What Does This Unusual Body Language Gesture Mean During Our Brainstorming Sessions?

Hello members,

We have all come across various theories on body language, but here is one that I have never been able to interpret - whether it's boredom or merely a thinking process!

There is a consultant I am currently working with on an assignment related to restructuring. We share a lot of ideas, there is some amount of acceptance, disagreement, appreciation - let me put it this way - to me, it appears I am helping the consultant to also move and think in the right direction, and on the other side, he is also teaching me about handling/managing people. He is a very important contact of my boss.

Now, every time I talk to him (or anybody), I keep track of body language and changes in gestures to get a cue (as I mentioned, we are involved in huge brainstorming sessions).

There is this one thing I am NOT able to understand what it means...

While in the depth of the conversation, he suddenly moves his hands on his face and somehow all his fingers across his head/face and sees me through one eye as he talks. I have observed that this happens when we both (it's usually him) come up with his so-called creative (but weird) ideas.

So this is the position: Covering one side of the face with one hand and the other across his head in such a way that he sees me through his two fingers.

Could you please tell me what this means? One of my senior bosses told me that this gesture could also mean "he does not want to see what he is thinking" or "he is just listening to me to make me feel okay, but actually thinks whatever I suggested is not of that great use."

Please help me with this! I am curious about this gesture - I mean, I never come across this one!

Thanks

To add to the above - I recently noticed that his eye contact is also not constant. Like when I keep looking at him continuously, he moves his eyes, looks around, and then looks back at my eyes. The reason this worries me a lot is that since he is a close contact of my boss, I don't want him to feel like "this girl has wasted my time". :-( Please help.

Or maybe he is just feeling at ease? Because he also puts his hands above his head and rests his head on both his palms. At the end of the day, I don't want to look like a fool who is trying to talk to a wall!

Dear Asha,

You are a great savant. You have often provided great replies as well. I am a little surprised that a person of your stature should raise a query on body language. "I am not interested in the color of the cat as long as it is able to catch the mice," said Mao Tse Tung. Likewise, you should not be interested in the body language of the consultant as long as you are able to derive results from your association with him. At times, body language is a fad too. What body language was branded as negative nowadays, you will find it in many photographs of the freedom fighters as well.

Ok...

Dinesh V Divekar

Dear Friend,

Body language is not conclusive proof to read the mind of a person. The result differs from person to person. For example, looking at you with one eye may indicate concentration on your words and avoidance of distractions. There are many such behaviors we can infer.

What I suggest is to keep your confidence high while dealing with this person. The result will definitely be positive. Try to avoid negative thoughts such as thinking you are wasting his time. In reality, you are specially appointed to deal with him.

Hope I conveyed my message.

Regards

Dear Dinesh,

Thanks a lot - you are right, I should not be bothered about what the body language means until I get the work derived. The problem is I don't know if he is even understanding what I am trying to communicate. Since he is not technically appointed, there are no specific indicators that his job is complete or not (like I mentioned he is just a good friend of my boss)...

However, I got your point, maybe I should start looking at the big picture.

@ Kuljit - thanks for sharing your views, I am able to understand what I should stop thinking and start doing :-)

Thanks, Ravi :-)

But I don't keep looking at him constantly; I am just searching for answers from him. I don't think he is ashamed of anything.

PS: I have never seen girls covering their faces and peeking through their fingers to look at someone when they are shy!

Now when I thought why I would do it - ... naaaa, I am not bothered now. Dinesh & Kuljit have convinced me enough to be bothered about things that matter.

Dear Madam,

Even I have gone through body language, and I feel that:

1. People try to see if your body language reflects how they think on any topic.
2. They may be confused.
3. They could be trying to recall some issues, which can be very hard.

Thank you.

Yes, the second picture is what he does - he does not laugh, but a very slight smile is there. I mean no teeth showing at all - he looks serious at times through those eyes.

Please, why on earth would he be shy while discussing something so serious! And moreover, that is a shy girl... he is a MAN (a father of two kids)! Why would he be shy - I mean he treats me like a kid!! Moreover, he does not just stare or look while doing that but he talks... I now understand, maybe he is not sure of what he talks can be accepted as a conventional idea - because he comes with the most weird (interesting though) thoughts... he might think if that is something whether the employees will agree and accept - or whether the customers may prefer.

Another thing - he ignores me a lot! And he is the Managing Director of another company - why on earth would he be shy at me!

(@ Dinesh and Kuljit - I know that I am deviating from what I promised, but seriously - I will stop thinking about the body language and look into the subject) Thanks Ravi - I now understood what he meant :-) okay... he might be shy of his thoughts/ideas.

