Navigating Office Relationships: How to Maintain Professional Decorum Without Direct Confrontation?

Hello Seniors,

One of our key resources (married) is currently spending time with a young, immature, and unmarried girl. How can we address this issue to maintain office/work environment decorum?

1. I prefer not to address this directly with them.
2. I am attempting to resolve this without involving my senior.

Would it be appropriate to send a general message to all employees conveying the message to the respective individual?

Please share your experiences and suggestions.

Regards,
Kevina

Has there been any complaint about the issue from any employee to you, stating that such things are distracting the routine working environment? Has the girl herself lodged any complaint with you?

Thank you all for your reply.

First of all, ours is an IT company with 80 employees. You know the IT industry working style - free/flexible timing where anyone can interact with anyone at any time.

I conducted an Employee Satisfaction Survey and found that the majority of my employees are happy about our working environment. To be frank, some of them don't want to leave the company because of the positive working environment.

Changing the timing for both employees is not possible as we have flexible timing for all employees. Despite working in different projects and areas, they wait for each other to have lunch and often spend time together after office hours, chatting both outside and within the office.

Since I am not sure what is happening, I cannot speak to them directly. I have been observing their behavior in the office for the past two months, noticing their interactions and those of other employees. No one had the courage to inform me until I proactively inquired.

These behaviors can distract others' attention and concentration, especially considering our open cubicles where developers need to focus on their development and programming tasks.

Should I indirectly address this issue by sharing a past experience and how I handled it?

Thanks,

Kevina

Hi, Kevina.

Shimit here.

After reading your problem, I have given it some thought and come to a conclusion. Is she your relative or simply your employee? If she is performing well, there is no need to talk to her. If you do so, her morale may decrease, leading to a decline in performance.

Regarding the male employee, I would react the same way. If he is not your relative and is performing well, what is the reason for the conversation? If you speak with either the girl or the boy, they may question your authority to interfere in their lives, leaving you speechless. Therefore, it is better not to say anything.

However, you can consider talking to the wife of the male employee and ask her not to mention your name to her husband. This may resolve the situation peacefully. I do not recommend speaking directly to them unless they are underperforming, as it affects your company's performance. Do you understand?

Don't worry; everything will be fine.

Take care.

Shimit

Dada,

I think this is an official issue being discussed here by Kevina. I do not agree that it's a saas bahu gossip we are all discussing here. Kindly give it a thought once again.

Dear Kevina,

Unless your work is not hampered, I don't think you can address them. Workwise, they are good. But if their work is being affected, then it's your duty as the HR personnel to address them directly, quoting instances rather than following the indirect path. Be clear and to the point to both the girl and that married guy. If the situation still persists, you can give them a written warning for not following the company's code of conduct if you have that. Lastly, people can also be terminated based on misconduct. It's purely in your hands to handle this situation. Hope you will be wise to make the right decision.

Take care,
Vineet

Hi,

This happens many a time and is nowadays very common. Some girls are, by nature, very bubbly and attract attention easily. So, you need to definitely talk.

Call them individually and tell them it is none of your business if they are in any way involved with each other outside office premises. But yes, within the office, everyone is expected to behave and act in a certain manner. Both of them are acting and behaving in an unacceptable manner as per the company policy on work culture and decorum. Other employees have also noticed it. The idea is not to chastise anyone but to request they maintain a respectable distance.

You need to speak in a very professional manner, without any emotion, about how their conduct is disturbing others. As the HR person, you can threaten them that if it does not improve within a week, then you will have to write a formal show cause on this subject to both of them.

Emphasize that within the office, everyone is expected to behave professionally. Outside the office, well, you can't save the world!

So cheer up and just do your duty without any emotional pangs... in every professionally managed company, HR has full authority to remind employees about the acceptable code of conduct.

Thanks,

Geeta

Dear Kevina,

Yes, it is right that you cannot impede in the way of others. But if their behavior is hampering the work environment, then you have the full authority to intervene. You should first speak with their respective team leaders. Make them aware of the situation and explain how it is affecting the work culture. Then, you can address the individuals directly. See what happens. It's true that the HR department is not there to punish people, but if you don't take necessary steps right now, it will become a more problematic issue in the future for you and your company. :(

Thanks.

Hi Kevina,

As per my knowledge, there are two things you must do:

1) Simply "divide and rule." Design their working hours in a manner where one shift he has to work, and the other shift she has to work, and the same for weekends off.

2) Make her understand by providing real-life incidents.

Regards,
Santosh

Hello, Kevin!

It's a challenge for you. How do you handle this sensitive issue without upsetting the girl? Many have suggested different ideas. Just ask the girl if she is serious about the relationship. If she is serious, you can't do anything other than involving a senior to keep their affair discreet. If she is not serious, you can advise her that her behavior is being observed by many. With this, she will definitely change her attitude.

Dear Kavina,

Please be diplomatic about this. You can call the girl and inform her that we have received a complaint about her interaction with that person. It seems that someone does not want to meet with that person.

If they are working well and your company environment is also flexible and cool, why do you need to worry about it? If the situation is serious, then you can speak to the girl or the man individually. You can also involve a third person to help resolve the issue.

Best Regards,
Sajid Ansari

Dear All,

Once again, thanks for your quick inputs.

Well, I watch saas-bahu serials at my home every day :) Hmm, but not in our valuable HR forum.

Cheers,
Kevina

Dear Kevina,

Congrats on bringing in one of the most important aspects to CiteHR.com, apart from other HR and training matters.

I would like to advise you not to get emotionally involved in this matter. Do you understand the implications of what you are projecting? If yes, I am pleased that you are a true alarm raiser.

