Rude boss turning my days miserable at work. Please suggest me what should i do?

Hi, I recently joined a new company about 10 days back. I am on a 3-month probation. I worked for 4 years for a previous company.

I already started feeling miserable for joining here. My manager, whom I report to on an everyday basis, is very rude at work. He shouts and yells at me for very silly reasons. He has very little patience and gets angry very fast. The same could have been told politely as well. I have seen him becoming bullheaded for very silly reasons which are not at all required. The same thing he does for the co-employees. I do understand some people turn rude on occasions when you make big mistakes, but I see no point in working with people who have rudeness as their habit at work. I can't take this rudeness every day; however, I am a new joiner in this company so I am also apprehensive about whether resigning so soon would impact my career.

I also came to know from a co-employee that if complaints are made to management, they just inform the manager to be silent for a week without being rude. So, I guess complaining would not be ideal here.

I joined this company with a positive outlook for growing my career and skills, and I still want to work here, but my manager is just turning my days miserable at work. Please suggest to me what I should do; I really hope I get some good suggestions from seniors here.

Follow your dream. I hope you have not closed your ex-company doors where you worked for 4 years.

If this bullheaded person has been in the company for many years, and if you want to challenge him, fight it out and make him run, or else resign and join back your old company. Anyways, you are in probation.

- ukmitra

Hi,

There are two ways you can look into this issue:

1. Run away

2. Solve it

If you want to walk away from this issue, simply start looking out for other job opportunities. There is no dearth of opportunities. You can find many. Just ask yourself one simple question, "What if I find a similar manager in my next company as well? Do I need to run away from there as well?" I am sure you have the answer.

As mentioned by you, I believe that your four years of experience would have taught you how to react and solve problems whenever they appear.

Please put to use your experience here in this present company. Do some homework about your manager and why he reacts like that. Does your manager think that this is the best way to control the employees or is there any other specific reason? If you try sincerely, you will understand it. You can solve a problem only when you understand what the problem is. Please don't elaborate on the problem; instead, try finding the solutions. I am sure you would be successful.

All the best.

Hope my advice makes some sense to you. Otherwise, kindly ignore it.

Regards,

Alex Praveen

Alex Praveen has given you some good advice and posed an excellent question about running away from a situation. Please also see the responses at https://www.citehr.com/320621-how-de...hat-do-if.html for a similar question and also https://www.citehr.com/320621-how-de...hat-do-if.html.

If you demonstrate that you are not affected by his shouting, he may change. Remember the old adage "Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but rude words do not."

Dear friend,

I believe that by nature, you are a bit more sensitive. During your four-year tenure with the previous company, your bosses may have been very gentle in expressing their disapproval or dissatisfaction with the performance of subordinates. This could be due to their naturally amiable disposition or your status as a newcomer to the job. In the absence of sharp but constructive criticism or severe reprimands, beginners often develop egoistic assumptions about their competency and form their own perceptions of how a boss should behave. However, reality differs due to individual differences.

Some individuals think that the best administrator is one who always instills fear in their subordinates' minds. While this may not be accurate, you may have to tolerate it if your boss falls into this category. From your description, he appears to be prone to anger and easily provoked. Why does top management not severely reprimand him for such behavior and instead only advise him to keep a low profile for a while? This is likely because he is a successful taskmaster who delivers results promptly.

Furthermore, why do other employees seem so impervious? Perhaps it is because they are more accustomed to his behavior than you. It is not that they are thick-skinned, but rather that they understand his mood swings and have learned to adapt rather than confront or flee.

In my 32-year career in public service, I have encountered many high-ranking officers, including brilliant All India Services officers, who quickly lose their temper and shout at even very senior officers when things do not go as expected. In employment, efficiency, though relative, is achieved through prioritizing assignments. Therefore, take a critical look at your shortcomings from your ill-tempered boss's perspective and act accordingly.

When you are part of an organizational hierarchy, remember that it is up to you to adjust to your superiors rather than expecting them to adapt to you. Ultimately, it is the boss who can either advance or hinder your career.

@umakanthan, Praveen, and all,

Thanks for your excellent advice. In my previous company, the boss used to be very polite and diplomatic during silly and significant mistakes. I have never seen him being rude at all. It looks like I have to bear with my new boss here. I will try to give my 100% here. My boss is just 1 year old in this company. I will stick here with 100% perfection in this company and see how this boss mingles along over time.

Dear Concern,
As for my concern the escaping is not right answer. I hope your good at work and I am trying to give the definition about Manager – Means managing all the people is called Manager.
There is Mother, begotten a child unfortunately is not good at mentally but the Mother having been bearing him that is called patience.
I think so please work for few more weeks, so your performance at peak level and your manager come to your feet.
I hope one to one personal meeting will give the goodness than the previous days.
I am sorry I am getting you in wrong.
Do not afraid by seeing the circumstances.

Hello Mydreamw,

Further to what Alex Praveen and Simhan suggested, your last reply/posting reveals one facet of your thought process—frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if this comes as a surprise to you too. It happens sometimes.

