Feeling Isolated at Work: How Should I Handle My Team's Hurtful Jokes and Cold Shoulder?

Hi Seniors,

I joined the new company 5 months ago and have had a very good relationship with my team members and other HR members as well.

I am in a team of 5 people. However, as I am the junior and youngest in my team, everybody always makes fun of me. Most of the time, I don't say anything, but sometimes it hurts me when they make fun of me in front of everybody, which is unbearable. So I stopped talking to them and made the relationship very professional, asking them to speak only if there is work - no personal talks. I have a good rapport with my manager and other HR members; they all like me. However, my team members have now started to ignore me. I don't know what to do. I don't have any problem, but I don't know if I am right?

Don't forget I already told them that I don't like this type of attitude, but they continue, and that's why I took this step.

Thanks,

Manish

Dear Manish,

This is a very sensitive situation that most people will come across. Here, I have a suggestion: take things lightly and be positive. Within a couple of days, all your colleagues will calm down. If you start responding to the situation, they may start reacting negatively.

Even if you have a good relationship with your boss, it's your colleagues who will be with you most of the time. If you stop talking with them, they will ignore you for sure. Be friendly with everyone. When you get a chance to express your feelings, keep smiling and set a good example that is touching.

I am sure you can make the situation normal, and everything will be back as it was before. All the best. Keep smiling.

Regards, Sai Prasad

Hi,

You say you have built on your goodwill with the HR team as well. So why don't you ask your HR people to counsel your team members on this? I feel you should talk to your HR department and ask them to counsel your team members so that you'll be able to put your best efforts into your job. In case your HR department is not able to help you, you can even talk to the most senior person in your own team so that he can instruct them to treat you as a team member. While discussing, you can present the issue in such a way that the attitude of your team members is diluting your performance, and that you are a learner trying to become more professional in handling such issues.

Take care,
Manjali :)

Hi,

I can understand your situation. What I would suggest is to talk to them, let them know what you go through when they make fun of you, maintain a professional relationship with them, and be nice and always smile. Do not give lenience to all. Keep smiling.

Regards,
Pandu

Dear Manish,

I have a small doubt. Is the situation so serious that you have to bring it to the attention of your management? I hope you can handle it on your own, as you know the root cause of this. Kindly respond to this.

Regards,
Sai Prasad

Hi Manish,

This is the same situation I faced in my office. Though they never made fun of me, they never discussed things with me, never called me for lunch, etc. because they are all very senior to me.

So, I used to remain very depressed and professional with them for several months, as you do. But then I realized why I was running away from the situation rather than facing it. I started talking to them, taking initiatives, inviting them for lunch (instead of waiting for them to call me), and joining them for discussions, etc.

Trust me, it really helped. They became friendly with me, and now I am having a good time in my office.

So, try to face things rather than run away from them.

Regards,
Ruchi

Thank you to all of you. I will try to build a good professional relationship with them. However, I know it will take time.

I don't know why they don't behave like an HR person. They always speak negatively about everyone, show off, and do all other things that I hate. I believe as an HR person, you should help others, refrain from commenting negatively about someone, and always respect everyone's feelings.

I don't want to escalate the issue. Your words have encouraged me. I will try my best.

Thanks again,
Manish

I like to share my thoughts...

It's natural to get hurt when others make fun of us in front of everyone. This applies to everyone, whether they are a manager or a team member. Therefore, I suggest having a one-on-one discussion with your team members to help them realize how it feels when they are in that situation. Convey the message in a friendly manner, expressing that you do not appreciate being made fun of in front of others.

I hope this approach will help solve the problem. Also, do not take things to heart.

Thanks to all of you. I spoke to them, and finally, we agreed on some changes which we all need to make for a good team. Let's see how it works.

Thanks, Manish

Dear Friend,

I understand the situation you are facing with your seniors. Do not take it very seriously and take it in a positive way only. Time will come shortly, and they will understand everything.

