Navigating Workplace Dynamics: Should Management Address an Employee's Affair?

Hi all, I hope all my CiteHR friends are doing fine. Here I am with another issue to discuss, this time regarding my new organization. There is one employee who is married and has kids but is involved in an affair with a colleague in the same department. Surprisingly, management has no concerns about her performance; in fact, she even works on holidays if required.

While management seems unconcerned about her personal life, the situation is causing discomfort among her teammates, and it's evident that the work environment is being negatively affected. Do you believe that management should intervene in this matter? Your suggestions would be appreciated.

Hi Ravi Shankar, Yes, it is definitely bad. I am very new to this type of culture. I have heard of her affair as a "grapevine" (gossip around), though I have seen them moving together a lot of times. I do not want to jump to conclusions. I am wondering why the employees of their department/TL are not giving any complaints against her. Without any complaints from them, do you think management has to get involved in this matter?

From an organizational point of view, we are not supposed to involve ourselves in anybody's business or personal matters unless their actions are circumscribed. Every employee should adhere to professional ethics in their performance. If he/she exceeds the limits, you should issue a warning letter regarding their behavioral ethics.

Moreover, do not draft a letter or take any action until we have a clear understanding of the situation. You should also conduct a counseling session with the employee and provide guidance on the behavioral issues that the management or team has observed.

Thank you.

Dear Sari, I think you should talk to her before taking any rash action against her. As you mentioned, she is good enough at work. I think it's needless to tell her husband or kids about her affair; this will ruin her life as well. First of all, you have to know what exact circumstances she is facing regarding her personal life. Maybe circumstances forced her to take such an unethical step. She is a woman, so you should think about her future also. As you know, in our society, men can do whatever they want but not women; it's really disgusting as far as our society is concerned. You can't judge her personal life; maybe she needs support that she didn't get from her hubby, or maybe he has some extramarital affair. Who knows, so please, you should talk to her in person. I want to ask those who are cribbing about her relationship in your office, whether they are clean enough to object to her? Whether they don't have any unethical or extramarital relationship?

Thanks,

Mangesh
HR Manager

Dear Sari, I agree with Mahr; legally, you cannot take action against an employee based on grapevine news. Please refrain from any knee-jerk reactions now. Keep a close watch on their productivity and decision-making skills. Generally, when employees get involved in such affairs, they can be influenced. Act only when you have solid proof of their behavior affecting the company, the business of the company, or the client. Please do not engage in any discussions until you have concrete proof. Until then, happy observing!

Regards,
(Cite Contribution)

Dear Sari,

I am 100% in agreement with Mangesh's views. You should talk to her and analyze the situation before reaching any conclusion. Taking immediate action without knowing the facts is not the right decision, as this is affecting not just one but more than one individual.

Regards

I thought this issue sorted itself. Revisiting the issue, is it an intra-office affair? Does she gain any mileage out of it? The management has no issue with her performance; she even works on non-working days. This attitude of 'holier-than-thou' behavior from her so-called colleagues is uncalled for. Also, do we know the real part of the spouse's side? All conjectures!!

Proof of Extra-Marital Affair

Firstly, does anyone have any proof of what legally constitutes an extra-marital affair? The person concerned knows what she may be getting into and how far one can go and the associated risks—she knows the risk. On the other hand, is she using office resources or time to be happy in what is being termed as an extra-marital affair? For the 'colleagues,' it may be a case of sour grapes.

Office Protocol and Resources

I suggest that if no office protocol/rule is broken nor office resources involved in what this person wants to do (and be happy and in the bargain make others jealous), just leave it until you have tangible proof of the same.

I would also add, and am sorry to say, that you may be wasting your organization's time and resources pursuing this unless it is part of your enhanced role and responsibilities.

Dear Ravishankar, Sending the letter to her husband and kids is not a matter, but this could have a heavy impact on her family. Even if the incident is true, you shouldn't send the letter to her family. This is not just a single person's problem; it will affect their family too. Please take her for a counseling session and try to teach her human ethics. An HR professional should always think about the surroundings of every employee's personal life as well.

Regards,
Mahi

Hi Sari, don't follow the ideas of issuing warning letters or sending letters to her husband/kids, as this will not only aggravate the situation but may also lead to legal action against your company, as you cannot produce proof for these allegations. As long as it has nothing to do with her performance (even then, you can only counsel her), please leave the issue as it is.

As long as they do not engage in objectionable activities in the office that would definitely affect their coworkers, you cannot take action against them.

Dear all,

I have read your suggestions, but let me ask one thing: Are we concerned with performance or personal life? For a company, its employees should work well, show their performance, give production, innovate, and work efficiently. What does the company have to do with their personal lives? That is their life, and they are mature enough to determine what is right or wrong. As it is truly said, it might just be gossip as well.

Yes, if an employee is utilizing company time for gossiping, roaming around, or chatting, then it can be a matter of concern. Otherwise, everyone has their own life and can live in their own way.

If you still feel it is wrong, personally counsel the individual. Eventually, you will find another piece of gossip, such as someone else's affair.

Regards,
Hansa Vyas

How confident are you that they are having an affair? They may just be close friends. And why should only the lady be punished? As long as office decorum is maintained, it's their personal matter, and you have no right to take any action; hence, there is no need for punishment.

Regards,

Rajesh Menezes

Dear Hansa, Really mature thought. Everyone should think in the same way, in a professional manner. If her performance is affected, then it is the only matter of concern. It's a sensitive matter, so it has to be handled with care. Stupid or hurried decisions may devastate more than one life, like informing her family, etc. Regards, Mangesh

Hi Sari, I went through most of the comments posted, but I feel it's better if you try to find out who is involved in it—who actually started it. You have mentioned she is a top performer, and I don't know the number of years of experience she has. If she is senior, then maybe the guy is taking advantage of her position in the company.

Suggestion: Shift him to another department or different working hours, and keep track of the behavior. If he hooks up with another lady, then definitely he has to be questioned. She might be married; what about the guy? Have you seen the case from various dimensions? What might have forced her to get into an extramarital affair? The guy may be at fault. So, before making any decision, analyze from all angles. If she is not at fault, your company will be losing a top performer.

