Are Marriage and Enlightenment Incompatible? Exploring Why Many Spiritual Leaders Were Single

Why are the world's wisest single?

Hello! Have you ever pondered on these enigmas? Think of: The Great Founders:- Jesus - The deemed founder of Christianity - Most followers in the world Buddha - He became enlightened only after abandoning his family - Second largest followers in the world Mahaveer - The Jain messiah Zarathushtra - The Parsi messiah The exception is Prophet Muhammad. The Indian sages:- Sankaracharya Osho J Krishnamurthy Ramana Maharishi Vivekananda Ramakrishna Paramhansa Satya Sai Baba Shirdi Sai Baba Sukhbodhananda The list goes on.... In the history of mankind, no female has ever been considered "Enlightened"?! Why? Does that mean "Marriage" is detrimental to "Enlightenment"? And women are not capable of becoming "enlightened"? Think it over..... Have a nice day.

Simply because men need to be enlightened, while women have always known the answers that trouble men... Women are like nature - mysterious and holding all the answers within them, while men are men; they need to spend years to find one answer and still only a very few are able to do that.

Hi! Very good reply 😄😄 Anyway, my question was not about gender differences. I was simply thinking aloud about whether it is necessary to be single to be enlightened. Still...

Then why do women become devotees and followers of these guys by millions? If women are wiser, then why are there no women founders of religions? All classical artists, scientists, authors, etc. - be it in any field - are guys!!! Why? Why?

Yep, a very vast, brutal majority. Through the ages...

My idea was not to provoke but to initiate an unemotional debate in the best spirit of logical inquiry. Maybe certain truths will be revealed in the process. Please do not take it otherwise...

Happy pondering...

Discussion thread on why Google says "did you mean 'he invented'...

You can read the whole thread here:

http://reddit.com/info/1o3sy/comments

Google "She invented" Result Did you mean "He invented" (google.com)

275 points posted 2 months ago by noname99

kmactane 96 points 2 months ago

Important note: Google's spell-checker works (I believe) by tracking how often people search for any given word. So if there are five zillion searches for "food" and very few for "fooc" or "foof", it will present "Did you mean food?" as an option.

This result doesn't mean that Google thinks only men invent things. Google doesn't care; it's just an algorithm. This result suggests that a lot of people search for "he invented" and far fewer search for "she invented".

If there's sexism or misogyny here, it's in people's searches, not in Google.

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Rafe 19 points 2 months ago

A lot of people search for "he invented" and far fewer search for "she invented".

So how do you excuse the suggestion to she discovered Radium, a query which should be at least as popular as its counterpart?

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bobbane 22 points 2 months ago*

That is interesting:

she discovered radium - 159,000 hits, and "he" is suggested as an alternative

he discovered radium - 267,000 hits

However, if you search for a quoted phrase:

"she discovered radium" - 476 hits, and "he discovered radium" is suggested

"he discovered radium" - 7 hits

So, spelling correction is not purely triggered on the basis of popularity in the index.

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truedoughca 5 points 2 months ago*

I'll take a guess. I wonder if this doesn't have something to do with the algorithm for the 'Did You Mean' function, which is separate from the Google search algorithm.

Even with quotations, Google seems to have written its algorithm so that the occurrence of "Did you mean" is dependent on the first argument (she) and the predicate (discovered), not on the second argument (radium). The second argument is ignored. We know that a woman discovered radium (period), but a man may have discovered radium in country X, for example, or "discovered Radium would transmute into Radon...". Although the algorithm may ignore the second argument, it is the second argument that increases the occurrences of 'he' + 'discovered' over 'she'+'discovered.' And this is all that the "did you mean" algorithm cares about.

There may be more hits for "she discovered radium," but hits depend on a separate algorithm. I suppose it could have its advantages, but it's certainly not perfect.

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Hello Avalok,

You know, women are everything; we can say the world is always in the hands of women. She is good in every way. For example:
1. She is excellent in the roles of mother, sister, grandmother, and wife. She is the one who teaches her son or daughter how to pray, what culture is, and what tradition is.
2. She manages both the house and the office very well. She is actually very religious. It's another issue if she is not so famous.
Think about Mira, Lata Ji, and Mother Teresa. So, she is an all-rounder. What do you think?

