How Do You Handle a Colleague Who Undermines HR Efforts and Refuses to Collaborate?

Hi all,

Just want to get some opinion from you, not sure if you have faced this situation before. If you do, please share.

I am in HR, and I am the only one in HR. Basically, I do everything in HR, right from recruitment to development and retention.

So far, I have helped a few of my colleagues. They have achieved what they wanted. And I'm glad I could be of any help. After all, that's the reason I love my profession.

Somehow, I have one colleague who disagrees with my approach. Obviously, she is the 'blue-eyed girl' of our CEO. She thinks she's got the world backing her and she does not need any help from anyone other than the CEO himself. She is my age, but I have more working experience than her. Despite my experience, she thinks I know nothing. She believes that HR is useless, that HR is something the company could live with or without, and that the company is wasting money paying me to be here! And whenever I need her help, she makes it such a big fuss and tells the whole world that she shouldn't be helping me at all! No, no, not helping me, it is to help her department people so that I could pay them. She doesn't even want to help her own team! And claims that helping others is not her responsibility!

Right now she doesn't talk to me.

Is it wrong for an HR personnel to approach people and offer help to make the place a better place to work in? Is it wrong that we are here to improve the workplace? How do you guys handle such a person?

Thanks and regards,

Ashley

Dear Ashley,

One thing I want to get clarified is which department the person you are talking about is working for. Is your job linked with her job? What kind of help are you seeking from her? If it is a matter of improving the workplace, is she the only one available to help you? Otherwise, if the issue is so serious that it will affect your work, try to sit with her one day and get clarified about what is bothering her.

I feel these are very delicate issues to talk about, but still, from your side, maintain your standard and don't let yourself down.

Regards,
Srilatha

Hi Srilatha,

Thanks for your feedback.

She is from another department, which is referred to by us as Project. They are the department that handles the company's projects. She is just a project coordinator. It is her belief that having the CEO's support makes her feel important and untouchable.

I have attempted to communicate with her in the past, but to no avail. She is a very stubborn individual, convinced that she is always right and reasonable. As this is her first job and she is the CEO's favorite, she is becoming arrogant and showing no respect to others, including senior managers. People are starting to wonder why she and I act so differently even though we are the same age and share the same birth month!

I don't always need her assistance. Even without her help, I can still navigate my way to completing tasks. This is what makes me valuable. I simply dislike the idea of someone being uncooperative while I am working hard to enhance the company.

Thank you for your encouragement. I am curious about how many others are in a similar situation to mine.

Regards,

Ashley

Dear Friend,

I understand your situation very well as I am going through the same. Here it is - the Project Manager always blocks my way by not updating any plans and has the least idea about resource planning for the upcoming projects. When the project is on hand, he then tries to rush me for the senior profiles and never cooperates. The problem is he is the favorite of our CEO. I think this is a common tendency in companies that ignore HR and believe this department is useless. However, my friend, this is not a sustainable approach. HR is a focal point in the organization, and one has to rely on us for any updates or follow-ups. Make your CEO realize your importance. As you mentioned, you are the only HR in your organization; make him understand the roles and responsibilities you fulfill. Come up with a skill matrix, including behavioral competencies, and take charge to grade them accordingly. Let this process be transparent. Develop time sheets on an hourly basis and prepare work hour reports; her efficiency would reflect in them. I have implemented such changes, and a lot of improvement is noticeable. Try this out. I have many more ideas like this that I will share with you soon.

Bye, take care, and all the best. We are all learning, and one must face this phase to overcome such issues.

Sari

Hi Narendra,

Well said about the hand without the thumb. :)

When you talked about personal problems, I guess she is envious or maybe jealous of me. Because I have become the center of attention the moment I joined this company. She is my age, yet I got all the attention the minute I stepped in. She used to get the attention from the people around, and now the situation has changed. She might feel threatened. Even though we're not in the same department, it's a small company, and people are very close here. I guess she feels that I snapped all her friends here. Anyway, that is just my guess.

She has a stubborn head. When she thinks it's right, not even the whole world could make her change her mind. Yet, her reasons and excuses are so naive. Sometimes I just treat her like a child who hasn't grown up.

We are of the same age, but I'm more mature than her. That is because I used to work in an MNC for 2 and a half years, an experience that had definitely made me a better person in dealing with people and work. When I was working for 2 years, she was still in college studying.

I like this company, and I know I can go further in this company. It's just that I need to find some other way to deal with this type of situation and person. Hoping that maybe I could find some answers here.

Thanks.

Dear Ashley and others,

I have read all the above statements. I respect and appreciate all of them. Here are my two cents:

Age should not be a barrier to judging anyone. I don't think that is the reason here at all. It's all about ego and personality. Additionally, it is a fact that a newcomer has become the 'apple of the eye' in the fruit basket!

