Senior Director Upset Over Birthday Celebration Differences – How Should HR Handle This?

Hi Ranjan,

Do you really think it is a fake story? If you think so, please don't reply or suggest on this matter. I am sorry, but I must say that no one in this forum has the time to suggest on any fake story or article. Please don't mind my saying, but I am surprised by your comment.

Regards,
Prachi

Hi Prachi,

I fail to understand how such an irresponsible and immature man can reach such a high level in your company. When a person is at a Director level, it is expected of him to understand not only his field of expertise but also to have some knowledge of how other departments work and what their importance is. You can't expect a senior-level person to tell you that HR is a waste of time and money and that they do not do things properly. Didn't he understand the complications of this relationship when he got married? I think if he wants to leave, let him go his way.

It is also advisable for couples not to work in the same company. It is neither good for the employees nor for the employer. If you still think that the director is indispensable for the company, try to convince him and shift his wife to some unassociated department. That might solve the problem of his feeling embarrassed.

Hope it works for you.

Regards, Supriya

Hi,

I hope this celebration is not the only reason for his annoyance; there may be another cause for that. Let's try to find out if any.

Regards,
Mathu

Hey Prachi,

Please understand that "Nobody is indispensable for any company". Maybe this Director is very efficient at his work, but I bet he is not a professional. I agree with a few of the comments that maybe he got another opportunity in hand, and that could be the reason he is creating this mess.

I suggest that you allow him to leave after finding a replacement.

Mania

Hello,

1. As per the company's policy, "Birthdays should be celebrated for employees and not for the director's wife." Problems may arise if the birthday of a senior's wife is celebrated.
2. Such impulsive individuals may not make sound decisions for the company as they could become entangled in personal and company affairs.
3. I'm sure that before reaching out to this forum, you (and most of your colleagues) would have attempted to persuade him.
4. Your intentions were good and continue to be so.

MY ADVICE: Forget everything, act and work as if nothing has occurred. Time may heal the wound.

Best of luck and regards,
AKS

Prachi,

According to me, if the Director of your company wants to leave for this reason, you should not stop him. He can end up creating negativity in your office if he stays. This is what I perceive from his attitude. The reason is that organizational culture always flows from top management, and as a director, he needs to understand and respect that. He needs to realize that if your management were to celebrate a director's wife's birthday (an entry-level employee) in the same way, it would cause a high level of dissatisfaction among other employees who are putting in the same amount of effort. That's how I see this organization.

Well, if you look at it from my perspective, it would be better if the director leaves right now. Otherwise, he could create problems later on for sure.

Regards,
Vineeta Tyagi

Hey Prachi,

I am really surprised to see an "efficient" director of the company playing foolish. I would suggest making him understand the situation and his position as well as her position. If he doesn't understand, it may be necessary to ask his wife to quit her job, but this conversation should be handled through him.

As the director, his wife, who is in an entry-level position, does not need to work for their living. She should be allowed to stay at home while he celebrates her birthday in a luxurious hotel.

If he refuses to comply, then he should be the one to quit. If he decides to leave, there will be no bigger fool in the world than him. It appears he is merely playing games with all of you.

Best regards,
Harish

Hi Prachi,

I too agree with others. If a director is so biased that he wants his wishes to be granted at the company's cost, then how many earlier decisions has he made being biased? In fact, he should be allowed to quit for the betterment of others in the company.

Regards,
Sushil

Hi Prachi,

This situation is not a tough situation at all. I don't know whether the issue has got resolved or not, but thinking that it has not, I am providing a solution. This case, according to Organizational Behavior, is known as conflict and ego management. If you take it as a case study, you will find that the person here (at the director level) does not understand the criticality of the situation from the point of view of a director but takes it from the point of view of a lover or husband. So, according to OB, it is ego and conflict management. What you can do here is implement the DMAIC theory and plan a brainstorming session. If it sounds vague, then simply ask everyone in the company to contribute. After collecting the amount, gift her something amazing, showing the director (that person) that she has received all this as an honor of being the wife of a Director. This can be a motivating factor for others because if she gets a gift, the director surely would throw a party.

I don't know what else to say, but from a revenue point of view, losing an efficient worker just for this small cause does not prove effective management. This is conflict management and nothing else.

Regards,
Sumit Roy

Hi Punchi,

First, this senior guy should not have married a junior girl in the same organization if he wants his wife to be treated like him. That is the first mistake he made. He should be ready to face the challenge when he marries a junior member. The company should not bend the policy just because this guy married a junior; it should remain at an acceptable level.

