Hi all,
This is Kiran. I am 29 years old girl working in an MNC. My boyfriend is 25 years old, and he is very serious about me. He is now willing to ask my parents for marriage. I am a bit confused and worried about this age difference. Does age difference matter in marriage relationships? Are there any problems if an older woman is married to a younger man? Please help me to make a correct decision. I am awaiting all your valuable advice.
Kiran
From India
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This is Kiran. I am 29 years old girl working in an MNC. My boyfriend is 25 years old, and he is very serious about me. He is now willing to ask my parents for marriage. I am a bit confused and worried about this age difference. Does age difference matter in marriage relationships? Are there any problems if an older woman is married to a younger man? Please help me to make a correct decision. I am awaiting all your valuable advice.
Kiran
From India
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Hello Kiran,
I am not sure if this situation can be addressed properly on an open forum like this, since quite a few aspects that you may not like to be out in the open could need to be discussed.
But to put it in a nutshell and very generically, always look for emotional and mental compatibility before you get into the age factor, not whether you like his face or he likes yours. Age has nothing to do with emotional/mental maturity. I know of persons about your age, but with the maturity level of 40+ years - got to do a lot with their life experiences. I have also seen persons who are above 50 years but with the maturity level of 20s. And gender too has nothing to do with this.
Did you ever give this a thought: why do the elders suggest the woman to be of a lesser age than the man for marriage? Nature has made women mature (not just physically) much earlier than men. Without getting into the 'why' of it, this leads to the situation where a woman of, say, 20 years usually ends up having the emotional and mental maturity level of a 24-25 years man. But remember there are exceptions for this too, like for every rule - depends on the life's experiences of that person.
So try to recollect your past interaction with him and don't focus on what he said/did, but focus on how he said/did whatever he said/did and please use your logical part of the brain to make a good guess on the why part (meaning why he could have said/did whatever he said/did) - I have seen many people - male and female - do the right things for the wrong reasons... in a normal situation that could be okay, but in situations like yours, it could be a royal invitation for future disaster.
Another way to get an indication would be the use of Horoscope matching. I have found this gives a good idea of the possible problem areas, and then you can decide. Like for example, suppose the man has a tendency (based on Horoscope readings) to spend excessively, the match would be compatible only if the woman has a thrifty temperament... so on and so forth. In this, your choice of the right astrologer will be critical - just as your doctor's choice when you are ill. If the one doctor turns out to be a half-baked guy, you don't blame the whole lot of them, right?
Just remember that the key is to evaluate the issue through all the means available and then do the balancing act - no method is final - just as however well you prepare for an exam, there will always be a chance you might not score well... but by preparing well you are just reducing the chances of getting low scores. All of them need to be used to get the final picture, and then the decision has to be yours.
Hope this is of use to you.
Regards and all the best,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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1650I am not sure if this situation can be addressed properly on an open forum like this, since quite a few aspects that you may not like to be out in the open could need to be discussed.
But to put it in a nutshell and very generically, always look for emotional and mental compatibility before you get into the age factor, not whether you like his face or he likes yours. Age has nothing to do with emotional/mental maturity. I know of persons about your age, but with the maturity level of 40+ years - got to do a lot with their life experiences. I have also seen persons who are above 50 years but with the maturity level of 20s. And gender too has nothing to do with this.
Did you ever give this a thought: why do the elders suggest the woman to be of a lesser age than the man for marriage? Nature has made women mature (not just physically) much earlier than men. Without getting into the 'why' of it, this leads to the situation where a woman of, say, 20 years usually ends up having the emotional and mental maturity level of a 24-25 years man. But remember there are exceptions for this too, like for every rule - depends on the life's experiences of that person.
So try to recollect your past interaction with him and don't focus on what he said/did, but focus on how he said/did whatever he said/did and please use your logical part of the brain to make a good guess on the why part (meaning why he could have said/did whatever he said/did) - I have seen many people - male and female - do the right things for the wrong reasons... in a normal situation that could be okay, but in situations like yours, it could be a royal invitation for future disaster.