I believe that "people have expectations from you because you can." Just ignore the negatives around you and focus on what you are capable of. If not here, if not in this company, there will always be a negative force blocking your way. Ignore it and move on. If you have faith in your work and attitude and if you are not doing anything wrong, then no wrong will be done to you. Just be!

Cheers,
K

Hi K,

Thank you so much for the encouragements. They did lift my mood up.

That is so true! And people are expecting more since I can. Yes, life goes on even though there are negatives around us. And I will move on since I did no wrong to others.

I love that one: "apple of the eye"!! Nice. :D And Narendra, I am 27. So is my colleague mentioned. Thank you guys.

Cheers, Ashley

Dear Ashley,

There is a saying, "Khuda Meherban to Gadha pehalvan." This situation has been observed in many companies. I suggest that you do not give importance to her. Do not ask anything if you need guidance. Focus on your HR assignments. Do not even help colleagues in different departments. Otherwise, some people may say you are interfering. If somebody is not listening, put things in writing by mail or memo. Keep a record. They will automatically respond to you.

Maintain a good atmosphere in the office. If somebody tries to disturb, demonstrate aggressive behavior. Sometimes this behavior helps.

Regards,
Bhushan

Dear Ashley,

There is a saying, "Khuda Meherban to Gadha pehalvan." This situation is almost seen in many companies. I suggest that you don't give importance to her. Don't ask anything if you need any guidance. Work on your HR assignments. Don't even help other colleagues in different departments. Otherwise, some people may say you are interfering. If somebody is not listening, put things in writing by email or memo. Keep a record. They will automatically respond to you. Maintain a good atmosphere in the office. If somebody tries to disturb, demonstrate aggressive behavior. Sometimes, this behavior helps.

Regards,
Bhushan

Hi, I will add to all these comments one small but very important note. Throughout your email, you have only mentioned the negatives of her and the positives of yours. It could be the situation demands it. What I suggest is that people have these factors within them; just ignore the negatives of her and try to support her, cheer her up, or appreciate her for her achievements. This would help her cultivate similar feelings for you, and one day you guys can be best pals. For any work experience, it does matter, age does matter, but they are not the only dependencies.

Regards,
Veena

Dear Ashley,

Why are you taking her so seriously? You shouldn't think about any individual comment made by anyone; it's a part and parcel of the profession. We HR people are just like goalkeepers. No matter how many goals we save, people will remember only the ones that we missed. That's the truth about the profession. So, don't let your confidence be affected by others' comments. Do your job, and what she thinks about HR or you, you shouldn't care because the organization can run without her or her thinking. Be proud to be an HR professional.

Cheers,
Kunal 😂

Hi all,

For your info, I'm a "she," not "he."

And yep, I only mentioned the negative side of her. Not to say that I'm a perfect person, but I have been asking myself over and over again for the past few days if I did anything wrong to her. The situation has become worse now; my colleague is even avoiding me for lunch or whatever. My other colleagues have told me that she is the one who cannot think wisely and is not mature. Even her closest friend at work has commented the same.

I came to a conclusion yesterday; I will take K's advice:

"Just ignore the negatives around you and focus on what you are capable of. If not her, if not in this company, everywhere, there will be a negative force always blocking your way. Ignore and move on. If you have faith in your work and attitude and if you are NOT doing anything wrong, no wrong will be done to you. Just BE! Cheers K"

Since I'm happy working here and happy being with everybody else, why make myself unhappy just because of one person? I will move on and focus on my capability. If I'm not capable, I would not be running the whole HR department alone at this age. Call it ego; I am proud of myself. :) I guess those who are running the department alone deserve to be proud of themselves too.

What's more, you cannot ask for everybody to love you; that is just too greedy.

Thank you all for your advice; I really appreciate it.

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." ~ William Shakespeare

Regards,

Ashley

Dear Ashley,

You cannot make everyone happy at all times. Be happy yourself, and you will see that you are keeping most of them smiling.

Cheers,
K

Hi,

It's a common problem wherever you go. Ninety percent of companies have such kinds of problems. Basically, it's not a problem; the HR head thinks that without them, the company could not progress. Other department heads also think the same; without them, the company will not progress or work will not be achieved. So, don't be harsh on yourself. Try to ignore the negative points. Try to patiently find out what is bothering her about you. And continue your good work.

Regards,
Ajitha

Yes, K. You're right. You can't make everyone happy at all times. That's what my boss has been telling me too; you can't satisfy everybody. No matter how well you do, there will definitely be somebody who is dissatisfied with it.

Yes, I am keeping most of my colleagues smiling. And that's important. Thanks for your supportive remarks, K.

Thank you all for making my day and teaching me something. Thanks.

Cheers, Ashley

Dear Ashley,

I've read yours and everyone's opinions. I would rather like to ask you a question: what bothers you if she isn't feeling good about you? Does her agreement to your existence in the organization actually matter? If she does not value you, that's her matter. It's common; be it anywhere, you'll find such people all across.

