Here are some very funny job rejection letters... (do read them)
Dear Sir:
Congratulations! You got the job! That is probably what you were hoping this letter would say. But it doesn't, because you didn't.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department laugh
Dear Sir: A few days ago, you phoned us about the job you applied for with our company, and we told you that you did not get the job. However, we are now writing to inform you that you did not get the job. We wanted to make sure you understood that.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
You recently applied for a position with us, but you did not get it, as we have informed you by phone and by mail. However, we have not heard back from you that you completely understand that you failed to get the job. Please call or write and let us know that you realize that you are not employed by us in any way, and never will be.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
Please be advised that the person we hired instead of you has been promoted to department manager, and he has asked us to inform you that, should a position open up, he would not hire you.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
Would you consider taking a job for less pay than we originally discussed, even though we would never offer you such a job?
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
If it is any consolation, we feel that if we had hired you, by now we would have been forced to let you go.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
We are writing to find out what kind of carpeting and curtains you want in your new office... Wait, we made a mistake. You're the wrong person. Oh, well, we're going to go ahead and send this letter to you anyway.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
Could you report for work first thing Monday morning, if you had a job? Just curious.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
From India, Mumbai
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12Dear Sir:
Congratulations! You got the job! That is probably what you were hoping this letter would say. But it doesn't, because you didn't.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department laugh
Dear Sir: A few days ago, you phoned us about the job you applied for with our company, and we told you that you did not get the job. However, we are now writing to inform you that you did not get the job. We wanted to make sure you understood that.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
You recently applied for a position with us, but you did not get it, as we have informed you by phone and by mail. However, we have not heard back from you that you completely understand that you failed to get the job. Please call or write and let us know that you realize that you are not employed by us in any way, and never will be.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
Please be advised that the person we hired instead of you has been promoted to department manager, and he has asked us to inform you that, should a position open up, he would not hire you.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
Would you consider taking a job for less pay than we originally discussed, even though we would never offer you such a job?
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
If it is any consolation, we feel that if we had hired you, by now we would have been forced to let you go.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
We are writing to find out what kind of carpeting and curtains you want in your new office... Wait, we made a mistake. You're the wrong person. Oh, well, we're going to go ahead and send this letter to you anyway.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
Could you report for work first thing Monday morning, if you had a job? Just curious.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
From India, Mumbai
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Hi Sunayna,
Yes, it was very funny, but you know what? I don't think anyone would actually want to get employed with a company so careless and mean. Hope that is a consolation for those who were given such letters. 😉😉😉😉😉
Thank you.
From India, Mumbai
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Yes, it was very funny, but you know what? I don't think anyone would actually want to get employed with a company so careless and mean. Hope that is a consolation for those who were given such letters. 😉😉😉😉😉
Thank you.
From India, Mumbai
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hi sweet honey (now heres a sweet name :wink: ) yup.... i sure for 1 wldnt work for such a company :)
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Hey sunayna, One thing iam happy about is it is written by the Personnel dept and not the HR dept. We are a lot more sensible . THREE CHEERS TO US. Regards, Soumya Shankar
From India, Bangalore
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From India, Bangalore
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Job Application Goof Ups!
Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss what I can do for your company."
That's what we're afraid of...
Resume: "It is my professional objective to obtain a position which allows me to make use of my communication skills."
I think we can oblige.
Weaknesses: "Suffer from prickly heat in summer."
Sounds uncomfortable.
Cover letter: "Enclosed is my resume for your viewing pleasure."
We can hardly wait.
Cover letter: "You are privileged to receive my resume."
We'll try not to let it go to our heads.
Objective: "To mature in the field of human behavior."
Good luck with that.
Experience: "10 years of experience in financial budgeting and transactions registering."
But limited experience with the spell-check function.
Cover letter: "Please overlook my resume."
If you insist.
Cover letter: "I'm submitting the attached copy of my resume for your consumption."
Yum.
Skills: "Great communication skills."
Yes, but can you talk and chop at the same time?
Experience: "Responsibilities included recruiting, screening, interviewing, and selecting final candidates."
Seems kind of harsh...