On the contrary, I wonder if you have received proper orientation on gender and sexuality. Has any training or exercise taken place regarding "gender and development" in your company? If yes, find out who attended it. If not, I am surprised.

If your company has a robust independent "gender policy" and you are familiar with it, then you are on the right track. However, dealing with sexuality is a highly sensitive issue that requires specific training. Consider inviting a resource person who can address gender and sexuality aspects. During the session, you can ask the resource person certain questions that directly or indirectly tackle this issue, leading you to a solution.

For any further assistance or suggestions, feel free to contact me at devs1180@gmail.com.

Thank you.

I have come across similar issues myself at our organization too.

From my experience, I would like to say that if this is not affecting their working efficiencies, it should be left alone. On one hand, you also mention about free work timings and open cubicles. These, according to me, are a few among the many steps organizations take to avoid a monotonous feel in any employee's work life.

You can definitely take action if you notice them in any indecent or compromising situation. If not, it must not bother anyone.

Also, have any of their project/team leaders addressed an issue regarding this to the HR/you?

You seem to have done quite a bit of research on their personal life, as mentioned by you regarding their marital status, break timings, dining in different group habits but looking at each other, etc., considering the employee strengths of an average IT organization. :)

However, this is only according to me. Few organizations also take measures to avoid future inconvenience to the working atmosphere in similar issues, but again, I feel that makes it a gamble.

Dear Kevina,

As per my knowledge, if you advise them officially or issue a notice, there may be a chance that both employees may leave the job and look for alternative opportunities. It is a highly sensitive matter to handle.

Advise them individually as a friend that some of the employees are gossiping about them. Be a communicator and convey to them that you are concerned about their image in front of others. Sometimes it may work.

Note: Based on my experience, if you handle this officially, both employees may leave. If you do not address this issue, others may also follow such practices, which can affect the decorum later. You are more concerned about their image.

Dear Kevina,

It's just another office fling. Let's focus on the working hours alone.

Please call the "MARRIED" guy and tell him that the girl seems overly occupied with him, raising many questions at work. Note that the guy may only say he was casually talking and would defend himself (but don't let that change what you are going to tell him). Ask him to ensure that such comments would not affect his career and reputation at work. Sometimes, our behavior can affect the entire working relationship and reputation earned. Have a casual discussion with him and let him know that many have doubts about the relationship.

Even if he insists it's "mere friendship," please let him know it's okay to be friends with this girl, but maybe outside office hours.

Next, you may want to call this young lady and hint to her that "everyone is aware of what's happening around." Just caution her.

Additionally, to a certain extent, we can feel sorry that someone is taking advantage of her immaturity. Inform her that such relationships (infatuations or anything of that sort) will only end in disaster, as the guy is married.

Some individuals seek extra adventure at work; it's just their nature. However, all you can do is first hint to her, and if she opens up to you on a personal level, advise her to keep the relationship strictly professional.

If she is in a dilemma, let her know that dumping someone who takes advantage of her is a great experience! You have evidence that this guy is "fooling around" - he is married!

Otherwise, if she is acting immature or innocent, perhaps she is also seeking a fling - we can't control this area, but you can avoid the relationship at work by just talking!

;-) cya

Are yar Chodona, Kyu Chinta Karte ho, bure kam ka bura natiza... ye sab jyada din nahi chalega... samjo, do not pay more attention to these issues, apne aap sab thik ho jayenge...

Hi,

I don't think HR should interfere in such matters. After all, it's their personal life. If you talk to them as HR, it would really demoralize them if they are good at their work. Such things do happen everywhere - extramarital affairs and relationships are bound to happen. You cannot control an employee's life. And as it is, you just have a doubt about them. With no evidence, you cannot interfere in their personal life. As somebody said earlier, what are you going to do after office hours? At most, you can talk with the girl as a friend and not on behalf of the HR department if she confides in you.

Dear Kevina,

Accept my admiration for being able to spot a potential office romance and your initiative in addressing it.

You must be aware of how companies, especially in the IT sector, have suffered due to office romances culminating in sexual harassment cases against the company.

What happens is, later when the romance breaks off, and in case the male is in a superior position, and the female does not get a promotion (or other career development issues), she may accuse (also, to take revenge for being being dumped) the male and consequently the company of "sexual harassment," and the company has to respond to the lawsuit and may have to pay considerable damages.

This is where you, as an HR person, come in. You can interfere in their private relationship to safeguard the company's interest, should something go wrong between them and tomorrow there is an allegation of sexual harassment by (in this case) the girl who is much younger and subordinate to that person.

Corporate law-savvy companies have devised several ways to counter this, one of the most important tools being to enforce the "Love Contract" between two consenting employees.

Let me know if you need further information on this. You can discuss with your management to develop a policy on "office romance" that does not affect the performance of the company and protects it from sexual harassment allegations.

Regards.

Hi Kevina,

This is Carol here.

According to my view, if both the employees' performance is affected due to long hours of chatting, you must talk to both of them separately and explain that there is a certain decorum to be followed in the workplace. You need to explain it as professionally as possible since their behavior also distracts others working there.

Hope this will help you.

Regards,
Carol.

Hi,

Please share on this forum about "love contract" and "office romance" policies.

Regards,

Hi friends, I would like to know about organizational behavior related to saas bahu. How to relate saas bahu in organizational behavior (such as motivation, perception, conflict, leadership, and all that).

Good innovative thinking, reenavijay. I am afraid it is a difficult task due to the stereotyping of a typical 'saas' in only negative shades. But I will think about it! I am sure I can definitely give you a few good examples and a headstart on this by incorporating the concept of "a good saas"!!!

Regards.