How Should I Handle My Boss's Apology and Request to Withdraw My Resignation?

Dear All,

I am working in an NGO as an Associate HR. I have been in this role since August '14. I recently resigned from my position on the 4th of November and I am currently serving my notice period. I decided to resign due to my boss's behavior towards me. Balancing my personal life, especially with a 2-year-old child, and my professional responsibilities has become challenging.

After office hours, my boss frequently calls me to criticize me, which negatively impacts my personal life. He often scolds me in front of others but later apologizes. This pattern has been ongoing for the past two years. Following my resignation, my boss assured me that he would not continue with such behavior and suggested I withdraw my resignation. However, the Executive Director, who advised me to discuss the matter, has not yet had the opportunity to speak with me due to being busy since my resignation.

I seek your guidance on how to proceed. Should I address my boss's behavior directly with the Executive Director, or should I inform my boss that his behavior is unacceptable while withdrawing my resignation?

Please advise.

Thank you.

The relationship between you and your boss seems to fluctuate frequently. Your direct boss may have a short temper, which he realizes after having arguments with you and others.

Being in HR, you need to understand that sometimes HR has to manage its own boss as well. We are in a field where we mostly deal with people's emotions, and our bosses are also human beings. Running away is never a recommended solution. You need to learn to deal with difficult people if you are looking for a long-term career in this field. It's good that your boss apologizes later on after scolding you unnecessarily. This signifies that he is not in control, and apologizing to you also shows that you are an important person in the area.

Have a meeting with your Executive Director (ED) and describe the situation to him. Let him know everything in a positive light. In such situations, it's always better to forgive someone and move on, as the people around are also aware of your boss's short temper. There's no need to resign for such a reason. Deal with it firmly; this is a learning experience for you with human emotions. If you succeed here, it will be a self-achievement for you that you will realize one day.

Thank you so much for the reply. However, I have one doubt: I have been doing all the work alone, but he never appreciates me. He only handles emails. Apart from that, he never does any data-related work. Again, he never recommends my name for an increment. He always gives me work when office time is about to be over. These things bother me. He has been on leave for the last one and a half months, and I have been doing all the work under ED Sir. I have been completing everything on time.

So, can I share all these things with ED Sir or not? Thank you again for the help.

Concerns about workload and appreciation

I have a concern that I've been handling all the work alone, which is common in small to mid-size companies. However, my efforts are not appreciated—sometimes, even a lack of criticism can be a form of appreciation. My boss only communicates via email, but it's unclear whether these emails contain positive or negative feedback. Additionally, he never engages in data-related tasks, which are typically handled by juniors or subordinates. He also never recommends me for a raise. Why haven't I considered changing jobs yet?

Issues with workload timing

My boss often assigns tasks when the office hours are nearly over. Knowing his working style, perhaps I should proactively ask for work before the end of the day. These issues are currently troubling me.

Current work situation

My boss has been on leave for the last one and a half months, and during this time, I've been working under the Executive Director (ED). The ED is already aware of my capabilities, as I've been completing all tasks on time, although this is just my perspective, not necessarily the ED's.

Hi there, I have experienced the same issues that you are currently facing. If your boss is scolding you and then apologizing later, and also requesting you to withdraw your resignation, it indicates that he understands the potential trouble he could face if you were to leave the organization, considering you are currently handling all of his work.

Approach the Executive Director

I recommend speaking with your Executive Director (ED), but approach the conversation in a manner that conveys your willingness to continue handling all responsibilities. If your ED inquires about your boss's behavior, be honest with them. Let them know that while your boss does apologize, being scolded in front of other team members is disheartening. Despite these challenges, you have remained focused on completing your tasks promptly.

Be Proactive

Being proactive can also help. Try meeting with your boss early in the morning to receive a list of tasks for the day. Update your boss on your progress after completing half of your daily tasks, demonstrating your commitment to fulfilling his expectations.

Sending a daily email listing assigned tasks and their status before leaving for the day can serve as documentation for future reference in case of any misunderstandings or complaints.