Think it over.

My first comment would be that one needs to be careful about grapevine. Very often, rumors are unfounded and cause much harm to people's reputation. In any case, the real issue should remain around performance. If someone's behavior or attitude constitutes a hindrance to his/her performance, then you have grounds to take action. Otherwise, you may unfairly sanction an employee.

I would have a chat with the employee, stating that what she does remains her own decision but her behavior is generating gossip and that is distracting the team from doing its work. She, therefore, needs to be careful and manage her personal behavior.

Please understand things clearly to handle this situation.

- HR will not intervene in her personal matter. There are many reasons for that, like:
- It is her personal life and her own decision.
- This may not be true (I mean, has she herself declared that she has an extramarital affair? Or even if, it is none of HR's business. Just because she is seen taking breaks with another man does not mean she has an affair. I am sure most of the people who talk such things don't have a basis for their comments).

Because your staff is conservative, and if they observe a behavior from an employee that they are not able to take in the right perspective, it's their problem. Still, as this can take the focus of the team in another direction – the team will devote more time discussing her than doing the work given to them – what you can do is talk to the concerned employee. The conversation with that employee will not have anything to do with her decision of getting into a relationship, but how people around are and the importance of the quote "when in Rome, do as the Romans do." While she may say that she does not care about such people, her caring is not required to put these guys straight or to teach them a lesson but to ensure the focus does not drift anywhere but work.

You can only ask her understanding of the matter. If she is a good performer and is a team player, she can keep doing what makes her happy, but keep it to herself and ensure no one gets to see/talk about anything.

It is against the dignity of a woman to be asked about an extramarital affair even if she has any, and no one in the company has the right to question an employee on decisions in their personal lives.

I rubbish the idea of sending letters to her husband or children. This, as rightly said by a friend, can potentially spoil her life forever.

None of us can understand the real thing; it may be right, may be not. If it's not right, we should forget, if it is right, the circumstances she is going through must have caused it to happen, and only she knows her circumstances.

Sari, I would urge you to take a well-thought-out step in this case, as this involves sentiments, dignity, and a threat to the lives of the employee, husband, children, and the family.

Being an HR person employed by the company, you only work for the company and identify the things that stop employee performance. If her performance is not good, you can question her on performance and try to improve it by finding factors affecting the performance. Even if it is her personal life, all you can advise is to keep a balance between work and personal life.

But if others are not able to work because they see someone's extramarital affair, I guess there is some serious issue with them. They should rather be counseled as they are lost, focusless, loose-tongued, insensitive people who need to get a life. The reason I say that is that in this case, we have a male employee of the same organization who is also involved, and they make no fuss about him... Why talk only about a woman...?

Please stop moral policing.

People raising the questions here are the real cause of the problem. They should be more active in their work and should not be concerned about people's lives.

Regards,
Gagan

Management will not have a problem until they face any issues in their process. Being professional, you should not think about anyone's personal life, and the environment is getting polluted because everyone is concentrating on their personal life. So, my suggestion is, "Concentrate on your own career and see how it can help you to grow in the organization. Thinking about anyone's life is not fruitful."

Being a woman, you should see another side too. Men are allowing her to have an affair; then what's her fault? No one keeps a relationship without permission.

All the best for your career, and concentrate on your future rather than anyone's life.

Thanks and Regards,
Ashwini

It is amazing how the total responsibility and criticism are directed only at the woman, and the person with whom she is alleged to be having an affair is not held responsible.

Why Are You So Unduly Concerned?

Why are you so unduly concerned about something which is a very personal matter? As long as their adventure is not affecting their work performance, and as long as they are not doing anything unacceptable or obscene in the workplace, why bother? Moreover, have you received any complaints from either party? Let the two be. Let them mind their own business.

If you wish to take disciplinary action against the concerned duo, what evidence do you have to prove their misdemeanour? Please do not jump the gun; let people be if all is well. Otherwise, will you take action against someone who, despite having a wife waiting at home, prefers to eat out with friends? Suggestions of writing letters to the family, etc., are ridiculous. Please refrain from such avoidable "adventures."

Regards,
Vasant Nair

I believe the HR role here must play an important and positive part towards the organization. If they overlook ethics, colleagues, and superiors, then it is the right time to intervene and have a discussion with them. However, concrete evidence such as a written complaint from other colleagues is essential to proceed with the discussion. If you lack such evidence, it is better to remain calm. Even if you feel the need to discuss without proof, you will face pressure, as the management will not support you. The management may not be aware of the seriousness or the impact of such actions on their business trends. It is crucial to have a discussion highlighting the seriousness and the potential future consequences to make them contemplate.

I also value the advice provided by our friends. Each piece of advice holds significance, so it is important to consider all points. This is a delicate issue.

Thanks,
Kalasarvam

Clarifying the Situation Before Making Assumptions

Please ascertain the facts of the 'affair' prior to making assumptions that this is indeed happening. Office gossip tends to blow friendship into affairs, causing pain and emotional damage. If there is an affair and it is affecting the work of the two persons concerned, then by all means, speak to the two parties separately and in confidence. It would also be a good idea to speak to the primary rumor monger/gossip spreader. This is not the sort of behavior a company would countenance.

Ethical Considerations in Addressing Personal Matters

Regarding speaking to the husband and children about the lady, it is grossly immoral and unethical, and I am appalled that such an action is even suggested. It is equally shocking that so far the comments suggest that the lady in question should be penalized and not the other party in this so-called affair!

Professionalism and Personal Boundaries

One should be professional in these matters. We should not try or attempt to peep into another person's personal life, even though this may be very intriguing to some and a hot topic of gossip during leisure time.

If you can, play a role in diverting people's focus from this matter. This is a domain where a person has the freedom to decide whether it is right or wrong, good or bad. Morally, neither we nor anybody else has the right to intervene in this domain.

