Is My Email to Seniors About English Training Classes Too Direct or Inappropriate?

Respected professionals,

Kindly find the below statement stated by me to my seniors. Is it the wrong way of communication? Please suggest me.

Hello,

Today, Mr. Kumar from the IT department inquired about me conducting English communication training classes. It would be great if we could conduct the training program as soon as possible. I was also informed that he had already requested assistance from someone on our team regarding this matter, but no necessary actions were taken.

Regards,
Vasanth

Everyone has a style of writing, but this communication could be improved. While I am no master in English, I would suggest: 1) "inquired me" could have been "told me," 2) a sentence should not begin with "and," and 3) "requested with" should have been just "told someone" or "asked someone."

If I have understood the essence of your communication correctly, I would have drafted the written communication as follows:

Today, Mr. Kumar from the IT Department asked me about the status of the Communication Training program planned for the staff. He also informed me that he had sought the information from one of our team members but did not get a clear answer, so he was asking me. He was keen for the said training to be held at the earliest.

The style of drafting may differ from person to person, and I am sure you can use the above as a reference to identify areas of improvement in your communication.

Regards

Today, Mr. Kumar from the IT department requested me to organize a training program on communication skills on a priority basis. He also informed that he spoke to someone from our team regarding this issue but no action was taken.

Vasanth,

It is nice to see someone wanting to improve communication. Success in a job depends a lot on good communication (among other things). Put in an effort to write better English in short and crisp sentences. Errors will take place, but learn from mistakes.

In the first place, you deserve praise for having come out with a draft. You have sought an opinion, and it makes things easy for others to improve the same. Learned members have already given many ideas to improve the draft. I am pleased to add one more as under. I have tried to keep the changes to a minimum.

“Today Mr. Kumar from the IT department asked me to conduct English Communication training classes. He added that it would be great if we conduct the training program as soon as possible. I was also informed that he had already requested someone in our team regarding this matter. But there was no action taken. Hence, this message is being sent.”

Regards,
V. Raghunathan

Hi Vasanth,

My advice to you would be to always try to keep it short and to the point. You may try and see how it works easily in your drafting. Mr. Kumar from the IT Department requested the undersigned on the status of the Communication Training program planned for the staff. Mr. Kumar did not get a clear answer earlier from one of my staff members on the training. He has requested to get it organized as early as possible.

Best Regards, Amita Trivedi

Since it's all about Mr. Kumar, I think I should intervene. If this communication was to be sent to your immediate reporting next officer with whom you have a very personal rapport, even you could have said something like this. If this kind of style is common in your company (nowadays, communications between colleagues have become very informal and friendly):

Hi, James, One Kumar from the IT department approached me today and inquired about any progress on his earlier request regarding conducting training classes on English communication. It seems that no action has been taken yet. Should we address this issue soon?

Formal version:

Mr. Kumar from our IT team met with me today and inquired about any progress on his request made to a team member regarding conducting training classes on English communication. It is necessary that we organize this promptly. Please advise on this matter.

Do you really conduct "communication (English?)" training classes in your organization, or just organize them? As much as I appreciate your efforts to improve communication, the method of seeking help can be more efficient. With all due respect, I would suggest you might seek improvement through a "formal training/coaching class" rather than asking for advice on forums like this. This approach would surely be more effective from a long-term perspective.

Jacob's suggestion is indeed a good upgrade on the message you wish to send to your boss. Additionally, please consider the following points:

1. Address your superior (or anybody) by name (Hello, Mr. XXXX) or a title (Dear Sir), instead of just using a simple "Hello."

2. When writing to superiors, always try to conclude the communication with an "answer/suggestion/proposal" rather than a complaint tone ("... but there were no necessary actions taken").

3. Maintain clarity on responsibilities by avoiding general statements ("... It would be great if we conduct"). Are you seeking permission to conduct, or just suggesting what 'we' could have done? Who are 'we'?

4. Keep information clear. Purposeful ambiguity may suggest that you are attempting to conceal some information ("...requested with someone in our team") for political reasons.

Best Regards, Amod.

Role of a Coordinator in Training Programs

I believe your role is that of a 'Coordinator' in conducting a training program on 'Effective Communication'. One thing to note is that when drafting and circulating any appeals or circulars, please avoid phrases like 'Mr. Kumar inquired me' or 'he has requested to some of our team but there was no necessary action taken'.

Conveying the Right Message

What message would you like to convey to the people in the organization? Imagine you are a Puppet, and someone is recommending you to organize communication training - what value would you bring to the organization? Feel free to take suggestions, but remember the decision ultimately lies with you.

Maintaining Organizational Harmony

As an HR coordinator, openly blaming someone in a circular can dangerously disrupt the peaceful environment within the organization. Your role is to unite all sections of employees towards the organizational goal, not to promote any form of 'sectionalism' or entertain such attempts from anyone. As long as employees are united in pursuing this goal, your success is assured.

Recommended Resources

Lastly, I recommend purchasing a book titled 'Draft on Business Communication', which covers various types of drafting. Study the book thoroughly, and you will have a comprehensive guide at your disposal. For training purposes, consider reaching out to the Productivity Council in your region or contacting a professional trainer for assistance.

Keep up the good work. Thank you.