Please Suggest Me Regarding My Approach

Respected professionals,
Kindly find the below statement stated by me to my seniors, Is it wrong way a wrong way of communication ? please suggest me.
Hello,
Today Mr. Kumar from IT department inquired me to conduct communication ( English ) training classes. It would be great if we conduct the training program as soon as possible. & I was also informed that he had already requested with some one in our team regarding this matter but there was no necessary actions taken.
Regards
Vasanth

Everyone has a style of writing,but this communication could be improved.
While I am no master in English - I would suggest
1) inquired me could have been told me
2)Sentence should not begin with 'and".
3) Requested with should have been just -told someone /or asked someone.

Hi
If I have understood the essence of your communication correctly, I would have drafted the written communication as under:
Today, Mr.Kumar from IT Department asked me about the status of the Communication Training program planned for the staff. He also informed me that he had sought the information from one of our team members but did not get a clear answer and hence he was asking me. He was keen that the said training be held at the earliest.

The style of drafting would differ from person to person and I am sure you can use the above as a reference to identify areas of improvement in your communication.
Regards

Today , Mr Kumar from IT department , requested me to organize a training program on communication skills on priority basis. He also informed that he spoke to someone from our team regarding this issue but no action was taken .

Vasanth,
It is nice to see someone wanting to improve communication.
Success in job depends a lot on good communication(among other things)
Put in an effort to write better English in short and crisp sentences.
Errors will take place but learn from mistakes.

Hi Vasanth,
In the first place you deserve praise for having come out with a draft. You have sought an opinion and it makes things easy for others to improve the same. Learned members have already given many ideas to improve the draft. I am pleased to add one more as under. I have tried to keep the changes minimum.
“Today Mr. Kumar from IT department asked me to conduct English Communication training classes. He added that It would be great if we conduct the training program as soon as possible.
I was also informed that he had already requested with someone in our team regarding this matter. But there was no action taken.
Hence this message is being sent.”
V.Raghunathan

Hi Vasanth,
My advice to you would be always try to keep it short and to the point. You may try and see how it works easy in your drafting.
Mr. Kumar from IT Department requested the undersigned on the status of the Communication Training program planned for the staff. Mr. Kumar did not get clear answer earlier from one of my staff member on the training. He has requested to get it organized as early as possible.
Best Regards,
Amita Trivedi

Since it's all about Mr.Kumar, I think I should intervene,
If this communication was to be sent to your immediate reporting next officer with whom you have very personal rapport even you could have said like this, if this kind of style is common in your co. (now a days the communications between colleagues became very informal & friendly) -
Hi,,,,James,
One Kumar of IT today wanted to know from me whether anything happening on his earlier request he made to someone in our team reg. conducting training classes on English communication as nothing seems to be under way. Should we address this issue soon ?
-----------
Formal -
Mr.Kumar of our IT team met me today and wanted to know any action has been taken on his request made to someone of our team for conducting training classes on English communication. It is felt necessary that we should organise this as soon as possible. You may please advise on this.

Hi Mr. Vasanth,

Do you really conduct "communication ( English ? ) training classes" in your organization, or just organize them?

As much I appreciate your efforts to improve on communication, the method of seeking help can be more efficient.

With all due respect, I would suggest you might seek the improvement through a "formal training/coaching class", than asking advice on the forums like this. This would surely be more effective from long term perspective.

Suggestion from Jacob is really a good upgrade, on the message that you wish to send to your boss. In addition, please consider also following points:

1. Address your superior (actually anybody) with name (Hello Mr. xxxx) or a title (Dear Sir), instead of just a 'Hello'.

2. When writing to superiors, always try to end the communication with an "answer/suggestion/proposal", rather than on a complaint tone (".... but there was no necessary actions taken")

3. Try to keep clarity on the responsibilities by avoiding general statements ("..... It would be great if we conduct"). Are you asking for his permission to conduct, or just suggesting what 'we' could have done? who are 'we'?

4. Try to keep information clean. Purposeful ambiguity may indicate that you are trying to hide some information ("....requested with some one in our team ") for political reasons.

Best Regards,

Amod.

Dear Vasanth, I think your role is a 'Coordinator' to conduct a training program on 'Effective Communication'. One thing you must follow that while drafting and floating any appeal/circulars please do not mention like 'Mr. Kumar inquired me' or 'he has requested to some of our team but there was no necessary action taken'. What do you like to communicate to the people of the organisation ? You are a Puppet and somebody is suggesting you to arrange communication training - what will your value in the organisation ? Please take suggestion but decision is yours. Secondly as an HR you are blaming somebody with an open circular. That will dangerously jeopardize the peaceful environment in the organisation. You are an HR coordinator and your job is to integrate all sections of employees within the organisational Goal - not to encourage any 'sectionalism' and to discard any such attempt by anyone. So long the the employees are bounded in such goal your success is there. Last of all please buy one book titled 'Draft on Business Communication' in which you get all types of drafting. Study the book and you will find everything. Lastly for training - take help of Productivity Council in your Region or contact with professional Trainer for such training. Carry on . Thanks.