Director Annoyed And Wants To Quit - His Wife's Birthday Party Wasn't The Same As His

Let's try and put this in the correct perspective if possible. Here are the facts as per Prachi:
1. One senior male employee serving the organization for 7 years, currently at a Director level position
2. Stake holders (Management) are happy with him as he has proved himself over and over again for the last 7 years
3. Marries another employee but who is at a very junior level
4. officially celebrates his birthday and enjoys it
5. Now has a problem with some official celebration of his wife's birthaday

I hope i've the facts correct ? So what's changed? Believe it or not.... Quite a lot has changed. As a matter of fact very few individuals that i know of over the last 17 years of my professional life accross 3 continents would remain the same person in the journey from point 1 to point 5.

First and foremost, it's not his feeling that's coming accross in point 5, it's his wife's. She is the one who is upset at not being treated like a Director's wife and her means of communicating this is through her husband. So here is the first problem... whom should you pacify - The director or his wife? but here is a bigger problem.... Today it's her birthday, tomorrow it could be her appraisal ? It is precisely for this reason that a lot of organization do not allow spouses to work in the same organization. What does your company policy say about spouses working in the same organization? I'm positive this clause does not exist.

Now here is the main problem... Is the wife wrong in expecting to be treated as a director's wife ? Is the husband wrong in expecting a certain level of respect for his wife ? NO not really. I have read all the comments about people talking of professionalism, effeciency blah blah!!! How many of us can tolerate our family members not getting the correct treatment from our office or collegues or even friends.

Prachi this is an opportuntiy for you to understand fast what many people take years in learning. How to Manage Expectations ?

I think you can solve this problem... It's not going to be easy and the solution will not come in day 1 because most of the time change is a time consuming process except when you are changing clothes...LOL

PM me and let's discuss the how's and the what's. Whatever the outcome, we will share it with all our friends in this forum.

Cheers

Navneet Chandra

Is he serious? If he is so bothered about it why doesn't he throw a party for his wife in his own time and at his own expense and invite all the work colleagues.....surely at his level and his salary he could afford to do that!
Is it me or do they start making less sense the higher up the corporate ladder they climb?!

Hello Prachi,
A rule is rule for everyone .No one have the right to bend it.Its not professional.If u r so sure that he is so dedicated then Director-HR can talk with his wife to make her understand that if today the rules are changed for her,it will be very difficult for her to work there .Her collegues will keep a distance from her.If she understands this ,then your half problem is solved .hope this will work out.

Dear Members!

Thank you so much for all your valuable suggestions and comments. I have somewhat tried and solve the problem and am putting step by step process in front of you. Please let me know if I have done it right or wrong. The process that I have followed is as follows:

Step 1: I have initiated a policy regarding spouses not working in our organization. Incase, two people decide to marry, then anyone of them will have to leave the organization. Many members pointed it correctly that our policy structure was silent on such an issue.

Step 2: The birthday celebration policy has been changed. As per the new policy, birthday's/ annivarsary's of any employee (senior/junior) will be celebrated in a similar fashion and there will be no favouritism in this regard.

Step 3: Now, the main issue regarding the director and his wife.

Well, I was missing on something very vital in any organization called as "Grapevine". I had a long conversation with the colleagues (at the similar level) of both the husband and wife. I just wanted to understand if they have actually discussed something with them or not. I was shocked to get some facts from them and could realise that the entire story was a plan of the wife to prove the fact "she is the director's wife" to her colleagues.

Step 4: We conducted a joint counselling session for both of them (in the presence of the mangement and the owner of the company) and put the entire picture in front of the guy. He is apologetic of his behavior now. He accepted that he did whatever he did because of all the wrong attitude of the wife at home. He is currently in a state of disbelief that his wife could actually do such a thing.

Step 5: Understanding all the details now, the management has decided to get rid of the girl since she has used the power of her husband being at a very senior post. The husband has been given a warning since his behavior was also not at all acceptable.

The girl has been given a week's notice to handover all the tasks that she has in hand and leave our company. We have also made it very clear that the comapny will not give her any relieving letter to her as a punishment for her behavior.

A step further, the colleagues under whose influence the girl has done such a deed have also been asked to leave the company and are given a week's notice by the management. The comapny has also decided not to issue any relieving letter to these people.

Well members, I am still in a state of shock and disbelief that people can actually do such a thing consudering the fact that we do try and take maximum care of our employees.

I just wanted to know if I have done the right thing or not and is there still anything futher that can be added in this matter to make it more transparent and a lesson to all the other employees of the comapny. Please let me know if I have done it right or not.

Waiting for your responses eagerly...........................

Regards
Prachi Jain

Well what if those people whome you think you have terminated, and you are not going to issue a releiving letters, as a punishment, ...if they come together, they may even throw you out of your position / job.
So dont tell us that you did all the above, and dont let the employees know its your idea.
Show that it is a joint decision of management and not yours singly.
Hope you got the hint.

Hi,
I think in this case ego has been hurt.You want the director to stay in the company.More then policy psychological analysis is needed.
What can be done is ,If you speak to his wife and try to explain her the problem (not mentioning how imp her husband is for the company).She can convince him for it.
As he is newly married ,he is hurt as his wife has not been given due respect which he think ,though it is not as so.
If you convince his wife I am sure he is going to calm down .As may be what ever reaction he is taking are instigated by his wife only.
As you know Women rules:p

Take my advice, first let this guy go out of your company. These kind of buffoons shouldn't be there in professional environment, his way thinking shows that he not professional, efficient and important he is not matured.
He is in the post of Director and he needs to set an example,
You shouldn't be thinking as to how to retain this guy rather you should concentrate on how to take this guy out at the earliest.
Do update
Darshan

Dear prachi,
You have done a execellent job.you have handled the situation properly and in my views what you have done is best for your organisation.
Regards
NITIN:p

Dear All,
As discussed by me and a few other members, that it is the wife & her nagging at home that is the root cause of this problem. I was ridiculed by a member.... i stand vindicated & hope the person in question stands humbled.....
Regards
Abhishek Bhatara

My thoughts again.....
"ARE WE TALKING ABOUT A PROFESSIONAL HERE.????????????"
It's time to give my answer......n the answer is
"NO".........
Regards
A.B