Feeling Stuck Between Two Jobs: Should I Return to My Old Firm or Stick It Out Here?

Current Employment Dilemma

I was working as an Executive Assistant in a small firm. It was a great working atmosphere and a very fulfilling job. However, it was not very professional, with PF only after 6 months and part of the salary in cash, etc.

I got a new offer from a very reputed company and joined here a month ago. But there is a lot of harassment from the Chairman's wife, who is also a Co. director. I get the feeling she wants me to resign because, post my recruitment, they feel there was no need for a new recruit in the first place. She wants me to study about 25 old huge box files intensely, which have to be eventually discarded.

Plus, there are a lot of dual instructions from the Chairman and her. But he eventually gives in to her demands to maintain the peace. I feel like a ping pong ball!

Now, my old employer, not knowing of my current fate, has made me a similar offer to the present employer with PF, salary by cheque, etc. He has emailed me saying the reason for this is because he cannot get a person of my capabilities!

Should I go back to the smaller firm, or would it be better to stay with this bigger firm? If the Chairman's wife is not happy with me here, can she terminate me during my probation period? Because if so, I will then have neither this job nor the old job offer. I am very confused. Please help.

At the end of the day, it's 'peace of mind' and 'satisfaction' (in your words 'fulfilling') that finally count in whatever one does. Given that your chairman's wife in the current job is also an active participant at the office and seemingly against your presence, there's no guarantee that you can survive on a long-term basis. Everything else that you mentioned—a reputed company, etc.—would come later.

Like the saying goes: "I am the boss of this house, and I have my wife's permission to say it." Even if your chairman can resist her for some time, how long he can is subjective—after all, he too needs to have his peace of mind.

There's an old saying: You will be happy where you are needed rather than at a place you need. Hope you get the point.

All the best.

Regards,
TS

Managing Change and New Work Environments

Please be cool and have control over yourself with the things first because you are actually going through the "Change Fever," which is obvious, I would say. You were working with a small firm, but now you are working with a big company with new things, new bosses, new working conditions, new mates, and a different style and system, which I believe you need to understand and accept. Sometimes, people like you who have worked with small firms and join a new and big company take time to get familiar with the new changes and in acceptance of new work conditions.

With just a month, I do not think you can understand your new bosses and their expectations from you so easily, even the work. You are an Executive Assistant, and I believe you know why reading, filing, and this sort of work is important for you (EA/PA). Perhaps she found something in you or by your profile and is expecting something from you, which you are not getting. However, yes, if she wants you to read 25 huge box files instantly, which is not practical and possible, or maybe there is some miscommunication that made you feel like this because no boss expects his/her EA to read files in a day or week but to understand the work culture by going through the historical data and communication held in the past.

Clarification on Dual Instructions

About dual instructions, can you please explain it further?

Suggestions for Adapting to New Work Conditions

I would suggest you not to take these things otherwise, have patience, be calm and composed, spend time, or accept the new work conditions.

One more thing, to have a better understanding between you and your boss, you need to spend time with them through any work/discussions or sharing yourself with work. The Boss & EA relationship is different from any other professional relations that seek much more understanding and effort.

By the way, what harassment are you talking about here?

All the best for your future. If your previous company is recalling you for the job, this means they have some respect and importance for you. Consider going back to your previous organization. Don't focus on whether it is big or small.

Thanks,
Asrar

I think you should go back to your previous employer! Job satisfaction is more important than anything else. If you have job satisfaction, your productivity will increase day by day.

Regards,

After considering all the new opinions and thoughts of others, I would say that job satisfaction is more important to us. If we don't show our interest, there will be no closure. Have you ever thought to yourself, "What exactly am I supposed to do if I'm facing trouble with this new job or can't proceed further, while my previous job is asking me to join again because I have the abilities to rise up?" I personally suggest you go with the option of recalling the previous job and starting your career. This thought often crosses our minds, but it's best to ignore it.

Thanks and Regards,
Sayeed (HR)
Spectrosign.

Judge for yourselves what is correct. The suggestions given by well-wishers should be analyzed, and a decision should be made by you. After all, life is yours to expect positive results. A change of job might bring you new prospects and new challenges.

All the best.

After reading your email, I suggest that you should consider returning to your previous employer. Job satisfaction is more important than anything else. If you have job satisfaction, you have everything.