Ash,

I was having a hard time visualizing the gesture, but looking at the pictures, I think I get it. And come to think of it, although VERY rarely, I have done that (the second picture with no teeth showing, serious look, faint smile, etc.), and actually sort of pressing my face with my palms. I have also seen a few do that (again very rarely). What it usually meant was - "I am thinking really hard about this, I am trying to visualize in my mind what I am trying to say, and I am trying to articulate what I am seeing in my mind." (i.e., I am thinking really hard, visualizing, building a picture, trying to convert that visual picture that only I can see into words and communicate that to you to make sure you see it as well - all at the same time. And oh, I am also wondering if you are thinking that I am talking nonsense). So, you see? That's a whole lot :-).

But then, as Sigmund Freud said, "sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar!" :-)

Regards,
-Som G

Body language was once used to reveal truths about characters and personalities. However, this is no longer the case. Everyone is now trained to utilize body language to their advantage. It is suggested not to solely rely on observing body language, but rather to pay attention to the tone of voice. The tone of voice is a true reflection of one's inner self. Trust your intuitions to decipher the tone of voice.

TSMadaan

<link no longer exists - removed>

I am 100% sure that was what he meant because each time he does that, I have noticed it is only when he has said something totally different. He is also thirsty for new ideas... Thanks a lot, Som - you cleared my confusions. I was not able to get this off my mind. I am now able to understand what he had in mind.

This is a typical discrete look. It relates to them having one switch to an alter personality with a different shift in thinking. Creative ideas do emerge from this blocked view.

It's something like - When we all going to sleep we tend to imagine a different us in a different situation. I am saying this as this body language is that of a repetitive one.

My reading is that if a very small part of his face is seen, with just one eye visible, it could also mean he is testing you with his idea to see your reaction; he is on his guard. It also means he respects your view and does not want to show his feelings or thoughts until he knows yours. I would also recommend you to pay attention to the tone and pitch of his voice when he does this to better understand.

Best Regards

Dear Ash Mathew,

Truly speaking, you cannot really interpret what a person is actually thinking in his mind when he uses a gesture. It may have a lot of meanings. But I can help you out in terms of this. What I want to know is, once he expresses his ideas, do you ask any questions to him? Or do you show any reaction to him using your body language once he expresses his ideas? Were the ideas not coherent to the situation? Kindly reply to me.

Thank you.

Dear all,

Please find attached the document 'Introduction to NLP.doc' which contains the Introduction to NLP and basic presuppositions.

May it help you lead a better and transforming life!

Thank you,
Satish

Hi Asha,

All I could make out from the gesture you described is that he might be a person who is not clear on how to express his point. He may have a tough time making decisions or articulating his ideas but still struggles to confront the situation. Moreover, you mentioned that he leans back with his head resting on his palms, indicating that he is passive and merely listening to your discussion.

You need not worry about these gestures. Carry on with your work without concern, even if he is your boss or colleague. This fear may sometimes demoralize you and give others an opportunity to take advantage of you. Nevertheless, move forward with your thoughts and do not hesitate to express them.

This is a clear message of being suspicious. He is not sure of what he is saying or thinks you don't believe it fully.

This is a clear indication of suspicion. He is not sure about what he is saying or thinks you may not believe it.

At that time, use assuring words like "Though it seems hard to believe, it is possible" or quote similar cases where it was successful. You have to be honest in your approach.

Body language is a highly controversial topic to be judged about. People use body language to express their hidden emotions, aiming to be understood to a certain degree. Most of it is usually a hereditary possession that is judged with varying perceptions. You really cannot simply identify the expressed emotion just through one's body language because it is a completely individual characteristic that people possess. Body language is just a faint picture of your subconscious mind that usually emerges when there is a sense of disagreement with the ideas and conclusions from the opposite party.

Merely looking at you in a certain way can convey a sense of confusion going on in that individual's mind. They may perhaps not be able to grasp the relevance of your ideas at that point in time, and maybe they are trying hard to put themselves in that specific situation to visualize if things would go appropriately in that virtual circumstance.

People don't easily express what they are thinking. Changes in the eyes' expression usually indicate a sense of disagreement. Hand movements are merely used to guide your attention to a point that one wants you to understand or what one expects of you.

It may be a gesture meant to be funny. Is he quite older? If so, he is trying to make you feel like a kid, not much interested in your talks.