Another way to get an indication would be the use of Horoscope matching. I have found this gives a good idea of the possible problem areas, and then you can decide. Like for example, suppose the man has a tendency (based on Horoscope readings) to spend excessively, the match would be compatible only if the woman has a thrifty temperament... so on and so forth. In this, your choice of the right astrologer will be critical - just as your doctor's choice when you are ill. If the one doctor turns out to be a half-baked guy, you don't blame the whole lot of them, right?
Just remember that the key is to evaluate the issue through all the means available and then do the balancing act - no method is final - just as however well you prepare for an exam, there will always be a chance you might not score well... but by preparing well you are just reducing the chances of getting low scores. All of them need to be used to get the final picture, and then the decision has to be yours.
Hope this is of use to you.
Regards and all the best,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Dear Kiran,
I don't know what societal norms are about the boy being older than the girl. All I know is marriage is all about compatibility. It's like when you two are ready to adjust and are comfortable with each other, then how come all this age bar and all can come in between? I think you should go ahead. Otherwise, you might lose something that has been very dear to you, and you know it's very difficult to find a true lover in this world.
My best wishes are with you.
Shubhu
From India, Gurgaon
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I don't know what societal norms are about the boy being older than the girl. All I know is marriage is all about compatibility. It's like when you two are ready to adjust and are comfortable with each other, then how come all this age bar and all can come in between? I think you should go ahead. Otherwise, you might lose something that has been very dear to you, and you know it's very difficult to find a true lover in this world.
My best wishes are with you.
Shubhu
From India, Gurgaon
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Hi Kiran, you know he loves you and there is no need to focus on the age difference. Even though you feel unsure, share these thoughts with your mom and dad; they will also help you with this. Let them know. I think he is daring and not even considering these issues. You should also consider examples like Sachin Tendulkar's wife, who is older than him; there are many such cases.
Consider his nature, behavior, career, and job. Think about him practically; these are the things you have to consider whether you love him or not. I feel you don't have to lose that person.
From India, Pune
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Consider his nature, behavior, career, and job. Think about him practically; these are the things you have to consider whether you love him or not. I feel you don't have to lose that person.
From India, Pune
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hai age difference is not a big proble for you. but the only problem is you have to convince your parents and your life partner too...
From India, Hyderabad
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From India, Hyderabad
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Hi Kiran Baby,
Please remember that life is more important, and we must enjoy and respect life and people. In the case of expressing love to another person, age doesn't matter because age is just a number. I am 30 and love my lady boss, Director HR; she is a 48-year-old European lady. While working together, it happens that often male and female colleagues get attracted to each other and fall in love. This is a natural phenomenon. Initially, we felt it difficult, but once we opened our minds and hearts, we enjoyed life because we like each other and enjoy each other's company.
Rashid
From Saudi Arabia
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Please remember that life is more important, and we must enjoy and respect life and people. In the case of expressing love to another person, age doesn't matter because age is just a number. I am 30 and love my lady boss, Director HR; she is a 48-year-old European lady. While working together, it happens that often male and female colleagues get attracted to each other and fall in love. This is a natural phenomenon. Initially, we felt it difficult, but once we opened our minds and hearts, we enjoyed life because we like each other and enjoy each other's company.
Rashid
From Saudi Arabia
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Go ahead, nothing will trouble you as long as your heart meets. Relationship is all about trust, love, and companionship. Listening, caring, arguing, teasing, togetherness - a bond of love where age does not matter unless you use your brains.
In work, use your brains, and in love, do what your heart says. It will definitely benefit you in the long run. In India itself, we have seen numerous age difference marriages taking place, so just do not worry. Go ahead, and God is great. He is watching over you, and will definitely help in all situations, as long as both your intentions are clear. It's all about destiny, lady. Cheers to Life!
From India, Mumbai
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In work, use your brains, and in love, do what your heart says. It will definitely benefit you in the long run. In India itself, we have seen numerous age difference marriages taking place, so just do not worry. Go ahead, and God is great. He is watching over you, and will definitely help in all situations, as long as both your intentions are clear. It's all about destiny, lady. Cheers to Life!