First, do you have concrete evidence against her? Has she behaved in an inappropriate way in the office? Has she shown undue favoritism towards her lover to the extent that it jeopardizes the team?

If the answer is no to the above, then it is the rest of the team that needs counseling:
- They have no work to do.
- They are wasting their time on grapevines and building negativity.

So please take a careful call, and do not let feelings, individual beliefs, or any such thing come in the way of your decision. See if she serves the organization in the better interest; in all probability, she does.

Good luck,

Regards,
S.S.M Dev
Principal Consultant
BECORTA

This type of problem is too common. I think it is not a serious issue for management. Management should talk with that lady. Most women are emotional in nature; she could be involved in such a type of relationship. Perhaps she also wants to end this relationship. At this moment, she needs a good friend or guide. Management can play this role.

Regards,
Anindita

I noticed everywhere we are talking about that lady, but nowhere does the man come into the picture. Neither his personal nor professional life would be affected. Maybe he is not married, but still, he is also in the same boat if management is concerned about the office environment only. It might be the case that this guy is responsible, or in fact, these are all overcooked stories. I would suggest avoiding the grapevine that might have evolved due to her being a smart and efficient worker. Maybe her team is full of her rivals. There are numerous possibilities, and one cannot conclude to the extent of ripping off her professional and personal life.

Best regards,
R A

It appears that she is seeking an extra relationship, indicating that something may be amiss in her personal life. She is searching for someone with whom she can express herself, and that is precisely what has happened. This is quite natural.

At this point, our course of action could involve consulting with the individual involved and inquiring about her personal life. Let us now focus on her mental health. Let's provide support, boost her confidence, and gradually steer her away from her current relationship. I concur with Ashwini Shah's statement, even though it may not fall within traditional HR activities. We can assist our employees in navigating through personal crises. I believe this presents a true challenge for HR to break down boundaries and prioritize the fundamental reason for HR - to care for humans. While professionalism and other aspects are important, from my perspective, they come later. An employee is akin to a child for an HR professional. The solutions for the rest of the situation may be clearer.

Regards,
Sandip Waghole

From Ayyar Natarajan

These are internal affairs of any person involving their personal matters. Management must concentrate on their own company work only. It is not possible, nor is it good, to look into the personal matters of any individual working in the company as long as it does not affect their work or performance in the company.

Unless a person realizes for themselves that what they are doing is wrong, and if they do not distinguish between right or wrong, no external force, advice, or suggestion will help anyone. On the contrary, it will only drive them more vigorously, and they will become a rebel in society.

Times are changing, and society is also changing. The same type of information was brought to my notice regarding one of my senior officers. I suggested that whatever his wishes may be, he should not neglect his own family because of his new venture. The surprising thing was that the officer was an intelligent person embedded with honesty and integrity.

Well, I don't think that there is a need to take action against the couple, especially if their performance is not affected. The only matter to take care of is that they should not display their affection in the office premises.

Hi Sari,

Most of the views are correct, as relations may lead to conflicts among employees and disrupt the internal controls or systems of the organization. Initially, seek counsel and find a way to exit the organization by presenting various reasons.

Dear Friend,

I am surprised you are only mentioning the women part, but the man who is equally involved in this matter is not part of your problem. You should also counsel that guy who is involved with her.

Regards,
Rana

You can't make any sudden decisions, as you mentioned, without a complaint or written letter regarding the issue with those employees. Don't listen to others; personally look into it. If it is true, then call her to your office, inform her of what she is doing wrong, and obtain a written statement from her stating that if it continues, management can take any action regarding this.

Thanks & Regards,
Rajesh

At this point in time, you may feel that their relationship is not affecting their performance. However, over a period of time, it will definitely hamper the work culture and decrease productivity due to their personal issues. Often, individuals engaging in such behavior in the office claim to be professional in the workplace. Unfortunately, we cannot constantly monitor them during work hours.

If you do not take this issue seriously, it may lead to another similar issue in the future. Moreover, this will not only impact the work environment but also the team.

Thank you.

Workplace Affairs: Navigating Complex Relationships

Affairs between men and women are common in the workplace. Extramarital affairs add an extra element of spice and give rise to gossip. In most organizations, the rule is that when two employees get married, one is either asked to quit (in extreme cases) or one spouse is transferred to another section. In a bank, the lady normally gets a transfer close to her home.

The Risks of Extramarital Affairs in the Workplace

Regarding extramarital affairs, the danger lies in the favoritism that develops if both individuals are in the same department and one holds a position of authority. Furthermore, there are always rumors about the couple. Although someone has suggested writing to the husband, in many cases, there is already a rift in the family that likely gave rise to the affair. It all starts with offering a sympathetic ear to a colleague with marital problems at home.

Extramarital affairs are always messy, and most companies warn individuals involved, transfer one to distant departments, and when nothing works, force one party to leave, as the reputation and even business of the company can be compromised by individuals who lack self-control.

Regards,

Job Xavier

Trinity Academy [Phone Number Removed For Privacy Reasons]

Dear Sari,

You must counsel her, but as her work performance is okay, there does not arise any question of action against her. You will have to strike a balance in a practical and professional approach towards this issue.

Thanks,
Suren Turan
Head-HR

Dear Sari, I fully agree with Mangesh. Secondly, I think the people in your organization have a lot of spare time. Otherwise, tell me how they find time to discuss someone else's personal life. You, being in HR, should not be biased and just believe the majority of people that her character is bad. It is not necessary for it to be true. So, dear, please confirm before jumping to conclusions.

Bye, take care.
Regards,
Anita

Sari, I totally agree with Sainath's response. Unless you have a strong reason or proof, you cannot take any action against this employee. So, I would suggest speaking to her in a friendly manner and checking what exactly is going on. Perhaps, you could take her out of the campus, to the cafeteria, or to a focus room where she feels comfortable sharing things with you. We cannot judge solely based on observing her interactions with others. There may be people spreading rumors about her; it is essential to speak to those individuals and inquire if they have witnessed any inappropriate behavior from her in the office that goes against the code of conduct. If not, the case should be considered closed.