Kane

There could be a couple of reasons for covering one's face:

1. I'm so bored and tired, I can hardly hold my head up.
2. I'm feeling faintly superior and quite possibly judging you while I'm at it. (There's no way we'd sit like that in front of a boss or someone we respected.)
3. It can also indicate frustration on the part of the person with a situation or conversation.

Francois.

Dear Ash,

Oh, I am delighted by the discussion and felt more enlightened by different interpretations!

Indeed, in understanding non-verbals (understanding what is not spoken), there is every possibility that even the best may go wrong! Most of us are good at making "evaluations" and jump to conclusions, which may be totally wrong!

The "description" of body posture is rightly seen, but the interpretations are 'evaluated' based on each individual's perceptions and their attitudes!

The acceptable fact is that just reading body language is not enough for understanding human behavior! It is one among the many techniques that would support our approach to fellow beings!

After all, human resources are a combination of several resources like traits, values, interests, cognition, situation, imagination, experience, and so on, and all these will decide what a human being is or can be.

(Even the color of the cat and its efficacy in catching the mice varies because of essential differences in the resources that make the human being!)

Honestly, this discussion will make anyone cautious while using 'body language' as a measure of understanding a human being!

Thank you.

Prof. Major Radhakrishna M

Manipal, Udupi

Karnataka

Dear Asha,

Why are you concentrating on his body language? Of course, it may irritate you, but that is his nature of talking. Maybe sometimes people feel comfort when they avoid talking by avoiding eye contact. This can happen because they have less self-confidence, or at the moment, they tend to think of new ideas. In this case, direct eye contact from others may distract their thoughts. Alternatively, he might have practiced talking to people in this way since his earliest stages.

Anyway, don't focus on his body language or gestures. Instead, concentrate on his speech content and your part in the conversation. This way, this embarrassing moment will be forgotten by you.

Regards,
Nelson
Chennai

dear asha..
since fr a long time i had an interest in body language as a topic.. but over a time i observed that most of the BL concepts were based on western culture.. those by Indian authors are merely copy cats..!!
now by goin thru the signs u r getting.. in corporate world… whenever a person is not able to visualize or else when he/she is not certain abt the end result of his decision will do somthing like that (hide his face and talk) or else will raise his/her voice to a higher tone..!! also try to notice any fumble or any uncertainty in his words ..!!
lastly the best solution wud be to hav a informal talk over coffee or breaks where in u try to take feed back over the quality of ur contribution in the discussions.. as such u wanna make him ur mentor fr ur self improvement.. this wil break the ice and will gv u the exact feed back u r looking fr..!!

Dear Members,

Thank you all for sharing your views. Your input has been truly helpful to me. It is true that different perceptions and views, as well as gestures, may not convey everything. Personally, I tend to rely heavily on emotional gestures, actions, and body language when engaging in conversations on any topic. I am someone who acts based on the emotional reactions of others. This approach has its advantages and disadvantages. However, I always prefer to seek clarification on any questions that trouble me. Thanks to what Som mentioned, I was able to understand the meaning behind the gesture.

As I mentioned before, Som often comes up with quirky ideas and laughs at them himself. Sometimes he laughs even louder when I express my thoughts passionately. Essentially, we are a team working together to solve workplace issues, with the core solution being to handle situations creatively. Therefore, when a particular gesture caught my attention, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Now, I am grateful for the insight (Thanks Som!).

Please let me know if you have any questions or need further clarification.

Best regards

Dear Ash Matthew,

I am quite surprised at the questions you have asked because I have observed that you have always sent across the best suggestions for various questions on the HR site. These suggestions have been very practical and professional, but it also makes me understand that surely you can also have some doubts. Well, what I feel is that body language does sometimes relate to what actually goes on in the mind of a person. So, sometimes it is the outcome of these gestures that people behave. Not necessarily everyone; it might vary from person to person. What I suggest is to probably just ignore it for a while and see if not, you can definitely discuss with the person. These are my views; that is what I think.

V.R. MANUEL
Uflex Ltd

Hi dear Ash,

Can you please provide me with the following details to better interpret the body language:

i) Your age and the age of the client.
ii) How creative the other person is in their ideas.
iii) How mischievous their behavior is.
iv) How open is your discussion - Is it a typical boardroom type or a friendly college student type?
v) The marital status of both you and your client or candidates involved in a group discussion for a job appointment.

By furnishing these details, we can interpret the body language more accurately.

Regards,
Premson

Hi,

Greetings! Don't let these body language cues irritate you or throw you off balance. This study of body language is akin to the study of psychology or astrology—every psychologist or astrologer will interpret the same issue differently. It is not an exact science like engineering or a scientific subject; understanding requires deep thought. Don't worry about it. Best of luck.