Although you mentioned that he is an efficient person, his attitude seems to be unacceptable. This wrong attitude could lead him to a disaster. He has three options:

1. Leave the company.
2. Have his wife leave the company.
3. Throw a grand party at his expense for all the employees to save face if he wants.
4. Simply accept the reality and continue working in the company.

Sometimes, you have to be a little harsh in what you say. Some people do not understand reality until they have to face it. What is he going to do if this happens to another person?

Parakrama

Prachi,

Our director wants a similar celebration like his birthday! No problem, "PINE WALON KO PINEKA BAHANA CHAHIYE....." so create a situation to celebrate.

Secondly, it's not your director but his wife who needs counseling, and she can only effectively handle her husband. Please try to assist in this matter.

Reba

Hi Prachi,

My suggestion would be to let this issue be solved at the senior level first, including the Head of HR, chairperson, MD, etc. Let him give a suggestion regarding what should be done so that it might not have a negative effect among other staff, if he is a good resource, of course. Make him understand the importance of staff at each level and the policy supporting the issue. Let him suggest if the policy needs to be changed or how this matter should be resolved. All the heads should discuss the matter together; I am sure the problem would be solved.

It's not a big issue; it does happen at this level, probably due to human egotistic nature. You can only resolve it after having a proper discussion with him.

Dear Prachi,

It is quite surprising that at such a senior level, the person is behaving erratically. I believe it would be better for him to leave because one must maintain professional relationships rather than dwell on personal ones. Please have him review the company policies again.

Himani

Hey Prachi,

One-liner: Simple to do, let him go. If the person doesn't understand the company policy, he is not fit to be at the senior level.

Regards,
Archana

Any celebration across the company should be celebrated without partiality irrespective of levels. Policies differ from company to company, and if your company had different methods of celebrating across levels, your director should accept that. If the director is unable to accept the way a birthday was celebrated for his wife, then he is not a perfect leader. This will only create chaos across all levels in the organization, resulting in employees losing hope in the organization. A senior person from HR should help your director understand the importance of celebrating birthdays in different ways and also make him realize that his wife is at an entry-level position.

Thanks,
Karuna

Dear Prachi Jain,

If the director in a company marries an employee at an entry level, and insists on the company changing the policy of celebrating birthdays along the same lines as the celebrations for senior executives in an organization, there is no justification on his part. It seems that he has something in mind, as he is trying to use his wife's birthday celebrations as a reason to bring about change. She is also an employee in your organization at an entry level. Everyone knows that an employee's salary and responsibilities may vary within an organization depending on their skills, qualifications, and experience. In this case, the director-level employee's behavior seems questionable, and his integrity is in doubt. You need not worry about employees like this, as it indicates narrow-mindedness. If he wishes, let him leave the organization. When an employee at a higher rank in an organization demands something against the principles and policies of the management, we should not entertain it, and appropriate action should be taken against him for his indecent and irresponsible behavior.

Best regards,

NVRao
Hyderabad

Hi Prachi Jain,

This is kind of amusing to me. The Director should divorce himself from personal preferences and professional preferences. This Director is very dangerous in the sense that he is mixing personal feelings with professional ethics. I am sure in the future, there is a possibility that his decisions will be biased towards his wife when it comes to promotions, bonuses, etc. This is a pure colonial way of thinking rather than a professional way of thinking. Maybe your company should have a code of ethics to manage either the "Birthday Celebrations" or "Marrying Subordinates," or should identify these things as "Soliciting" in the Employee code of conduct or ethics.

This is a very serious situation. Remember what happened with someone in the IMF having a girlfriend, and he promoted her based on his personal preferences? The same goes for Bloomberg; he promoted his girlfriend in the NY City Corporation purely because she is his girlfriend.

Stay blessed.

Hepzi Leon Soon

Hi,

This shows how immature and undeserving the 'top' can be. Whose birthday was it anyway? The employee's birthday or the boss's wife's birthday? If one cannot differentiate between the two and has unrealistic expectations, God save the company from such people.

Cyril

Dear Prachi,

I think you have done the right thing. Celebration of birthdays of employees is a company welfare activity and the general public is involved. Though she is the director's wife, first, she is an employee of this company. She has to be treated accordingly, and as an employee, they have to respect the company's policy. Otherwise, it will be personal favoritism, and the general public will be affected. A person sitting at the director level should understand this in the very first place. This matter is directly related to the culture of the company. In my opinion, you should put things straight forward in front of the director and convey the message that it is a professional decision and should not be mingled with personal relations. I think directors are role models and carry forward the culture of the company. If he carries such kind of attitude, then leave the decision up to him.

