"As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two..."
~ Sir Norman Wisdom
"One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
~ Edgar Watson Howe
"I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'."
~ Robert Paul
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
~ Phyllis Diller
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
~ Will Rogers
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."
~ Mickey Rooney
"Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison."
~ Tim Allen
"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."
~ Woody Allen
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
~ Erica Jong
"Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive."
~ Elbert Hubbard
"In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out."
~ Joey Adams
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
~ Henry Youngman
From India, Madras
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5~ Sir Norman Wisdom
"One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
~ Edgar Watson Howe
"I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'."
~ Robert Paul
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
~ Phyllis Diller
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
~ Will Rogers
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."
~ Mickey Rooney
"Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison."
~ Tim Allen
"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."
~ Woody Allen
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
~ Erica Jong
"Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive."
~ Elbert Hubbard
"In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out."
~ Joey Adams
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
~ Henry Youngman
From India, Madras
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Thanks Chitra. :)
Some more jokes for you:
"Parents To A College Watchman: Is This College Good?
Watchman: Probably The Best. I Did My MBA Here And Immediately Got Placed..." :-D:-D:-D:-D:-D
"Son: Who is an Idiot?
Dad: An Idiot is someone who tries to explain in such a way that the Person who is listening can't understand. Do you understand me?
Son: No..." :-P:-P:-P
"Love: Isn't about Expressing with Heavy Words. It's about understanding, a Gentle Touch & a Pure Heart...
Friendship: Is to laugh at the Philosophical Sentence mentioned above..." :icon6::icon6::icon6:
And finally the best one:
A Short Story...:
One day a boy Proposed a Girl. Girl rejected Boy's proposal. And they both lived happily ever after.
Enjoy! :-):-D:-D:icon6:
From India, Vadodara
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Some more jokes for you:
"Parents To A College Watchman: Is This College Good?
Watchman: Probably The Best. I Did My MBA Here And Immediately Got Placed..." :-D:-D:-D:-D:-D
"Son: Who is an Idiot?
Dad: An Idiot is someone who tries to explain in such a way that the Person who is listening can't understand. Do you understand me?
Son: No..." :-P:-P:-P
"Love: Isn't about Expressing with Heavy Words. It's about understanding, a Gentle Touch & a Pure Heart...
Friendship: Is to laugh at the Philosophical Sentence mentioned above..." :icon6::icon6::icon6:
And finally the best one:
A Short Story...:
One day a boy Proposed a Girl. Girl rejected Boy's proposal. And they both lived happily ever after.
Enjoy! :-):-D:-D:icon6:
From India, Vadodara
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Nice jokes, Prabha. :)
Here are some more from me...
"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."
"That's very nice, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself."
One day a teacher was giving a lecture on philosophy and had the class enthralled. It was a brilliant lecture. Suddenly, over his head, a bright light flashed, and an angel came down and approached the teacher.
She said, "You are doing such a good job teaching this class, I have decided to give you one wish. You can have infinite money, infinite wisdom, or infinite knowledge."
Thinking for a minute, he humbly asked for infinite wisdom. She tapped him with a magic wand and disappeared in a flash. The class came forward to hear the first words from a man with infinite wisdom.
He said, "It would have been wiser to take the money..."
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence.
The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him.
The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car, and said, "Boy, are you in trouble! I'm a lawyer!"
The driver looked out his window and said, "No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge."
From India, Madras
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Here are some more from me...
"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."
"That's very nice, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks, myself."
One day a teacher was giving a lecture on philosophy and had the class enthralled. It was a brilliant lecture. Suddenly, over his head, a bright light flashed, and an angel came down and approached the teacher.
She said, "You are doing such a good job teaching this class, I have decided to give you one wish. You can have infinite money, infinite wisdom, or infinite knowledge."
Thinking for a minute, he humbly asked for infinite wisdom. She tapped him with a magic wand and disappeared in a flash. The class came forward to hear the first words from a man with infinite wisdom.
He said, "It would have been wiser to take the money..."
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence.
The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him.
The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car, and said, "Boy, are you in trouble! I'm a lawyer!"
The driver looked out his window and said, "No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge."
From India, Madras
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Have a Good Laugh….
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee..... On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!" The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?" "No," replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!" The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?" "No!" replied the Managing Director angrily. "Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone. :)
Regards,
Prabha
From India, Vadodara
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A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee..... On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!" The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?" "No," replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!" The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?" "No!" replied the Managing Director angrily. "Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone. :)
Regards,
Prabha
From India, Vadodara
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This is a story about 2 lovers... so read it slowly....
The night was dark, The moon was high, I stopped my car, she asked me why, I came close to her, she felt shy, I went near her, I wanted to say something but I thought she wouldn't believe it, and finally I told her those 6 words.
"PETROL FINISHED. GO HOME BY YOURSELF"
From India, Madras
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The night was dark, The moon was high, I stopped my car, she asked me why, I came close to her, she felt shy, I went near her, I wanted to say something but I thought she wouldn't believe it, and finally I told her those 6 words.
"PETROL FINISHED. GO HOME BY YOURSELF"
From India, Madras
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