Feeling Stuck While Others Thrive: How Do You Stop Underestimating Yourself?

I try so hard to improve myself and eliminate all my limitations, like the fear of speaking in groups or in public, and to work towards my goals. However, this effort doesn't last long. Soon, I get depressed when I see others moving ahead of me. I want to be successful and different. Can you provide me with some advice to help me stop underestimating myself when I see others doing better than me?

I agree with Jacob. Stop comparing yourself with others. Have someone give you feedback. Work on your weak areas. Focus on your strengths and utilize them. Earn your right to speak—that means you have to be an expert in your topic. So, research your topic well. Practice, practice, and practice.

I was exactly in your position a few years ago. Today, I am the most confident person and very successful not only in public speaking but in whatever I do. Wish you the same.

Both Mr. Jacob and Mr. Arun have given excellent inputs to you. In self-development, the focus should be on SELF. So, to progress in life, compete with yourself! Set benchmarks and raise the bar yourself. Positive and sure progress, no feeling of being diffident, no loss of self-confidence, and no jealousy!

Regards,
V. Raghunathan
Navi Mumbai

Embrace Your Weaknesses for Growth

Accepting your weakness is your biggest strength. Therefore, you know what you need to work on. Build a good vocabulary, which is key to good communication. Subscribe to Reader's Digest. Rehearse your presentations in front of a mirror. Don't rush, develop voice modulation, and above all, remain confident.

Do not be afraid of failures. Analyze what went wrong and work on it. I am sure over a period of time you will be able to master the skills of communication. Good luck and best wishes.

Firstly, thank you so much to B. Jacob, Arun Chitlangia, V. Raghunathan, and Envirocarelabs for understanding my problems and giving me such positive feedback. This was the first time I had shared my stress reasons with others and asked for a solution.

Focusing on Limitations

B. Jacob, yes, that is right. I focus more on my limitations, so despite having other abilities, I don't show them or use them to achieve my goals. I have already gotten sick of being depressed all the time, and now I want to come out of it. Because of a lack of self-confidence, I have missed many opportunities in the past; this thought, too, makes me feel like a loser. But I don't want to think of the past anymore. I want to start a new fresh life with more confidence and belief in myself.

A New Beginning

Maybe that's a better choice: to focus more on working hard towards my goals rather than finding out the probabilities of winning or losing. That's right. I should not be afraid of failures and should compete with myself.

Regards,
RIYA.

Good to see a positive reply. The quote below should work as a booster:

"Do not think of yesterday - it brings tears.
Do not think much about tomorrow - it brings fears.
Think of the present and make it pleasant."

Regards,
V. Raghunathan
Navi Mumbai

Loads of good advice, and let me add my bit. The basic problem lies in our thoughts, so regulating your thoughts to a more positive bend will cognitively steer you towards positive behavior. Start practicing mindfulness and note the positive aspects of here and now.

Regards,
Mohua Roy
Specialist Behavior Trainer
Kolkata.

You could always get a bit of help. Perhaps you could join a Toastmasters group or go on a presentation skills course. Both will help with your underlying confidence, and both will certainly give you the skills you need for public speaking.