Regards,
Deepak

Hi Prachi,

I think the senior person at the Director level has found a better or more rewarding opportunity and is just using this as an excuse to leave the company. Therefore, it is better for the top brass to ask him to understand the realities of the company's policies or take his call. If he is encouraged, do not be surprised if he asks the company to provide his wife with the same salary and benefits that he is entitled to as a director. The company must stand firm, and such demands from a person at the director level must never be encouraged.

Thanks, Dayaram

Hi, Please ask him to compare the birthday celebrations while he was in an entry-level position and what he is currently receiving at the senior level. It's always better if you celebrate birthdays for all levels in an equal manner to avoid these kinds of issues.

Regards,
Koshy

Hi Prachi,

I understand the dilemma you are in, but I believe that if you budge to the director's whim right now, it will demoralize the junior team.

I am sure you have tried all the tricks in the book to convince him. Why don't you change the policy and make the celebrations similar at all levels? It means either cutting down something from senior management's side or upgrading the junior-level celebration. Can your team convince the management for this change?

Please let us know finally what the decision was.

Regards

Hi Prachi,

Someone senior in the organization needs to tell him that he needs to understand to draw a line between personal and professional behavior. In the office, the lady is another employee and not his wife. Did he raise such an issue for any other entry-level employee in the last 7 years? He may be a good employee technically, but he needs to learn behavioral skills as well. If he still does not get convinced, he may have an ulterior motive.

Best wishes,
Robbert

Dear All,

I have one more point to consider: what if the wife has pushed the efficient man in a situation like this (with all due respect)? As you are saying she is at a junior level, chances are very high she is young and less experienced and must have expressed her views to her husband.

You also need to check what her opinion is on this situation. Maybe a few things can be linked.

Comments!!

Nirupama

Hi,

I don't think I am capable enough to give a proper solution to this problem, but I think you should be talking to his wife about this. You had mentioned that this person is an efficient and effective resource in your company. I don't understand why he could be so silly and behave like a kid. It looks like soon after his wife's birthday celebration, she would have started eating his head as to why her birthday was not given so much importance. Ego between the two would have cropped up. So talk to his wife and tell her that both of them are capable, and the company wouldn't want to lose them just for this reason. She might understand, and maybe she would be of help. Please ensure that you tell very good things about her. To me, it looks like the wife of this Bachaa is prompting him to do/talk so. I am not too sure if this may work out. Anyways, give it a try.

Thanks,
Hari

It is quite a strange case where a director himself is acting like a beginner. Since he is a director, he will be heading your department/division. In such a case, how can you convince or counsel him? What is his age? If he attained this position at a young age, then you can take the privilege to talk to him. Try once.

If he has made up his mind to quit, why worry about him? As he is mature enough to make decisions, let him. His decision will not harm either your division or your company. Such narrow-minded persons can destroy the entire atmosphere.

I strongly feel it is not a major issue. He is mocking himself and degrading his wife. Let him be. You need not worry unless he starts taking revenge on subordinates.

Since you are concerned for him, you can talk to his wife and explain the situation to enable her to convince or counsel him.

Dear,

When you are stating that he is an efficient employee, I can understand you are at the level of judging people. Let him quit the job, by God's grace, India is flooded with efficient people like you. If one quits, another will come; maybe he is more efficient than the current one.

Regards,
Srinivas N

If somebody at that level cannot model the behavior expected of a leadership role, it is best to let him go. If you bend over backwards to please him, you will be setting a wrong precedent, as Riyaz has rightly said. However, there is a possibility that this is an outward excuse for something else that's irritating him! Get someone senior to talk to him and find out.

Hi Prachi,

In fact, being in HR, you can also have a talk with his wife and explain the situation to her. If she is convinced, she can definitely help her husband understand, and all this confusion can end at once.

Regards,
Aruna

Hi Prachi,

I don't think this person is mature enough to be at the senior director level. He should understand that the office is different from personal life. It's not the office's responsibility to celebrate his wife's birthday as he wants. Rules apply to everybody.

Dear Ms. Prachi Jain,

1. A senior person, at a Director level, will not leave the job for such a reason. There could be something else which he is not revealing.

2. Convince him that this would be compensated for on his marriage anniversary.

3. Speak to his wife, explain to her the dilemma in which the HR is, and the policy of the company. If it is within the company's scope, you should also gift her something of her choice. If she is happy, I believe that she can influence her husband's decision.