Regards,
Shanti

Yes, Shanti,

Well said. I agree.

But my main question was, "Is it mandatory to be single in order to attain enlightenment?"

Regards

Hello Avalok,

Yes, it depends on the situation as well. Why did Kalidas become so famous? Does the situation agree with it or not?

Regards, Shanti

Hello, Shanti,

Let me reiterate my query:

Is it mandatory to be single in order to get enlightened?

I am not talking about creative people, intelligent people, etc.

It is not about men vs. women either. I am just asking, "Does one have to be single in order to achieve enlightenment?" Period.

Somebody had mentioned Mirabai and Mother Teresa. Here again, Mirabai ignored her husband, separated from him, and prayed for Krishna's love.

Mother Teresa was single.

Joan of Arc never married. Also, Teresa of Avila and scores of Women Saints too. They were all singles.

Gautama Siddhartha left his wife and newborn son and wandered around for years before finally achieving Buddhahood.

In fact, in Hindu puranas, there are countless instances where beautiful apsaras try to disturb sages from reaching Nirvana.

So the conclusion is having a relationship or remaining married is an impediment to Buddhahood, right?

I have never heard of a couple together achieving enlightenment or a group doing the same.

So once again - My question is:

Do you have to be single to become enlightened?

Conclusion: Marriage or companionship is not conducive to becoming wise!!!

Hello friend,

Forgotten:
Saradha Devi, wife of Ramakrishna Paramhansa.
Sister Nivedita.
Akkamahadevi.
Meera Bai.

Hi Avalok,

Can you define for me what enlightenment/nirvana means according to you before I comment on it?

Sari

Hi Avalok,

It is really a nice topic and a query by you to discuss how does one become enlightened. I believe Wisdom and enlightenment manifest when your focus changes from the self; when greed, hatred, ignorance, arrogance, suspicion, and doubt, which arise from self-centeredness, no longer manifest. One accomplishes this through methods of practice. Practice is guided by views or attitudes. When one's attitude is correct, it is called "right view." When it's off base, then it's called "heretical view." To develop the right view, you need to expand your awareness from the self to all sentient beings. Self-centeredness slowly dissolves as you develop compassion for others.

And I don't see a question arising like "Does one have to be single to achieve enlightenment?" Well, I believe that your mind can be someone (human being) and achieve enlightenment. What do you have to say about it?

Sapana

Those who have found the truth, attained Nirvana, become messiahs, become aware and awake, preach God, have millions of followers, are considered saints, and founded faiths - do you get the picture?

Hello, Sapna,

Very well expressed, and I agree with you totally about your description of "enlightenment." However, if you go by recorded history, all enlightened souls were single or became single in order to achieve the state of enlightenment. Why is that? I will wait for more replies...

See you later...

Hi Avalok,

You tell me to find the truth, to attend Nirvana, to become aware & awake, to preach God, to have millions of followers, and to have faith. Do we need to be single?

Sapana

What about all the Sikh gurus, Prophet Mohammed, and our most enlightened gods like Brahma, Vishnu, or Shiva? What about the fact that all religions say that men and women need to be together to be complete? Our Puranas, Vedas, or whatever talk about various stages in life and various ashrams that one needs to follow to attain nirvana. Even Gautam Buddha, when questioned by his wife and son, had no answers.

I believe any person, whether man or woman, single or married, can attain wisdom as defined by you, by understanding and knowing oneself. The real reason why we don't is that we all become a part of that big rat race which doesn't allow us to ponder over things that we need to think about, a chance to be really with ourselves. There is a lot I can write about this topic, but I don't think that this is the right forum to discuss it.

Let's not include gods and mythological beings here. I am talking about historical figures, not mythical ones. Let us not get confused between history and myths.

Hello Avalok,

Good question. The topic you raised is really good, and I completely agree with you that it is not necessary to include mythological personalities here. I think being single for becoming enlightened is not mandatory. However, I believe that for enlightenment, one has to be far away from all fascinations. A person is considered enlightened only when he/she has no attraction towards his/her own life but devotes his/her life to the needy and suffering people.

