Navigating Workplace Dynamics: Should Management Address an Employee's Affair?

I agree with Mangesh's point of view. Each person has their own needs, and we are in no position to be judgmental about them. Unless it is affecting the organization, it is not up to us to interfere.

Maybe you can give them subtle hints about the gossip and point out that it might affect the work environment. As long as they are being professional in the office, I think there is no need to say anything.

May the person who has not sinned throw the first stone!!!

Ivan Antony John
HR Manager
A SQUARE

Oh my gosh! Look at all the holier-than-thou attitudes and posts! Aren't we in HR supposed to be unbiased and act like glue, not getting ourselves involved in petty 'grapevine' and sprouting lectures on ethics and morals? Who or what gives us the right?

This so-called 'moral' query has received so many hits, which goes on to prove how very keen we are on scandals, gossip, and the personal lives of our associates. Doesn't this go against the grain?

Hi,

In my point of view, it is not solely her personal matter when it begins to disturb other employees within the organization. Management should arrange a closed-room meeting with her and issue a warning that she needs to keep her personal affairs outside of the workplace. Otherwise, they will have to take action against her.

I think you should ask her directly because this is her personal matter. If it is under office premises, then you have to give a warning letter. I don't think you should tell her husband and kids because if you do, her life will be ruined. I think she should understand that she is doing something wrong. I feel that you should discuss this matter with her.

We want to remove corrupt people, not corrupted ones. At least you should try to act with humanity.

Thanks,
Zia

In my view, management should not take any action because employees have the right to live their personal lives. However, it should not affect their professional life or work.

Hi Sari, from my point of view, I think we would be incorrect in judging her character. Tagging an individual as involved in an "extramarital" affair would tarnish the person's reputation. Having said that, is their behavior or their acts/deeds affecting their colleagues? Are they involved in "PDA"? If so, then probably you could take some action, which the organization should have a policy on 'workplace behavior and ethics'.

As Mangesh rightly addressed, how sure would you be that they are not having a platonic relationship? What if there is nothing really happening, and if you decide to counsel her, what repercussions would need to be borne? Albeit, if her performance is not a hindrance, and her character/behavior is not affecting any person, we should avoid interfering and moral policing. I would advocate being rational and practical.

Healthy discussion on this topic happens in the corporate world. Take action only if it affects an employee and the company's performance. Also, consider other individuals involved in this matter. It is better to counsel her and the other person individually. Thanks.

I am surprised at the question and more surprised at the responses. All employees are above the legal age of 18 or 21 and are free to live their lives the way they want. Concerns should be limited to company policy and adherence to it. This is a personal matter, and any effort to impose a certain culture in the organization is nothing short of fascism. How can 'controlling thoughts' of employees even cross your mind? This is a serious violation of the privacy of employees and should be corrected at the earliest!

I don't mean to offend you here, but I think you and the team need counseling. If the employee is productive, why should their personal lives be bothered? By what you say and the action taken on the same, almost half the workforce will be under scrutiny in the country. I think HR should not get involved in the personal lives of the employee. Even if it affects their productivity in the office, the management is bound not to discuss their personal lives. However, if the office premises are used as a ground for their personal lives and productivity is not up to the mark, then take action.

The whole meaning and concept of culture is changing; no one can deny it. Things are not the same as in the old days.

Why are the team members fuming about their personal life? How is the environment polluted by it? Every company nowadays calculates employee productivity vs. per cubicle space allotted to them. How is it affected by this?

The team members should refresh their minds and concentrate on their work. Let's be professional and not personal towards work.

Sorry if any offense was meant, and I am open to correcting myself if I am wrong.

Regards,
Rajaram

I don't think it is anybody's business to delve into someone's personal life. Secondly, can anyone prove such a thing in an organizational setup? No one is going to admit this. This remains mere speculation, and such things keep happening.

What you need to ensure is that her performance is not getting hampered. Also, you need to ensure that she does not report to this guy, as a conflict of interest may arise, and that can cause more unrest amongst other employees. This is her personal life, and as long as she does not engage in behavior that can be perceived as indecent by others, she should be left on her own.

Regards,
Sonali

I think it is not appropriate to bring a personal affair of a person into corporate policy matters, as long as it does not interfere with productivity.

The affair of the employee may not be in line with the value system prevailing in society; however, one needs to realize that such matters are beyond the purview of the employers.

It is best not to do anything with the employee in this matter. If this is leading to other related problems, then this should be discussed with her and left at that. The employer has no right to educate or reprimand an employee on moral highs or lows.

This situation may happen in any organization. Moreover, it is not uncommon to have affairs before marriage. We have seen that in such situations, most of the couples in affairs get married.