Thanks, with regards,
msn

Dear Prachi,

It's a unique situation to be in. Just some thoughts: If he has been with the org long enough, he would know the way these things are done, so it's not ignorance. As far as efficiency is concerned, I am not too sure of it. If it's your org's policy, then there is not much that can be done. If he wishes to quit, so be it; you may be better off without him.

Lastly, we do have a similar practice in my company too. The only difference is that, irrespective of whose birthday or anniversary it is, they are all celebrated in the same way. After all, a birthday or an anniversary has the same importance to all, irrespective of whether he is a Director, clerk, or the office boy.

Regards, sapatsundar

Hi All,

A thorn stuck in the throat situation for you, Prachi, but what it seems is not actually the case:

a) He has some other intentions, like what other members had suggested:
(i) Quitting the job for something better OR getting a better bargain from the management.

b) There could be some internal issues with the senior team/colleagues that are troubling him.

c) We can't doubt his inefficiency or his tendency to make unrealistic expectations, as he has been with the organization for the past 7 years. If so, were there similar instances before his marriage of him making demands/special treatment? I don't think so.

d) When you mention his birthday was celebrated differently, was there anything else besides the presence of top management? Their presence is a different case, but have you discriminated in any other terms that have hurt his personal ego?

Someone needs to have a one-on-one with him and clear the air. There is more to his attitude than meets the eye—a nice case study! This has to be dealt with on personal terms.

Thanks,
Ajith

Hi,

I agree with point number 1, as per your suggestion. However, points 2 and 3 are not acceptable as they may set a wrong precedence. Involving his wife in such matters could potentially worsen the situation for other employees at the same rank, as it may lead to regular tantrums. It would be more beneficial to discuss and resolve the issue as I don't perceive it to be a major problem. Remember, no one is irreplaceable!

Thank you.

As birthdays are celebrated according to company policy, there is nothing anyone can do. As a senior director, let him convince the company and change the policy if he can. I feel none will endorse his views as the organizational interest is more important than individuals.

All,

I am sorry if I sound rude in any way, but I could not understand what efficiency has to do with individual perceptions. An efficient person may have certain beliefs that may not be acceptable to a group of people or an organization.

He must be efficient in the tasks he is carrying out, but his expectations are very high, and he lacks a sense of understanding. Normally, when such a marriage takes place, the husband holding a top position would not wish to let his wife work in the same organization at the entry level due to potential issues. I am not sure why he prefers his wife to work at the entry level.

Forget about the celebrations of her birthday; if he lacks basic understanding, your organization is going to experience many more issues regarding his wife. Today he expects to celebrate his wife's birthday in the same fashion as that of a Director; tomorrow he may expect his wife to be exempted from the Quality System, or he may expect her to receive all the treatment a director receives. This is practically not possible for any organization.

The HR person must consult with the President or Vice President to make him understand this simple fact.

Regardless of his efficiency, you should not entertain expectations that are not legitimate.

Please let me know if you need any further assistance.

Thank you.

Counsel him... else let him off the hook. Does he really deserve to be a director? The one who is supposed to lead should be exemplary. I wonder if he is still working.

The company wants him to stay, whereas the Director wants to quit for such a petty issue. Is he looking for a change? Think about it.

Is he really a Director, or has this designation been given to him just to retain him in the organization? Many organizations these days give fancy designations to their employees to retain them. If he is really worth this level, he would have understood the difference between his cadre and his wife's cadre. I feel it is just a ruse. He must have made up his mind to leave the organization quite some time back. He would have been looking for an opportunity for an escape route. It is better to let him go.

Dear Members! I have come across a very strange situation wherein one of my seniors is not satisfied with the company, and the reason that he states is something we are unable to understand being in HR. The situation is: We have a senior person working at the Director level in the company. There is another girl who is working at the entry level with us. The two have got married now. As a company policy, we celebrate the birthdays of our employees, and in this regard, we had celebrated the birthday of the employee who is at the senior level a little differently. During his birthday party, all the management and the senior staff were present. A few days back, it was his wife's birthday. As a company policy, we did celebrate her birthday but not in the manner her husband's birthday was celebrated. This means being at the entry level, her birthday was celebrated with other people at the same level. (We celebrate birthdays of all employees together on the last working day of the month.) This time the employee of ours who is at the senior level got annoyed that we did not celebrate his wife's birthday in a similar fashion as his. He feels dissatisfied and wants to quit the job. Now, we are in a fix as we are unable to understand what we should do. We tried to convince the guy stating that his wife is not at the level where the same treatment as his can be given to her, but he just doesn't want to understand anything. Kindly advise on what we should do? He is an efficient person, and we do not want him to leave the company. Kindly advice............................. Waiting eagerly for your suggestions. Regards Prachi Jain

Hi,

As per my knowledge, a company should never make any difference between lower and higher-level profiles. I can really understand the difference between entry-level and managerial level; there is a lot of difference that should only be in work, not for celebrating. If that is the case, it will really demotivate other people. In my company, we have a certain slab of money which we spend on all; that amount will be the same for entry-level and even managers.