From India, Mumbai
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Hi Kiran,
Don't you think it's too late to ask what to do now? Because you say that he is your boyfriend already. When there can't be any problems making him your boyfriend, then there shouldn't be any problem in spending your life with him. I feel the external factors that might affect you both after marriage would always be there even now. Just a thought...
Corrected input:
Hi Kiran,
Don't you think it's too late to ask what to do now? Because you say that he is your boyfriend already. When there can't be any problems making him your boyfriend, then there shouldn't be any problem in spending your life with him. I feel the external factors that might affect you both after marriage would always be there even now. Just a thought...
From India, Hyderabad
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Don't you think it's too late to ask what to do now? Because you say that he is your boyfriend already. When there can't be any problems making him your boyfriend, then there shouldn't be any problem in spending your life with him. I feel the external factors that might affect you both after marriage would always be there even now. Just a thought...
Corrected input:
Hi Kiran,
Don't you think it's too late to ask what to do now? Because you say that he is your boyfriend already. When there can't be any problems making him your boyfriend, then there shouldn't be any problem in spending your life with him. I feel the external factors that might affect you both after marriage would always be there even now. Just a thought...
From India, Hyderabad
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Hi Kiran,
I am quite surprised by the reactions to my response. But, truly speaking, you must think once about whatever your decision would be, as it will have both pros and cons, much like a formal arranged marriage.
Because you will enjoy happiness until you are alive. We think about the sustenance of every relationship until death, which is not guaranteed to anyone by any means. We don't know tomorrow, so why think of tomorrow? Let's live life as of today, focusing on what is in hand.
When my lady boss proposed to me, I had a typical Indian mindset. However, she explained her theory to me that tomorrow is not in your hands; live life with the options available today.
Age is just a number and cannot be reversed or adjusted. We have to accept whatever is beforehand and respect the creation of the Almighty and His beauty. Every creation of the Almighty is beautiful; age has no disqualification until your soul and heart function normally.
I am happy without any age, caste, religion, or color barriers and am doing very well in our professional jobs. She is still my boss in the office, and at home, I am her boss. We observe decorum as professionals in the office and earn good respect from our office staff because our jobs are not a hindrance. At home, we are free birds.
Education liberates your thinking and opens your mind with robust rationale to look forward.
Rashid
From Saudi Arabia
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I am quite surprised by the reactions to my response. But, truly speaking, you must think once about whatever your decision would be, as it will have both pros and cons, much like a formal arranged marriage.
Because you will enjoy happiness until you are alive. We think about the sustenance of every relationship until death, which is not guaranteed to anyone by any means. We don't know tomorrow, so why think of tomorrow? Let's live life as of today, focusing on what is in hand.
When my lady boss proposed to me, I had a typical Indian mindset. However, she explained her theory to me that tomorrow is not in your hands; live life with the options available today.
Age is just a number and cannot be reversed or adjusted. We have to accept whatever is beforehand and respect the creation of the Almighty and His beauty. Every creation of the Almighty is beautiful; age has no disqualification until your soul and heart function normally.
I am happy without any age, caste, religion, or color barriers and am doing very well in our professional jobs. She is still my boss in the office, and at home, I am her boss. We observe decorum as professionals in the office and earn good respect from our office staff because our jobs are not a hindrance. At home, we are free birds.
Education liberates your thinking and opens your mind with robust rationale to look forward.
Rashid
From Saudi Arabia
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Hello Rashid,
My comments were only in jest, as indicated by the 'smilies'. Your wife's/boss's logic is perfect. That's all I can say, and as long as it doesn't cause any harm (different from displeasure/annoyance, etc., which our Indian customs are bound to bring forth in cases such as yours) to others.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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My comments were only in jest, as indicated by the 'smilies'. Your wife's/boss's logic is perfect. That's all I can say, and as long as it doesn't cause any harm (different from displeasure/annoyance, etc., which our Indian customs are bound to bring forth in cases such as yours) to others.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Good luck in getting a younger fellow. It's okay for Rashid as his religion may allow him to have more wives. He can choose a younger one if his boss does not need him anymore.