One wrong move, such as informing her husband or children, could potentially ruin her personal life and lead to negative consequences. As we operate in the corporate world and engage with individuals globally, these situations are not uncommon. Let's exercise caution in making decisions and avoid setting a wrong example by taking misguided steps.

There is no doubt that the situation is very unpleasant and definitely polluting the working atmosphere. You, being the HR, must talk to both individuals and try to tell them that even society does not allow these types of affairs. Secondly, the lady should be more concerned about her children. As far as the management is concerned, they should also be apprised of the ground reality that such scenes do tarnish the company's image indirectly. Therefore, they must take remedial steps against the workers.

Regards,
Rakesh

Is there a universal right for men to "drool over girls"?

Let me inform all the readers and members of Cite HR that Mr. Ravishankar always tries to criticize the situation and answers questions in a very aggressive manner, which he should refrain from. The problem is sidelined, and he is always busy blaming one person or another. So, Mr. Ravishankar, it's a kind advice to you to understand the problems of people on this forum and suggest good advice rather than criticizing a person, community, or profession.

Handling Affairs and Scandals in the Workplace

This is a normal thing—affairs and scandals. As an organization, there are two things we need to look into:
a) If this affair is affecting the performance of the person involved.
b) Are they involved in activities that are unethical?

Then the organization needs to step in and sort it out, either by a verbal warning or a written warning. Now, the point of the atmosphere getting polluted. I know what I am going to put across is not acceptable for everyone, whether it's a male or female gender. But the fact is there is a thing called "Jealousy."

For some, they are jealous because they couldn't have had such an affair. For some, they want to but couldn't dare to. I think other people should concentrate on their work and stop looking into the personal life of others. If you are so concerned about such things, then there are lots of things happening around us, and are we going to take up every issue? The answer is No.

Good day Punrima 19,

We are here to share our views to resolve the problem for a better result, not to create a problem or make the matter worse.

Regards,
Mangesh
HR Manager

Very true, Purnima, there is no universal right for men to drool over girls, that can happen vice-versa. One question to Ravishankar - if all the women should prevent themselves from getting into affairs, how would men justify their genealogy according to you?

I have seen an extreme response to this, and I am adding another perspective to it.

Firstly, I am amazed to see that the majority of people are talking about taking some form of action (counseling, writing a letter, talking, etc.) towards the lady, but no one is addressing the other partner. Why are we assuming the lady is at fault?

In relationships, society continues to evolve, and rules change based on people's desires. The highest court in India has accepted live-in relationships, once considered a taboo. This is an individual choice, and everyone views it differently. A unified view of society is unlikely.

In this specific case, the organization has appointed two capable adults who are responsible for their own decisions. The organization has no legal or moral right to interfere. Regarding the impact on other employees, it is the role of managers to educate people not to interfere in others' personal affairs and to focus on their work. If the personal relationships affect work performance, individuals may be subject to the organization's performance management process.

I understand that many may disagree with my viewpoint, but let me clarify my belief. Freedom and liberty are fundamental values of the 21st century, and the new generation is embracing this. Today, we have unprecedented access to information, allowing us to adapt to situations before they occur. Relationships are also evolving. Modern married couples have more personal independence than previous generations. Husbands and wives are more comfortable making independent decisions. If we have adapted to these changes, why not in other aspects of relationships?

Thank you.

Impact of Personal Affairs on Work Culture

Let's look only at how it affects the work culture. In my opinion, no one should be bothered by what is happening in another person's personal life unless it is "making things very obvious" in the workplace and literally hindering others' work!

By the way, what makes anyone think that this woman has a relationship with the man? Is it because she gets dropped by him, or is it because they have coffee/lunch together? Any "proofs?"

It's basically our ignorance to stop concentrating on what matters the most—i.e., "Work"—and let things not related to it affect us and finally complain that it is the other person's relation!

The whole world is interested in other people's affairs. For example, Sania Mirza and the Shoaib thing that dominated news channels—what did we get (or reporters get)? Banned from viewing the engagement :-)

Kareena and Saif—what did interested people like us get? Nothing, just ads that talk about recording serials and eating popcorn.

Aishwarya and Abhi—...argh... I really don't know what to write here, but like others quote, "Oh, a cute pair!!"

The above three examples have never impacted our lives personally or professionally.

Just in that way—I believe other employees need to stay focused on their work. If this is happening in their house/family, they can be upset. Otherwise, it's just a mere excuse to enjoy the sweet moment of being lazy or not working!

Like how there is a common saying—every person falls in love at least once in their life—likewise, most people come across this situation at least once (extramarital affair)—it's left to them to decide to ruin their life or not. Of course, my advice would be to stay away unless the current relationship is abusive or not working at all despite trying to improve relations!

Regards

I agree with your view. It's wrong to assume, and it's really wrong to have an opinion on another person's personal life. Are we all that jobless???

Reg: Extra-Marital Affair

Before diving into a conclusion, first ascertain whether they are having an extra-marital affair. If yes, you can counsel both individuals and provide them with advice on how it may be affecting their work. The management may not be concerned unless their efficiency has declined, but as an HR Manager, you have the authority to put an end to such behavior.

Regards,
Satish B
HR Manager

The Workplace as a Small Society

A good problem indeed. In my opinion, an organization is just like a small society, where people with various attitudes and ways of thinking work. No doubt, it surely affects the people working around. On the other hand, if I speak as the head of a department where such activities are going on, but it has no effect on the work, it's none of my business to meddle in someone's personal life.

Just look around, and you will find many things that are not according to you, but still, you live, or it's better to say you adjust. There are many evils in society, yet you manage to protect yourself from them. Your culture has taught you how to navigate a society that has both positives and negatives. Consider that there might be reasons why that employee is behaving in such a way.

Dealing with Office Gossip

What I actually want to convey is, don't be bothered by the office gossip, just let it go. I have also faced such problems, but the result was zero; I had to dismiss both employees, resulting in the loss of two workers. Let it all go until the work is not affected, and the best solution is if you can simply transfer one of the employees to another department.