Coming to your issue, the manager is really not fit to be in that position when a person cannot understand the company rules; there is no use for them to be in that position. It's really sick to compare professional life and personal life. There is nothing much to scratch the head about; please remove such people from top positions and allow some good people to sit in those positions who can really take better decisions on time.

Regards,
Ramya.R

Hi Prachi,

I completely agree with the other members and fail to understand how somebody at a director's level can be so immature. A good friend or someone at his level should try to speak to him and make him understand that he should try to keep his personal and professional life totally apart. Otherwise, this might lead to a very difficult situation and have a very negative effect on other employees of the company and can affect the performance and productivity of other employees. Someone should try speaking to him, explaining that he should try to think in a more mature manner.

Sonal

Hi Prachi,

Very strange situation but not very uncommon. Now, look at this Director of your company, REALLY BECHARA, Poor guy, on one side is his wife and on the other side are policies of the company. Do you think he does not understand the protocol position in the company? I don't think so. He will not leave the company just because his wife has not been given equal protocol status in celebrating her birthday. I think what he is doing is trying to convince his wife that he really cares for her. He has every right to do that; the only thing is he is doing it in the wrong place. Just keep cool, let the time pass, he will be alright. If you succumb to these tactics of his, rest assured other protocol problems will follow, and you will not be able to cope up with all of them. Simultaneously, give his wife a bit of air that she has an independent identity, and you all are proud of her. I must tell you that the solution to the Director's problem is not with him but with his wife because she is the problem. Despite all this, if the gentleman is bent upon leaving, excuse yourself and wish the couple the very best of luck. My suggestions are based on the understanding of the couple with the help of the inputs you have given. In case there are other relevant inputs as well, then the solution will change accordingly.

Thanks for the post.

Regards,
Col Virendra

Dear Prachi,

I have read the above case; it's a little bit crucial. The director, who is yet to quit, knows the company policy, but on a personal level, he is affected. The only way is to speak with his wife in person and let her know about the company policy. We should retain the director through his wife.

Regards,
Doss

I think all people have lost track of the fact that HR deals with human issues, and all this talk about his unprofessionalism is quite unfounded. The fact is that the lady is his wife, and as per our culture, the wife also acquires the status of the husband. Why was the director's birthday celebrated with such fanfare? If you had to follow rules, you should have followed them then also. Also, the subsequent celebration of the wife as per rules shows scant regard for human relations and values. Ideally, it should have been discussed with the director before enforcing rules.

I think the HR personnel should apologize (even if the HR person feels he has done no wrong) and invite the director's suggestion on how to go about such celebrations. Please remember a peon is as much an employee of a company as a director.

Hey,

I'm surprised that the wife is still working in the organization. According to me, she shouldn't work with him and enjoy all the perks that the director enjoys. If the wife is so ambitious, then she should work somewhere else and make a name for herself. By creating such a situation, I'm sure the couple must be having a tough time with each other. I strongly agree with Col. Virendra, Anubha, and many more friends here....

Prachi, as Mr. Anil Mehta said, you need to go and apologize to the director and then sit with him to ask for his suggestions on this issue. Now that the damage is done, it's better to be intelligent and play it safe. I hope you understand what I'm indicating.

All the best!!

The fact that he has been with you for seven years doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is, is he as efficient as you said? Because what I believe is, a Director should have company interests at heart. He should look at the expenses of the company and prioritize the success of the company rather than considering personal interests. It's not his fault, though. Married guys will agree with me that women's power is irresistible, and when a lady wants something, she will go to extremes to get it. When the husband has power, like in this case as a Director, the lady wants him to do something. And the man, being a Director, wants to prove he is a man and a Director for the company. Look at the root of the problem; it's not him, it's the lady who is forcing him to do this. I sometimes wonder, are relationships like this one good for the company.

Hi Prachi,

We are in HR, so if we always think about this type of relationship in the company, then we can't work. If we celebrate her birthday in a nice way, that is also acceptable. But the next situation, you should be ready for a second person also standing for an argument that you should celebrate his/her birthday at the same level. So be strict, let him go.