Your line "I will stick here with 100% perfection in this company and see how this boss mingles along over time" seems to suggest that you sure have a positive response mechanism embedded in you—but this seems to be coupled with the expectation that it's the other person who needs to change or needs to be changed.

What the other person does or doesn't do is never in your hands. Only your response is in your hands—suggest focusing on it, and I am sure you will handle things much better.

Without going into the 'right' or 'wrong' of the situation, a similar analogy would be the varied responses/reactions of the bystanders to an accident on the road—the response totally depends on how and to what extent each of them allows himself/herself to be affected by the accident.

Hope you get the point.

Based on what you mentioned about your experiences in the earlier company, you would need to do a 180-degree changeover to ensure that whatever your new boss says or does, you don't allow it to affect you—at least begin to make a genuine effort to try. I know this isn't as easy as saying so, but I think that's the only way you learn in life/career.

All the best.

Regards,

TS

Thank you so much. I also read a parrot story which was a wonderful story, and I think I will also share it with my boss when the time comes.

I had felt depressed for a few days after continuous rude behavior from my boss. I will slowly try to change the way I respond and make sure the person does not affect my mood. Having come across such people for the first time in my career, I think it will be a nice learning curve and lesson for me to deal with rude personalities.

A very common problem faces many, but there cannot be one ideal or best solution. This may be a part of the whole change you are going through - changing company, colleagues, boss, friends, location, etc.

From reading your post, I feel that you should give yourself (and this job, your boss) some time. Do not jump to conclusions and be harsh on yourself. Just to play the devil's advocate, I can say that this may be his overall working style and may not be anything personal.

Sometimes, bosses also need time and space to find a wavelength with their subordinates. You said you have 4 years of work experience. Then I am sure they must have taken you because they saw something in you. Use your strengths, knowledge, skills, and experiences in this company. Create a space for yourself. Be polite but firm. I am aware that all these things are easier said than done. But do not go to the management - not as of now at least. Leaving this job may seem like a good option, but who is to say that you will have a worse boss in another company? Create your worth in this current company and see if you get the respect you deserve. If not, then you are certainly free to move.

I completely sympathize with you because a good boss is totally instrumental in one's career growth within the company - also growth and maturity as a person. You can deal with this as a challenge - at least for a while. And see if you can deal with this in the long term.

In your situation building your confidence and winning the battle of the brain can create a change in an instant
- Have clarity what do you want? What’s important to you right now?.
- Try your level best to open up with your manager with a clear, positive approach exploring - What is the true source of the problem?
- With a pause and bit of clarity — create a viable plan to improve the situation and work things out
- Give yourself time to explore and implement a few changes. However, if still things do not seem to improve — take a last call on “To stay” or “To move on to another role” & prepare yourself for a transition.
As it is said “Employees don’t quit their jobs, they quit their managers” & interestingly, managers always responded to this with: “But I don’t do anything to make them quit!” Well it means, if they don’t do anything TO them, they don’t do much FOR them either.

Hello everyone,

I appreciate the views and advice mentioned on the subject. I do agree that given the situation, patience is the key. However, I am of the strong opinion that one should not tolerate this behavior for a longer period because by doing so, you would end up encouraging the same.

Also, in a workplace, I believe no employee has the right to raise his voice or vent his anger on any other employee to prove his point. Hence, if I were you, I would have waited for an appropriate opportunity (whenever his temper cools down) to politely but strongly convey to my boss that this behavior could be avoided.

I have read the comments with interest. Let me raise a few questions before putting forth a view. How old is your boss? Does he normally talk loud, which becomes louder when he is not satisfied with the work done?

I raise these questions, as I knew of a lecturer against whom students complained about her shouting. When asked for an explanation, it came to light that she was a bit hard of hearing and she did not wear the hearing aids to work, as the noise from the computer and the overhead projector gave her a headache. My friend, who is hard of hearing, also complains that his wife accuses him of starting to shout of late. When he got his hearing checked, he needed hearing aids.

For one minute, do not think that I condone rude behaviour. Maybe you could circulate the following story or its gist The Prince And The Seedling - Panchatantra Stories for Kids | Mocomi

Dear mydreamw,

Bosses are most often than not rude or at least seemingly rude. Being very friendly also has its side effects. However, since you are at the starting rung of your career, consider the following before taking your next step:

1. Is this a branded organization that will have a sterling effect on your CV?

2. Is the above job profile what you were always looking forward to?

3. Is the monetary compensation worthy of a long stay?

4. Are the promotional avenues well defined here?

If the answer to the above is positive or at least positive for 2 to 3 points, stay put and bear with the gentleman. Not always will you be given lessons in holding yourself without flaring up. This will be a lesson that will serve you best in life. Patience is a virtue that, if imbibed, will take you places. Be thankful that you are being given lessons on this so early in life. Put up with it for a period of 3 to 6 months, and you can go places. My advice would be "Hold your horses."

All the best,

Robin Varghese
HR Consultant, New Delhi
robin_vargh@yahoo.com