I have 13 years of experience with big corporate companies in Mumbai and London, and I am familiar with what you call "Change Fever." Unfortunately, this company, although reputed, is not as big as the firms I have previously worked for. The style and pace of working here are very traditional and slow.

I am accustomed to a more modern style of working. To understand a company's history, I believe in reviewing files, but I don't see the necessity of studying files that will eventually be discarded. Why should I waste my energy on that?

By dual instructions, I mean the Chairman gives me one set of instructions, but his wife contradicts them with a completely different set, which, frankly, don't make much sense to me.

I can easily manage the working styles of other colleagues. The business volume is not overwhelming, and with my experience, two weeks of reviewing past correspondence was sufficient for me to carry on with the job.

However, I am finding it difficult to understand the wife's expectations of me. When asked, she does not elaborate and only insists on going through the files.

She has instructed the Chairman not to assign me any new tasks until I finish studying those files intensively. When I clarified this with the Chairman, he admitted, "I know the exercise is futile, but please do what she says, otherwise, she will just be upset with all of us."

I should probably mention that the Chairman is 70 years old, and his wife is 68.

It is good that you have vast and enough experience to understand the working conditions and can manage things easily. If you feel that the working conditions are not suitable, you must not continue or should leave your job. However, if the main problem bothering you is the Chairman's wife, who has a different work style than your boss (her husband), I believe there is a serious lack of understanding.

Do you really want to find a solution to your problem, or are you asking how you can handle the situation you are going through here? Although you can leave your job anytime, and nothing can stop you except employment conditions, if you seriously want to handle the situation or discuss how to deal with your second boss (the Chairman's wife), I believe it is worth discussing. Otherwise, you might consider what others are suggesting: to quit.

Experience provides knowledge, better understanding, different working styles, patience, and more maturity to handle situations and working conditions. This is the main difference between an EA with 13+ years of experience and one with 2-3 years of experience. These qualities and confidence enable you to handle the volume of business, related correspondence, and communication between bosses and other departments, acting as a bridge or essential connection.

Apart from that, in an EA position, the most required quality and skill is to understand the "Expectations of a Boss" and to have a good communication system or relationship. I hope you read what I said above about the relationship/terms between a boss and an EA, which is very different from any other professional relationship/terms within an organization.

You also know how senior in age both your bosses are; therefore, it is now more important to understand their expectations of you (their EA) who has wonderful experience. The statements and reactions of your boss after you shared your situation with him are also evidently pointing out the areas you need to work on henceforth.

Regarding reading files, if you feel this is a waste of time, I feel there is nothing more to say about it, but I do not agree with you.

Lastly, I would suggest you speak to her (the Chairman's wife) in this regard, as you did with your boss, but I feel you need to compose yourself first. By speaking terms, the problem can be solved within a few minutes, and I believe you can do it.

Making the Right Career Choice

The secret to making a choice is to understand which part of the dualism offers you more takeaways that will matter for you in the long run. You have worked for 13 years; hence, you are a senior-to-mid-level talent in terms of experience. Working in a small firm may require crucial responsibilities to justify your role. If you want to move ahead, you may need to scale up your responsibilities.

You have weighed the situation well with your existing employer. That's how you are sure that you will not be confirmed. Please move from the role fast. Resigning from the job will have far less impact than being terminated.

If you go back to your ex-employer, please do it with more responsibilities in mind. Agree to ignore the faults but work for growth. Your ex-employer knows your worth and will give you full support in the areas you wish to grow.

One thing that kills us professionally is when we cannot scale up our responsibilities. As long as you keep growing in terms of professional maturity, you will have fewer reasons to worry. Working for any IT giant as a programmer isn't as good as designing the next iPhone at a startup.

Wish you all the best!

I have gone through your posts carefully. Some risks in life are worth taking, but when the reward is just the feeling of working for a bigger company, without any job satisfaction, learning, or growth opportunities, it is not worthwhile.

Even the wise make mistakes, but they learn from them and correct them. I think your dilemma lies in not being able to accept it objectively and dispassionately.

Bigger Company or Family-Run Enterprise?

You call it a bigger company, and that is what made you join it; however, based on the details provided by you, it seems more like a family-run cottage enterprise. Where the family squabbles of a husband and wife continue over their official space and life, what benefits can you expect?