Guru

Hi, I am sure your enlightened eyes 😂 were only able to see that line on gods only and were unable to read the last part of the message. Anyways, it's perfectly fine. First, you were confused whether women can become enlightened and then you went for it being only singles, be it men or women. Think clearly.

Let me reiterate this by saying anybody can reach that stage by just looking into oneself and trying to understand oneself. Accept life yet strive not to be bogged down by it. Be a part of everything, yet be your own person. Start living by your own principles and define them clearly. Find joy in everything one does and be able to look at the positive. Realize that there is pain, yet pain is what we consider painful. Once we realize this, we have achieved wisdom. It's not about men or women or being single or not. Just think about it.

I am sorry to inform you that nowhere in the Hindu scripture does it say you can attain enlightenment while in a married state. Also, women are not given any path to enlightenment. The four stages of Hindu life are prescribed for men only. And he too is told that only after he reaches the 4th stage (sannyasi) will he be able to attain the enlightened state. Women are not included. 😢😢

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Dharma in Hinduism: The Four Asramas in Hindu Dharma By Sri Swami Sivananda

The Four Asramas

There are four Asramas or stages in life, viz., Brahmacharya or the period of studentship, Grihastha or the stage of the householder, Vanaprastha or the stage of the forest-dweller or hermit, and Sannyasa or the life of renunciation or asceticism. Each stage has its own duties. These stages help the evolution of man. The four Asramas take man to perfection by successive stages. The practice of the four Asramas regulates life from the beginning to the end. The first two Asramas pertain to Pravritti Marga or the path of work, and the two later stages - the life of Vanaprastha and that of Sannyasa - are the stages of withdrawal from the world. They pertain to Nivritti Marga or the path of renunciation.

Towards Orderly Spiritual Evolution

Life is very systematically and orderly arranged in Sanatana Dharma. There is an opportunity for the development of the different sides of human activity. Due occupations and training are assigned to each period of life. Life is a great school in which the powers, capacities, and faculties of man are to be evolved gradually.

Every man should pass through the different Asramas regularly. He should not enter any stage of life prematurely. He can enter the next stage only when each has been completed. In nature, evolution is gradual. It is not revolutionary.

Lord Manu says in his Smriti: - Having studied the Vedas or two Vedas or even one Veda in due order without breaking celibacy, let him dwell in the householder order. When the householder sees wrinkles in his skin and whiteness in his hair and the son of his son, then let him retire to the forest. Having passed the third portion of life in the forests, let him, having abandoned attachments, wander as an ascetic in the fourth portion of life. -

In extraordinary cases, however, some of the stages may be omitted. Suka was a born Sannyasin. Sankara took Sannyasa without entering the stage of a householder. In rare and exceptional cases, a student is allowed to become a Sannyasin, his debts to the world having been fully paid in a previous birth. Nowadays, young Sannyasins without qualification are found in abundance. This is contrary to the ancient rules and causes much trouble.

The Brahmacharin or the Celibate Student

The first stage, Brahmacharya, is the period of study and discipline. The student should not indulge in any pleasures. He stays in the house of his preceptor and studies the Vedas and the sciences. This is the period of probation. The teachers in ancient India usually lived in forest hermitages. These hermitages were the Gurukulas or forest universities. The student begged his food. The children of the rich and poor lived together. The student regarded his teacher as his spiritual father and served him with faith, devotion, and reverence.

The Grihastha or the Householder

The second stage is that of the Grihastha or householder. The household stage is entered at marriage, when the student has completed his studentship and is ready to take up the duties and responsibilities of householder life. Of all the Asramas, this is the most important because it supports all the others. As all creatures live supported by the air, so the other Orders exist supported by the householder. As all streams and rivers flow to rest in the ocean, so all the Asramas flow to rest in the householder. The Grihastha is the very heart of Aryan life. Everything depends on him.

Marriage is a sacrament for a Hindu. The wife is his partner in life. She is his Ardhangini. He cannot do any religious ritual without her. She stands by his left side when he performs any religious performance. Husband and wife keep Rama and Sita as their ideal.