Concerning an Employee's Extramarital Affair

An employee's extramarital affair goes against the organization's discipline and may lead to negativity in the culture. Initially, her Head of Department (HOD) should be involved in a crucial meeting with all the HODs. This will ultimately convince the concerned HOD to take immediate steps, such as counseling the individuals involved in the affair and making them aware of the negative feelings employees have towards them. This will also instigate a sense of responsibility among all the HODs to take preventive actions in their departments to eradicate similar situations.

Personally, I feel that she may be persuaded about the negative impact on her personal life through regular counseling. Involving their family in this matter may worsen the situation.

It is a very delicate issue and must be handled very carefully. The image of the organization is also at stake.

Thanks,

Bhardwaj

Sari, do not interfere with others' personal lives. You actually have no right to do so, not even to discuss it in society or with your friends on sites like this. Do not open up such personal matters to anyone except when it is your personal matter. Your role is to manage the employees and obtain performances from them; your concern should be on their work. Don't use derogatory language like "polluting the environment," because what they are doing is not pollution, nor is an extramarital affair a bad thing. Sex is a human right given by nature. Even though it may not be a happy situation for a wife or husband to be unfaithful to each other, these types of affairs are just outcomes of a narrow-minded society.

Sari, you need to have an open mind to understand your limits and actions. Focus on your work, as that is your boundary, and act accordingly to help your organization flourish and profit. Stop interfering with others' personal lives, as this is considered polluting, something that you or your team members are doing, not them. Encourage your team members to behave like mature adults, not like school kids.

Dear Sari, do not inform her husband and family members about her affairs. If you do so, in case anything goes wrong, you will be in a pinpoint. Counsel her personally and explain the consequences she is going to face if she continues the same.

At the same time, watch her boyfriend carefully and try to find out his mistake to take action.

Good luck.

Friends, let's not be detrimentally judgmental. I am not prepared to believe that the two colleagues under scrutiny or censure are so naive as to openly indulge in amorous advances, gossip at the expense of office timings, be seen sighing for each other, have prolonged telephone conversations, or be found together in a remote corner in a compromising position, etc. As long as it does not affect their performance or threaten morality or create a hazard in the work environment, let them be.

What just cause can the management show? You may, of course, caution for better discipline and a congenial, productive workplace, but what do you charge them with - sexual harassment, abuse, immorality, lewd behavior, indecent office exposure, or... Take it easy folks. Only if some of their sane fellow workers had a talk to be discreet and not overtly display affection (I gather they show no signs of that in the office), they ought to have taken heed. Why wash someone's dirty linen in public?

Let me add, though, that it provides good food for thought and an exercise in academics, as such occurrences are not uncommon.

Dear Sari,

I think you should talk to her before taking any rash action against her. If you suggest neglecting to do so quickly, the last action might be yours.

Thanks,
Deepak
Executive HR

I don't agree with what the one and only Ravi is saying. To inform his/her family, we are professionals. If you have a problem, even before you talk to the person concerned, please ensure you have enough evidence. If you have enough evidence on the issue, talk to the person directly and demand an explanation. If you are not convinced, inform him/her that if this behavior continues, you would recommend disciplinary action (Termination) or suggest that he/she put in her resignation as soon as she finds another job.

Extra-marital affairs cannot be proved in court unless you catch them red-handed and take them for a medical check. If for some reason the husband supports his wife and goes to court to sue the company for defamation...

Take a professional approach and don't be emotional.

Regards

Dear Sari, I think you need to speak to her in a separate cabin and discuss the situation. After conveying your message to her, kindly observe the same for the next 10 days. If you still find the problem has not been sorted out, speak to the Senior Managers and try to close the case after issuing a letter.

Thanks,
Kapil Kotwal
Manager-HR

Understanding Company Policies on Personal Affairs

First, check your company policy. Certain companies have policies that do not encourage personal affairs within the same team or department. This is to provide a favorable work environment for all team members. There are two things to consider:

1. If the personal affair is spilling into public displays of affection, the company's policy should guide handling this situation easily.

2. If it is just a personal affair and is not disturbing the work situation in any way or hampering the performance of the employees, then in most cases, an organization cannot interfere. Unless, as mentioned before, the company policy discourages personal affairs within the team.

Subjective opinions of fellow team members cannot be a reason to reprimand the employees. This is another example where the importance of understanding the company's culture, values, and policies comes to the fore. Discretion should be exercised, keeping in mind the company's culture, values, and policies, and not based on individuals' culture and values—these can vary greatly from person to person.