Hi Sari, it's their personal issue; HR has nothing to do with that. The only care you should take is to ensure it does not affect the organization's culture and values. Interestingly, how did everyone come to know about this? That means there is a lot of gossiping and rumor-spreading elements in the office. Please make sure those things are under control.

Regards, Vijay K S Manager - Human Resource

Hi, I believe the issue has to be handled with a lot of care. I know from experience that it is possible that there really may be nothing happening, even though popular wisdom dictates otherwise. The first thing, therefore, is to provide counseling and the opportunity to determine their response. By the way, there are two employees involved, not just the woman. I know that women who are hardworking easily get maligned, so we must handle this with serious care.

Dear KK Dubey,

Yo hai rahi pyar ke, unko kuchh na boliye. Ask them to understand the feelings of their colleague. Although it is tough to manage the circumstances, the tougher thing is dealing with those who are worried about their loving relationship. I think counseling of both sections, i.e., the loving pair and your staff members, is required.

Regards,
KK Dubey

"Management has no issues with her personal life, but now that the teammates have a very unpleasant opinion, I must say the environment is getting polluted..."

Kindly be specific. How is her personal life affecting the other teammates? Moreover, when you agreed that she is good at her work, the management has no issues with her performance, and she is always ready to work on her off days/holidays, where's the problem?

I must say—are you guys really bothered about the work environment being polluted, or is her professional attitude towards work troubling your teammates? Before pointing fingers at others, tell your teammates to prove who hasn't committed any kind of mistakes or sins. Or who is far from bad things? Don't interfere in others' personal lives unless it is really affecting her productivity at work....

Please let me know if you need any further assistance.

Personal Matters vs. Professional Conduct

Issues of matrimonial infidelity are purely personal, so personal that the management has no locus standi to ask. I agree with Ravishankar; the question is, is she performing her work well? Then, what about the men she is having an affair with? Are they not to blame? Let's distinguish between a moral wrong and a professional wrong. Is it stipulated in the office regulations that such behavior is wrong and punishable? Do they have proof? What if she denies it, as somebody has said that it is gossip? The maxim is: Married people should be faithful to their spouses, and single people should avoid immoral acts.

Regards,
James

I would also suggest talking to the concerned person who is supposed to be having an affair. Before talking to her, please confirm what sort of affair is going on between the involved individuals. We should only approach them if we have evidence that clarifies their involvement in an affair that can be proven false.

If it is discovered that they are engaged in an unfair affair that is affecting the organization, I would recommend counseling them together. Counseling can lead to better results before deciding on any further actions to be taken.

Thanks,
Sathish S. Nair
Manager - H.R.

The matter has to be reviewed purely from a business angle. If the couple's romance is affecting the organization and its resources, then act. If not, just need to talk to the lady and perhaps create awareness of this cultural issue and the sensibilities that it affects.

I am quite sure that once this is done, then you can decide to move forward depending on how the situation unfolds.

Regards,
Elroy

I believe management should not take interest in an employee's personal life unless it is affecting the employee's professional life. If management perceives that an employee's personal life is negatively impacting the organizational environment, they should first seek to understand the employee's perspective and provide counseling. If issues are not resolved through counseling, then management should take appropriate action. Before taking any action, management must have a strong opinion or gather sufficient information about the situation.

Thanks,
Pooja

Dear Ravi Shankarji, you are right. I meant to look first at her part. I was considering whether she is innocent and can be approached in the right way. If she is married and has kids but is not with her husband for any reason, and if the other person is not married, then she should consider marrying him. However, if that person is also married and has left his own wife for her, then it is not a good situation. She should marry someone who truly loves her.

Otherwise, what will other employees do? They will also start to view all girls in this context and with a different state of mind. So, this behavior should be stopped.

I was going through the complaint and the comments. In my opinion, you are not expected to analyze her personal life, which led to the extra-marital situation.

As far as the company's code of ethics is concerned, one is supposed to behave in a manner that will not tarnish the image of the company or result in any discomfort or deterioration of the working atmosphere. Hence, you can strongly ask her to refrain from such activities in the office and even outside if you feel that it will affect the reputation of the company. As an HR manager, it is your duty to ensure that this foul play is stopped immediately.

Regards

Personal Life and Professional Environment: A Delicate Balance

Let's forget about corporate culture for a moment. Of course, no one has the right to interfere in anybody's personal life. My concern is when we all say let's not get her life spoiled by informing her husband/relatives, as this may ruin the entire family life. Questioning the lady will affect morale and it is against the dignity of women.

Maybe I am wrong. She already spoiled the life of her husband and kids, and people involved in such acts have no dignity or morale. We urge that there might be some problem in her personal life, so she might have taken such an extreme step. Let me tell you guys, she might be well-qualified and she should know how to balance married life.

Good education and knowledge of one's religion stop people from doing so! Office gossips or grapevine are sometimes true! And we talk about modernization, the 21st Century, etc. All these things are worthless when you lack fidelity and loyalty in all respects of being a good human!

Regards

Dear Sari, these issues are often very common in corporates nowadays. My opinion on this issue is that a company should not send any letters to her postal address, and neither should you take any action before confirming the same. Also, take action only when you analyze that this affair is affecting their performance.

Ultimately, the company is concerned about the results that an employee brings to the company, so it will not be good if we take any action based on rumors and no proof. One of them could be dismissed if the problem escalates.

And why are we perceiving the girl as a victim? I think we should monitor the performance and behavior of both employees. Whoever cannot justify their role in the company should be terminated based on behavior and performance.

Yes, but a counseling session could be conducted by the HR of the company, discussing not directly their relationship, but their behavior towards other teammates and their lack of interaction with them, causing rumors.

Warm Regards,

Sumiksha

Dear Sari, If an extramarital affair is only visible after office hours, then the office should not interfere. However, if there are any explicit scenes during office hours, the office should take appropriate actions. In the absence of such incidents, counseling for team members may be necessary. If an employee's performance is unaffected, it is advisable to leave them be. Other team members should be encouraged not to engage in common gossip and focus on their work. Consultation with adults should not be disrupted, but if one party is uninterested, it may be considered another case of sexual harassment. My suggestion is to leave them alone; whatever destiny their relationship reaches is their concern, not ours (office).

