How Can My Friend Address Workplace Humiliation by a Colleague Without Risking Her Job?

This is in relation to certain events at my workplace. A person in my office has been paying a lot of attention to a colleague of mine (non-publicly), and she thought he likes her. She thought he was serious about it and tried to talk to him about it. But he conveniently made it look like she is running behind him and now has made her a practical joke of the office. It is very upsetting for her.

She has asked me for advice. I feel she should report to the HR Department and get him to stop this public humiliation. How can she approach the HR department? Since she is involved to some limited extent, can there be some action taken against him? Does this come under the Sexual Harassment Act? What should be her next step as she really needs the job and cannot afford to lose it?

Any help is highly appreciated.

I suggest asking your friend to speak to this guy—in the presence of another person, maybe you—and tell him that she has already indicated his actions to HR, for which she has been asked to give a written complaint. If the person you mentioned in this thread is you, I suggest taking along someone close to you and who you think will stand by you if and when any drastic situation arises.

Then let her 'warn/alert' him that the next time she hears of his pranks from anyone in the company, she won't hesitate to give the written complaint and let him not blame her for the consequences. I guess that should do.

There's a saying: "what one can remove with the tip of the nail, why use an axe?"—hope you got the point.

Most often, the 'fear' of being penalized is enough to keep such guys under check—rather than actually complaining. The similarity for this situation could be had from what's going on right now in the country regarding the Delhi Rape case. The fear of being given the death penalty is much more severe—mentally and emotionally—than the actual death sentence itself (even though this example is an extreme one).

All the best.

Regards,
TS

Understanding the Situation

We are hearing only a single-sided story because your friend only received signals from the guy and thought that he likes her. For him, she may just be a colleague or friend, not more than that mushy gushy thing. It might be that the guy became afraid that your friend likes him and one day may harm him. In this world, not only guys commit assault; even girls do, though it is less common and rarely noticed.

Role of HR in Resolving Conflicts

As an HR professional, you are the judge, and before making a judgment, listen to both parties, understand what happened, and then make a decision. It should not happen that a person is unnecessarily dragged into a harassment case by a girl, as some girls may resort to such means if a guy they like does not reciprocate their feelings, leading to enmity and false harassment cases.

Am I right or am I right? KD Pathak always says, "jo dikhta who hota nahi hain aur jo hota hain wo dikhta nahi hain," which can be roughly translated to, "What is perceived does not happen, and what happens is not perceived."

Regards,
Simhan

In such cases, refer to your HR manual. Have you notified the sexual harassment? If not, make amendments immediately. Call both parties, listen to what is reality, inspect the thread, and consider all aspects including their designation, age, and family background. If found at fault, terminate them or ask them to resign. If they are valuable to the company, issue a warning letter. Take an apology letter and close the matter.

During onboarding, conduct an orientation on the company's rules and regulations, explain the HR manual, and establish a social responsibility policy to prevent such incidents in the future.

Regards,
Devendra

Understanding Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

The term 'sexual harassment' is often misunderstood and misused today. For instance, a man might speak to a female colleague in the same manner as he does with others, but the female colleague might 'think' he is in love with her. She tries to confirm this from him, but he reads her intentions and avoids her. Despite this, she persists in seeking confirmation, and he continues to distance himself. Onlookers may make fun of this situation, leading her to feel offended and believe it constitutes sexual harassment.

Working women should exhibit maturity and exercise caution in their interactions with male colleagues. This approach is in their best interest and should not be perceived as male chauvinism or an attempt to restrict women's freedom.

Going by your descriptions, it does not provide any evidence of "harassment" by him. It appears that he is interested in her. This could be an illusion. It might be that your friend also inadvertently enjoys his musings because it is generally said that females like to be noticed by males they are attracted to. It may be wrong to say this. It would be better to advise her that if she is genuinely not interested in him and he creates nuisances substantively, she can warn him to stop this nonsense forthwith in your presence as friendly advice. Failing to do so, she would have no other choice but to report to HR, come what may.

Regards,
Kumar.s.

I recommend that you bring this to the attention of your HR head and ask them to have an informal discussion with your colleague and the person involved. The HR head, after listening, may advise the person to desist from creating rumors going forward. If this behavior continues, your colleague can raise an official complaint, which would be considered misconduct under sexual harassment.

Handling Workplace Misunderstandings

The best thing in this case is to entirely ignore whatever happened and treat that guy as just another office colleague. Unless you are consistently perturbed by him, it is better not to escalate this matter to higher-ups, as it could damage both of your reputations in the office. However, if you are certain that he is misbehaving with you (ensure you support your viewpoints with strong evidence), you can file a complaint at the appropriate forum through the proper channel.

Advice on Office Interactions

A last piece of advice: never assume that a guy being nice to you in the office means he has romantic feelings for you. Keep your soft and romantic feelings outside the office. Best of luck.

Regards.

Ask the girl to approach the boy boldly and ask him to stop the nuisance with immediate effect. Despite that, if the boy acts smart or continues his act, then please ask the girl to report to HR and redress her grievances. Here it seems that the boy needs only counseling for maturity and his behavior towards his fellow colleague.