Defining an Extramarital Affair

How do you define an extramarital affair? Once you have done that, what evidence and proof do you have to arrive at this judgment?

Impact on Work Environment

Secondly, if the two employees involved in the so-called affair are not in any way disrupting their work routines, performance, and decorum in the office, I think it's not good to interfere in the personal lives of other people.

We all know that an extramarital affair is morally wrong. The wrong is by both parties to it, whether married or not. So, the unmarried male employee is also at fault.

Organizational Authority and Moral Boundaries

As far as this case goes, the organization has no moral authority to interfere in the personal lives of the two individuals as long as they are good performers and not shirking their work.

The best for each and every employee is to mind his or her own business and concentrate on their work. Many a time, it is the idle mind that works in different directions that are unproductive and totally out of focus.

This case gives no legal or moral authority to HR or any of the staff members to interfere in the life of either the lady or the man in question unless they are engaging in sexual activity inside the office premises.

Hi all,

As far as their behavior does not affect their work, it's their personal life. They have the freedom to do whatever. And in case you actually decide to take any action, then it should be taken against both of them; they are equally responsible. Why should only one of them pay for it?

Hi all, please leave this discussion. It's nowhere legal to interfere in someone's personal life as long as it's not affecting work or the workplace. The problem with the people in the organization is that they make a fuss about such things, and especially men enjoy talking about women if they are mingling or friendly with someone.

I too believe that you should not take any legal action against her. Firstly, you should confirm whether all such things are correct or not. After that, you should personally speak to her about this and warn her for the future. Unless it is affecting the office atmosphere, we are not supposed to interfere in anybody's personal life as there might be some personal reasons for such things. So, you should only warn her not to create any misbehavior in the organization and personally suggest to her that such actions can spoil her life as well as her husband's and kids' too.

Thanks,
Meenakshi

Hi, I too believe that you should not take any legal action against her. Firstly, you should confirm whether all such things are correct or not. After that, you should personally speak to her about this and warn her for the future. Unless it is affecting the office atmosphere, we are not supposed to interfere in anybody's personal life as there might be some personal reasons for such things. So, you should only warn her not to create any misbehavior in the organization and personally suggest to her that such actions can spoil her life as well as her husband's and kids' too.

Thanks,
Meenakshi

Have others observed and noticed what you have? If yes, has anyone conveyed their displeasure? Do you think it is disturbing or hindering your normal work? Do you think that there could be some adverse fallout? If no, then keep cool and be happy in their happiness.

You need to look at this kind of problem with both performance and behavior aspects:

Performance of the Person

Since you already said that people are satisfied with her performance as an employee and she is also very cooperative, then you cannot nail her on the performance issue.

Behavior

Every person has the right to live her life as she wants; however, if she is married and having an affair, this, as per our judicial system, is illegal and is called Bigamy. Now, I would not suggest writing any letter to her family or to any third person since you do not want to be a moral police for society. What you should focus on is cleaning the environment of your organization. Now, if you ever get any report that they are behaving indecently in the office premises (please remember that the office premises do not mean only the building but also the parking space and the cabs if provided by the office), found in compromising situations, or using foul or unacceptable language or gestures, then that is the time to give her the feedback, and the following steps can be taken. They can go in the order specified below, or you can also jump to the particular step based on the severity of the situation.

- Verbal feedback
- Warning letter
- Termination

However, please remember that while using the first two options, you would need to have a discussion with her. In that discussion, you need to communicate in very strong words that "I know that you and the <other person> share a very strong relationship. This is your personal matter, and I would not like to intervene; however, I need to make sure that the office ethics should never be forgotten. So, I would like you to ensure that whatever you have in between should not be visible in the office or office premises. You do whatever you want outside, but in this office, you should behave like normal colleagues. Also, ensure that this message is communicated to your partner too. If you are found guilty of anything like this, then we will have to take stern action."

Please remember we will not involve any third party in this case.

Regards,
Kanwaljit Singh

I agree that legally you cannot take any action on an employee based on the grapevine or gossip. It's better to watch what is happening. A similar case happened in my organization as well. There was a very tall, handsome person who was a top performer but got involved with some bad actors and started having extramarital affairs. He would spend a lot of time on the company phone with the other person. Despite being in the R&D department, he would resolve issues superbly and quickly compared to others. He is married with two kids. His wife would often call the company looking for him as he would be at the other woman's house. There were many rumors circulating in the office, with many stating that it was inappropriate and that management needed to take action. However, the management not only did not take action but also gave him a promotion and a salary hike.

Regards, Mushtaq

Dear Mr. Mangesh,

That's the way a well-mannered HR professional talks &ndash; with such a kind heart. Without knowing a person, we are never supposed to interfere in their personal matters.

