better opportunities.

Saurabh

First of all, it is important to know whether they use such nonsense words against you or outsiders. As you mentioned, you belong to a respective family, so you should not have to tolerate these words directed towards you or others. Finding a new job after leaving one is not easy, and maintaining self-respect is crucial, especially if you have dependents. If you have a strong financial background, you can consider leaving this job immediately. If they are using such words against you, it's advisable to leave the job promptly, but do consider your financial status and potential challenges. If these words are being directed towards others, it would be wise to start looking for another job and then leave your current one.

Dear Sunil,

As you are in HR, is there any policy in place for abusive language? If not, then first draft the policy and implement it. I'm sure that even if they are seniors, they won't tell you not to implement such a policy just because they believe in abusing.

Once the policy is in place, you can simply ask them how others would comply if seniors are not complying. All of this can only work if they all behave in the same manner with everyone. If it is specifically directed towards you, then there is no point in asking them to comply with the policies as they are seniors and relatives of the owners.

So, first try to find out from others whether they behave similarly with everyone.

Regards,

Dear Sunil,

I will not advocate "Shouting Back" as it leaves a bad taste. I would suggest you have a meeting with the concerned senior and put forward your point. Having a meeting makes a difference. Always insist on a change in his behavior. Look into the reason for his use of abusive language.

Regards,
Krishan

Dear Sunil,

The situation is difficult, and the easy way out is to look for a new job. But the job market being what it is, I would suggest the following:

1. First and foremost, never put up with such nonsense. They may be seniors, but once the level of interaction descends to a level beyond tolerance, put your foot down and tell him to mind the language. These words are often said without meaning what they mean but are only a natural expression for such people. Even a frown on your face is sufficient for the other person. However, never smile or adopt a take-it-easy attitude. During union discussions, many times somebody tries to use abusive language or wild allegations. The best way is to cut short at that point itself and put the exchanges on a decent level.

2. Gently tell such people that the use of such abuses amounts to sexually colored remarks and can land them in trouble.

3. You can voice the need for using sane language in the general discussions held between colleagues.

4. Be on the lookout for some such instances where due to such abuses, the situation turned from bad to worse. Highlight the undesirableness of such language through such instances.

5. From your description, it appears there are no women employees around. We have seen that the presence of a few women executives had a moderating influence on the language used on the shop floor.

6. The last remedy, though I won't advocate it, but has been used by some colleagues with great effect, is to shout back equally bad or more abusive terms. A gentler way could be to warn such people that you also know very bad language and would use it if such a thing is repeated.

Anyhow, for your organization, it will be a cultural change to use temperate language, and such things take time and painstaking effort. Probably, you are the best person to attempt it.

Regards,
KK

Dear ma'am,

No one in my present organization has the courage to stop them. Jo bhi unko abusive language use karne se rokta hai ya koi suggestion deta hai, they simply tell him/her, "Apna full & final le lo." Earlier, they have sacked so many employees only in a single day.

Thanks and Regards,
SUNIL

Dear Sir/Madam,

It's a 15-year-old company, but they do not have any HR policy. Many HR professionals have joined the organization, but until now, they don't have any HR policy and do not want to implement one.

Regards,
SUNIL

Hi Esskay,

We don't have much time to wait and watch for our polite behavior to influence them. It's better to start looking for a new job as I don't see any growth opportunities for you in this industry. Also, next time when considering a new job, be sure to conduct a thorough reference check of the company.

Dear Sunil,

It all happens in all industries across all levels but not in such language. It may be in your case that:
1. Your senior people are not interested in your recruitment by the company.
2. It may be their attitude like (if they come from a low level to a senior level, they (not all) always want to show their attitude as they are from operations and we are only supporting).
3. As it is a construction company, you may not be in speed to catch up with the requirements and expectations of the company from your department.

Finally, supervisors, managers, and workers should ask and tell their problems to HR. No HR should weep before others as you are 30 years old and may have around 6-7 years of experience. If you can get them under your wavelength, it's okay. Else, slowly quit and look for the BPO/Software industry.

Regards,
Karthik Nayudu.

Dear All Friends,

Two months ago, I joined a 15-year-old Real Estate company as a Manager - HR. I am 30 years old. Presently, I am reporting to 5-6 senior people. All are very abusive. They all are non-professional. Regularly, they are using "Maa aur Behen" like Gaalis. I belong to a very respectable family and I can't tolerate such type of abusive language. Kindly suggest what I should do in this type of situation. Should I leave the job or should I continue? I am very upset because my previous organization was very big and professional. Kindly guide me as soon as possible.

ESSKAY

Hi,

It's simple. I too faced a similar problem. Are you getting paid by your employer to receive abusive language from others or are you paid to put your efforts and caliber towards the growth of your company? You never have to lose your dignity and self-respect under any circumstances. Some people are not aware of the mistakes they make unless somebody explains them in their own style. Every end has a new beginning. Put an end and start anew. We are born to create. Happy New Year.

Dear ESSKAY,

I am really sorry for the position you are in at present. Please remember, "What cannot be cured must be Endured." There are two ways open to you. One, if you think you are constantly being abused and you are in a helpless position, consider leaving that organization. However, this is subject to you finding another good job alternative. Two, if you find it difficult to secure another job in a different company, then follow the proverb mentioned above.

Sometimes - why many times - through our nice behavior, good manners, and tolerance, you may try to win them over. However, you must have infinite patience. Over time, they may change their attitude towards you. Although this approach takes time, it is the best course as the change will be permanent. You decide which option to choose.

In the meantime, don't act hastily; remain cool, calm, and collected. Perform well in your job, earn their goodwill and appreciation. Things will definitely change for the better. Have faith in yourself and in God.

M.J. SUBRAMANYAM, CHENNAI

Dear Managers at all levels, whoever may be senior or junior, should obey the HR policies which show the dignity of the organization. The actions and speech of each employee reflect the reputation of the organization. You are in a good position, and as an HR professional, you have the responsibility to provide, create, and practice a good organizational culture in your office. Make new policies for your office and ask everybody to follow them. Avoid using abusive language, disrespectful words, eating in the workplace, talking while chewing gum, betel, pan, etc., inside the office. Generate many ideas like this and circulate them through email. Take the first step to change the people.

One thing you should keep in mind is that it is not only you; the people who use such language may themselves feel ashamed after a few days of following the disciplinary steps you have implemented.

Thanks, Rubypinto

Dear SK,

It seems there are no females in your firm. If you have the authority to appoint more employees, consider hiring talented women for high and middle-level positions. They can effectively collaborate with your bosses. This change could lead to controlling at least 60% of the situation, and even a 30-40% improvement would mark a successful step.

Regards,
RN Gitoria

Weigh the people by merits, not by their degrees. Learn to respect them if they are kind at heart and know the job well. After very politely listening to any criticisms, you may assert that you are not attuned to such language. If you are both nice and competent, changes will surely follow. Have patience and wish you good luck.

Dear Gupta Ji and Sunil Ji,

I appreciate your theory, but this thing is only about good manners and is good to say and hear. However, it is practically impossible and very difficult. It also requires passion for a long time because it belongs to real estate, and individuals need to make it a habit to immerse themselves in this language.

Sunil, friends do not always believe in mere words.

Yet, good luck trying Gupta Sir's formula.

Thanks,
Ashok