Thanks,
Leena

Dear Sari, Do you have a Disciplinary Action Policy in your concern? You should have a brief understanding of the disciplinary action policy, outlining what employees can and cannot do. If you do not have a policy, you cannot take any rash actions against the employees. Who knows how they will react? You will be touching upon their prestige issue in front of their coworkers.

She knows what she is doing. Do you think she is not aware of her coworkers' comments? Both he and she are aware of the circumstances they may face while engaging in office affairs.

As an employer, you need to properly analyze the situation and take immediate steps.

Steps to Address the Situation

As an HR professional, you should conduct a face-to-face discussion with both of them and convey your thoughts to your employer in a respectful manner. Give them a chance to think and make decisions on how to rectify their mistakes.

During the face-to-face discussion, if you feel it is not productive to talk to them, then proceed according to your management's decisions.

Regards, Churchill

The employee will respond.

Counseling as a Solution

Counseling is the solution to this problem. It is also our moral duty to ensure the well-being of our staff. Only an open dialogue will help in understanding the situation, making it easier to find a solution. Once the facts are clear, you will be able to take the correct direction or firm action.

Regards,
Mushtaq Momin

Hi all, Hope all my CiteHR friends are doing fine. Here I am with another issue to discuss, this time with my new organization. There is one employee who is married and has kids, but is involved in an affair with a colleague in the same department. Surprisingly, management has no concerns regarding her performance; in fact, she even works on holidays if required.

While management may not have issues with her personal life, the team members have formed a very negative opinion, and the work environment is becoming toxic. Do you think management should intervene in this situation? Can you please provide some suggestions?

Management's Role in Personal Matters

The management has no right to interfere in employees' personal issues. If the employee does not show any performance issues, bad attitude, or lack of discipline, the management should refrain from intervening. However, if it is observed that the employee is spending more time on her affair during working hours, appropriate actions can be taken, such as a reminder or a warning letter.

As an HR manager, the best approach would be to ask one of her close friends to provide constructive advice on her behavior and inform her that the management is aware of the affair.

Regards

The management has no right to interfere in employees' personal issues. If the employee has no issues with performance, working attitude, or discipline, the management should stay away from interfering. If it is found that the employee is spending more time on her affair during working hours, then the management can take appropriate action, such as a reminder or a warning letter. As an HR manager, the best thing to do is ask any of her best friends to give some good advice on her wrongdoing and inform her that the management has noticed the affair.

Best regards,
Vijay

Hi,

With the influence of various factors, these things are common. I guess the best option is to change the department of either of the persons, as well as a talk in person with both would make a lot of difference in the organization.

Understanding the Role of HR in Sensitive Situations

HR stands for Human Resources. We, as corporate individuals, cannot think like people from other departments. That's why we are HR. Employees from other departments might suggest issuing warning letters or informing family members. However, this is a very personal attack and a non-corporate approach. It's all about understanding the human mind.

The lady mentioned here is thoroughly sincere towards her work and ready for extra work pressure. She spends a lot of time at work, maybe more than what she spends at home. She can't be perfect; she needs to be told positively that her behavior is affecting her own performance and image in the organization, further polluting the environment. Such a hardworking woman will never do such a thing deliberately. Reputation is something every woman treasures, and I am sure she would get the message. Such situations are meant to be handled sensitively.

Addressing Workplace Gossip and Personal Affairs

In this modern work culture, these things are very common. Every human being has a hidden personality. No one will ever reveal this to anyone until his/her death. As an HR Manager, you can confidentially call her and inform her that gossip is circulating in the office, which could be detrimental to the organization as well as her personal life if true. Therefore, she must be cautious, and if not, you may be compelled to take drastic actions, including termination of service, against her and the other party involved. All this should be based on concrete evidence only, considering the innate human tendency to spread scandals, especially about young ladies. Therefore, exercise caution before taking any action.

Regards,
Baiju

Why is it that only the female in this 'Office' affair gets ostracized? Is the male INNOCENT? If he knows she is married, why is he pursuing her? Call BOTH of them in and find a solution.

If affairs occur from both sides, unless there is a violation of any law, system, code of conduct, or company rules, disciplinary action is not possible for these types of affairs. Always examine the provisions and laws before taking any disciplinary action.

Regards,
Opray

Hi Ravi Shankar, Yes, it is definitely bad. I am very new to this type of culture. I have heard of her affair as a "grapevine" (gossip around), though I have seen them moving together a lot of times. I do not want to jump to conclusions. I am wondering why the employees of their department/TL are not giving any complaints against her. Without any complaint from them, do you think management has to get involved in this matter?

Handling Workplace Affairs

Dear Sari, You are right. I believe you are in HR, and you know when any new persons join, all other people try to utilize the innocence of the newcomer. As HR, if anybody says anything against her to you, please tell them that you can only take some action when you will get it in writing. For the second step, call both the persons separately, try to understand the truth, issue a warning letter if you are not satisfied with their answers, and lastly, discuss the matter with your higher authority. Transfer them from the same department if possible, transfer from the same location. Sacking is the last resort.

Hope you will understand the problem empathetically as you are an HR person.

Thanks & regards, Supriya

Handling Extramarital Affairs in the Workplace

It's true that extramarital affairs are very bad irrespective of the place. But as an HR professional, you should be very careful. Please mind the following:

1. You should understand that the newcomer is always ragged by the old employee. So, use your judgment.
2. Ask those employees to complain in writing.
3. Call both persons and try to understand the true facts. If you are not satisfied with their answers, issue a warning letter. Alternatively, you can transfer either one from the same department or location. Discuss the matter with your management. Infatuation cannot be stopped, but you can manage the situation with more maturity. Remember, HR is not just for firing people.

I hope you will agree with me.