Regards,
Deepak
Executive (C.S)

I understand it's a tough situation to handle, but my question is: do you have any evidence that she is having an affair with a colleague and they are misbehaving in the office? If it's outside of the office, my suggestion would be to counsel her. As you said, she is a good performer; do not afford to lose her. Instead, make her aware of what is happening around her and inform her about the consequences she might face. Do not jump to conclusions without proper evidence.

Regards,
Sashikanth

Understanding Human Behavior in the Workplace

Human behavior is too complex to understand. Are we doing the job of moral policing? As long as the concerned persons do not misbehave or commit misconduct at the workplace, the management has no right to interfere.

And one question for you all: What Would You Do in Such a Situation?

Don't reply. Just think and understand.

Yeah, I agree with Ansa. This way, we would be literally encouraging the FATWA business in the community. - Poonam

Dear Sari,

Why are we discussing this? As long as both of them maintain the office etiquette and discipline, how are we concerned with their relationship? Please don't meddle with their personal life since you are not aware of the facts leading to such a relationship.

Regards,

CV Brid

I should not be saying this, but how come you all say you are HR professionals and are getting carried away with whether someone in the office is having an extramarital affair? You all are wasting your time talking about this issue.

Let me tell you all, if I have 20 extramarital affairs, it shouldn't matter to anyone unless my performance or behavior towards others is deteriorating. It is seriously illogical to think of such an issue. How can you call yourselves expert HR professionals when you don't even know how to maintain someone's privacy, and that too, you are discussing such matters in this forum? I just hope the concerned person doesn't see this discussion. It's a shame to call myself an HR professional if this is what has to be discussed by so-called HR professionals, experts in humanitarian science, and human psychology.

I think if her performance is good, then there is no need to make an issue of these things. It's her personal life. Maybe it's possible that the couple has a good relationship or are best friends. So please don't interfere in her personal life.

That "you are weird if you do not have an affair" is a ridiculous suggestion.

Vasant Nair

Dear Sari,

I think what Mangesh says is right. You should take her into confidence and talk to her to explain how her behavior is affecting the office atmosphere. Also, since you don't know her background and the real situation she is in, you cannot judge her.

Prachi

Dear All,

It's true that we have a social structure around us. Everyone has friends and affairs, but it is the level and impact of an affair on society, the personal/married life of someone (which can have a deteriorating impact on someone's life), the impact of an affair on co-workers, and the impact on really innocent and sincere employees, some of whom might even follow the example set by an "EXPERT HR PROFESSIONAL" who very cleverly maintains privacy in their personal life, called an "affair," and their professional life. It is truly a matter of polluting the company's employees' morale and the social image of a good company.

So, I think one should not get involved in an affair in the workplace and talk about privacy. If it's love, it is a different matter.

I hope you all will understand—save the social environment, save employees' morale, but without maintaining a so-called properly balanced "AFFAIR."

Corporate Social Responsibility

HR professionals are expected to set an example of the highest moral integrity.

Thanks

Regards

"I should not be saying this, but how come you all say you are HR professionals and are getting carried away if someone in the office is having an extramarital affair? You all are wasting your time talking about this issue.

Let me tell you all, if I have 20 extramarital affairs, it shouldn't matter to anyone unless my performance or behavior towards others is deteriorating. It is seriously so illogical to think of such an issue. How can you call yourself Expert HR professionals when you don't even know how to maintain someone's privacy, and yet, you are discussing this matter in this forum? I just hope the concerned person doesn't see this discussion. It's a shame to call myself an HR professional if this is what has to be discussed by so-called HR professionals, experts in humanitarian science, and human psychology."

Good answer, just as I was thinking. This is where India falls behind all other countries. Never mind, it's not worth talking to people who are numb just because they cannot fight against their dogmatic culture, which allows people's privacy to be exposed deliberately to set an example of great deeds like this. Congratulations and keep it up; all of you will be appreciated for every move you make, and people will clap their hands out of gratitude for you and all that you have done for this society.

Cultural Differences and Professional Integrity in India

Very good—you can call our India "Dogmatic." But it is the present situation, and we cannot deteriorate it by introducing at once what is in other countries. Disputes are common there in the name of personal life.

In India, we cannot compromise on professional integrity and moral values in our work environment. This is true forever. I hope you will surely agree. Bye.

Hi Ravi Shankar, I think you should talk to her before taking any rash action against her. As you mentioned, she is performing well at work and meeting the requirements set by management, which is great. She is a woman, so you should also consider her future. In our society, men have more freedom compared to women, which is truly concerning. You cannot judge her personal life; she may need support that she isn't receiving from her husband, or he may be involved in an extramarital affair.

