Navigating Personal Boundaries at Work: Should I Be Concerned About My Boss's Behavior?

Hi all, I'm 22 years old and have recently joined a web development company as an HR admin. Previously, I worked for 4 months in a recruiting consultancy. In my new role, I report to the branch director, who is also my boss in this small company. I've noticed that my boss seems to take a keen interest in my personal life. He often makes me sit in front of him and discusses irrelevant issues for up to 2 hours. He asks me to accompany him for shopping related to the firm, seeking my opinion and choice. I am already engaged, but this fact is unknown to him.

I am concerned about this situation. I don't want any complications in the office atmosphere, as I am obligated to work with them for at least a year according to my contract.

Concern About Workplace Boundaries

Is there a reason to be worried about this behavior, or am I overthinking the situation? I value maintaining a professional environment and want to handle this delicately. Thank you for any advice you can provide.

Maintain Professional Boundaries

Keep your distance and discuss only topics related to the job. Politely refuse to accompany him outside the office. You need to express your disapproval in a bold way; otherwise, such individuals may take advantage of your silence and advance further.

Regards,
Pon

During a discussion, you may need to inform your boss about your boyfriend. Perhaps you could ask him for gift suggestions for your boyfriend's birthday. Additionally, start expressing your discomfort to him about sitting and chatting for two hours. Please share this with at least two other colleagues in your office as a precaution for the future. If things do not improve, specifically inform your boss about your dislike of such behavior. While this should help bring the situation under control, there are no guarantees. One thing is certain: do not tolerate nonsense, but also avoid confrontation unless absolutely necessary.

I am not aware of your contract details, but no law can compel you to work for a specific period with a company. The right to choose your profession is a fundamental right granted by the Indian Constitution, and any agreement contradicting it is invalid.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for your suggestions. Even I was thinking of applying such a thing, but then I started thinking maybe it could be my misunderstanding, or I'm getting overly cautious. I wasn't able to decide what to start with.

Please inform your boss indirectly that you are engaged and getting married soon. You love your boyfriend a lot and are willing to do anything for him. Hopefully, all of this will divert his attention. When he talks about shopping and going on long drives, mention your boyfriend—for example, you enjoy shopping only with your boyfriend. I believe this is the best solution.

Regards,
Rajiv

Thank you, Rajiv, for your suggestion. I have a question: How should I initiate a conversation with him about my fiancée? I mean, there should already be some related topics under discussion that I can segue into introducing my fiancée.

When he asks you to go shopping, start with, "I need to go to the movies with my boyfriend." When he asks about going on a long drive, tell him you need to go shopping with your boyfriend. Whenever he asks you about something job-related, talk about your boyfriend. As far as I am concerned, gain good experience from this company and look for another firm with a better salary. The negative impact that may arise includes him scolding you for the job or giving you more pressure or tasks. Keep in touch with me if you face any of these challenges later on. I will try to help you out.

Regards,
Rajib
[Email Removed For Privacy Reasons]

No need to discuss your personal life in the office or with colleagues, whether it be your boss or your supervisor. Your fiancé/boyfriend talks or whatever are personal.

If you share such information with your colleagues, it's not advisable. If you happen to strike a healthy friendship at work and then share some relevant or basic information, then it's okay. But there's no need to discuss too many details such as where you go and things like that.

Also, be bold and straightforward. You are at the office to work. Work with dedication; you are not at your supervisor's discretion. Maintain the highest quality of your work, keep records, and at the same time, be professionally polite and cooperate for any teamwork.

Refuse with a polite "NO" for any personal favors you are not comfortable with.

Maintain your composure and present yourself as tough and straightforward. There's no need to fear anything. Know your job, know your work. If you are good, you will be valued in the company. If your bachelor boss is making you really uncomfortable and you cannot amend his behavior, then request a transfer or seek another opportunity.

I wanted to tell you, learn to fight this world; don't hide behind excuses such as being engaged or having a boyfriend. I understand in your case you are engaged, but even if you were not, you don't need these reasons to ward off such pests (like a bachelor boss) around you. Neither make excuses to escape situations when your bachelor boss makes you sit with him for long hours. Just be straightforward and do not entertain such behavior.

If he is trying to be with you under the excuse of office work, refuse once, boldly and politely. Show your disinterest in him, and if he is a self-respecting man, he shall not bother you. At the same time, maintain the quality of your work. Because if his ego is hurt, he may look for mistakes and humiliate you. This is a tricky situation you are in; deal with it smartly and come out victorious. Never get impolite unless unreasonably harassed.

Thank you.

Sound advice. It's good to pick up such signals early and thwart any unwanted forced-proximity tactfully. All the best.

Good reply by Hussain. I appreciate you, Hussain. Really, if you were not engaged, would you have said yes to your beautiful bachelor boss? 

Thanks, Hussain, for your advice. I really wanted something like this. I want to keep my personal and professional life separate. Yes, my fiancée knows everything regarding this and is really supportive, but at certain times, he gets worried about me because of the stupid things going on around.

Hi Sonia, even I have faced the same thing; my MD used to ask me for the same. I had refused him many times, but he didn't improve, so eventually, I had to leave the job. I got married and shifted to Delhi.

After my marriage, that MD opened a branch office in Delhi. So, my GM approached me to join it. I agreed because that MD used to sit in the Mumbai branch. Before joining the company, he came to Delhi and asked me to meet to discuss the salary. I went with my husband that time, but he didn't discuss it. The next day, he called me again and asked me to come alone to discuss the salary and mentioned he would not be comfortable in front of my husband.

Due to this reason, I had to leave a very nice company with very cooperative staff and colleagues. Sometimes, you can't help it, and you just need to take a step further. If you are really uncomfortable, search for new opportunities.

Thank you, Jyoti Ma'am and Mahavir Sir. Your advice is really making me stronger to face my situation the way I want. Please remain in contact so that if ever in the future I need all your assistance, you will be there to guide me. Thank you all for your advice.

Until now, you have received very good advice from senior members. I just want to add one line... Be Bold - Be Alert - Be Safe.