Feeling Stuck and Undervalued: How Do I Navigate a Toxic Boss Relationship?

Hi Guys, My name is Steven.

I am working as an AVP in a Mumbai-based software company.

I have been working with the same boss for the last 6 years. I have been with him in the last 3 companies.

Now, due to our long relationship, he has started taking me for granted. Some important points I am highlighting below:

1. No exposure to senior management
I have been with the current company for the last 3 years, and throughout these years, he has prevented me from interacting with the senior management of the company. Whatever I do in my job role, he presents it as his own work to the top bosses. He restricts me from communicating and emailing them. He oversees the region while I manage the location, but he inhibits my interaction with counterparts at the location level.

2. Harassment assuming he is the Godfather for me
Due to our long relationship, he now takes me for granted and harasses me excessively. No leaves, no Saturday offs, unnecessary work pressure. The way he interacts with me and my counterparts is markedly different, often embarrassing me in front of my colleagues. He believes I have no choice other than to stay with him.

3. Dual reporting problem
Due to a structural change, I now report to 2 bosses (the old one and the new one, the Business Head). My old boss, a VP, prevents me from interacting, sharing data, or coordinating with him. Consequently, the new boss, an SVP, perceives me as reserved towards him. He instructs me not to engage with the old boss, claiming he has been handling everything for 3 years and that the new boss is attempting to take credit. Meanwhile, my old boss converses with the new boss, portraying himself as the one managing everything at my location.

4. No decision-making powers
He has not delegated any decision-making powers to me so far. Whenever any approvals at my level are required, he forbids me from making decisions, citing my lack of experience.

Some important points to consider:
1. He has facilitated my growth from an officer to an AVP, but I believe it is due to my hard work. Otherwise, no one would want to carry underperforming employees from one organization to another.
2. The new boss is a different story; he is receptive to my ideas, willing to discuss problems, does not restrict my interactions with seniors, and does not impose Saturday work pressure.

BASED ON ALL THE ABOVE ISSUES, I BELIEVE THAT IF I CONTINUE WITH THIS BOSS, MY GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES WILL BE LIMITED, AND I WILL LACK EXPOSURE AND SELF-IDENTITY.

Please provide your suggestions as they will aid in my decision-making process.

Thanks and Regards,
Steven Marks

Loyalty to one bloke does not always pay off, though it does sometimes. That's what happens when you move wherever your boss goes and he gets you a promotion. You need to assess the situation to see what the repercussions are of ignoring his demands and reporting directly to the other boss.

Have a nice day.

Simhan
A retired academic in the UK

Hi Steven Marks,

Sometimes, such bosses, instead of becoming mentors, start looking at their protege as a competitor, and the insecurity penetrates, which is the end of the road in such cases. Neither you nor that fellow will develop in this relationship then. The solution is mentioned in your post itself:

"BASED ON ALL THE ABOVE ISSUES, I THINK IF I STAY WITH THIS BOSS, I WILL NOT GROW. I WILL NOT GET EXPOSURE. THERE WILL NOT BE SELF-IDENTITY FOR ME IF I KEEP ON MOVING WITH HIM."

Also, please ensure whether the hard time you are subjected to is due to a personality lapse in your boss and not a genuine correction of blunders made by you in the past.

All the best.

Regards,

Mr. Steven,

For every relationship, we must keep distance. Working under the same boss is not at all a problem; attitude must be the issue. Your boss may feel insecurity just because of your efficient work. Discuss this issue with your boss and share your opinions/expectations openly. Self-respect is always important in any relationship.

Share all your thoughts with your new boss but do not ignore your old boss. I wish your old boss understands you soon.

Wishing you all success.

Regards,
Sudarsan

Hi Steven,

I can understand what you are going through, as I have also faced the same situation in my previous organization. Always remember - till date, whatever promotions, increments, or rise you have received are solely based on your performance.

You only have to do a couple of things:
1) Communicate very clearly to your old boss through your behavior that you need some space and he should not micromanage you.
2) Discuss this issue with your new boss (only if you think he can be trusted) and gain his confidence.
3) Start communicating with all your peers freely. If your old boss objects, clearly ask him to explain the reason for placing boundaries around you. Nudge him once or twice, and he will understand that he cannot take you for granted.

Regards,
Anuradha

Dear Mr. Steven,

This is with reference to your posting regarding your relationship problem with your Boss/Mentor (if he has been instrumental in your grooming in 3 org.).

My two cents...

You have two choices to make:

Option 1: The easiest is to find a new job, though we need to remember "You cannot choose your boss" and the next organization may give you one who may be worse.

In the current market, the opportunities are many, and you may have a lot of options to choose from, depending on your profile. Probably, attending a few interviews may give more insight into the opportunities and also a chance to analyze if your current assignment is good or if making the move will be fruitful.

Option 2: Though tough, but may give great results if it works. Sometimes a mentor who has been grooming for a long time gets into the Parenting mode, which sometimes leaves us gasping for space.

However, a long chat with your boss during a weekend regarding your progress and the challenges you are facing may give an excellent opportunity for you to open up and also will give you a chance to understand his point of view.

After you speak to him, you may be able to decide on further course of action. Anyways, Option 1 is always there for you, at any point in time.

Hope you will be able to choose the best for your professional and personal growth.

Best Wishes!

Reena G S

Hi Steven Marks,

Please note that each individual has some kind of pluses and minuses; even thinking and temperament vary from individual to individual. The plus point about your present boss is the promotion from an officer to AVP position, which is a significant achievement that could happen to anyone.

You need to analyze the situational factors causing the disagreement between you and your immediate boss. The only solution is to have a discussion with him to resolve the issues; resigning from the job is not the solution.

I would also like to suggest that you should not always assume that there will be no growth working with such bosses. Your growth depends on your performance in understanding your job and executing it within the given time frame.

Finally, I recommend that you sit down and analyze your strengths and weaknesses, and try to correct any weaknesses. Success lies in addressing the loose ends. Instead of complaining, please take things in a positive way because every individual will experience ups and downs in life, and time alone is the healing factor.

Regards

Hi, Steven,

Looking for a new job that allows you further growth away from your comfort levels is always a good idea. However, here you already have an opportunity to work with a new boss. You need to see if you can work with him independently. One way is to start sharing information with him as a part of your reporting process. Perhaps you can ask him for advice when you need to make decisions. But if your decisions are negated, then you need to inform your new boss that your old boss decided otherwise (so he is not upset at your ignoring his advice).

You will have to tread carefully. A 6-year loyalty from someone who groomed you for growth is not something to be casually discarded. If you do leave, I would suggest that you part on good terms with your bosses.