Why Am I So Polite to Strangers but Struggle to Be Kind to My Family? How Can I Change?

I feel so guilty today. I am always polite with strangers. People are so impressed with my politeness when they meet me for the first time. But when I come home, I'm a completely different person. I get easily irritated if my husband asks me anything he does not know. If he asks me to do something, then I do it but with an angry face. Today I humiliated him in an argument.

I also don't get along with my mother. Every day we fight and try to prove ourselves right.

I felt so guilty today that I cried on my way to work, and I am still crying on the inside. How do I become a polite person with my loved ones too? Why am I like this?

The Power of Love Without Hypocrisy

Let love be without hypocrisy. Love them wholeheartedly. Practice loving others as you love yourself. Don't expect anything from others. There is no other way but love to tackle your problems. First, be 'you' at home, then outside!

First of all, don't bring the feeling of negativity into your mind or heart. With negative emotions, you can't find any solutions to problems. You communicate well with people outside, and when they appreciate you, you feel good. Why can't you apply the same thing when you are at home? It's just a matter of how you want yourself to feel at that point in time. Whether it's in work life or at home, "Arguments shouldn't be for victory; they should be for progress."

Honestly, I hope these lines could help you to some extent.

Thank you, guys. Your response helped me a lot. I do not have any close friends that I can talk to. My husband is my only friend, but whenever something happens between us, there's no one else that I can talk to about my problems.

My husband forgave me and told me to forget about everything that happened between us, which made me feel much better. I am so lucky to have him in my life. However, I also have to keep in mind that I cannot take his forgiveness for granted. I have to work on my attitude.

Please observe their good qualities despite flaws. They are supporting you in all possible ways. Every person has good and bad qualities, but try to appreciate their good ones. Love from the heart because they are most important for you in the whole world.

Please respect your husband and mother with utmost regard. Then you will feel real happiness in your life.

Regards,
Neeru

Our seniors have advised correctly. Moreover, it is good that you already know what needs to be done by you. Have an attitude of letting go of everything as the day ends, like we say 'Raat gai, baat gai'. You will feel happy and fresh. Anything good that you want to adopt takes time and needs practice. So, practice it persistently.

I have no right to comment on your personal life, but still would suggest not to hurt your mother too! You mentioned that you don't have a close friend, but try to make one with whom you can share your emotions and feelings.

All the best and take care.

Regards, Vaishalee Parkhi

Thank you, Vaishalee. I will keep that in mind. I actually do know what I am doing wrong, but I think I have something like "aadat se majboor" going on. At the end of the day, I feel so guilty that I can't even forgive myself. I will have to work on this; otherwise, they will not respect me as a person. I am so lucky to have a husband like him. He's very kind. I know I have to value him and my mother.

Regards

Dear Diguda, don't worry. You are not the only person to do so. It happens everywhere and in every family, at least for some time. This is mainly because we Indians are very keen on socializing with outsiders in a pleasing manner to avoid some social stigma.

Try doing some meditation to control your anger. Before saying anything in anger, take a minute to think. Here's a simple practice for you: start counting from 10 to 1 before you utter a harsh word in anger.

All the Best,

S. Sethupathy