"Jane vale ko koi rok bhi nahi sakta" – if you have heard this sentence, let him go and start searching for a new person for the same position. The same situation I have also faced, but the difference is that it was a birthday in my case, that was an increment.

Regards,

SHARMILA YADAV

Manager - HR

CONCORDE DESIGNS PVT LTD, MUMBAI

This is funny, very funny, but that is the sort of thing that we have to bear in HR. Ludicrous things. The guy has a better offer somewhere else. This is a smokescreen! I will advise that you start headhunting for his replacement while you have a senior person of his level go through the procedures with him. Do not request his resignation. Keep an eye on his performance for signs of depreciation. If he has found another place, my bet is that he will not budge. Get your new person to understudy him while his period of resignation lasts. At such a senior level, it should be about 3 months.

Regards,
Olarinde

I think your Director should take a look at his priorities. His wife is an employee (in the first instance) and secondly his wife. If he is so wrapped up in these minor matters, it is preferable that he leave rather than go on about small details that have nothing whatsoever to do with the business at hand.

I suggest you decide whether he is worth retaining. I have found that it is generally not a good idea to hire close relatives, especially if one of them is in a senior management position.

Regards, PVQ

Hi Prachi,

No, yaar. It is not as you think. He just wants to leave the company. That's it.

Regards,
Rafi

Hello Prachi,

It's not that big of a deal; it happens. A big role often comes with a big ego, and that's okay. Now, the person in question is efficient. Go to him, say sorry, and assure him that it won't happen again. Next, wait for the weekend when you are planning to celebrate the birthday of the 'entry-level' employee. Celebrate the birthday in the same manner as you celebrate the birthdays of 'Director-level' employees. His ego will definitely be hurt, and he will understand your point practically.

Goodbye,
BEST OF LUCK,
Anjali Thakur

Hi,

Did anybody think on the other way round, that his wife would have expected a different birthday celebration being a Director's wife. Why not try to talk to his wife who is at the entry level in a totally different way? The Director may be good - did he show such behavior earlier before getting married, not for a birthday party, for some other issues? If not, then there may be his wife's pressure. Talk to his wife; he will automatically get settled. An efficient person, if said, should not be left in this manner.

Regards,
Jennifer Isaac

First, this senior guy should not have married a junior girl in the same organization if he wants his wife to be treated like him. That is the first mistake he made.

This was the first thought I had after reading Prachi's first post. Dude lives with his mistakes...

Hi Henry,

I am sure I have created some sort of mess in communicating properly. Let me try to explain once again.

There can not be two opinions about the requirement of mature behavior, not only from the Director but all senior people sitting at the top level. It is a must. Please read my last statement in which I clearly stated that "Disregard of his efficiency, you should not entertain his expectations which are not legitimate."

I simply tried to distinguish the efficiency from what you call an individual's belief as to how his wife's birthday should be celebrated. Because a person having such a perception could be quite efficient in his work, and these two things must not be mixed up. Please read the initial responses of our members; you will find many such responses related to efficiency with his belief.

All the best.

Hi Prachi,

This kind of immaturity is not expected at the Director level. I think somebody should talk to him and his wife and help them understand the situation. Such emotional reactions from a senior person cannot be accepted. You should also inform your seniors about this, and if necessary, have the Managing Director speak to him personally.

Regards,
Umesh

Henry,

Wherever there are prizes and financial rewards involved, the chances of such efforts reaching the target increase. I think there is no need to invest time to prove anything.

Whenever a question goes into an indefinite loop to receive responses (which are more or less similar) and still the poster does not turn up to express thanks and request the community to close the post, then chances are that it is hypothetical rather than a real one. I believe that if a person is genuinely interested in the solution, he/she will not wait indefinitely for the last response to reach. It may take weeks or even months. lol..

It is not a blame on someone, but it is an effort to shed some light on an activity that consumes valuable hours of senior/junior HR members. If the query is genuine and if the entire brainstorming session yields some result, then it is worth it; otherwise, it is really a waste of time to make a query achieve the highest number of responses.

Every HR person knows that he/she is the guide of his/her organization with regard to productivity and the best utilization of man-hours. So, individuals must assess the genuineness of the query and then respond.

All the best, Henry... :)

It's sheer immaturity on the part of the director to ask for such favors. Please share the written policy document with him.

Regards,
Shabri

Hi Prachi,

I think what you need to do mostly and always as an HR employee is to be assertive, especially when a matter concerns organizational policies. If HR in whichever organization could not stand up for the organization's policies, who could?