You know the role an HR plays in an organization. This blue-eyed one won't be contacted by management for increments, appraisals, and grievance handling. I would rather say, why even think of establishing a rapport with someone who doesn't appreciate you? Had this been an attitude of your management, serious thought would be needed. In the case of an employee, the choice still lies with you.

Enjoy appreciation and discard all negative vibes. Once you give this flame good air, it will definitely grow. Ignore and see the difference.

Regards,
Shilpi
Delhi

Dear Ashley,

There is one statement "let the dogs bark, they seldom bite" or "kutte bhonkte rehte hain aur haathi guzar jaate hain." I don't mean to use harsh words; my aim is to explain that HR personnel should not be too concerned about such types of individuals. In fact, one day, someone in your company's higher level authority will realize that she is wrong, and you have already mentioned that even her team is facing problems. Therefore, focus on your role, and if you ever need assistance, don't hesitate to ask someone at the same level for help.

Thanks,
Regards,
Rohit Sachdeva :D

Just cheers

Dear Ashley,

You may find these kinds of people and situations everywhere. Don't think too much about her; think positively. Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you. Not because they are not nice, but because you are nice.

Cheers,
Khader

For everyone out here,

1. The problem is common, but it doesn't mean it's trivial. A small mosquito can ruin your night's sleep.

2. It's difficult to change someone's behavior, so try to be strong when things aren't going your way.

3. Be assertive without being acrimonious.

4. Despite all the temptations to get into a mud-pit fight, avoid it and concentrate on your work.

5. If your work is good, the majority of the time it will be recognized by your bosses, colleagues, and subordinates.

6. Finally, when you can do nothing about a situation, lie low, keep doing your work, and hope like hell that the storm passes over.

There is a saying "Kill them with kindness".

If you are always kind and respectful despite your coworkers' attitude, people will recognize this over time. I would hang in there and always be professional and kind. :D

Dear all,

Thank you very much for your support! I really appreciate it. I did not expect to receive so much support from all of you. This really makes me feel good. Thank you.

I will take your advice to be strong, do good work, and lay low. Actually, that's what I have been doing; it's just that I got frustrated with her behavior recently. Because I always believe in harmony, and I have tried my best to maintain that.

Now I know that I'm not going through this alone; I always have you guys here to give me support and positive feedback. Thank you.

Oh, by the way, sorry that I couldn't understand your language. I am actually Malaysian, working in Malaysia too. :) Mind telling me what it means actually?

Khader, the above is nice! Thanks! I'll remember that all the time.

Cheers,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

These are some of the common problems HRs generally face from the employees. The activities of HR are not as transparent as other departments' activities like developers, TLs, PLs, etc. It is not that every employee has to obey or listen to you. Collect feedback from colleagues about their behavior with them and analyze why they are very arrogant with you. HR has the complete responsibility to maintain a good rapport with all the employees. When any employee is behaving arrogantly, as a responsibility, HR has the right to penalize them. Make them completely accountable for the things not happening because of them. Never bother about employees of this type.

Visu

The following expression of yours does give a solution:

1. I have experience.
2. She is of my age.
3. She feels the world is on her back.
4. She says it's not her responsibility to help others.

My friend, in a corporate world, you should not expect more from others than what they think, do, or how they behave. Everything is okay unless it affects others.

There is no compulsion for anyone to help others, but people who help others will certainly benefit the most.

I feel you can be more professional in this scenario. Rather than verbal communication, you can opt for written communication with mailers if needed and concentrate on other tasks. Do not offer advice to this employee.

Clouds cannot hold back the sunshine for long, vis-a-vis your talents to others.

Do not waste time worrying about whether somebody likes or dislikes you. Just take actions, and results will follow abundantly.

All the best, and hats off to your dedication.

LN Bhattacharya

Hi,

This isn't a new situation at all. Those people who have some power or powerful people's favors/backing act the same way your lady colleague acts. The best way to deal with her is to avoid confrontations. 'Avoiding' is also a way to deal with conflicts when no other means may be useful. As far as your approach, HR people are there to support and make the work environment better. Please don't say that you always help people, etc., but continue your good habits like that.

One fact of life is we cannot change people, but we have to change our approach to them. Maybe a change in your approach towards your colleague will change her behavior towards you. Don't take it to heart. Life goes on still.

Best wishes, Mrinal

Dear all,

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. It has helped make life better. I really appreciate your advice.

Yes, I will deal professionally with the situation and continue my good work.

Thanks & regards,
Ashley

Hey, this is not an issue at all. Do not push this individual too much, just tell her that you are there in case she needs any help and leave it at that. My experience says that such people do come back to you asking for help. So, chill out.

HR today is a very important function, and a lot of organizations have realized this and do consult HR before making key decisions.

Regards,
Kizhakot