Moreover, there is a Damocles sword hanging over you, that of the lady Director, the wife; who has no business otherwise to interfere in your dealings with your Boss who is your reporting officer. As things stand, your tenure is totally at the pleasure of the lady; and as you rightly apprehend, any day you can be given marching orders.

Consider Tajsateesh's Insight

Please go through Tajsateesh's response carefully. He has hit the nail on the head, and I tend to agree fully with his views - "You will be happy where you are NEEDED...."

Subsequently, you can keep on trying to look for better opportunities, but at this point in time, it's better to save your job, career, possible financial loss in case you lose your job and do not find any in a short time, and above all, your peace of mind.

Warm regards.

P.S. (Edited/Added): After hitting the Post button, I saw (Cite Contribution)'s response, which must have come as I was typing. I strongly agree with her views and the logical way she has put them across.

Advice on Returning to a Previous Employer

Further to the contributions and Rajkumar's responses, I suggest giving a close look at the line mentioned: "If you go back to your ex-employer, please do it with more responsibilities in mind."

Consider using the opportunity of renewed association with your old company in a way that pre-empts any chances of them feeling—now or later—that you rejoined due to problems at the new company. Negotiate for higher or larger responsibilities, not focusing on designation, as that would follow automatically with a larger role or responsibility. Indirectly, you are also conveying that your primary intent of moving, in the first place, was for scaling up in your career.

Hope you get the point. All the best.

Regards,
TS

Assessing Your Career Options

If the wife of the boss controls the shots, it would have been better if she had employed you in the first place! As you say, it does not seem like a professionally conducted company, with squabbles between husband and wife (at this age!). If they have no second succession plan in place, after a few years, the company will not remain "big."

If the succession plan is in place, then work with the successor (son or whoever is next in line), and see if you can gel well with that person. Otherwise, return to your old job. If the earlier employer has called you back, he definitely knows your worth, and you can take on higher responsibilities in that firm.

Do you want to be a small fish in a big pond, or a big fish in a small pond? The decision is yours.

All of them have given valuable advice, which is very useful for you to make a decision. Remember, you have started off on the wrong foot with the boss's wife, and as per what you have said, it seems she is the bigger boss. It is most important to find your feet; you have such vast experience, and still, the way she is treating you shows how immature she is.

It is better to go back to your previous employer or look for another job. I don't think you have a future here. Peace of mind, respect, and the freedom to perform your duties are very important, things which I am sure you will not find in your current organization. So, all the best for your future.

Regards,
Anita

At the end, it's job satisfaction that matters. If one is not happy at work, whatever income is earned, it's of no use. Also, you are offered the same compensation from the previous employer.

Secondly, you are approached by your last company on their own, and it's clear that you'll get more respect in the previous organization.

Last but not least, you have to see whether you want to have a happy, satisfied life easily or you want to have even higher satisfaction by achieving success after struggling in the current organization.

Also, note that high risk is involved in achieving higher satisfaction. Good luck.

Your comment is very confusing. Now, let's talk about your situation. The wish of your second boss that you read 25 box files is not wrong. Anyone who wishes to make a good career in any company is supposed to know the past workings of the company. These files can provide you with information about the decision-making process and the mindset of the company.

The confusion and duplication in orders should not be taken too seriously. Understand that wherever a boss's wife attends the office, employees may face these types of problems, and they have to learn to deal with them without hindering their work. In many companies where multiple people control working and hold similar powers, these problems exist, and employees have to adjust. I have seen companies where the Chairman and MD had differences and were polite to each other but were always harsh on the seniors close to either of them. Some senior employees felt like punching bags where anyone could come and criticize them.

I sense that you are very dissatisfied with the current circumstances, and you were also dissatisfied for various reasons with your previous employer. Now that you have experienced both sides, you may be in a better position to decide which vice is better than the other. However, be cautious that this dissatisfaction does not become your nature, as it could pose a significant problem. An unsatisfied employee cannot perform well in any job.

You fear that this lady boss will terminate you, but I believe that may never happen. Every boss is different, and in some cases where women become superiors solely due to being the boss's wife, they may exert more power and pressure on employees to earn respect. If you wish to stay in this company, you must let go of these concerns, make adjustments, and understand the nature of this lady. If you find it too challenging to manage, consider returning to your previous company. However, before making that decision, acknowledge the shortcomings of that company and mentally prepare yourself for its workings.