A householder should earn money by honest means and distribute it in the proper manner. He should spend one-tenth of his income on charity. He should enjoy sensual pleasures within the limits of the moral law. A householder is permitted to enjoy conjugal happiness on one night in a month.

When the householder sees that his sons are able to bear the burden of his duties, when his grandsons are around him, he should know that the time has come for him and his wife to retire from the world and spend their time in study and meditation.

The Vanaprastha or the Recluse

The next stage is that of the Vanaprastha. Brahmacharya is a preparation for the life of the householder. Even so, Vanaprastha is a preparation for the final stage of Sannyasa. After discharging all the duties of a householder, he should retire to the forest or a solitary country place and begin to meditate in solitude on higher spiritual things. He is now free from social bonds and the responsibilities of life. He has ample time for the study of scriptures.

His wife may go with him or remain with her sons.

The Sannyasin or the Renunciate

The next stage is that of a Sannyasin. When a man becomes a Sannyasin, he renounces all possessions, all distinctions of caste, all rites and ceremonies, and all attachments to any particular country, nation, or religion. He lives alone and spends his time in meditation. He lives on alms. When he attains the sublime state of deep meditation, he rejoices in his own Self. He is quite indifferent to sensual pleasures. He is free from likes and dislikes, desires, egoism, lust, anger, greed, and pride. He has equal vision and a balanced mind. He loves all. He roams about happily and disseminates Brahma Jnana or Knowledge of the Self. He is the same in honor and dishonor, praise and censure, success and failure. He is now Ativarnasrami, i.e., above Varna and Asrama. He is quite a free man. He is not bound by any social customs and conventions.

Such a Sannyasin is an ideal man. He has attained perfection and freedom. He is Brahman Himself. He is a Jivanmukta or a liberated sage. Glory to such exalted personages who are living Gods on earth!

I would like to begin by pointing out that the beginning of this argument was absolutely sexist. Women have failed to show that kind of enlightenment due to one, and only one reason: Man's excessive need to oppress them. Most men even TODAY seem to believe that a woman's rightful place is in the kitchen and at home. If a woman abandons her family, there are stigmas against her that I would definitely NOT like to go into.

Secondly, you are ignoring the fact here that for any human being to be enlightened, one has to get away from all material things of life. Marriage isn't one of them, but in order to escape life's intricate materialism, one must give that up too. Not to say, that I find marriage in its root cause to be extremely material and profit-minded. But that is strictly MY OPINION.

You are ignoring the fact here that these "enlightened" men have not ONLY given up on marriage. They have given up on EVERYTHING. Cornering marriage as their obstacle towards enlightenment would be wrong because that is NOT the only thing they give up. They also gave up eating luxurious food. Then, would it be right to suggest that luxurious food stopped them from being enlightened?

Moreover, one must not rule the "holy books" judgments as the truth. Women are as great as men, and it is an extremely chauvinist society that puts up instructions only for men. Half of the population CANNOT be ignored the way they have been. It could also mean that women don't NEED instructions. :)

Apologies if I have offended anyone. It is my opinion, and mine altogether. And unlike my name, yes, I am Indian. :)

Just because this debate on women achievers, I am posting this. I request all those who say women are not really doing anything to completely read these, which are not the end of the list. There are many more. Even for these, they had to come up with a lot of struggle in life. Please think before you pass any such comments as women are no less than men.

[Copy of Women achievers of India](http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=d5zpcmq_1gj7w4g)
[Women achievers of India-2](http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=d5zpcmq_2g497qt)

It's not that you need to be single to attain enlightenment, but people in a relationship tend to lose track or interest in enlightenment due to various responsibilities. Being single means no responsibilities; one can do anything they want without being questioned. If I remember correctly, I read somewhere that one can attain moksha sooner if they are in a family life rather than living as a single person, as family life provides experiences of both ups and downs.

Practice makes a man perfect, while women are born perfect! Think over it, dear.

Regards,
Gaurav

Ha ha... Well said, Gaurav. Good discussion going on. Keep going.

Well, I only want to say that being a woman, I can never ever think of running away from my responsibilities towards my family. I think this is the first and foremost requirement for attaining enlightenment, and it is what all the great enlightened personalities have done.