Regards,
bmrao

Dear Manish,

Cheer up! :D

You know, once in life, everyone has to cross this!! It's a story of every office, and the solution is don't run, just take things lightly. Young employees usually face these types of problems. I can say that if I were on your side, I would have taken things lightly, worked professionally, and learned that when they make fun of you, don't let them feel that you've been affected by the fun they are making of you.

After some days, they themselves will take you into their group, and you will see that when someone else, a new candidate, joins, you will again see the same story. So, cheer up, kick the floor, and enjoy life. And remember, don't ignore these people, but ignore the fun they make of you.

Hope it will help you, dear! Do reply when things go in your favor and be bold.

Shivani Grover :P

Manish,

You are supposed to address the issue with your boss. He, in turn, will be able to advise you accordingly. If this fails, the HR department will have to be involved, and the company's code of conduct spelled out once again.

Dear Manish,

Your attitude is quite natural. But please understand, this is a highly competitive world, especially in HR, because you are working with the people and for the people. Don't give up. Try to connect with them; I believe you must have the ability to do so.

Continue to engage with them. Never show your emotions openly; instead, try to exhibit a pseudo-mutual behavior. If they are making fun of you, just relax and pretend that you are enjoying it too. Life is full of challenges, face them with pride.

Enjoy these moments, as they will not last forever.

Regards,
Shreekanth 😊

Teasing a newcomer is all part of getting accepted by the herd. Of course, if it's bullying, that's another matter. But you don't say that, do you?

If you want to be part of the team, you have to roll with the punches. People come from different walks of life, with different expectations and experiences. If you are a professional, you will not ask to be treated like one.

So wake up and realize that you are not superior to the others... you are the newcomer on the block. You need the rest of the team more than they need you. Backpedal and make amends.

P.V. Quinn

Well, from what the above friend said, this can be related to ragging. It depends on the employee's nature - some take it easy, some can't tolerate it. If you cannot tolerate it, then prepare a cunning plan and show them their own trick back. Beware that you may get hurt in the process. So, be diplomatic and give them a taste of their own medicine if they throw stones at you.

Don't try to be too friendly in the office. Always maintain a strictly professional relationship.

Respected Seniors,

Thanks for your reply. I have taken suggestions from you all and am applying them. Somehow, things have been sorted out a little bit.

Thanks,
Manish

Hi Manish,

I was just going through your post and read the solutions of the members. I agree with most of our friends. Whenever we join a new organization, I feel you should try to get used to the new atmosphere. First, try to acclimatize to the new condition and slowly mix up with the existing people. Everyone has some flaws or the other. I'm sure you have lots of qualities that others don't possess. When you interact with them, they will probably get to know your importance too. You know what? Knowledge makes you superior. In fact, when you have knowledge and distinct qualities, no one can disrespect you. They may do it a few times, but after some time, they will realize that they are wrong. Honesty always shines. With your pleasing, flexible, and friendly nature, you can make everyone your friend. Respect will come automatically. They are related.

Enough of my lecture now (I will go on and on...)

Good Wishes... Celebrate Life!

~Meenakshi~

Hi,

Let me tell you something. I understand your situation very well, but I see it from a different perspective, and I wonder if you would see it in this manner. If they are making fun of you, I feel you should ignore them, though sometimes it hurts. Just think and tell them that if by making fun of you they are happy, then you are absolutely fine with it as you are the source of joy to them. You are the reason for the smile on their face. And remember, the other members would judge them for making fun of you in public, so don't bother and go ahead and behave as if nothing has happened. If you are still uncomfortable, you can call me.

With warm regards,
Karuuna
9833471989

Dear All,

First of all, thanks to all of you for advising me. I have made myself very neutral towards them. Most of the time, we have professional talks and no personal conversations.

I came to know from other members of HR that there is indeed a problem. They have kept themselves confined within the team. In contrast, I enjoy interacting with everyone and learning about various HR activities, which they seem not to appreciate about me.

Therefore, I have decided to maintain a professional demeanor with them (minimal conversations) as they are my team members. I respect them as they are my seniors. However, I cannot change who I am. I am very ambitious, and I strive to reach new heights, which requires me to interact with everyone and learn different things.

Thanks,
Manish