Dear Monica,
Prompted by you using the word ‘benevolent’ and based on my own life’s experience wherein I had to work with a team member almost like the person you refer to I am sharing my views...
Three years back when faced with a similar challenge, my initial thought process was that all mistakes are his, by nature he is a pessimistic person and I cannot do much about that.
On introspection I realised the mistake was not just his. I too had played my part.
Following were my realisations:
(a) I always projected only the ‘goody goody’ part of mine
(b) When he made mistakes, I pardoned him. At the same time, I did not take time to explain that such mistakes are not acceptable with clarity, conviction and rationale.
(c) By sharing with him the challenges I was facing with my boss, business partners etc., I contributed to his getting more cynical about things around him
(d) By sharing my vulnerable part with him I made him feel, “he is not a boss worthy following”
(e) By me being close to him, he was tending to lose respect for the ‘chair’ I was holding and started taking me for granted
It were these that made him get a upper hand over me and worse still make him feel, “I am better than Chandru and therefore let me aspire to do things he is doing”.
Based on these realisations, over a period of time I changed the situation to everyone’s favour. And the things I did were as follows:
(a) Stopped giving negative inputs to him about anyone or anything that happened in the company
(b) Limited my conversation / interactions about personal things
(c) Ensured access to information which he was earlier purview to directly, was now possible only through me
(d) Whenever any work was assigned to him (apart from the routine) I took extra time to set the details of what he should be doing, by when, with whose help, where all he needs to keep me in loop etc.
(e) This is not typical performance assessment but a detailed description at the execution level). Through all these I made him feel where exactly his limit ended.
(f) More than ever, I encouraged a lot of time with him but focused only on official matters
Through persistent, direct and indirect communication and action I made him feel that while thoroughly respected him as an individual, I was not going to accept his rebellious attitude for no reason.
Things did change but not completely. At least I ensured respect for the chair was retained.
More importantly, 2 years down the line, this employee is now with one of the top 3 IT companies globally, managing around 4000 employees under him. To date he calls me to update, seek guidance and generally ‘be in touch’.
Very recently a month back, he called me to say now he realizes how much trouble he gave to me. He appreciated my sense of patience, understanding and professionalism.
I am sure you too will be able to find your way out of the situation and make yourself experience a leadership quality in you, hitherto probably not known.
Wishing you all the very best…
Regards,
Chandru