Hi, are all single persons enlightened? Are all married persons enlightened? No, so it's not a matter of being single nor married. It's something else!

Starting from the Adam. The first men in the world, even he had a women in his life, that is Eve.The firstt women in the world is Eve. she was always there with Adam in his difficulties and happiness.So there is always a need of women to enlighten men.

AS You mentioned about Jesus..Even he was englighten by a holy women called "mary".Mary was his mother.AS of Prophet mohammed he married "Khadija", she was one of the Richest female in the world,She spent all her Wealth for "Islam". Prophet Mohhamed(S.A.w.) Daughter Hazrath Fathimah(S.A) was being referred as "the cheif of the women in the world.. Fathimah son's(prophets grand son ) Being refferd as "Leader for youths in Heaven.Even prophet use to call Hazrtah Fathimah,"the mother of her father".That much importance and the Significance hazrtah Ftahimah had" who was a women.

If there have been no women You and i must not have been born in this world.

There is more overlap in their roles and contributions to society than there is clear-cut specialization. Women belong in certain roles wheras men belong in others but this does not give precedence to one over the other.

A woman is given the role of a mother; a role that Islam gives the highest respect to after Allah. People who disobey their mothers are held in God's eyes as the worst type of sinners. Such is the place of women in the eyes of Allah. She is a "rehmat" or the bringer of fortune and joy in the form of a daughter. And she is a wife; companion to man in all his social, physical and economic endeavours

Starting from the Adam. The first men in the world, even he had a women in his life, that is Eve.The firstt women in the world is Eve. she was always there with Adam in his difficulties and happiness.So there is always a need of women to enlighten men.

AS You mentioned about Jesus..Even he was englighten by a holy women called "mary".Mary was his mother.AS of Prophet mohammed he married "Khadija", she was one of the Richest female in the world,She spent all her Wealth for "Islam". Prophet Mohhamed(S.A.w.) Daughter Hazrath Fathimah(S.A) was being referred as "the cheif of the women in the world.. Fathimah son's(prophets grand son ) Being refferd as "Leader for youths in Heaven.Even prophet use to call Hazrtah Fathimah,"the mother of her father".That much importance and the Significance hazrtah Ftahimah had" who was a women.

If there have been no women You and i must not have been born in this world.

There is more overlap in their roles and contributions to society than there is clear-cut specialization. Women belong in certain roles wheras men belong in others but this does not give precedence to one over the other.

A woman is given the role of a mother; a role that Islam gives the highest respect to after Allah. People who disobey their mothers are held in God's eyes as the worst type of sinners. Such is the place of women in the eyes of Allah. She is a "rehmat" or the bringer of fortune and joy in the form of a daughter. And she is a wife; companion to man in all his social, physical and economic endeavours..

Behind every succesful man there is a women.

Well, the question is not about male or female, right? It is about enlightenment, and that we happen to know all the men who were single and wise. It is not at all important to be single to be enlightened. It is attained only when you realize that "MARNA SACH HAI, JEUNA JHOOTH" means death is the only truth when "KAAM, Krodh, LoBH, MOH, MADH" cannot deprive your soul from the path to be merged into the "OMKAR".

Well, some of the females have attained enlightenment, but it is mostly males because females are caught up in "MOH" affection being daughter, mother, sister, and wife, according to my thinking. So, that is why not many females. For all those who have made this question a gender issue, GUYS, understand the question YAAR...!!!

Dear,

You can't avoid Sonia Gandhi (Congress Chairperson), Meira Kumar (Lok Sabha Speaker), Pratibha Patil (President), and Subhra Saxena - IAS Topper (Married).

I have so many examples...

Regards,
Yashwant

Hello everybody,

I don't think that women have to be single for enlightenment. Women are creations of the world. They are the most valuable to this world. Don't you know this? Where do these people come from? That's from a mother's womb. Don't you know about Sri Maa, Mira Bai, Amma Bhagban, Mother Teresa, Maa Durga, etc.? The number is small, but they are the most valuable people to provide a path to everybody.

But after all, it's not a discussion topic... please stop here.

Thanks,
Pooja

To end on a lighter note, I have a quotation:

"God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece."