"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can`t remember the other two... "
~ Sir Norman Wisdom
" One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
~ Edgar Watson Howe
" I only go to work on days that don`t end in a `y`. "
~ Robert Paul
" We spend the first twelve months of our children`s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. "
~ Phyllis Diller
" Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
~ Will Rogers
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn`t work out, you haven`t wasted a whole day. "
~ Mickey Rooney
" Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job.
Men have the same choice we`ve always had: work or prison. "
~ Tim Allen
" I`m not afraid to die. I just don`t want to be there when it happens. "
~ Woody Allen
" Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn`t."
~ Erica Jong
"Don`t take life too seriously, you`ll never get out of it alive. "
~ Elbert Hubbard
" In life, it`s not who you know that`s important, it`s how your wife found out."
~ Joey Adams
"I`ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she`ll kill me. "
~ Henry Youngman
~ Sir Norman Wisdom
" One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
~ Edgar Watson Howe
" I only go to work on days that don`t end in a `y`. "
~ Robert Paul
" We spend the first twelve months of our children`s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. "
~ Phyllis Diller
" Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
~ Will Rogers
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn`t work out, you haven`t wasted a whole day. "
~ Mickey Rooney
" Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job.
Men have the same choice we`ve always had: work or prison. "
~ Tim Allen
" I`m not afraid to die. I just don`t want to be there when it happens. "
~ Woody Allen
" Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn`t."
~ Erica Jong
"Don`t take life too seriously, you`ll never get out of it alive. "
~ Elbert Hubbard
" In life, it`s not who you know that`s important, it`s how your wife found out."
~ Joey Adams
"I`ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she`ll kill me. "
~ Henry Youngman