My advice to you, my friend, is to stand firm for the benefit of the organization that is the life spring of the families of all its employees, whether at senior or entry level. Never at any point in time bend the policies for an individual benefit in the organization. The organization is not 'his', but he is part of it. Most unfortunately, as an individual, he is the smallest part compared to the total of other employees. So, the organization will still be there even if he quits.

Do not worry, as you are the one who is more organization-centered versus him, who is more self-centered. It raises a query in one's mind to think of a person like that as a senior employee, as he seems to have no respect for his organization.

Hi Prachi,

I think what you need to do mostly and always as an HR employee is being assertive, especially when a matter concerns organizational policies. If HR in whichever organization could not stand up for the organization's policies, who could?

My advice to you, my friend, is to stand firm for the benefit of the organization that is the life spring of the families of all its employees, whether at senior or entry level. Never at any point in time bend the policies for an individual benefit in the organization. The organization is not 'his', but he is part of it, and most unfortunately, as an individual, the smallest part versus the total of other employees. So, the organization will still be there even if he quits.

Do not worry, as you are the one who is more organization-centered versus him, who is more self-centered. It raises a query to one's mind to think of a person like that as a senior employee, as he seems to have no respect for his organization.

Hey!

Considering that the attrition cost of an efficient employee at this high level is very high, added with intangible losses, don't let him go. He needs to be retained.

First of all, check if the treatment given to the wife was on par with the other entry-level employees. If not, it's your fault; look into the matter. If yes, then talk to the director patiently and tell him that he is at the senior level and employees look up to his values and standards. Officially, a differential treatment cannot be given. Try to convince him for an informal treat. I'm very sure he'll understand this. Differential treatment has to be avoided surely.

Dear Prachi,

Are these employees in question the only couple in your organization? To lighten the situation, why not suggest their first wedding anniversary celebration? Maybe, if he too is attached to the organization, he'll wait. Time is the best healer. It will wash away his hard feelings. Do not be impulsive in suggesting him to leave. In these times, it is an ordeal to retain employees. It is said, a known devil is better than an unknown angel.

Regards, Dr. Nalini Vira

Ask the wife to quit. You will solve this issue, then another will crop up - like promotion, increment. The girl should have left the job at the time of marriage all by herself. All this situation is missing is ethics.

Hi Prachi,

I totally agree with everyone's views. Firstly, you will always face this problem at regular intervals. If a senior person gets married to an executive, kindly ask your HR head to talk to them clearly. It might become a practice in the future that could create problems, especially during appraisal time.

I personally advise that if the person has made up their mind to leave, then let them go to bring stability to the organization. Do not let this culture become a practice. Start looking for a more mature person for the same position.

Thank you.

Dear Prachi,

I believe it is time to revise your company policies to meet the expectations of both your director and his wife. You should establish a policy for consistent treatment during birthday celebrations regardless of their position. Since the celebrations are held on the last day of the month, it is essential for all senior and junior members to attend, and the menu for the party should be the same. This approach will foster a sense of unity among the team, and I am confident that your senior officials will be in agreement. By doing so, you will prevent the company from risking the departure of the director in question.

Thanks & Regards,
Ambuj Chaturvedi
Head - HR & Admin
Roop Polymers Ltd.
09999766854

Hi Prachi,

How are you? First of all, why does your company have discrimination between seniors and middle-level management on particular occasions like birthdays? If they are celebrating birthdays, the pattern should be the same for everyone. However, the situation here is totally different. You should talk with his wife rather than him because ladies are very soft-hearted and can understand the situation better than their husbands. If she can convince her husband to follow the company norms and celebrate her birthday like every other middle-level employee, that would be ideal.

One thing you can do is arrange a surprise party for his wife because it may help him reconsider his decision (Quit the job). Always keep a big smile on your face; it will help in your personal and professional life. If you have any further questions, please let me know.

Hassan

Regards

Hi Prachi,

I have gone through your situation and seen some of the replies as well. I think most of the people think in the same way, and they are all right, dear.

If a person who is at the director level position is behaving like this, then I don't think he deserves that position or to stay in the organization. Because if today he is raising this point, in the future, he can create more issues that will trouble you in handling other employees as well.

But as you said, your company doesn't want to lose him (couldn't understand why), so you can do one thing - talk to him, make the rules clear to him, and then see how he reacts. If he is still not ready to change his opinion, then, dear, it's better to ask him to leave the organization. It's good for your company's future.

All the best.

Hi Prachi,

It looks like you have been given the ugly task of having to deal with this Director.