Recognition and Patience

While recognition is important for motivation, sometimes it requires patience. Your dedication will eventually be acknowledged when you excel in tasks that only you can perform exceptionally.

Addressing After-Hours Calls

Regarding after-hours calls that affect your personal life, schedule a meeting with your boss to politely explain that such calls disrupt your family time, particularly since your child is your top priority after work hours.

I hope these suggestions help resolve your situation. Best of luck.

Thank you,

Kreena Prashant
Pune

Dear Kreena, thank you for the valuable reply, which means a lot to me. He knows very well how valuable I am, but he never acknowledges it. He arrives at the office at 10:45/10:30 every day, even though our office time is 9 AM. After that, he engages in regular gossip for about 30 minutes before starting work. However, my work is supposed to start at 9 AM, so I should be able to leave the office on time, but he never allows me to do that.

Question about salary revision responsibilities

I also have a question: In an organization, who is the responsible person for all the increment and salary revision work? Our finance manager and HR manager both force me to handle it. The finance manager says it's HR's work, while HR says it's the accounts and finance department's work. As I am very new to all these HR-related tasks, I end up doing all these things.

Kindly help me.

Handling a Late Boss

If your boss is coming late to the office, you can try this approach. Before leaving the office the previous day, ask him about the work he has planned for the next day. If he questions why you want to know in advance, explain that knowing the tasks ahead of time will help you prioritize your work effectively. If he insists on informing you the next day after his arrival, let him do so. Should he later criticize you for not completing certain tasks, calmly remind him that you had asked about the work but he was too busy to inform you. This demonstrates your proactiveness, and if you consistently follow this practice, he may reconsider his approach towards you.

Addressing Increment Concerns

Regarding your question about increments, your manager is responsible for handling your salary discussions and making recommendations. It's important to communicate with him about the delay in your increment, as it is affecting your motivation. However, this is not the right time to express your dissatisfaction. First, he needs to understand that his behavior towards you is inappropriate.

Thanks, Kreena

The Importance of Workplace Behavior

Good treatment and behavior are the essence of the workplace and create a positive atmosphere for employees. However, some individuals treat their juniors poorly, projecting their personal and family frustrations onto others.

Moving Forward After Resignation

Now that you have resigned, it's best to focus on your family and seek new job opportunities. You have gained valuable experience and will find another position. Dwelling on the past is unnecessary as it will soon be behind you.

Deciding on Your Resignation

Your post suggests you are seeking advice on whether to proceed with or withdraw your resignation. You know your organization and colleagues better than we do, so you should decide what is best for you overall.

It is concerning that you choose to remain anonymous, as it may indicate fear of revealing your identity or losing prestige. If this is the case, seeking help from others might not be the best approach.

Building Connections and Managing Tasks in the Workplace

It happens in all organizations between junior-level employees and managers. It would be beneficial if you could connect with more influential individuals within the organization since you are in HR. Doing so will help you establish a stronger presence within any company. If your manager is not supportive, consider reaching out to their manager.

Prioritizing Tasks for Efficiency

I always advise everyone to prioritize important tasks that our managers are following up on. This way, we can address less critical tasks the following day, as they do not require immediate attention. By completing tasks on time, you can leave work punctually. Even if you arrive late, managers typically do not reprimand you.

Communicating Work Hours and Task Completion

I make an effort to finish tasks promptly to avoid interruptions. Inform your supervisors that your working hours have concluded, and if there are pending tasks, you will address them before leaving. However, communicate that you cannot stay daily to complete tasks assigned just before the end of the workday. If this situation persists, escalate the matter to your manager's superior.

Being in the profession for more than four decades, I have learned:

Never scold or belittle an employee

Never ever do so in front of others. If there is an issue, it needs to be discussed in private. Not to be reprimanded, but to be counseled and advised. Your boss's attitude—the beans now being spilled—would have belittled himself in the eyes of everyone. Talk to your HR Manager, seek his counsel. Forgive, and pray for, your boss. (Remind him you have a resignation note ready in your handbag.) And he will begin seeing where he stands among his associates that keep his department/service on the move.

Regards, Arif ur Rehman