Dear Asha Mathew,

From the ongoing discussion and views expressed by all concerned, in my humble view, the timing of his gesture and what is going on just before or what he does after doing this explains it all. What I could make out is that during the discussion, he observes intently, comes up with an idea, and expresses it - meanwhile, with his gesture, he does not want to show his inward intent/processing/reaction and hence tries to cover up with a gesture.

Another thing that comes to my mind is when someone wants to change the topic/discussion, he pretends to seek attention on one pretext or another. The pitch of the voice is also important just and after his gesture.

Last but not least, this might be a concealment coupled with the process of thought. As he happens to be a close friend of the boss, he is keeping something to himself, and this is his way of summarizing the discussion till that moment.

(IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES, IN CASE YOU ARE INTERESTED IN KNOWING MY PROBABLE REACTION, I WOULD HAVE SHOWERED UNPRECEDENTED PRAISE ON THIS GUY, EQUATING HIM WITH ONE OF MY MAKE-BELIEF TEACHERS, AND WOULD HAVE NOTICED AND ANALYZED HOW HE REACTS TO THE SAME. YOU CAN ALSO DO THE SAME. I DO NOT SEE ANY HARM - AT LEAST THIS WOULD END YOUR PREDICAMENT.)

All the above things are based on probabilities and my personal thoughts. Last but not least, thanks a ton for such an engrossed and thoughtful piece again. The way you are learning by observing things, you will go places. Ash Mathews, God bless.

Here's an original (though inspired by some folk anecdote that I faintly remember) short story, especially written for all my friends here.

I hope Ravi and Som will appreciate it.

Every evening, the influential and charismatic CEO, before leaving the office, would tear a page from his notepad (paper pad, not a gadget), roll it into a ball, kiss the small paper ball softly, and with a faint smile, would put it in his jacket pocket. That was the last thing he did every evening while leaving the office.

Soon, the grapevine began buzzing.

"It signifies the end of a day and celebrations, like having a ball!" the young energetic females would say.

"No, he takes it as a resolve or reminder for the next day's agenda," the workaholics would say.

"I think it means the world is round and so is life, no beginning, no end," the mature, philosophical seniors would say.

"It means like having the world in one's pocket," the upwardly mobile B-school executives would say.

Then everyone began "cultivating" this habit; all wanted to follow the example of their aspirational leader.

After some time, the CEO stopped this "practice."

The word spread fast. Everyone was in a quandary. No one dared to ask the CEO.

Soon, one evening, his Executive Assistant - a young lady who had been with him for four years - asked him, "Sir, you no longer roll the page from the notepad and carry it home?"

"Oh, that..." the young CEO smiled nonchalantly, "the moment I reach home, my cat would rush to play with me. She likes to play and chase paper balls. Last week my mother came, and I gave her my cat."

Hope you enjoy the story :-)

Warm regards.

Hi Asha,

It seems he is just playing with you. Next time, ignore him and observe his reaction.

Hi Asha,

It seems he is playing with you. Next time, just ignore him and observe his reactions. It's better not to get involved and to stop thinking about his body language.

As per my understanding, the person Asha is referring to was thinking very deeply. There was also a disconnect of thought between Asha and him. As he is older than Asha, he was simply encouraging Asha to think in her own way, which is why he was smiling slightly.

It can also be that the person is noticing you. As in how you are feeling about his views, but by covering his face, he is showing that he's not looking at you but he is actually looking.

Hey members!!

Here is what happened this week!

While discussing with him again this week - he did the same thing! (This was again during one of his creative explanations of his thoughts). I got the cue and gave him a confident reply to what he was trying to explain so that he comes out of the thought, whether it will be an accepted idea or not.

A few points were workable solutions, and a few others had to be given deeper thought. However, immediately after the conversation, I put everything on paper and even did a small research work to back his ideas. Guess what - he was so happy!

And I am really happy to work under such a creative person... :-)

Credit to Som though!!! :-)

And Ravi - while reading your lines, I could not stop thinking this "Even for interpreting the right way you need some arrivu!" Anyhow should I take you back to a time where you could not stop doing anything but only keep thinking "Why my boss is doing like this?" I guess you are still thinking...

Raj - the story is so nice. How sweet - the person at the end of the day still thinks of the lighter things in life. I wish I could do something like that for my dog - but he hates games with paper though. You and I can share a story later and laugh about it :-)