PROFESSIONALS AND BUSINESSES PARTICIPATING IN DISCUSSION
Business Mentor, Consultant And Trainer
Labour Law & Hr Consultant
Learning & Teaching Fellow (retired)
PRABHAT RANJAN MOHANTY
Hr & Ir
Nagarkar Vinayak L
Hr And Employee Relations Consultant
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Dinesh DivekarDear member,
What has happened with you is not just unfortunate but shocking too. Nevertheless, your narration is incomplete. Please confirm the following:
a) Has the marriage been solemnised or not?
b) How was the fakery of the salary slip discovered? Who discovered it? Did the prospective groom disclose it inadvertently or was it discovered during pre-nuptial checks?
c) Do you have a hard copy of the fake salary slip? Is there any seal and signature on the salary slip?
Yes, submission of the fake salary slip shows the moral perversion of the individual. Nevertheless, proving it as an evil act punishable under the law is difficult. Even if you file a suit, the case will drag on decades, and even if you win, you will have the energy to enjoy the victory of the verdict. If you report the matter to the officials of the company where this person is employed, the company officials cannot do anything because this will not be misconduct defined under the standing orders of the company.
If you report the incident to the officials of his company, then first they may not accept your version at its face value. The other side will enjoy the benefit of the doubt. At best, they may keep him under close watch.
The incident teaches the members the importance of vigilance in life. We should never allow our guard down. Vigilance is important for everybody, be it to the nation's leader while estimating the magnitude of the pandemic or to a private citizen in his/her personal life.
For each bad event in life, we cannot start teaching a lesson to the other side. Some events teach us a lesson. It is better to learn a lesson and move on.
From India, Bangalore
Anupriya 4My is just fixed before fixing he gave us off of salary slip with 68k inhand. Later on he only told salary he have is 48k inhand. I was still fine with that.But in between due to this I was in shock by this untrust. Still I said we will continue but he is saying that I am emotionally weak can't handle up down in life. As I can't bare this incidence. But i think it's natural for every girl if some lie like this she break down emotionally. Who is wrong in this case. He simply denied for marriage.
From India, Pune
Anupriya 4He is from bengloru biocon compny . If he knows he is liying for 1 month why he was playing with my feelings. When he disclose first he said keep this in between us only DNT share with anybody but it's arrenge marriage how can lie to my parents. What if any bad happened in future. His parents also not aware of this lie.
From India, Pune
KK!HRI would suggest that you call off the marriage. As you very rightly said, if he can give you a fake salary slip and certificate, you will be really concerned about what all he could do in the future. The lurking fear or suspicion can mar the marital life. You may have to convince your parents on this by telling facts, probably you may use some other elder member like a brother or sister, etc to convey the message.
As regards taking up with the employer for producing a fake document, it is better to avoid such unpleasantries, better go ahead with your life. It may not be a problem for some other girl and if he is able to get a proper match let him lead his life. You can give him some benefit for disclosing the fact of his actual income and thank your God for knowing this deceit in advance.
From India, Mumbai
This is the problem with arranged marriages, especially when one the parties live in different towns. May be he went through the engagement ceremony to please his parents and wants to end it.
It's also possible that he is testing whether you can keep a secret and whether money is more important for you than his personality.
I know a case in which the wedding took place and then the girl would not let her husband even hold her hands. She asked the boy to divorce her, so that she could marry her ex-boy friend with whom she was in love. Her parents knew about the boy friend and thought she would forget him once the wedding took place. In the end the marriage ended within 6 months and the boy has married another girl now.
Do you work in Pune?
From United Kingdom
As of now, the marriage proposal stands cancelled. The reason may be different according to the perceptual difference of the boy and yours. Whatever the type of marriage, unqualified and genuine love between the life partners is the undercurrent of the succesful married life. Of course, as rightly observed by Mr.Simhan, in an arranged marriage, knowing one another fully before the ceremony is a matter of chance only. Even in a love marriage also, courtship can be deceptive till the marriage gets solemnised leaving the ultimate blame later to either one's own choice. Therefore, in my opinion, mind-games like the one in your case should be avoided by the man and woman both before and after marriage.
Coming to your case, the incident preceding the cancellation of the proposal is indicative of the fact that you both are too much demanding and hence very fastidious in life. It is an admitted fact of life, Indian parents and brides are very concerned about the regular earnings of the groom next to caste and social status.
How did you believe that he would not be trust worthy when he himself admitted having shown an inflated earnings?
Divulging the same, since he also told you to keep it between yourselves, why can't it be a test for your reliability?
Your strong desire for retaliation shows certainly that you would have conveyed the same to your parents and the discreet inquiry, if any done by them could have come to his knowledge and he would have taken the decision to cancel the alliance.
Marriage, in India, is not a mere social contract but a sacrament too irrespective of religious differences.
Besides, a successful married life is a matter of mutual understanding and give and take which would culminate in a happy living together despite the individual differences. Inter dependence is the way of life. Therefore, a man and woman with incompatible mind sets can never make themselves an ideal husband and wife.
My humble suggestion, therefore, would be dropping all further retaliatory steps and go ahead. Any such action taken by you would be absolutely difficult to prove and even if it's successful, it would be a pyrrhic victory only serving no good for your future.
From India, Salem
Nagarkar Vinayak LDear madam,
In this confidence shaking situation , to feel cheated and revengeful is but natural.
But look at the goodside of this that before marriage he disclosed the truth about the salary and you could act on it timely.
Let it pass as a bad dream and move forward. Forget about teaching him lesson. You better learn the lesson of satisfyingly with all the antecedents of the next boy and be careful about taking any life changing decision.
HR and Employee Relations Consultant
From India, Mumbai
PRABHAT RANJAN MOHANTYConsider that you are luck one, god has saved before going to be a scape goat by knowing the truth. It would be better for you to remain calm than wandering in false, try to forget this incident as a bad dream.
If you are not getting mental calmness then you can do two things i.e. (1)You send the copy of false pay slip to the company head describing the details and copy of police complaint (2) You can lodge a complaint in police station under section 420.
From India, Mumbai