Thanks and regards,

Supriya
Manager - HR & IR

Thank you all for sparing your valuable time and mature replies, which helped me have a different perspective on the situation. As a few of our seniors suggested, I do not want to jump to conclusions without proof, also keeping their performance in mind.

As Mr. Gagan said, this is definitely a situation that needs to be handled carefully, as we do not know the other side of the issue. If I get a chance, as I know her being from the same colony, I shall definitely like to counsel her personally.

Thank you one and all.

Hi,

That was a very sensible answer you gave. People should think before they comment on anybody without understanding the situation and circumstances. It's nice to know that there are some sensible people around :)

Archana

Dear all,

Counsel her, ask her what she finally wants, and do that for her. No one is guilty if she is innocent, even if she is. These are circumstances by which sometimes someone goes the wrong way. Bring them back to the normal path while saving their dignity. Save everybody's personal life, married life, professional life, and official reputation; that will be best for her.

Thanks,

Shri

Dear Sari, extramarital affairs are common these days, and in professional life, there is nothing to do with personal life. Issuing a warning letter and informing her husband about these things reminds me of school students. They are not students; they are professionals. Professional life and personal life never work together; people with good discipline can make a proper balance. The one thing you can do is counsel her as a friend.

Regards,
Kamal Amrohi

Dear All,

I think there is no issue here, as long as her performance/output in the company is not affected. I am totally against this act, but it has nothing to do with the nature of her employment. I would suggest that someone in person try to advise her.

All the best.

What a post and comments! Hi Sari, you can make your decision based on the enthusiastic responses from numerous people. It's simple: where there is grapevine or sleaze, there is no shortage of comments, advice, assumptions, predictions, and even judgments. This situation is similar to what is happening in your organization. So, put it aside and focus on your work until you receive a written complaint from anyone involved.

You should first take her to the discussion room and inform her about management's concern regarding her potential termination. Give her one chance to prove that she has changed. This discussion should be serious enough for her to realize that her conduct certificate will be negatively affected. You can even consider changing her department if necessary.

In the given time, if there is still any inappropriate behavior, then management should terminate her without further concerns immediately.

Regards,
Sameer Ravindra
Sr. Manager HR

It's concerning to see why she works on Sundays and holidays. There was a case in my previous company where one such employee came on holidays and had enough fun time with her project leader. I was alerted by the security guard, so I visited the office to warn them. There should have been involvement from both sides. As an HR manager, I have no right to interfere in their personal affairs or give them any advice, but I sternly warned them to keep it outside the office. The parties involved are not kids but adults, so why should they listen to you? I always try to personally call them to my cabin and warn them individually. I kept it so confidential until the end that he thanked me for protecting his image and avoiding embarrassment. This behavior earns respect from the employees and deters them from engaging in such acts based on our professionalism.

It's good as long as news of romance does not reach the notice board. It's a test of time for Human Relationship behavior syndrome.

Sari,

What I think is that no one is authorized to interfere in personal matters unless the manifestation of such activity is under control.

Hi Sari,

Do you have CCTV in your organization? One should have solid proof before taking any actions.

Regards,
Rajee

Please don't jump to conclusions early. A man and a woman may have thousands of other kinds of relationships besides extramarital affairs. Don't look at them through the same lens that others do. If you want to take some steps right now, be careful. It's a matter of life and the lives associated. Be firm and confirm for yourself with all levels of truth and justification before moving forward... jo DIL BOLAY...

I agree with Mahesh. We should be very cautious when talking about others' lives. Affairs are very common these days. If she is having any physical relations in the office that provoke others (normal/casual touch to a person is acceptable), then you can inform her in a very soft manner. These kinds of issues, however softly you address them, can make a hard impact.

Suggestion on Handling Sensitive Matters

My suggestion is not to have any official discussions on this type of sensitive matter unless someone lodges a complaint. If you are in doubt, leave it. She is doing her job on time. She is not disturbing anyone. Then it's fine for the organization. She will learn over time!

Correct me if I am wrong.

Regards,
Praveen

It's a rare but good challenge to face in the work environment. I feel you should inform both of them to constrain their discussions, meetings, chats, etc., outside office premises. It has to be brought to the notice of everyone that they are adults and mature. If they are making decisions, they have the ability to think about the repercussions. The basic Code of Conduct must be followed, where instigating in other people's personal matters is also an offense.

I believe the case has to be sorted out in a practical, professional, and empathetic manner without being emotional. Even if they continue or try to be physical in the office, asking for their resignation should be an option. Here, the girl is not wrong, nor is the guy wrong. Collectively, both are wrong, so retaining one and terminating one will never solve the issue.

Also, they should not be allowed to be together, and their workplace needs to be changed.

Hope this perspective helps.

Regards,
Prakhar

Hi, my manager, who has two sons, is having an affair with one of our colleagues. She is taking full advantage of this situation by going on unscheduled leaves, getting promoted out of turn, and being appointed as an ad hoc trainer for new employees. During work hours, the manager and this female colleague go out and return within 3-4 hours.

Some individuals have reported this matter to the superiors, but no action has been taken. Instead, those who have highlighted this issue have been sent for counseling or have left due to the toxic work environment.

What Do You Think?

What do all you readers and writers think about this situation? Share your thoughts without preaching; be innovative and practical.

Dear Sari, it is very simple; he or she should be very honest with their life partner. If the person is involved in such unethical affairs, it means they are not honest in the relationship and are cheating themselves, as well as their family and friends.

There could be reasons such as being unhappy with the partner in personal life, the partner not spending time with the other partner, or the person being very addictive and intentionally seeking such a relationship.

However, this does not mean that one should engage in such a relationship and consider it acceptable in the relationship, whether married or unmarried.

If there is a situation where the person is not willing but still gets involved in such a relationship due to pressure from personal or professional reasons, it sounds foolish.

One should adapt to new changes in the corporate world but should not forget the discipline and culture we are known for in the world with such traditions. It is very shameful to follow such a culture. If someone says it is necessary to impress the boss or a senior person to advance in their career and professional life, then they are not truly interested in their career but rather using it as an opportunity to fulfill their needs.