Question: Are you a Director? I don't think so based on your pleas for help... so basically, you are not on an even playing field.

You have to be brave and go back to any of the other Directors and ask them to make a decision at their level. If they can't, then what can they expect you to do? Throw the ball back in their court.

If they want you to have special privileges/treatment for the wife, then change the policy to have everyone's birthday celebrated the same way... bill the expense to the company ;)

Dear All,

Which company allows personal favors, and that too so openly? Here is this person who is annoyed with some other issue and is taking an unethical approach as the reason to leave the company.

Escalate the matter to higher authority as this is a serious breach of policies. If your company doesn't have a stand on such issues, then it's time to revise the HR strategies. He could actually be fired over this issue. But if the individual is a major resource, then ask his seniors to counsel him and also encourage him to demonstrate professionalism.

Regards,
Dr. Swati

Dear Prachi,

I am surprised how a Director of the company behaves like a college-going kid. If he wants to quit, let him go ahead. Do not waste your energy on these kinds of issues; you will have better matters to work on. I wouldn't be surprised if the same reaction came from his wife.

If someone has been placed in a director-level position, they should have manners and a broader mindset to understand this logic. I believe some people are habitual of taking things otherwise or hurting their ego or feeling insulted, etc. However, if he is a professional director and not a shareholder director, as is common in Marwari or Baniya family businesses, he should exhibit a professional approach and appreciate your logic.

I think in this case, you have to explain to your chairman and organize one grand party in honor of this man's wife if your chairman feels he is so crucial to his business or organization as a whole. This advice has nothing to do with your policy but is an out-of-policy decision as an exception to the rules. This is because this director and his family hold some strength in your company, should your chairman question you about this situation.

You need to see this event as charity for this Director on behalf of your company.

Regards,
Sawant

Even if the director doesn't provide biased decisions for his wife in the office, people will still have doubts that her growth is because of his influence from the top. At least, what we can do is inform both the people and the director that next time, higher preference will be given to his wife because of their relationship. This should not create any immediate problems, and possibly she will progress in the industry over time. Yes, this issue is sensitive because either the couple or the morale of the staff will be at risk.

I would suggest that she should be given preference because she is the wife of a key member who has requested additional concessions. Out of respect and gratitude, we should comply, not to bend rules but to acknowledge the situation appropriately. While it's true that it may not be the ideal course of action, sometimes we must consider the greater good even in seemingly trivial matters.

Even if higher preference is warranted now, implementing it might appear inappropriate, so it is advisable to refrain from doing so at this moment. Please explain this to the director; I am confident he will understand and appreciate the rationale. Additionally, if this situation was a ploy to test the system, he will find himself in a difficult position, and his true intentions will be revealed to all.

- Santhosh Jagannathan.

Hi Caroline, Can you explain this line in detail, please? Do you mean that only wives influence their husbands' decisions and work from behind the scenes, while husbands are very innocent to listen to whatever their wives say without using their brains and become a scapegoat in the end? I am sure I misunderstood. If yes, then I am sorry. So please clarify.

Evaluating Company Policy on Birthday Celebrations

Birthday celebrations in your company—did they derive from convention or policy? If from convention, have a senior talk to him earnestly and begin looking for a replacement for the 'Director'. If it is derived from policy, how is it that at the Director level, he was unaware of it? Is your company's HR functioning effectively? Are you educating your employees sufficiently about company policies? Are employees well-informed about the policies?

If the answer is affirmative for most of these questions, then I see a classical case of either a recruitment error or a mischievous employee. In either scenario, you need to stand your ground and start seeking a replacement. Additionally, put more effort into helping your employees better understand company policies.

Regards,
Olarinde

Firmly tell him we can't do anything about the situation. It's his turn to leave or not to leave. Also, let him know that you want him to reconsider his stance, though, and you can't make any changes from your side. Obviously, you are already doing the right thing by giving him time and a chance. Sometimes, a closed-door chat with subtle words might work, but otherwise, that's it. All the best.

Writing from across the border, I really don't know what the culture is in India regarding staff birthday celebrations in corporate settings. Back here, irrespective of the hierarchical status of an employee, such celebrations are the same across the board.

You don't (meaning the boss in the present case) become the boss by trumpeting "I am the boss." You are the boss because of the specialized knowledge, skills, attitudes, and leadership qualities that you possess. In a team situation, you are one of the team, and the team culture permeates everywhere, including celebrations.

If he needs a glass cubicle for himself for such an occasion, he is unfit for his office.

Arif ur Rehman