Feeling Left Out at Work: Should I Join the Gossip to Fit In and Get Ahead?

Challenges in the Workplace

I am in a construction company, handling all HR activities and recruitment. Here, I have completed almost 2 years. I experienced some problems in the last 2 years which I want to share with you and need your suggestions.

In my office, I was not part of the group that was involved in making fun of other colleagues or gossiping; I preferred to stay focused at my desk. Later on, I came to know that I was backbitten by them and they built a wall that is impossible to break. It seemed like I was proud of my connections, felt superior, and even mentioned this to the GM. This had a negative impact on my appraisal.

Upon realizing all these things, I met with him (GM) and clarified everything. I am not good at expressing my views as I wanted to tell him about many incidents that I experienced. I am not sure what he truly understood, but he suggested that I should come by occasionally and not create a gap.

Seeking Advice

My question is, in order to make them all happy, should I join them even if they misunderstand me? Do hard work and honesty not count for anything? Or is flattery a necessity in today's world? Due to this weakness, I did not receive an increment or promotion.

Regards,
Gaytri

Looks like you have mistaken the necessity of keeping your communication channels open for "flattery."

Understanding the GM's Perspective

Let's take the very same situation you mentioned: "I met him (GM) and cleared all the things...don't create a gap." Why do you think your GM mentioned those last words? Was it because you resorted to "flattery"? No, it was because he was getting only one side of the story so far and must have been happy to get your side too. This ensures that any decisions he needs to make later on would be well-informed. At senior levels, the impact—positive or negative—of decision-making is usually very severe/high, irrespective of the field/company/environment.

Interpersonal Relationships in the Office

Coming to the other aspect of your interpersonal relationships within the office—with your colleagues. One doesn't have to be stiff-lipped even while having fun with colleagues/friends. But at the same time, maybe one needs to draw the line. Based on what you mentioned, your colleagues "seem" to be "sort of" addicted to casual banter/chatting. While you don't need to go to that extreme, sometimes such casual talk does lighten the environment/mood, especially when discussions about serious topics make the whole environment "heavy." Just try it once, and you will notice the difference. Psychologists also suggest such deviations to make the individual more productive in the long run and also to preempt depression. Like the old saying goes: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Reflecting on Personal Behavior

Looking at this aspect from another angle—wasn't your "reserved" nature what caused your colleagues to react/respond in the way they did? You may say: I will remain this way...then you also need to be prepared for the consequences—which may not be in the lines you think they will or should be.

Hope you get the point.

All the best.

Regards,
TS

I am also from the construction industry, and I feel the same way. One thing I want to tell you is that you have to build trust within employees. Instead of saying, "This is my decision," start saying, "This is a management decision." When a debate starts, you can say, "I understand your problem, but what can I do? This is a management decision, and I am also an employee who has to follow it."

However, maintain a certain distance with your subordinates and establish a stronger relationship with your superiors. Ensure you report even the smallest incidents.

Work for management while also keeping an eye on ensuring that people understand you are there to help them. The construction industry is vastly different from others, and people's ways of thinking also differ.

I would like to say that a reserved nature is not suitable for HR. You have to get to know your employees to understand the real problems. Mixing with your employees will enable you to extract better work from them, and engaging in conversations with them can boost your confidence.

Let's start with a simple 'Hi' or 'Hello,' ask how they are, inquire about their work progress, and gradually, you will feel more connected and become a part of the team.

Let me start with the basics. HR stands for Human Resources. Acquiring, engaging, and managing resources is what your job is. If you start complaining that people are not allowing you to be part of their teams, then I wonder how you suggest and resolve the issue if one of your employees starts complaining the same?

You need to be very positive and open-minded. Be part of them, yet within the limits (limits are not drawn by you. They are drawn by the company, society, peers, seniors, and many more).

Finally, keep smiling and all the best for your new assignment. I feel you will become an HR now after acquiring the required interpersonal skills.

In my post, I am talking about a particular group that is close to our head. In the beginning, I joined them and tried my best to mingle with them, but their intention was always to hurt me or put me down. Whatever the topic may be, they pick two points and represent them in the wrong way before him (Head).

Respected Seniors, I read your replied post yesterday and again tried, but the result was as usual. Not only did I waste 40 minutes, but I also came back with a heavy heart. I cannot expect something nice from their part. They could not digest the appreciation I received. Even our head praised me in the meeting many times, but suddenly his behavior changed, and he became so rude.

At times, I am so worried. These kinds of people are everywhere. How will I prove myself?

Regards,
Gaytri

I understand your problem. I would like to add the Mountain Dew advertisement slogan, "Dar ke aage jeet hai."

Just be ready to mix with them and try to gather information. Why are they behaving like this? They might have a very wrong perception about you, and it will take time to remove any barriers, as you have mentioned. So, my advice is to take it as a challenge. Try to communicate more and more using your mind to overcome this situation. You will face the same problem until you remove yourself.

Best of luck. For more assistance, you can email me.

Regards