Sanjay Sanghvi
Human Resource

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HSBC Method :

Hire a lion. Give him full rest & make him lazy, Pay him more than his expectation, Never say with him to do any work upto six months, after six months tell him that now you have to fullfil ur yearly target within six months otherwise u will be kickout from jungle. Lion dies due to fear, that if he loose this lazy animals jungle where he will go.

ICICI method:

Hire a lion. Give him hell a lot of work and pay him lower salary than his politically astute peers. Restructure his job, position, boss, collegues,designation, department, salary, location every 6 months. Remove all lions above 40 from the organisation by giving them VRS. If he kills 2
goats a day, give him target of killing 20 elephants a day, when there are just 10 elephants in the jungle. Lion dies of exhaustion, overkill and restructuring.

HDFC method:

Hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat . Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat. He will die eventually of hope and starvation.
Citibank method:

Hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 90% he will lose the job. Ask him to extract 60 kg meat out of a 40kg goat. Lion dies of the strain.
ABN AMRO method:

Hire the lion. Give him high impossible targets and expect a premature delivery of these targets. If the targets are delivered, clap for him in a townhall and if not delivered humiliate him regularly. Lion either dies of
excitement or starts behaving like Tom Hanks in Terminal.
StanChart method:

Hire a lion, motivate him to outshine other lions in the jungle. Load him with impractical targets and if he finds the prey, ensure jackals in the jungle snatch the prey and the lion dies in oblivion......

Kotak method :

Hire a lion, load him with targets to focus on value instead of volume. Every quarter change the style and make his life miserable. If he survives in the system reward him with a hefty bonus.

RBI Method:

Hire a lion and give him a 3000 page circular on how to kill a goat. Amend the circular atleast three times a day. Send him on inspection to the jungle, where he can threaten to cancel the hunting licence of any fox,wolf, bear, jackal etc who have violated any provision of the 3000 page circular. Lion dies of boredom.

SBI Method:

Recruits a lion, gives him the power of mouse. Lion dies of overexpectation and no results.............

Idbi method:

Recruits a lion, Give him posting among cats.People call him manager but he is actually a clerk.Expect to work as allrounder.Lion dies in frustation or escape to another jungle.

Deutsche Bank Method

Hire a Lion. Tell him that you need to work most of the day & half the night.
Also tell him that all the Lions in all the jungles are doing it & he shouldnt mind doing it. Tell him that the work he does would make him king, even though he would be paid like a pauper. Change the look of the jungle once in 5 years & tell him there's a new challenge for him, although the animals & trees in the jungle remain the same.(beats me......whats the challenge) Give the Lion some irrationaly motivational talks & tell him to wait till the grass turns blue in the jungle. Lion dies waiting.
Hire a lion, show him that he will get the elephant in April after appraisal and give him a RAT in November (mid term) and make him happy and he lives in anticipation and finally dies of fatigue and hunger in march.

From India
From India, Ahmadabad
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