One crucial point to discuss with your former employer is about the future of your salary, etc. Sometimes, employers hire someone at a higher salary and later hesitate to provide proper increments.

Finally, I would like to say that you have all the necessary information and experience, and you are certain that you cannot adjust in this company. So, why are you so confused? Are you waiting for your previous employer to find a replacement, or for a new employer to hand you a termination letter? Dear confusion and half-hearted actions, or lack of action, can jeopardize one's career.

The last thing I wish to say is, "It's better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven."

With best wishes.

I am sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are facing. Ultimately, finding peace of mind and job satisfaction are more important than just money. It's best to put the past behind you as if it were a bad dream.

Consider Returning to Your Previous Employer

When you approach them, ensure it doesn't come across as seeking sympathy. Be diplomatic and maintain a professional demeanor. Avoid discussing your current employer and personal matters, no matter how welcoming your old employer may be. It's important to show your commitment by staying with them for an extended period, perhaps 3-5 years, to prevent similar situations in the future.

While I may not be aware of your educational background, take the opportunity to enhance your skills by pursuing relevant courses during your tenure. This will benefit your long-term prospects and reduce the need to look for new opportunities.

Regards

Thank you all for your comments and guidance. To those of you who have suggested that I stay and not give up, I have to say that it is very well to "rise to the challenge," and it is not something very difficult for me considering my experience. However, you will also agree that sometimes age makes a person very difficult to change or even speak to! In my case, the lady director does exactly that. She does not want to have any communication with me. Then, how is it possible to make any progress?

Secondly, the manner of her speaking, as some of you have rightly pointed out, is very derogatory. I am made to feel like a "raw fresher" in her words.

Anil, I completely understand the importance of going through files, but the files in question here are OLD, and we are never going to use that aspect in this business again...they are CLOSED files, hence my finding the exercise futile.

Besides, and most importantly, all my experience has always taught me, and also as Anil rightly pointed out, the professional relationship that an EA shares with his/her boss is quite different from other positions. You need to work very closely with your boss to be able to be the right link between him and his contacts or deal with other employees in the plant/factory, etc. But here, the boss's wife has specifically asked him not to give me "any jobs." How can I then work well... or rather, how am I going to work at all? Going through old correspondence to understand the business is part of the job, but in my case, according to my Lady Boss, it is the ONLY JOB. How can I derive any satisfaction from this?

Won't my other professional EA skills, in which I am so good, go all rusty if I am not going to use them at all? The next generation of Management is the boss's son-in-law based in Mumbai, and I have a strong feeling that is where the operations will move once the baton is handed over. In my present scenario, I cannot relocate. Hence my concern for the future.

I have to also say a special thank you to (Cite Contribution), TajSateesh, and Raj Kumar Hansdah for going through my predicament carefully and offering such valuable wisdom that is most important of all, practical and one that can be put to use. My self-esteem had taken a nosedive in this organization, but now I feel much reassured. Thanks again.

Though job hopping every now and then may not be ideal, sometimes it becomes necessary to change jobs due to various reasons. Consider the pros and cons carefully and be clear in your mind about your next step. Sometimes, one must sacrifice something to gain another. Seniors have discussed relevant points in detail, and now it is up to you to make a decision and move ahead.

There may be confusion during the transition from one job to another, both for the employee and the employer. The new employer may try to assess your worthiness, and if this is not done professionally, it can create confusion for the employee.

When you have doubts, talk to your employer professionally. Consider what you can contribute to your employer in return for your salary. Try to do a little more than what is expected of you; this increases your worth.

If your previous employer is welcoming you back, it indicates they find value in you. Decide and discuss your terms with them. If you respect them, you will be more valued there. Also, as others mentioned, do not discuss the problems you faced in your new company.

Good luck.

Regards,
Ramadasan

Dear, I have seen your problem. I advise you to stay with your present job and keep trying for new openings. You are capable of managing your profile anywhere you work, so keep confidence in yourself and wait.

I also advise you to study the organization which you plan to join, take opinions from your friends, and visit the company's website.

All the Best.

Regards,
VS