If these activities are overlooked or not given importance by the people in the organization, then I am sorry to say that we are losing our ethics and culture. This indicates that the organizations are turning a blind eye and supporting such unethical activities even after being aware of them.

I believe the management should take steps to prevent such unethical behavior in the present and future and make it a standard practice.

I think let's not confuse a relationship with an extramarital affair. These two are altogether different issues. As you have mentioned, she is hardworking and doing extra hours, which means she is sincere and dedicated. Then why not this dedication in married life? There may be some issues from her husband's side as well. Try to evaluate it. If a woman is facing mental or physical trauma from her spouse, it's quite obvious that she may divert to a sympathetic person; she has all the right to do that. Any human being is bound to be attracted to care and tenderness. Before taking any action, her husband's attitude and behavior can be assessed. We, as civilized citizens, do not deprive anyone of love and care, but at the same time, let's not permit anything unethical just for fun. Be justified in your actions, that's all I would say. Your one wrong move can ruin an individual's life.

Take care.

Regards,
Dr. R.K. Pandey
Director
HIMT

Wow...wow...wow... Do you have any evidence, or is it just feelings, issues, or gossip? Get the evidence first, then proceed with addressing it as a matter of work ethics. Inform them that both their behaviors collide with ethics, culture, and religions.

Someone suggested installing CCTVs. Hahaha... your office could turn into a prison. Male members may avoid going to the cabins of female members, and they may not mingle in meetings either. A change in the seating arrangement might be necessary. Oh, God! You might end up altering things that have been casual until now and inadvertently create a sense of "untouchables" in the modern world, all for the sake of someone's extramarital affair. For heaven's sake, it would be better to avoid CCTV coverage in restrooms and the pantry.

Senior male managers may hesitate to socialize with their female counterparts or even shake hands during birthday celebrations. What a blow! ^^

Regards,
Chandru

Office Practices and Decorum

Office practices and decorum demand that such types of affairs are not acceptable. However, for that "absolute evidence" is required. I may suggest inviting both of them in the presence of the HR manager and a senior team member to discuss the issue. Nonetheless, others have to "mind" their business as long as this affair does not affect the regular and orderly functioning of the organization.

Best of luck,

Regards

It is not good for the working environment. The management should address both individuals and give them a firm warning. They should communicate that if the affair continues, either one of them should resign or both will be terminated.

AA

Yangon, Myanmar

At this juncture, I would suggest you take two things into consideration and analyze them:

First: Try to understand why teammates say that the environment is uncomfortable because of her. Get specific details.

Second: Understand and talk to the employee. Legally, we cannot take action on any employee considering her personal life. However, if her personal life or her behavior in the organization breaches any code of conduct, then the organization can take relevant actions. It's not necessary that every extramarital affair is negative. How would her colleagues know what is happening back at home?

Regards,
Piyali

I don't think you need to take any action against the employee. Once her performance is good and her behavior at the workplace is not objectionable, why should we bother about it? We are not a moral police. Of course, if some complaint is received, then it is different. In that case, you can counsel her first and take some action. Let her manage her relationships in her own way.

Organizational Culture and Its Influence on Workplace Dynamics

The comments from different people reflect the cultures they have been exposed to while growing up and the beliefs they have formed. The culture of the organization where the two affected parties are working will be the determining factor, especially if their productivity hasn't been affected by their dalliances.

If the culture of the organization—I'm not talking about what the rule book says, as often the two are not the same—determines the course of action, the administration decides to take and how they would like to handle it. HR should first identify the prevalent culture and then decide the next step.

Dear Friend,

She may be a hard worker, but from the standpoint of company reputation, the company should not entertain such activities on company premises. The HR department should call her and warn her not to behave like that within the company. If not controlled, HR can issue a warning letter.

Umesh

Dear Sari, if you really want to resolve the matter, first, you should know what the actual situation is before taking any action. Here are some steps to consider:

1. You should have strong proof.
2. Is it really an affair or a close friendship?
3. Who all are affected by this?
4. What activities does she do in the office that you and others don't like?

As an HR professional, your first step should be to talk to her personally and try to uncover the truth, as you understand the implications in society.

Thanks and regards,
PRADEEP

What a gossip here is being exchanged here. After going through a the entire discussion I understand “You should pose a FATWA instead”!!!! since we have taken the contact to civilized the society and the individual one Keep positing...
Let the people come foraed who do not agree with me.
Poonam

This is a very delicate and sensitive issue that needs to be handled very carefully. Any amount of loose handling could ruin her family. If rumors are circulating and are impacting office discipline and atmosphere, it is advisable to call her for a confidential discussion. If necessary, orally warn her. During the discussion, if any adverse information arises, ensure to obtain an undertaking from her that she will not allow such comments to be made against her.

Regards,
Prakash

Management's Role in Personal Affairs

It is true that management does not have the right to interfere in their personnel's personal lives. However, if you believe the environment is being affected negatively, it is appropriate to address the situation. You can start by issuing a warning from the Managing Director. If there is no positive response, you may need to issue a charge sheet based on their behavior affecting the work environment and performance.

Before taking any action, it is essential to inform all respective seniors and discuss this matter thoroughly.

Best regards,

I am Maneesh. Not very frequent at giving comments on many subjects, but I felt that I must give a suggestion to you regarding this subject.

1. As per your description, no one is sure about the affair. It's only rumor-mongering among the employees. This could be just a pleasure gossip making fun rounds.

2. We are talking only about the woman in the picture. Her performance is good and so on... What about the guy?

3. As Ravi Shankar had said, if they are romancing in the office, it is the management's concern to take action against them. But if they are normal at the office, then nobody has any business to interfere in anybody's personal lives. No person is clean in this world, barring a small percentage. Everyone has issues, moral or immoral, only until they come to the knowledge of known others who bring the issues to light. Else, they escape this "immoral" attitude.

We all must learn to live in a broader light of all such aspects unless and until this is an open affair. Behind the doors, no person has any right to punish or counsel them not to do such things. First of all, either of them will not agree to this so-called affair at all.

Please do think over it.