At this age, you may not have problems, but at a later date, you may find problems, but they are not insurmountable. Think it over. However, as Ravi has rightly pointed out, maybe you have reached the point of no return and are only seeking some support from citehr members.
From United Kingdom
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At this age, you may not have problems, but at a later date, you may find problems, but they are not insurmountable. Think it over. However, as Ravi has rightly pointed out, maybe you have reached the point of no return and are only seeking some support from citehr members.
From United Kingdom
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Kiran... fine..is the starter of the thread..but who is kiran baby..I dont see any babies here:shock::shock::shock:....... I second Simhan,Ravi,Dass...
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Dear Sir,
I appreciate your opinion, but I would like to add some historical Indian marriage traditions and customs practices. In old times, say before independence and the early stages after independence, about 10 years after independence, most Hindus were marrying many women and had many children. This practice was restricted by the law enforced as illegal after independence. However, our Hindus traditionally marrying many women as landlords and kings who could afford marriages in the past did practice polygamous marriages. Polygamous marriages are not only Indian and Islamic practices, but they are also practiced in many civilizations in Africa, Europe, and Latin America.
Marriage with a mature lady is a preference and choice of the individual, and no religion or customs direct an individual's freedom to choose a mature lady. It's not just temptation but feelings of security and likings as well.
Regards,
Rashid
From Saudi Arabia
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I appreciate your opinion, but I would like to add some historical Indian marriage traditions and customs practices. In old times, say before independence and the early stages after independence, about 10 years after independence, most Hindus were marrying many women and had many children. This practice was restricted by the law enforced as illegal after independence. However, our Hindus traditionally marrying many women as landlords and kings who could afford marriages in the past did practice polygamous marriages. Polygamous marriages are not only Indian and Islamic practices, but they are also practiced in many civilizations in Africa, Europe, and Latin America.
Marriage with a mature lady is a preference and choice of the individual, and no religion or customs direct an individual's freedom to choose a mature lady. It's not just temptation but feelings of security and likings as well.
Regards,
Rashid
From Saudi Arabia
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Thank you, Rashid, for your response.
Not most Hindus, but rich landlords and those who could afford and hold positions of power still exploit women by providing them with security for living. If it's true love and can endure "till death do us part," I am all for it. However, if it is only temporary, and marriage is for convenience's sake, then it may not last long.
From United Kingdom
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Not most Hindus, but rich landlords and those who could afford and hold positions of power still exploit women by providing them with security for living. If it's true love and can endure "till death do us part," I am all for it. However, if it is only temporary, and marriage is for convenience's sake, then it may not last long.
From United Kingdom
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Polygamous marriage has predominantly taken place in India for centuries, and this practice has had social recognition in India. I witnessed this in most parts of Maharashtra, Karnataka, and Andhra Pradesh, where polygamous marriage practices were prevalent in rural areas among ordinary people up to the 1970s. One did not need to be rich, a king, or a landlord; even common men practiced polygamous marriages. My grandfather had six wives, which is true. Marriage with elderly or older women is also not prohibited in most Indian societies. However, due to the family's image and respectability, most families preferred underage brides.
Partho
From Saudi Arabia
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Partho
From Saudi Arabia
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I hail from Karnataka and I knew of mistresses or people having a second wife as the first one did not bear a son. I stand to be corrected. But I am sure it is not prevalent but a minority.
From United Kingdom
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From United Kingdom
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Hi Kiran,
You mentioned that he is serious about you, but you have not mentioned how serious you are about that guy. If you both have a very good understanding, no problems should arise. Consider and analyze whether that guy is able to support you in all your future steps. Then make a decision.
Cheers,
Nithya :-P
From India, Madurai
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You mentioned that he is serious about you, but you have not mentioned how serious you are about that guy. If you both have a very good understanding, no problems should arise. Consider and analyze whether that guy is able to support you in all your future steps. Then make a decision.
Cheers,
Nithya :-P
From India, Madurai
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