I am happy to see the various opinions on the above topic. I agree with Mahr and Mangesh's points. But one thing you all forgot is that you are all pointing out the lady as a culprit. What about the man who is having the same affair? If all are equal, then why are you judging the lady alone? It would be better to talk to both persons and find out who is the culprit. Management has no right to involve in anyone's personal life unless it affects the working environment. If no one from the same department is raising any complaints against them, then on what basis will you do all those things?

If it really affects the working environment, the HR manager should call them both and counsel them. If the behavior continues, he can ask anyone to leave the organization. But never take this matter to her husband or children. No one has the right to do this.

This issue has been dragged a bit too long. We have had comments and opinions of different hues and shades; it's time to wrap it up. As HR professionals, our objective should be how to handle a situation like that. So, sum it up and conclude what we have learned.

Dear Sari, this is a very sensitive issue, and sometimes, if left unchecked, it can disrupt the work culture of an organization. Resolving such issues is also very delicate and challenging. In my opinion, don't be judgmental from your side. Try to convince them to avoid exposing their affair in the office.

If one staff member's performance is good, what about the other person's performance? Assess it, and if he is not performing well, then I think you have a way forward.

Regards, Jitender

Your post is outdated for today's date. However, I believe that in such circumstances, it should be discussed one-on-one with the employee. It should be clearly communicated to her that personal matters should not interfere with her professional responsibilities. If the employee is sensible, she will ensure that no confidential information is leaked, as gossip often arises when individuals divulge sensitive details.

I feel that unless we have clear evidence or a clear picture, we cannot come to any conclusions. It is usual and common that when someone is closer to a particular person, gossip usually circulates. That's society. I also agree with Mangesh's opinion to a certain extent. Maybe she is not even aware of such gossip. It would be fine if you call her personally and discuss the issue, giving her a chance to be heard rather than making it a topic of common discussion in the office. Jumping to conclusions and making rash decisions would be unjust and could potentially ruin her life. We need to consider her family, kids, and her life.

Regards,
Radhika

Dear Sari, The employee strength of the department is not mentioned here. However, if you are not sure of the situation and don't want to jump to conclusions, you can have a general session on employee behavior in the organization for the entire department. This session can include the current issues in a way that hints at the situation with the said couple. That should be enough for both of them if they are intelligent enough.

Warm Regards,
Anagha

I completely agree with you. Being an HR professional, you should talk to the employee to understand her situation first and bring it to her notice that these kinds of extramarital affairs get noticed very quickly by others and affect the work environment. You should make it very clear that such affairs in the office are unacceptable and could lead to disciplinary action if not discontinued. It's their life, and what they do after hours is their own business.

Regards,
Madhu

I am really surprised to see such a long thread on a useless issue in which nobody could have a say. Many youngsters are asking HR technical doubts, but no suggestions are given to them. This shows how many people have an interest in extramarital affairs. Shame on us!

As long as the performance of the employee is good, why should management be concerned about one's personal life? Whatever her lifestyle may be, is she behaving with her other colleagues in a friendly manner? That is all the more important. It is time to counsel and educate both of them that their personal, extramarital relationships should not affect the performance of other employees.

Lately, these kinds of issues are becoming prevalent in the corporate world. It is better not to be overly concerned about it.

Regards,
B.V. RAGHUNATH
HR MANAGER

Understanding Organizational Culture and Personal Relationships

It's a crucial yet unimportant issue. As an HR professional, you are responsible for maintaining the right culture in the organization. However, we don't know what the culture is in your organization. Some cultures may be termed as bad for one but not for another. For example, the organizational culture at call centers and family-based Indian companies are different and yet very relevant for their respective contexts. The point is you need to be careful about performance, work discipline, etc., in the workplace. If anything happens, be it due to extramarital affairs or otherwise friendly relationships interfering with performance and work discipline, then it has to be dealt with forthrightly.

In this particular case, you don't need to interfere in their personal life. If they are not following office norms/discipline, etc., then you need to follow your standard disciplinary process if laid out in your company. BUT the reason should not lie in extramarital relationships. It is a different issue altogether. Love cannot be tamed or restricted on the pretext of marriage. It can happen at any age and place. It should not be tied to moral or immoral. Love is beyond everything. An organization should harness love as it creates creativity, empathy, and sensitivity in the environment.

As an HR professional, you maintain your organizational discipline. If anyone violates that, take action as per norms. Don't encourage gossip by listening to people talking about this issue.

Regards