Cover letter: "Salary demanded - $65,000."
Would you like that in small, unmarked bills?
Strengths: "Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composure."
Would that be Mozart or Beethoven?
Education: "B.A. in Liberal Arts."
Did you minor in ear piercing?
Cover letter: "I've updated my resume so it's more appealing to employers."
We're pretty shocked already...
Cover letter: "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."
Glad to hear it.
Cover letter: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
At these extremes, some things are best left unsaid.
Cover letter: "Experienced in all facets of accounting."
That should help with the flow of information.
From India, Mumbai
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Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss what I can do for your company."
That's what we're afraid of...
Resume: "It is my professional objective to obtain a position which allows me to make use of my communication skills."
I think we can oblige.
Weaknesses: "Suffer from prickly heat in summer."
Sounds uncomfortable.
Cover letter: "Enclosed is my resume for your viewing pleasure."
We can hardly wait.
Cover letter: "You are privileged to receive my resume."
We'll try not to let it go to our heads.
Objective: "To mature in the field of human behavior."
Good luck with that.
Experience: "10 years of experience in financial budgeting and transactions registering."
But limited experience with the spell-check function.
Cover letter: "Please overlook my resume."
If you insist.
Cover letter: "I'm submitting the attached copy of my resume for your consumption."
Yum.
Skills: "Great communication skills."
Yes, but can you talk and chop at the same time?
Experience: "Responsibilities included recruiting, screening, interviewing, and selecting final candidates."
Seems kind of harsh...
Cover letter: "Salary demanded - $65,000."
Would you like that in small, unmarked bills?
Strengths: "Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composure."
Would that be Mozart or Beethoven?
Education: "B.A. in Liberal Arts."
Did you minor in ear piercing?
Cover letter: "I've updated my resume so it's more appealing to employers."
We're pretty shocked already...
Cover letter: "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."
Glad to hear it.
Cover letter: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
At these extremes, some things are best left unsaid.
Cover letter: "Experienced in all facets of accounting."
That should help with the flow of information.
From India, Mumbai
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hey, this is real good! n i have come across a few like these .... so it all sounds possible! cheers, Pallavi
From India, Pune
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From India, Pune
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Hi Pallavi,
Where on earth, or rather in which company, did you encounter something like this, pal? This is weird.
Hi Shakir,
Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't have any report writing formats. I don't even know what that means. I hope others can help.
This is a wonderful policy.
Company Policy
Dear Staff,
Please be advised that there are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.
Sick Leave
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Annual Leave
Each employee will receive 54 personal days a year. They are called Sundays.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicle. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy! You are allowed to use the restroom only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.
Surgery
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal-sized people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a Nice Day!
From India, Mumbai
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Where on earth, or rather in which company, did you encounter something like this, pal? This is weird.
Hi Shakir,
Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't have any report writing formats. I don't even know what that means. I hope others can help.
This is a wonderful policy.
Company Policy
Dear Staff,
Please be advised that there are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.
Sick Leave
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Annual Leave
Each employee will receive 54 personal days a year. They are called Sundays.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicle. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy! You are allowed to use the restroom only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.
Surgery
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal-sized people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a Nice Day!
From India, Mumbai
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A company decides to adopt Fridays as Casual Day and they issued a memo to all departments intimating the same.
Week 1
Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3
Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day.
Week 6
Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude.
Week 8
Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Week 9
Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.
Week 14
Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee.
Week 18
Memo 7: The company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.
Week 20
Memo 8: We are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day is discontinued :)
From India, Mumbai
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Week 1
Memo 1: Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3
Memo 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day.
Week 6
Memo 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude.
Week 8
Memo 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Week 9
Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.
Week 14
Memo 6: The Casual Day Task Force has distributed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards." A copy has been distributed to every employee.
Week 18
Memo 7: The company is providing psychological counseling for employees who may be having difficulty adjusting to Casual Day.
Week 20
Memo 8: We are no longer able to effectively support or manage Casual Day. Casual Day is discontinued :)
From India, Mumbai
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McGraw-Hill - Resumes for the 50 Job Hunter with Sample Cover Letters.pdf
JOB APPLICATION FORM[1].doc